Spooked
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Spooked

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  • Post
    • August 22, 2011 at 2:14 am
    Charlie S
    Participant

    Nothing ceases to amaze me.  I've had more scans than many have had birthdays during all my seemingly perpetual skank prom dates with melanoma over my years. 

    More often than not, my doc has had to drag me in for scans (usually after calling my mother !) because I  more often than not  would always blow them off. under the guise that I was busy living..  Scans were, and always have been a nuisance to me for many reasons.

    Nothing ceases to amaze me.  I've had more scans than many have had birthdays during all my seemingly perpetual skank prom dates with melanoma over my years. 

    More often than not, my doc has had to drag me in for scans (usually after calling my mother !) because I  more often than not  would always blow them off. under the guise that I was busy living..  Scans were, and always have been a nuisance to me for many reasons.

    I have this game of chance that I play with my doc prior to scans:  I always write down what I expect the results to be, put it in an envelope, lick it shut and when he tells me the results, I whip out my envelope to "score" how I did. .  Probably in most medical circles, that type of behavior would be considered as the ultimate smartass; but my doc is a nice guy and knows me well, so he puts up with me..

    Tonight, after again blowing off scans for some time, I sat here and  stuffed my envelope in advance of my ct, pet and brain MRI tomorrow.

    NEVER have I had scaniety, but  this time is different after stuffing my envelope.  I'm not looking for sympathy, good wishes or any of that., but know that there are times when we all doubt ourselves and when that happens is the time to step into your strength.

    See, I'm not so tough after all !

    Cheers,

    Charlie S

Viewing 53 reply threads
  • Replies
      • August 22, 2011 at 2:28 am
      Donna M.
      Participant

      My fingers are crossed that your scans are clear!

      • August 22, 2011 at 2:28 am
      Donna M.
      Participant

      My fingers are crossed that your scans are clear!

        • August 22, 2011 at 2:56 am
        Charlie S
        Participant

        Thanks, though I never have been, this is one time I want to be wrong, wrong, wrong.

        Cheers,

        Charlie S

        • August 22, 2011 at 2:56 am
        Charlie S
        Participant

        Thanks, though I never have been, this is one time I want to be wrong, wrong, wrong.

        Cheers,

        Charlie S

      • August 22, 2011 at 2:56 am
      lhaley
      Participant

      The question is how often has your envelope been right?  The last several months have been hard for many around you, it's normal for you to sit back and wonder about your own existence.   I'm surprised you haven't felt the full effect of scan anxiety many times, after all you are human! 

      Deep breaths my friend. When I'm in he middle of my scan anxieties I keep telling myself that it doesn't really change anything, the scan just tells me what is going on.  For me the worst is when I know the tech has had a chance to see the scan and I don't know the result.

      Do they really call your mom????

      You have many pulling for you.

      Linda

      • August 22, 2011 at 2:56 am
      lhaley
      Participant

      The question is how often has your envelope been right?  The last several months have been hard for many around you, it's normal for you to sit back and wonder about your own existence.   I'm surprised you haven't felt the full effect of scan anxiety many times, after all you are human! 

      Deep breaths my friend. When I'm in he middle of my scan anxieties I keep telling myself that it doesn't really change anything, the scan just tells me what is going on.  For me the worst is when I know the tech has had a chance to see the scan and I don't know the result.

      Do they really call your mom????

      You have many pulling for you.

      Linda

        • August 22, 2011 at 2:59 am
        Charlie S
        Participant

        Ha,yes  they really DO call my Mom !  Usually she just shakes her head and says "your doctor called me"

        Cheers,

        Charlie S

        • August 22, 2011 at 2:59 am
        Charlie S
        Participant

        Ha,yes  they really DO call my Mom !  Usually she just shakes her head and says "your doctor called me"

        Cheers,

        Charlie S

      • August 22, 2011 at 2:59 am
      NancyGM
      Participant

      None of us are that tough…even when we think we are…I hope you feel our collective strength with you tomorrow, Charlie. Best of luck!

      • August 22, 2011 at 2:59 am
      NancyGM
      Participant

      None of us are that tough…even when we think we are…I hope you feel our collective strength with you tomorrow, Charlie. Best of luck!

      • August 22, 2011 at 3:19 am
      shellebrownies
      Participant

      Charlie,

        I have all the faith in the world that things will turn out just fine for you tomorrow. It's natural for anyone to have doubts from time to time. There has also been a fair bit of sad news on the board in the last couple months, and that's enough to get even a seasoned vet a bit nervous.

      I do hope you'll let us know (once you have gotten the results) when you learn everything is fine. : )

      Michelle, wife of Don

      • August 22, 2011 at 3:19 am
      shellebrownies
      Participant

      Charlie,

        I have all the faith in the world that things will turn out just fine for you tomorrow. It's natural for anyone to have doubts from time to time. There has also been a fair bit of sad news on the board in the last couple months, and that's enough to get even a seasoned vet a bit nervous.

      I do hope you'll let us know (once you have gotten the results) when you learn everything is fine. : )

      Michelle, wife of Don

      • August 22, 2011 at 4:15 am
      BarbieGirl
      Participant

      Hey toughie……….. I'd LOVE to think the scans will show you are dancing with NED, but will settle for "stable", even though the word in itself reminds me of horse-shit! =)

      Looking forward to an update!  (oh…. and a reply to my email about the in-situ they found in my WLE would be awesome!)

      Love ya bunches, Charlie!  (So much you're in my profile pix, ya know! haha!) 

      *hugz* ~Lisa~

      • August 22, 2011 at 4:15 am
      BarbieGirl
      Participant

      Hey toughie……….. I'd LOVE to think the scans will show you are dancing with NED, but will settle for "stable", even though the word in itself reminds me of horse-shit! =)

      Looking forward to an update!  (oh…. and a reply to my email about the in-situ they found in my WLE would be awesome!)

      Love ya bunches, Charlie!  (So much you're in my profile pix, ya know! haha!) 

      *hugz* ~Lisa~

      • August 22, 2011 at 4:55 am
      Dynasysman
      Participant

      HI Charlie —

      You once told me that after a while, a long-timer knows his body pretty well.  YOu didn't mention how often the body (or the mind, working through the body) plays tricks on you…

      and, by the way, it isn't "tough" until you know you have something to be tough about.

      Best wishes tomorrow.  More people than you can count are sending good karma and wishes.

      • August 22, 2011 at 4:55 am
      Dynasysman
      Participant

      HI Charlie —

      You once told me that after a while, a long-timer knows his body pretty well.  YOu didn't mention how often the body (or the mind, working through the body) plays tricks on you…

      and, by the way, it isn't "tough" until you know you have something to be tough about.

      Best wishes tomorrow.  More people than you can count are sending good karma and wishes.

        • August 22, 2011 at 4:57 am
        Dynasysman
        Participant

        Oh, yes, don't forget to get the Frequent Flyer discount :>)

        • August 22, 2011 at 4:57 am
        Dynasysman
        Participant

        Oh, yes, don't forget to get the Frequent Flyer discount :>)

      • August 22, 2011 at 10:37 am
      akls
      Participant

      Charlie,

      Wishing you all the best tomorrow. 

       

      Amy S. in Michigan

      • August 22, 2011 at 10:37 am
      akls
      Participant

      Charlie,

      Wishing you all the best tomorrow. 

       

      Amy S. in Michigan

        • August 22, 2011 at 11:08 am
        Vermont_Donna
        Participant

        Dear Charlie,

        I think its great that you shared with us your feelings. This fear of the unknown that the scans will now show, is fear we all feel. We hope for the best, prepare for the worst and struggle through the day holding our breath. So breathe, and then breathe again. I get scanned every three months at this point and I feel that I do want to know ASAP if something is going on, so for me, I feel comforted in a way.

        Thinking the best for you, and for all of us!

        Vermont_Donna, stage 3a, NED

        • August 22, 2011 at 11:08 am
        Vermont_Donna
        Participant

        Dear Charlie,

        I think its great that you shared with us your feelings. This fear of the unknown that the scans will now show, is fear we all feel. We hope for the best, prepare for the worst and struggle through the day holding our breath. So breathe, and then breathe again. I get scanned every three months at this point and I feel that I do want to know ASAP if something is going on, so for me, I feel comforted in a way.

        Thinking the best for you, and for all of us!

        Vermont_Donna, stage 3a, NED

        • August 22, 2011 at 11:41 am
        Lisa13
        Participant

        Charlie,

        I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you and believe everything will continue to be all good.

        Lisa

        • August 22, 2011 at 11:41 am
        Lisa13
        Participant

        Charlie,

        I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you and believe everything will continue to be all good.

        Lisa

      • August 22, 2011 at 11:47 am
      MariaH
      Participant

      Charlie, scanxiety is normal.  You know that it is how you handle whatever the results are that makes you "you". 

      And you're still tough as nails.

      Best wishes, and keep kicking mels a#s.

      Maria

      • August 22, 2011 at 11:47 am
      MariaH
      Participant

      Charlie, scanxiety is normal.  You know that it is how you handle whatever the results are that makes you "you". 

      And you're still tough as nails.

      Best wishes, and keep kicking mels a#s.

      Maria

      • August 22, 2011 at 11:47 am
      Rebecca and Bob
      Participant

      Charlie,

       

      I know your not looking for them but we are sending them anyway. Lots of good thoughts and prayers that you get good news! You sound like my husband, if he's told 2 months he stretches it to 3. Then he's told 3 months and he stretches it to 4. Now with 4 months what will he try to do. I always have to call for him and drag him in.

      It's good your mother is there to shake her head, we always need someone. Good luck.

       

      Rebecca

      • August 22, 2011 at 11:47 am
      Rebecca and Bob
      Participant

      Charlie,

       

      I know your not looking for them but we are sending them anyway. Lots of good thoughts and prayers that you get good news! You sound like my husband, if he's told 2 months he stretches it to 3. Then he's told 3 months and he stretches it to 4. Now with 4 months what will he try to do. I always have to call for him and drag him in.

      It's good your mother is there to shake her head, we always need someone. Good luck.

       

      Rebecca

      • August 22, 2011 at 12:20 pm
      Lori C
      Participant

      Charlie, you have my best wishes & prayers that your scanxiety is way off base.   This "Lady or the Tiger" drama that all scans represent takes a toll on the toughest!

       

      Lori

      • August 22, 2011 at 12:20 pm
      Lori C
      Participant

      Charlie, you have my best wishes & prayers that your scanxiety is way off base.   This "Lady or the Tiger" drama that all scans represent takes a toll on the toughest!

       

      Lori

      • August 22, 2011 at 12:24 pm
      Jerry from Cape Cod
      Participant

      Thinking of you Bud.

      Jerry from Cape Cod

      • August 22, 2011 at 12:24 pm
      Jerry from Cape Cod
      Participant

      Thinking of you Bud.

      Jerry from Cape Cod

      • August 22, 2011 at 1:14 pm
      CarolA
      Participant

      So, you're not so tough, you say?    I knew underneath that crustiness there was a gushy human (wasn't so hard to see that).   I'm sure you'll have on your armor heading out today and you will be tapping into your own strength.   Even though you aren't seeking the good wishes, I'm in line with the others thinking and sending them.    And, as the others, I will be waiting to see your next post.

      (Hey, whatever happened to that porch cat you had hanging around?   I can't remember the end of that cat story?)

      CarolA ~ Stage III

      Amherst, NY             

      • August 22, 2011 at 1:14 pm
      CarolA
      Participant

      So, you're not so tough, you say?    I knew underneath that crustiness there was a gushy human (wasn't so hard to see that).   I'm sure you'll have on your armor heading out today and you will be tapping into your own strength.   Even though you aren't seeking the good wishes, I'm in line with the others thinking and sending them.    And, as the others, I will be waiting to see your next post.

      (Hey, whatever happened to that porch cat you had hanging around?   I can't remember the end of that cat story?)

      CarolA ~ Stage III

      Amherst, NY             

        • August 22, 2011 at 4:37 pm
        BonnieLea
        Participant

        ya the cat that lived in the pumpkin and then you bought him a cat house (no not that kind) I really wish the outcome of these scans is GOOD  and not always what you may say in your envelope, unless of course your envelope is always 100% good positive.

         

        Luff Bonnie Lea

        • August 22, 2011 at 4:37 pm
        BonnieLea
        Participant

        ya the cat that lived in the pumpkin and then you bought him a cat house (no not that kind) I really wish the outcome of these scans is GOOD  and not always what you may say in your envelope, unless of course your envelope is always 100% good positive.

         

        Luff Bonnie Lea

      • August 22, 2011 at 1:17 pm
      Jackie W
      Participant

      You may not want them, but you've got my best wishes for good scans.  Please keep  us posted.

      Jackie W

      • August 22, 2011 at 1:17 pm
      Jackie W
      Participant

      You may not want them, but you've got my best wishes for good scans.  Please keep  us posted.

      Jackie W

      • August 22, 2011 at 2:56 pm
      djpayn
      Participant

      Charlie,

      I just wanna tell you that i love you. And you are a smartass, but that is part of the reason i love you! I hope and pray that your scan results are stable, ned, anything but bad news. And thank you for sharing with us. Especially when you are showing us that the man whos seen and done it all when it comes to melanoma, needs us as much as we need you.

      And please give your mom a hug from me… anyone who can get you to do something you dont wanna do… is a superhero in my book!!

      Dawna

      • August 22, 2011 at 2:56 pm
      djpayn
      Participant

      Charlie,

      I just wanna tell you that i love you. And you are a smartass, but that is part of the reason i love you! I hope and pray that your scan results are stable, ned, anything but bad news. And thank you for sharing with us. Especially when you are showing us that the man whos seen and done it all when it comes to melanoma, needs us as much as we need you.

      And please give your mom a hug from me… anyone who can get you to do something you dont wanna do… is a superhero in my book!!

      Dawna

      • August 22, 2011 at 3:33 pm
      deeczar
      Participant

      Hi Charlie

      I have been reading posts from people since having a reoccurrence in Jan2011. There seems to be alot of scary things on here, also alot of info. So I have seen posts from you and you are pretty strong! Your most recent post shows me we all fall down and then we get back up and brush ourselves off and keep on going. This is my first post and I wanted to wish you the best !!!

      Dee 🙂

      Stage III

      • August 22, 2011 at 3:33 pm
      deeczar
      Participant

      Hi Charlie

      I have been reading posts from people since having a reoccurrence in Jan2011. There seems to be alot of scary things on here, also alot of info. So I have seen posts from you and you are pretty strong! Your most recent post shows me we all fall down and then we get back up and brush ourselves off and keep on going. This is my first post and I wanted to wish you the best !!!

      Dee 🙂

      Stage III

      • August 22, 2011 at 4:55 pm
      triciad
      Participant

      Charlie,

      Everyone is wrong at least once, so I hope this is your time.  Best wishes for good results with the scans.  Sending positive thoughts your way!

      Tricia

      • August 22, 2011 at 4:55 pm
      triciad
      Participant

      Charlie,

      Everyone is wrong at least once, so I hope this is your time.  Best wishes for good results with the scans.  Sending positive thoughts your way!

      Tricia

      • August 22, 2011 at 10:19 pm
      JuleFL
      Participant
      Unwanted Good Wishes headed your way…..

      Jule

      • August 22, 2011 at 10:19 pm
      JuleFL
      Participant
      Unwanted Good Wishes headed your way…..

      Jule

      • August 22, 2011 at 11:10 pm
      gabsound
      Participant

      Charlie,

      If I were melanoma, I think I would really think twice about hanging out with you!!

      Hope you get good news.

      Thanks for all your thoughtful posts. Your directness is just what many of us need 🙂

      Julie in Las Vegas

      • August 22, 2011 at 11:10 pm
      gabsound
      Participant

      Charlie,

      If I were melanoma, I think I would really think twice about hanging out with you!!

      Hope you get good news.

      Thanks for all your thoughtful posts. Your directness is just what many of us need 🙂

      Julie in Las Vegas

      • August 22, 2011 at 11:27 pm
      PlantLady
      Participant

      Scanxiety.  I like that name!

      My husband had his PET scan yesterday, and we will find out the results on Wed.  We hope the 2 doses of Ipi did something good.   The waiting is hard, and I find I have a knot in my stomach off and on, and have awakened with a start in the middle of the night, only to have my mind go off into the most unpleasant of places. 

      I have to steer my little mind back on a positive track.

      Good luck with your scans.

      CJ, wife of Ron, Stage IV metastatic melanoma with NO primary

      • August 22, 2011 at 11:27 pm
      PlantLady
      Participant

      Scanxiety.  I like that name!

      My husband had his PET scan yesterday, and we will find out the results on Wed.  We hope the 2 doses of Ipi did something good.   The waiting is hard, and I find I have a knot in my stomach off and on, and have awakened with a start in the middle of the night, only to have my mind go off into the most unpleasant of places. 

      I have to steer my little mind back on a positive track.

      Good luck with your scans.

      CJ, wife of Ron, Stage IV metastatic melanoma with NO primary

      • August 22, 2011 at 11:28 pm
      PlantLady
      Participant

      Scanxiety.  I like that name!

      My husband had his PET scan yesterday, and we will find out the results on Wed.  We hope the 2 doses of Ipi did something good.   The waiting is hard, and I find I have a knot in my stomach off and on, and have awakened with a start in the middle of the night, only to have my mind go off into the most unpleasant of places. 

      I have to steer my little mind back on a positive track.

      Good luck with your scans.

      CJ, wife of Ron, Stage IV metastatic melanoma with NO primary

      • August 22, 2011 at 11:28 pm
      PlantLady
      Participant

      Scanxiety.  I like that name!

      My husband had his PET scan yesterday, and we will find out the results on Wed.  We hope the 2 doses of Ipi did something good.   The waiting is hard, and I find I have a knot in my stomach off and on, and have awakened with a start in the middle of the night, only to have my mind go off into the most unpleasant of places. 

      I have to steer my little mind back on a positive track.

      Good luck with your scans.

      CJ, wife of Ron, Stage IV metastatic melanoma with NO primary

      • August 22, 2011 at 11:32 pm
      Cate
      Participant

      Hi Charlie, you have always been a source of inspiration for me though out my father's  illness.  Sending good thoughts your way, even though I'm hopeful you don't need them 🙂

       

      • August 22, 2011 at 11:32 pm
      Cate
      Participant

      Hi Charlie, you have always been a source of inspiration for me though out my father's  illness.  Sending good thoughts your way, even though I'm hopeful you don't need them 🙂

       

      • August 23, 2011 at 1:54 am
      washoegal
      Participant

      Did someone think you were tough??????? Certainly not your mommy, now how will you ever live that one down?  Charlie, if anyone can scare the he&& out of the MEL Devil it is you, no one like's their scans and whether you admitted it or not there has always been anxiety otherwise you wouldn't have postponed them all the time.  (Dr Freud is my new screen name).  So smile pretty for your pics and we'll be sending all the vibs and prayers and everything else the universe has to offer your way.  Then go have a Pizza and Beer.

      Mary

      Stage 3

      • August 23, 2011 at 1:54 am
      washoegal
      Participant

      Did someone think you were tough??????? Certainly not your mommy, now how will you ever live that one down?  Charlie, if anyone can scare the he&& out of the MEL Devil it is you, no one like's their scans and whether you admitted it or not there has always been anxiety otherwise you wouldn't have postponed them all the time.  (Dr Freud is my new screen name).  So smile pretty for your pics and we'll be sending all the vibs and prayers and everything else the universe has to offer your way.  Then go have a Pizza and Beer.

      Mary

      Stage 3

      • August 23, 2011 at 10:12 am
      Rocco
      Participant

      Hey Charlie,

      It's official…you are human.  Scaniety hits us all at one time or another.  Sounds like it took it's sweet time hitting you.  So time to square up, look mel in the face yet again and stick your tongue out at it despite what you may be feeling on the inside. 

      PS – Right there with you as I just had my quarterly scans on Saturday and will get the results this morning. Experiencing butterfiles the size of eagles this AM…

      Hang in there!

      Rocco, IV since 2005

      • August 23, 2011 at 10:12 am
      Rocco
      Participant

      Hey Charlie,

      It's official…you are human.  Scaniety hits us all at one time or another.  Sounds like it took it's sweet time hitting you.  So time to square up, look mel in the face yet again and stick your tongue out at it despite what you may be feeling on the inside. 

      PS – Right there with you as I just had my quarterly scans on Saturday and will get the results this morning. Experiencing butterfiles the size of eagles this AM…

      Hang in there!

      Rocco, IV since 2005

      • August 23, 2011 at 2:22 pm
      dian in spokane
      Participant

      Charlie, you know I am usually right about my scans too! I hope you are WRONG this time, and that all is well with you. I see you wrote this a couple days ago..I've been off in vegas with kind of intermittant web access..I hope every thing went well yesterday, and that you'll let us know what the results are.

       

      Dian in spokane

      • August 23, 2011 at 2:22 pm
      dian in spokane
      Participant

      Charlie, you know I am usually right about my scans too! I hope you are WRONG this time, and that all is well with you. I see you wrote this a couple days ago..I've been off in vegas with kind of intermittant web access..I hope every thing went well yesterday, and that you'll let us know what the results are.

       

      Dian in spokane

      • August 23, 2011 at 5:46 pm
      alicia
      Participant
      Charlie, sending good thoughts, prayers, and cyber hugs your way:-) I just love reading your posts and love your sense of humor. I truly hope everything is ok. Please keep us updated.

      Alicia stage 3 w/ 3 primaries

      • August 23, 2011 at 5:46 pm
      alicia
      Participant
      Charlie, sending good thoughts, prayers, and cyber hugs your way:-) I just love reading your posts and love your sense of humor. I truly hope everything is ok. Please keep us updated.

      Alicia stage 3 w/ 3 primaries

      • August 23, 2011 at 8:00 pm
      JennerFromIowa
      Participant

      Sure hope you are WRONG!!  Hoping for the best for you, Charlie!

      • August 23, 2011 at 8:00 pm
      JennerFromIowa
      Participant

      Sure hope you are WRONG!!  Hoping for the best for you, Charlie!

      • August 24, 2011 at 3:19 am
      JerryfromFauq
      Participant

      Scaniety, 

          What can i say!  Man, you know what I think and hope.  I have had problems getting on line while traveling  and just got this post.Hope you come into chat while I'm hanging.  I want to know the results.  Please don't make me wait. 

         People, don't pick on Charlie too much.  He's not all bad.

         Love y ou amd respect you ,man. 

       

      Semper Fi

      Jerry

      • August 24, 2011 at 3:19 am
      JerryfromFauq
      Participant

      Scaniety, 

          What can i say!  Man, you know what I think and hope.  I have had problems getting on line while traveling  and just got this post.Hope you come into chat while I'm hanging.  I want to know the results.  Please don't make me wait. 

         People, don't pick on Charlie too much.  He's not all bad.

         Love y ou amd respect you ,man. 

       

      Semper Fi

      Jerry

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