WLE on neck – Will i be able to ” hide” this from my children

I can't give you any advice on what a WLE will looks like, but my kids were 7, 8, and 10 when my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic melanoma.  We tried to hide it from them at first and quickly realized that didn't work.  Being honest with kids is usually the best policy.  You'd be amazed at what they can handle.  You'd also be amazed at what great advocates they can be for sun safety.  People listen to them when they tell others to wear sunscreen and hats, so they don't get cancer like their dad.

I can't give you any advice on what a WLE will looks like, but my kids were 7, 8, and 10 when my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic melanoma.  We tried to hide it from them at first and quickly realized that didn't work.  Being honest with kids is usually the best policy.  You'd be amazed at what they can handle.  You'd also be amazed at what great advocates they can be for sun safety.  People listen to them when they tell others to wear sunscreen and hats, so they don't get cancer like their dad.

I can't give you any advice on what a WLE will looks like, but my kids were 7, 8, and 10 when my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 metastatic melanoma.  We tried to hide it from them at first and quickly realized that didn't work.  Being honest with kids is usually the best policy.  You'd be amazed at what they can handle.  You'd also be amazed at what great advocates they can be for sun safety.  People listen to them when they tell others to wear sunscreen and hats, so they don't get cancer like their dad.

Not sure if this will help or not, but I just had my WLE last week (on the back of my head). I still have the bandage on. My melanoma was 8.4mm at time of initial diagnosis, and this is what I wound up with:

You can also see the neck bandages from my sentinel lymph node biopsies, but the big one on my head is the WLE one. That particular bandage is called a "bolster" (because it is a lot like a pillow) and I can't guarantee you'll end up with one, but I am thinking a band-aid might not be enough to try and hide it. The neck bandages I could take off after 24 hours, but the bolster is actually stapled on. I go back in the next week or so for a skin graft (after they get the results back from the WLE and SNB).

Ultimately, you're probably best off not hiding it from your kids? They maybe don't need to know the scary details but just that you're sick with something that requires surgery and being very careful about sun exposure going forward. But then I have cats, not kids, so I may not be the best opinion on the whole kids thing.

Not sure if this will help or not, but I just had my WLE last week (on the back of my head). I still have the bandage on. My melanoma was 8.4mm at time of initial diagnosis, and this is what I wound up with:

You can also see the neck bandages from my sentinel lymph node biopsies, but the big one on my head is the WLE one. That particular bandage is called a "bolster" (because it is a lot like a pillow) and I can't guarantee you'll end up with one, but I am thinking a band-aid might not be enough to try and hide it. The neck bandages I could take off after 24 hours, but the bolster is actually stapled on. I go back in the next week or so for a skin graft (after they get the results back from the WLE and SNB).

Ultimately, you're probably best off not hiding it from your kids? They maybe don't need to know the scary details but just that you're sick with something that requires surgery and being very careful about sun exposure going forward. But then I have cats, not kids, so I may not be the best opinion on the whole kids thing.

Not sure if this will help or not, but I just had my WLE last week (on the back of my head). I still have the bandage on. My melanoma was 8.4mm at time of initial diagnosis, and this is what I wound up with:

You can also see the neck bandages from my sentinel lymph node biopsies, but the big one on my head is the WLE one. That particular bandage is called a "bolster" (because it is a lot like a pillow) and I can't guarantee you'll end up with one, but I am thinking a band-aid might not be enough to try and hide it. The neck bandages I could take off after 24 hours, but the bolster is actually stapled on. I go back in the next week or so for a skin graft (after they get the results back from the WLE and SNB).

Ultimately, you're probably best off not hiding it from your kids? They maybe don't need to know the scary details but just that you're sick with something that requires surgery and being very careful about sun exposure going forward. But then I have cats, not kids, so I may not be the best opinion on the whole kids thing.

I also have cats not kids, so take what I say with a grain of salt. However, I do know that it is best to tell children the truth about things in an age appropriate manner. You, as an adult, know that melanoma could possibly kill you in the end; your children do not know that and do not need to know that at this age.

What you could do that would be honest and helpful is to show them some moles and freckles on your and their bodies. Tell them that most of the time these just sit there and do nothing. But every once in a while a mole or freckle will start to grow. You have 2 that have started to grow, you don't want that, so you are going to have them removed. 

I think that will clearly explain to them what is happening to you without scaring them. It will also be an early learning moment for them about the need to watch moles and freckles and go to the doctor if they start to get larger.

I also have cats not kids, so take what I say with a grain of salt. However, I do know that it is best to tell children the truth about things in an age appropriate manner. You, as an adult, know that melanoma could possibly kill you in the end; your children do not know that and do not need to know that at this age.

What you could do that would be honest and helpful is to show them some moles and freckles on your and their bodies. Tell them that most of the time these just sit there and do nothing. But every once in a while a mole or freckle will start to grow. You have 2 that have started to grow, you don't want that, so you are going to have them removed. 

I think that will clearly explain to them what is happening to you without scaring them. It will also be an early learning moment for them about the need to watch moles and freckles and go to the doctor if they start to get larger.

I also have cats not kids, so take what I say with a grain of salt. However, I do know that it is best to tell children the truth about things in an age appropriate manner. You, as an adult, know that melanoma could possibly kill you in the end; your children do not know that and do not need to know that at this age.

What you could do that would be honest and helpful is to show them some moles and freckles on your and their bodies. Tell them that most of the time these just sit there and do nothing. But every once in a while a mole or freckle will start to grow. You have 2 that have started to grow, you don't want that, so you are going to have them removed. 

I think that will clearly explain to them what is happening to you without scaring them. It will also be an early learning moment for them about the need to watch moles and freckles and go to the doctor if they start to get larger.

I've had 7 or 8 WLEs and have always gone alone to them.  It's hard to gauge the exact size of the lesion but it will be significantly larger than the biopsy.  They need to take 1cm margins on all aspects of the lesion.  And to close the defect, the ellipse must be a minimum of three times the width removed.  So minimum of 2cm x 6cm but it may be longer than that depending upon the anatomy and how tight the area is and how easy it is to close.  They will take all the depth down to the muscle. This is going to be hard to hide from your kids, so I think you should come up with a simple and true story.  No details, just something so you don't have to hide this.  They don't need gory details because your prognosis is very good.  But trying to hide this will be a mistake – first it won't be small and second, kids figure stuff out so it's better to address it from the start.

I've had 7 or 8 WLEs and have always gone alone to them.  It's hard to gauge the exact size of the lesion but it will be significantly larger than the biopsy.  They need to take 1cm margins on all aspects of the lesion.  And to close the defect, the ellipse must be a minimum of three times the width removed.  So minimum of 2cm x 6cm but it may be longer than that depending upon the anatomy and how tight the area is and how easy it is to close.  They will take all the depth down to the muscle. This is going to be hard to hide from your kids, so I think you should come up with a simple and true story.  No details, just something so you don't have to hide this.  They don't need gory details because your prognosis is very good.  But trying to hide this will be a mistake – first it won't be small and second, kids figure stuff out so it's better to address it from the start.

I've had 7 or 8 WLEs and have always gone alone to them.  It's hard to gauge the exact size of the lesion but it will be significantly larger than the biopsy.  They need to take 1cm margins on all aspects of the lesion.  And to close the defect, the ellipse must be a minimum of three times the width removed.  So minimum of 2cm x 6cm but it may be longer than that depending upon the anatomy and how tight the area is and how easy it is to close.  They will take all the depth down to the muscle. This is going to be hard to hide from your kids, so I think you should come up with a simple and true story.  No details, just something so you don't have to hide this.  They don't need gory details because your prognosis is very good.  But trying to hide this will be a mistake – first it won't be small and second, kids figure stuff out so it's better to address it from the start.

My heart goes out to you and I'm sending positive thoughts and heartfelt Mom suggestions.  I think you have already received amazing love and support from the posts here but I thought I might add one more thought for you to consider.  Being a Mom, I always found that my kids found comfort in taking care of me when I was not well or had surgery.  There is much therapy for ourselves when we take care of someone we love, even though we cannot control what their illness might be doing to them.  Don't try to spare your children from the truth but rather explain in an age appropriate way, what will be happening to you and how they can help with your recovery.  Children at this age have a heightened sense of worry and it will ease their spirit if they are actively taking care of you and it will amaze you to see their love and strength in action. Please keep us posted to your results and experience.  Wishing you a smooth and speedy recovery and comfort with your loved ones.

Swanee 

My heart goes out to you and I'm sending positive thoughts and heartfelt Mom suggestions.  I think you have already received amazing love and support from the posts here but I thought I might add one more thought for you to consider.  Being a Mom, I always found that my kids found comfort in taking care of me when I was not well or had surgery.  There is much therapy for ourselves when we take care of someone we love, even though we cannot control what their illness might be doing to them.  Don't try to spare your children from the truth but rather explain in an age appropriate way, what will be happening to you and how they can help with your recovery.  Children at this age have a heightened sense of worry and it will ease their spirit if they are actively taking care of you and it will amaze you to see their love and strength in action. Please keep us posted to your results and experience.  Wishing you a smooth and speedy recovery and comfort with your loved ones.

Swanee 

My heart goes out to you and I'm sending positive thoughts and heartfelt Mom suggestions.  I think you have already received amazing love and support from the posts here but I thought I might add one more thought for you to consider.  Being a Mom, I always found that my kids found comfort in taking care of me when I was not well or had surgery.  There is much therapy for ourselves when we take care of someone we love, even though we cannot control what their illness might be doing to them.  Don't try to spare your children from the truth but rather explain in an age appropriate way, what will be happening to you and how they can help with your recovery.  Children at this age have a heightened sense of worry and it will ease their spirit if they are actively taking care of you and it will amaze you to see their love and strength in action. Please keep us posted to your results and experience.  Wishing you a smooth and speedy recovery and comfort with your loved ones.

Swanee 

First of all, so sorry for all you are going through.  You've come to the right place for support and understanding.  Just wanted to let you know how I handled telling my kids about my husband. 

I too, had the same dilema about telling my kids when my husband was diagnosed almost 3 years ago.  My children are not as young as yours so I can only tell you how I handled my situation.

We told our son (who at the time was 16) who immediately went to the internet and starting looking things up.  I told him not to go to the internet – if he has questions, come to us.  We have been very open with him about it (at least most of the time).

My daughter on the other hand is a different story. She was 13 when he was diagnosed, and we just recently (Thanksgiving) told her the truth about what was going on with her dad.  She has anxiety so from day 1, we only told her as much as we thought she could handle.  She worries about too much already and we didn't want to push her over the edge.  We weren't planning on telling her until we absolutely had to.  She knew dad had  surgeries to remove a suspicious growth from his leg, a LND as well as 2  lung surgeries.  When my husband had his last surgery in Dec 2013 we thought it was time to tell her.  She asked alot of hard questions at first, but see's that her dad is healthy, works a physical job every day, and goes to the doctor ALOT.  I think the fact that he does not 'appear' ill helps her to cope. She has seen a psychologist since 4th grade so we consulted with her as well.

Your kids are very young, so I agree with some of the others.  Possibly tell them only what they need to know.  Mommy had surgery to take some growths off her skin and she needs to see the doctor alot to make sure no new growths appear. 

Would it be possible for just your husband to take you for the surgery and have someone watch your kids?  Just a suggestion.

I will say a prayer for you on Friday.

First of all, so sorry for all you are going through.  You've come to the right place for support and understanding.  Just wanted to let you know how I handled telling my kids about my husband. 

I too, had the same dilema about telling my kids when my husband was diagnosed almost 3 years ago.  My children are not as young as yours so I can only tell you how I handled my situation.

We told our son (who at the time was 16) who immediately went to the internet and starting looking things up.  I told him not to go to the internet – if he has questions, come to us.  We have been very open with him about it (at least most of the time).

My daughter on the other hand is a different story. She was 13 when he was diagnosed, and we just recently (Thanksgiving) told her the truth about what was going on with her dad.  She has anxiety so from day 1, we only told her as much as we thought she could handle.  She worries about too much already and we didn't want to push her over the edge.  We weren't planning on telling her until we absolutely had to.  She knew dad had  surgeries to remove a suspicious growth from his leg, a LND as well as 2  lung surgeries.  When my husband had his last surgery in Dec 2013 we thought it was time to tell her.  She asked alot of hard questions at first, but see's that her dad is healthy, works a physical job every day, and goes to the doctor ALOT.  I think the fact that he does not 'appear' ill helps her to cope. She has seen a psychologist since 4th grade so we consulted with her as well.

Your kids are very young, so I agree with some of the others.  Possibly tell them only what they need to know.  Mommy had surgery to take some growths off her skin and she needs to see the doctor alot to make sure no new growths appear. 

Would it be possible for just your husband to take you for the surgery and have someone watch your kids?  Just a suggestion.

I will say a prayer for you on Friday.

First of all, so sorry for all you are going through.  You've come to the right place for support and understanding.  Just wanted to let you know how I handled telling my kids about my husband. 

I too, had the same dilema about telling my kids when my husband was diagnosed almost 3 years ago.  My children are not as young as yours so I can only tell you how I handled my situation.

We told our son (who at the time was 16) who immediately went to the internet and starting looking things up.  I told him not to go to the internet – if he has questions, come to us.  We have been very open with him about it (at least most of the time).

My daughter on the other hand is a different story. She was 13 when he was diagnosed, and we just recently (Thanksgiving) told her the truth about what was going on with her dad.  She has anxiety so from day 1, we only told her as much as we thought she could handle.  She worries about too much already and we didn't want to push her over the edge.  We weren't planning on telling her until we absolutely had to.  She knew dad had  surgeries to remove a suspicious growth from his leg, a LND as well as 2  lung surgeries.  When my husband had his last surgery in Dec 2013 we thought it was time to tell her.  She asked alot of hard questions at first, but see's that her dad is healthy, works a physical job every day, and goes to the doctor ALOT.  I think the fact that he does not 'appear' ill helps her to cope. She has seen a psychologist since 4th grade so we consulted with her as well.

Your kids are very young, so I agree with some of the others.  Possibly tell them only what they need to know.  Mommy had surgery to take some growths off her skin and she needs to see the doctor alot to make sure no new growths appear. 

Would it be possible for just your husband to take you for the surgery and have someone watch your kids?  Just a suggestion.

I will say a prayer for you on Friday.

I'm not sure if this will help either, but I'll give you what my family did when melanoma entered our lives. . . My husband had a "wart" on his arm that was removed, found to be malignant, and scheduled for the wide excision, etc.  Our boys at the time were 18 months, 9 and 10 at the time.  The older boys were somewhat curious, daddy had a 'shark bite' on his arm and was in a lot of pain from the skin graff.  Fortunately for us, they were able to get the whole tumor, and the sentinal lymphs were clean, so we were able to tell our boys that the doctors got all the bad stuff. . .  This helped when my husband had a recurrance 18 months later.  They understood that the doctor was going to go in, remove the tumor and move on.  And unfortunately again just 2 weeks ago (kids now 4 1/2, 11 & 12) they are perceiving cancer as a "doctor will go in, remove the tumor, and it is done".  Since then as well, my father has had to undergo chemo and radiation for tongue, throat and neck cancer, but their outlook on cancer is altered due to our history.  We try very hard to live a normal life with cancer and let the boys ask whatever questions they come up with.  Our oldest is very scientific and is fine with the removal idea, our middle son is a little more concerned, but we have tried to assure him that daddy's doctors are excellent and that there is no cancer in his body right now.  The little one is still aloof and we're trying to keep him that way.  Knowing melanoma, it will come back again, we will have to have the conversation again, and we will have to have a further conversation about immunotherapy, but for now, we have been successful with the idea of surgery being the way to deal with cancer.

I do remember agonizing for days about how to talk with our boys, but in the end I found that they actually handled it much better than I have at times.  I'm sure you know your children best and know what they can and can't comprehend.  I wish more than anything that no one would ever have to deal with this awful dilemma, but the unfortunate truth is, we do.  Trust your heart and it'll work out fine.  Good luck with the procedure and let us know how it goes.  I'll be praying for you and your family

I'm not sure if this will help either, but I'll give you what my family did when melanoma entered our lives. . . My husband had a "wart" on his arm that was removed, found to be malignant, and scheduled for the wide excision, etc.  Our boys at the time were 18 months, 9 and 10 at the time.  The older boys were somewhat curious, daddy had a 'shark bite' on his arm and was in a lot of pain from the skin graff.  Fortunately for us, they were able to get the whole tumor, and the sentinal lymphs were clean, so we were able to tell our boys that the doctors got all the bad stuff. . .  This helped when my husband had a recurrance 18 months later.  They understood that the doctor was going to go in, remove the tumor and move on.  And unfortunately again just 2 weeks ago (kids now 4 1/2, 11 & 12) they are perceiving cancer as a "doctor will go in, remove the tumor, and it is done".  Since then as well, my father has had to undergo chemo and radiation for tongue, throat and neck cancer, but their outlook on cancer is altered due to our history.  We try very hard to live a normal life with cancer and let the boys ask whatever questions they come up with.  Our oldest is very scientific and is fine with the removal idea, our middle son is a little more concerned, but we have tried to assure him that daddy's doctors are excellent and that there is no cancer in his body right now.  The little one is still aloof and we're trying to keep him that way.  Knowing melanoma, it will come back again, we will have to have the conversation again, and we will have to have a further conversation about immunotherapy, but for now, we have been successful with the idea of surgery being the way to deal with cancer.

I do remember agonizing for days about how to talk with our boys, but in the end I found that they actually handled it much better than I have at times.  I'm sure you know your children best and know what they can and can't comprehend.  I wish more than anything that no one would ever have to deal with this awful dilemma, but the unfortunate truth is, we do.  Trust your heart and it'll work out fine.  Good luck with the procedure and let us know how it goes.  I'll be praying for you and your family

I'm not sure if this will help either, but I'll give you what my family did when melanoma entered our lives. . . My husband had a "wart" on his arm that was removed, found to be malignant, and scheduled for the wide excision, etc.  Our boys at the time were 18 months, 9 and 10 at the time.  The older boys were somewhat curious, daddy had a 'shark bite' on his arm and was in a lot of pain from the skin graff.  Fortunately for us, they were able to get the whole tumor, and the sentinal lymphs were clean, so we were able to tell our boys that the doctors got all the bad stuff. . .  This helped when my husband had a recurrance 18 months later.  They understood that the doctor was going to go in, remove the tumor and move on.  And unfortunately again just 2 weeks ago (kids now 4 1/2, 11 & 12) they are perceiving cancer as a "doctor will go in, remove the tumor, and it is done".  Since then as well, my father has had to undergo chemo and radiation for tongue, throat and neck cancer, but their outlook on cancer is altered due to our history.  We try very hard to live a normal life with cancer and let the boys ask whatever questions they come up with.  Our oldest is very scientific and is fine with the removal idea, our middle son is a little more concerned, but we have tried to assure him that daddy's doctors are excellent and that there is no cancer in his body right now.  The little one is still aloof and we're trying to keep him that way.  Knowing melanoma, it will come back again, we will have to have the conversation again, and we will have to have a further conversation about immunotherapy, but for now, we have been successful with the idea of surgery being the way to deal with cancer.

I do remember agonizing for days about how to talk with our boys, but in the end I found that they actually handled it much better than I have at times.  I'm sure you know your children best and know what they can and can't comprehend.  I wish more than anything that no one would ever have to deal with this awful dilemma, but the unfortunate truth is, we do.  Trust your heart and it'll work out fine.  Good luck with the procedure and let us know how it goes.  I'll be praying for you and your family

How did it go?

How did it go?

How did it go?