Rest in peace Denise Kirley

I am sorry for your loss. I am very sad too. I feel I must say proper radiation to the bone tumor in the spine might have eventually relieved the pain in that spot. I can say that because that is the first treatment they did for me. The mel cancer is in my spine and other bones. They did pallative radiation to the worse spot in my spine because it was close to my spinal cord that could lead to paralysis they said. However even pallative radiation was rough to go through for me and at the time last June I was a very healthy strong 46 year old man. It took about 8 treatments for my spine to start feeling better so about 10 days with 10 daily treatments total. Also even after all that about 80% of the tumor was still there but it does feel better.

I am sorry for your loss. I am very sad too. I feel I must say proper radiation to the bone tumor in the spine might have eventually relieved the pain in that spot. I can say that because that is the first treatment they did for me. The mel cancer is in my spine and other bones. They did pallative radiation to the worse spot in my spine because it was close to my spinal cord that could lead to paralysis they said. However even pallative radiation was rough to go through for me and at the time last June I was a very healthy strong 46 year old man. It took about 8 treatments for my spine to start feeling better so about 10 days with 10 daily treatments total. Also even after all that about 80% of the tumor was still there but it does feel better.

I am sorry for your loss. I am very sad too. I feel I must say proper radiation to the bone tumor in the spine might have eventually relieved the pain in that spot. I can say that because that is the first treatment they did for me. The mel cancer is in my spine and other bones. They did pallative radiation to the worse spot in my spine because it was close to my spinal cord that could lead to paralysis they said. However even pallative radiation was rough to go through for me and at the time last June I was a very healthy strong 46 year old man. It took about 8 treatments for my spine to start feeling better so about 10 days with 10 daily treatments total. Also even after all that about 80% of the tumor was still there but it does feel better.

Heather,

I'm so sorry for your loss.  I'm glad your Mom is no longer suffering.  I want you to know she will be an inspiration to me and many others on this site for many years to come.  I'll be making a donation to MRF in her Memory today.  Prayers go out to you and your family.

Brian

Heather,

I'm so sorry for your loss.  I'm glad your Mom is no longer suffering.  I want you to know she will be an inspiration to me and many others on this site for many years to come.  I'll be making a donation to MRF in her Memory today.  Prayers go out to you and your family.

Brian

Heather,

I'm so sorry for your loss.  I'm glad your Mom is no longer suffering.  I want you to know she will be an inspiration to me and many others on this site for many years to come.  I'll be making a donation to MRF in her Memory today.  Prayers go out to you and your family.

Brian

I am so sorry for your loss.

Your mom was always the "calm voice of reason" here. She will be missed so very much.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Your mom was always the "calm voice of reason" here. She will be missed so very much.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Your mom was always the "calm voice of reason" here. She will be missed so very much.

Heather,

I am sorry for your loss.  Your mother inspired many of us.

Heather,

I am sorry for your loss.  Your mother inspired many of us.

Heather,

I am sorry for your loss.  Your mother inspired many of us.

Your mother was a blessing to so many people here.  She will never be forgotten.  Sending you and your family gentle hugs at this very difficult time.

Susan

Your mother was a blessing to so many people here.  She will never be forgotten.  Sending you and your family gentle hugs at this very difficult time.

Susan

Your mother was a blessing to so many people here.  She will never be forgotten.  Sending you and your family gentle hugs at this very difficult time.

Susan

I am sorry for your loss.

Peace to you and your famiy .

Thank you for your support here. And thanks to your mom.

Sincerely,

Shane

I am sorry for your loss.

Peace to you and your famiy .

Thank you for your support here. And thanks to your mom.

Sincerely,

Shane

I am sorry for your loss.

Peace to you and your famiy .

Thank you for your support here. And thanks to your mom.

Sincerely,

Shane

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your mom was a true fighter and an inspiration and helper to many on this board. She will be missed. 

Amy

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your mom was a true fighter and an inspiration and helper to many on this board. She will be missed. 

Amy

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your mom was a true fighter and an inspiration and helper to many on this board. She will be missed. 

Amy

Your mother was such a strong person, take comfort in knowing she did it her way Loud & Proud.

Prayers & Hugs to all of you

Jewel

Your mother was such a strong person, take comfort in knowing she did it her way Loud & Proud.

Prayers & Hugs to all of you

Jewel

Your mother was such a strong person, take comfort in knowing she did it her way Loud & Proud.

Prayers & Hugs to all of you

Jewel

So sorry for your loss.Your mom was a real fighter.Know that we now have another angel in heaven much too early due to this beast.    aldakota22

So sorry for your loss.Your mom was a real fighter.Know that we now have another angel in heaven much too early due to this beast.    aldakota22

So sorry for your loss.Your mom was a real fighter.Know that we now have another angel in heaven much too early due to this beast.    aldakota22

What sad news.  Your mom was a huge part of this board and touched so many of us.  Keep that in mind in the days ahead –  she did so much good.  You and you family are in my thoughts and prayers.   Fen

What sad news.  Your mom was a huge part of this board and touched so many of us.  Keep that in mind in the days ahead –  she did so much good.  You and you family are in my thoughts and prayers.   Fen

What sad news.  Your mom was a huge part of this board and touched so many of us.  Keep that in mind in the days ahead –  she did so much good.  You and you family are in my thoughts and prayers.   Fen

My heart is so sad to hear this news . I am so sorry for you and for your family. I never met your mom in person, but one could see certain amazing things about her through her posts here. She was compassionate even in the midst of her own struggles, and she seemed to have a determined, indominable way about her. She was always looking for the next answer and held up so much hope for everyone.

 Prayers for you and the family today. May the memories of this sweet lady, and the legacy she has left live on and bring comfort to you each day.

Tina

My heart is so sad to hear this news . I am so sorry for you and for your family. I never met your mom in person, but one could see certain amazing things about her through her posts here. She was compassionate even in the midst of her own struggles, and she seemed to have a determined, indominable way about her. She was always looking for the next answer and held up so much hope for everyone.

 Prayers for you and the family today. May the memories of this sweet lady, and the legacy she has left live on and bring comfort to you each day.

Tina

My heart is so sad to hear this news . I am so sorry for you and for your family. I never met your mom in person, but one could see certain amazing things about her through her posts here. She was compassionate even in the midst of her own struggles, and she seemed to have a determined, indominable way about her. She was always looking for the next answer and held up so much hope for everyone.

 Prayers for you and the family today. May the memories of this sweet lady, and the legacy she has left live on and bring comfort to you each day.

Tina

Hi, Hillary-

I'm sorry for my delayed response. Words failed me yesterday and I needed a little time to digest this sad news.

Thank you for so generously sharing your time and your strength to let us know about Denise. You know how much she meant to us here and how much we will miss her upbeat, positive, supportive posts. They broke the mold when they made your mother.

Please try not to be angry or bitter about the doctor who did an X-ray two weeks before her last hospital admission. I think that every single cancer patient and caregiver can point to an example where some doctor somewhere did something we think was wrong or insufficient. Often, we like to imagine that the final outcome– or at least our loved one's journey– would have been different if this doctor had done things differently. But really, in hindsisght, once melanoma has gained the upper hand there isn't much that will change the final outcome or have much impact on the final journey. That is a very hard thing to accept, but that has been my personal experience.

You have to remember the Hippocratic Oath says, "First, do no harm." Many doctors implement this dictum very seriously. In the case of end-stage cancer, they often agonize over whether or not to recommend difficult, taxing treatments to very ill patients who they think will be harmed more than helped. It is possible that your mother's doctor felt that given how wide-spread her tumors were and how painful it was for her to even move around towards the end, he thought it would be cruel to recommend that she slog back and forth to a radiotherapy center, get poked and prodded and sit in waiting rooms for hours in order to get palliative radiation to her spine. By the time the radiation treatments shrank her tumor enough to relieve her pain, it would probably be too late, anyway. And if the radiation treatments caused nausea and vomiting (which they sometimes do) that would cause her to move her body in such a way as to make her brief remaining time even more miserable. 

Obviously, I don't know what this doctor was thinking. Maybe he thought about all this and exercised his judgement. Maybe he just didn't order a CT scan when he should have. But for your peace of mind, try to remember that radiation treatments to her spine might have done your mother more harm than good and they would not have changed the final outcome, anyway.

Melanoma sucks. Denise was very smart. She insisted upon and got the best treatment available to her and she succeeded in beating the odds for many months beyond the norm. You loved her. You supported her to the best of your ability. And you will benefit from her mothering, her teaching and her inspiring example for the rest of your life. Hold onto those thoughts.

Hi, Hillary-

I'm sorry for my delayed response. Words failed me yesterday and I needed a little time to digest this sad news.

Thank you for so generously sharing your time and your strength to let us know about Denise. You know how much she meant to us here and how much we will miss her upbeat, positive, supportive posts. They broke the mold when they made your mother.

Please try not to be angry or bitter about the doctor who did an X-ray two weeks before her last hospital admission. I think that every single cancer patient and caregiver can point to an example where some doctor somewhere did something we think was wrong or insufficient. Often, we like to imagine that the final outcome– or at least our loved one's journey– would have been different if this doctor had done things differently. But really, in hindsisght, once melanoma has gained the upper hand there isn't much that will change the final outcome or have much impact on the final journey. That is a very hard thing to accept, but that has been my personal experience.

You have to remember the Hippocratic Oath says, "First, do no harm." Many doctors implement this dictum very seriously. In the case of end-stage cancer, they often agonize over whether or not to recommend difficult, taxing treatments to very ill patients who they think will be harmed more than helped. It is possible that your mother's doctor felt that given how wide-spread her tumors were and how painful it was for her to even move around towards the end, he thought it would be cruel to recommend that she slog back and forth to a radiotherapy center, get poked and prodded and sit in waiting rooms for hours in order to get palliative radiation to her spine. By the time the radiation treatments shrank her tumor enough to relieve her pain, it would probably be too late, anyway. And if the radiation treatments caused nausea and vomiting (which they sometimes do) that would cause her to move her body in such a way as to make her brief remaining time even more miserable. 

Obviously, I don't know what this doctor was thinking. Maybe he thought about all this and exercised his judgement. Maybe he just didn't order a CT scan when he should have. But for your peace of mind, try to remember that radiation treatments to her spine might have done your mother more harm than good and they would not have changed the final outcome, anyway.

Melanoma sucks. Denise was very smart. She insisted upon and got the best treatment available to her and she succeeded in beating the odds for many months beyond the norm. You loved her. You supported her to the best of your ability. And you will benefit from her mothering, her teaching and her inspiring example for the rest of your life. Hold onto those thoughts.

Hi, Hillary-

I'm sorry for my delayed response. Words failed me yesterday and I needed a little time to digest this sad news.

Thank you for so generously sharing your time and your strength to let us know about Denise. You know how much she meant to us here and how much we will miss her upbeat, positive, supportive posts. They broke the mold when they made your mother.

Please try not to be angry or bitter about the doctor who did an X-ray two weeks before her last hospital admission. I think that every single cancer patient and caregiver can point to an example where some doctor somewhere did something we think was wrong or insufficient. Often, we like to imagine that the final outcome– or at least our loved one's journey– would have been different if this doctor had done things differently. But really, in hindsisght, once melanoma has gained the upper hand there isn't much that will change the final outcome or have much impact on the final journey. That is a very hard thing to accept, but that has been my personal experience.

You have to remember the Hippocratic Oath says, "First, do no harm." Many doctors implement this dictum very seriously. In the case of end-stage cancer, they often agonize over whether or not to recommend difficult, taxing treatments to very ill patients who they think will be harmed more than helped. It is possible that your mother's doctor felt that given how wide-spread her tumors were and how painful it was for her to even move around towards the end, he thought it would be cruel to recommend that she slog back and forth to a radiotherapy center, get poked and prodded and sit in waiting rooms for hours in order to get palliative radiation to her spine. By the time the radiation treatments shrank her tumor enough to relieve her pain, it would probably be too late, anyway. And if the radiation treatments caused nausea and vomiting (which they sometimes do) that would cause her to move her body in such a way as to make her brief remaining time even more miserable. 

Obviously, I don't know what this doctor was thinking. Maybe he thought about all this and exercised his judgement. Maybe he just didn't order a CT scan when he should have. But for your peace of mind, try to remember that radiation treatments to her spine might have done your mother more harm than good and they would not have changed the final outcome, anyway.

Melanoma sucks. Denise was very smart. She insisted upon and got the best treatment available to her and she succeeded in beating the odds for many months beyond the norm. You loved her. You supported her to the best of your ability. And you will benefit from her mothering, her teaching and her inspiring example for the rest of your life. Hold onto those thoughts.

Dear Family on Denise,

I want you to know that my thaughts are with you these days, I am so sorry for your loss. Denise was a very special person and I admire her strength and her braveness, she really touched my heart. I remember her writing that she doesn't want to leave because there are so many things she wants to do. I think, she has done much more than anyone else in her situation can do. She is reliefed from pain now and I am sure she will take care of her loved ones from wherever she is now. 

All the best, Jenny

Dear Family on Denise,

I want you to know that my thaughts are with you these days, I am so sorry for your loss. Denise was a very special person and I admire her strength and her braveness, she really touched my heart. I remember her writing that she doesn't want to leave because there are so many things she wants to do. I think, she has done much more than anyone else in her situation can do. She is reliefed from pain now and I am sure she will take care of her loved ones from wherever she is now. 

All the best, Jenny

Dear Family on Denise,

I want you to know that my thaughts are with you these days, I am so sorry for your loss. Denise was a very special person and I admire her strength and her braveness, she really touched my heart. I remember her writing that she doesn't want to leave because there are so many things she wants to do. I think, she has done much more than anyone else in her situation can do. She is reliefed from pain now and I am sure she will take care of her loved ones from wherever she is now. 

All the best, Jenny

Sadness overwhelms me to learn the news of Denise's passing and our loss as we say good-bye to a lovely lady, who not only fought her own battle with strength and determination, but how she gave so much to so many here, supporting and helping others with their own battle.  Her advice was sound and wise and for all we know may have saved somebody's life here.  Denise was a true inspiration and will be dearly missed but never forgotten!  

One very important thought, I and so many here have learned is, you never look back and you never second guess yourself.  You make the best decision possible, based on your own beliefs and gut instinct and have no regrets.  For there is no way to know  what the outcome would be, had we done the other, there is no right or wrong choices.  I've followed many patients here who had melanoma in their spine and were treated with radiation and it did not change their outcome, eventually losing their battle with melanoma. 

May the love you shared with your Mom and the time you spent loving and caring for her, be your gentle healer in the days and months to come. Her heartbeat will continue on, in all of us, as we engage with renewed strength, in honor of  our friend Denise.

Swanee

Sadness overwhelms me to learn the news of Denise's passing and our loss as we say good-bye to a lovely lady, who not only fought her own battle with strength and determination, but how she gave so much to so many here, supporting and helping others with their own battle.  Her advice was sound and wise and for all we know may have saved somebody's life here.  Denise was a true inspiration and will be dearly missed but never forgotten!  

One very important thought, I and so many here have learned is, you never look back and you never second guess yourself.  You make the best decision possible, based on your own beliefs and gut instinct and have no regrets.  For there is no way to know  what the outcome would be, had we done the other, there is no right or wrong choices.  I've followed many patients here who had melanoma in their spine and were treated with radiation and it did not change their outcome, eventually losing their battle with melanoma. 

May the love you shared with your Mom and the time you spent loving and caring for her, be your gentle healer in the days and months to come. Her heartbeat will continue on, in all of us, as we engage with renewed strength, in honor of  our friend Denise.

Swanee

Sadness overwhelms me to learn the news of Denise's passing and our loss as we say good-bye to a lovely lady, who not only fought her own battle with strength and determination, but how she gave so much to so many here, supporting and helping others with their own battle.  Her advice was sound and wise and for all we know may have saved somebody's life here.  Denise was a true inspiration and will be dearly missed but never forgotten!  

One very important thought, I and so many here have learned is, you never look back and you never second guess yourself.  You make the best decision possible, based on your own beliefs and gut instinct and have no regrets.  For there is no way to know  what the outcome would be, had we done the other, there is no right or wrong choices.  I've followed many patients here who had melanoma in their spine and were treated with radiation and it did not change their outcome, eventually losing their battle with melanoma. 

May the love you shared with your Mom and the time you spent loving and caring for her, be your gentle healer in the days and months to come. Her heartbeat will continue on, in all of us, as we engage with renewed strength, in honor of  our friend Denise.

Swanee

Heather,

I remember your mother's clear, supportive, kind voice very well. She helped many of us.

Strength and peace to you.

Heather, I also want to thank you for taking the time to give the community the updates that you have lately. It is frightening when one of us just 'disappears', and even when the news is so hard, I am grateful to know what has happened. I'm sure your mom would have appreciated the time you took to do that.  

Ursula

Heather,

I remember your mother's clear, supportive, kind voice very well. She helped many of us.

Strength and peace to you.

Heather, I also want to thank you for taking the time to give the community the updates that you have lately. It is frightening when one of us just 'disappears', and even when the news is so hard, I am grateful to know what has happened. I'm sure your mom would have appreciated the time you took to do that.  

Ursula

Heather,

I remember your mother's clear, supportive, kind voice very well. She helped many of us.

Strength and peace to you.

Heather, I also want to thank you for taking the time to give the community the updates that you have lately. It is frightening when one of us just 'disappears', and even when the news is so hard, I am grateful to know what has happened. I'm sure your mom would have appreciated the time you took to do that.  

Ursula

May she rest in peace free of pain. My condolences to you and the rest of the family.

How admirable that she is donating her body to melanoma research. I hope that everything goes smoothly so this can be accomplished.

By doing this, may Denise be the one that puts and end to this horrible beast.

May she rest in peace free of pain. My condolences to you and the rest of the family.

How admirable that she is donating her body to melanoma research. I hope that everything goes smoothly so this can be accomplished.

By doing this, may Denise be the one that puts and end to this horrible beast.

May she rest in peace free of pain. My condolences to you and the rest of the family.

How admirable that she is donating her body to melanoma research. I hope that everything goes smoothly so this can be accomplished.

By doing this, may Denise be the one that puts and end to this horrible beast.

Dear Heather,

I am deeply saddened to hear about your mom's passing. She was a shining light of hope and inspiration to many people on this forum and fought like a true warrior until the very end. I am comforted knowing that she is now resting in peace in the loving arms of our Heavenly Father!  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Your mom loved you all so much… she fought so hard so that she could be here for her family. Now she is an angel watching over you until the day that you are reunited.

God bless you sweetie.

Love,

Gina 

Dear Heather,

I am deeply saddened to hear about your mom's passing. She was a shining light of hope and inspiration to many people on this forum and fought like a true warrior until the very end. I am comforted knowing that she is now resting in peace in the loving arms of our Heavenly Father!  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Your mom loved you all so much… she fought so hard so that she could be here for her family. Now she is an angel watching over you until the day that you are reunited.

God bless you sweetie.

Love,

Gina 

Dear Heather,

I am deeply saddened to hear about your mom's passing. She was a shining light of hope and inspiration to many people on this forum and fought like a true warrior until the very end. I am comforted knowing that she is now resting in peace in the loving arms of our Heavenly Father!  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Your mom loved you all so much… she fought so hard so that she could be here for her family. Now she is an angel watching over you until the day that you are reunited.

God bless you sweetie.

Love,

Gina 

Heather,

I would like to add my voice (and my bell-ringing!) to all those who have posted such beautiful comments and memories here about your mother. I, too, was one of her "fans" from the first time I "met" her on this Bulletin Board.

I have followed Denise's posts since I first came to this sight a little less than a year ago when my husband was diagnosed. Much of her journey has mirror my husband's, which can be comforting to us here struggling with melanoma. I learned much from her, most importantly her tenacity, her hope, her always thinking, "Ok, what's next?" I'm not surprisd to hear that she was still saying this up until her passing.

She has left you a beautiful, loving, strong legacy. How lucky you are for that. Please know that our hearts here truly are aching for you and for Denise.

Janet Lee

Heather,

I would like to add my voice (and my bell-ringing!) to all those who have posted such beautiful comments and memories here about your mother. I, too, was one of her "fans" from the first time I "met" her on this Bulletin Board.

I have followed Denise's posts since I first came to this sight a little less than a year ago when my husband was diagnosed. Much of her journey has mirror my husband's, which can be comforting to us here struggling with melanoma. I learned much from her, most importantly her tenacity, her hope, her always thinking, "Ok, what's next?" I'm not surprisd to hear that she was still saying this up until her passing.

She has left you a beautiful, loving, strong legacy. How lucky you are for that. Please know that our hearts here truly are aching for you and for Denise.

Janet Lee

Heather,

I would like to add my voice (and my bell-ringing!) to all those who have posted such beautiful comments and memories here about your mother. I, too, was one of her "fans" from the first time I "met" her on this Bulletin Board.

I have followed Denise's posts since I first came to this sight a little less than a year ago when my husband was diagnosed. Much of her journey has mirror my husband's, which can be comforting to us here struggling with melanoma. I learned much from her, most importantly her tenacity, her hope, her always thinking, "Ok, what's next?" I'm not surprisd to hear that she was still saying this up until her passing.

She has left you a beautiful, loving, strong legacy. How lucky you are for that. Please know that our hearts here truly are aching for you and for Denise.

Janet Lee