My beautiful wife Melissa Sicola has left us

This topic has 56 replies, 26 voices, and was last updated 12 years, 11 months ago by JuleFL.

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- April 25, 2011 at 7:58 am
- Quote
chrisS
Participant
On April 20 my beautiful 32 year old wife Melissa passed. We were married for 5 years and were best friends for 12. The world has lost someone who would never harm anyone and would go out of her way for everyone. We complimented each other perfectly. After may adventures living in tents, vans, moving to Maui, traveling cross country twice, buying our first condo, our loving dogs, I could go on for ever.

When I took her in to the ER last week after puking all night and not being able to communicate in the morning we found out she went from 6 brain mets to the most they have ever seen. Over 100 in 2 weeks. After pumping her full of more steroids for 2 days she woke up for 4 additional days. Even though she was mostly blind we all (fam and friends) got to spend some quality time with her. I slept holding her hand or in her hospital bed every night until she took her last breath. I thank God for those last days. We found out how she wanted to be celebrated, to donate her eyes and that she wanted people to honor her by planting a pine tree.

I am in so much pain.

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Replies

- - April 25, 2011 at 11:11 am
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  Lori C
  Participant
  I know there are no words that will ease any of that pain. Please know you are not alone and in my prayers. May her memory be a blessing.
  
  Lori
  - April 25, 2011 at 11:23 am
    
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    Terra
    Participant
    
    As Lori said, there are no words. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
  - April 25, 2011 at 11:23 am
    
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    Terra
    Participant
    
    As Lori said, there are no words. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
- - April 25, 2011 at 11:11 am
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  Lori C
  Participant
  I know there are no words that will ease any of that pain. Please know you are not alone and in my prayers. May her memory be a blessing.
  
  Lori
- - April 25, 2011 at 11:33 am
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  Carol Taylor
  Participant
  Lord, You alone can espress what Chris feels. Allow Him to hear Your anguished moans and groans as You Two grieve together. Hold Chris tight and give him Your comfort, Your shoulders, be that Mothering Hen to him that draws him under the wing. Only You can bring those million pieces of his broken heart togther and make him whole. Different, but whole. Lord, in Your abundant, loving mercy, love Chris even as You love Melissa. Amen.
  
  Holding you in prayer Friend.
- - April 25, 2011 at 11:33 am
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  Carol Taylor
  Participant
  Lord, You alone can espress what Chris feels. Allow Him to hear Your anguished moans and groans as You Two grieve together. Hold Chris tight and give him Your comfort, Your shoulders, be that Mothering Hen to him that draws him under the wing. Only You can bring those million pieces of his broken heart togther and make him whole. Different, but whole. Lord, in Your abundant, loving mercy, love Chris even as You love Melissa. Amen.
  
  Holding you in prayer Friend.
- - April 25, 2011 at 12:13 pm
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  FormerCaregiver
  Participant
  My heart goes out to you. I lost my wife to this horrible disease on 21 October 2009, and I
  probably felt very much like you are feeling now. She was stage IV and fairly ok for nearly a
  year, but then she experienced sudden liver failure from mets that the CT scan couldn't detect.
  Life is so unfair at times!
  
  I found that prayer helped me to get through the darkest times, and my prayers are with you now.
  
  Frank from Australia
- - April 25, 2011 at 12:13 pm
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  FormerCaregiver
  Participant
  My heart goes out to you. I lost my wife to this horrible disease on 21 October 2009, and I
  probably felt very much like you are feeling now. She was stage IV and fairly ok for nearly a
  year, but then she experienced sudden liver failure from mets that the CT scan couldn't detect.
  Life is so unfair at times!
  
  I found that prayer helped me to get through the darkest times, and my prayers are with you now.
  
  Frank from Australia
  - April 25, 2011 at 12:31 pm
    
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    Laurie from maine
    Participant
    
    I am so sorry. 32 is much too young. I hope you continue to have family to surround you during this hard time.
    
    I am amazed at how much you both packed in to your time together, you sound like you both lived life to the fullest, I hope the memories of your time together will comfort you in the future. I am also glad you were given those last days together to hear her thoughts and comfort her. So wonderful that she asked for a pine tree, she sounds like an amazing person in many ways.
    
    My thoughts are with you at this time.
    
    laurie from maine
  - April 25, 2011 at 12:31 pm
    
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    Laurie from maine
    Participant
    
    I am so sorry. 32 is much too young. I hope you continue to have family to surround you during this hard time.
    
    I am amazed at how much you both packed in to your time together, you sound like you both lived life to the fullest, I hope the memories of your time together will comfort you in the future. I am also glad you were given those last days together to hear her thoughts and comfort her. So wonderful that she asked for a pine tree, she sounds like an amazing person in many ways.
    
    My thoughts are with you at this time.
    
    laurie from maine
- - April 25, 2011 at 1:04 pm
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  Bonnie Lea
  Participant
  My deepest condolences for your loss so early in life. This is simply not fair, but do know that Melissa is now not in pain and you have such loving memories of her.
- - April 25, 2011 at 1:04 pm
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  Bonnie Lea
  Participant
  My deepest condolences for your loss so early in life. This is simply not fair, but do know that Melissa is now not in pain and you have such loving memories of her.
- - April 25, 2011 at 1:04 pm
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  nickmac56
  Participant
  My heart goes out to you. Know that there are lots of people sending you healing thoughts and love.
- - April 25, 2011 at 1:04 pm
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  nickmac56
  Participant
  My heart goes out to you. Know that there are lots of people sending you healing thoughts and love.
- - April 25, 2011 at 1:33 pm
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  Sherron
  Participant
  Chris,
  
  I am so very sorry for your loss. I do definitely know your pain, the lost feeling, the aloneness, etc. I lost my husband of nearly 43 years on Nov. 30, 2010……4 days before our 43rd Anniversary. He was my hero, the love of my life, my best friend, and soul-mate, the other half of who I am …Chris, I pray you have a strong belief in God, that you can lean on him, take his hand and let him lead you. There will be sad day, bad days, some good days. I am finding it to be a long journey, and with God I am daily making it through. I still have many difficult days. I wish and pray for your comfort.
  
  Take Care,
  
  Sherron, wife to Jim FOREVER
- - April 25, 2011 at 1:33 pm
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  Sherron
  Participant
  Chris,
  
  I am so very sorry for your loss. I do definitely know your pain, the lost feeling, the aloneness, etc. I lost my husband of nearly 43 years on Nov. 30, 2010……4 days before our 43rd Anniversary. He was my hero, the love of my life, my best friend, and soul-mate, the other half of who I am …Chris, I pray you have a strong belief in God, that you can lean on him, take his hand and let him lead you. There will be sad day, bad days, some good days. I am finding it to be a long journey, and with God I am daily making it through. I still have many difficult days. I wish and pray for your comfort.
  
  Take Care,
  
  Sherron, wife to Jim FOREVER
  - April 25, 2011 at 1:40 pm
    
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    Vermont_Donna
    Participant
    
    Dear Chris,
    
    So sorry for your loss. Melanoma is a horrible, painful disease for those of us who have it and those who care for us.
    
    Vermont_Donna, stage 3a
  - April 25, 2011 at 1:40 pm
    
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    Vermont_Donna
    Participant
    
    Dear Chris,
    
    So sorry for your loss. Melanoma is a horrible, painful disease for those of us who have it and those who care for us.
    
    Vermont_Donna, stage 3a
- - April 26, 2011 at 1:18 am
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  Fen
  Participant
  I'm so sorry, Chris – for the loss of your wife, for the pain, and for all the lives this awful disease tears apart. May time lighten the pain and bring the wonderful memories back in. Although there is no comparison in the loss of a parent to the loss of a spouse, when my dad passed away it gave me peace to create a memorial to him – a yearly scholarship.
  
  Keeping you in my prayers, Fen
- - April 26, 2011 at 1:18 am
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  Fen
  Participant
  I'm so sorry, Chris – for the loss of your wife, for the pain, and for all the lives this awful disease tears apart. May time lighten the pain and bring the wonderful memories back in. Although there is no comparison in the loss of a parent to the loss of a spouse, when my dad passed away it gave me peace to create a memorial to him – a yearly scholarship.
  
  Keeping you in my prayers, Fen
- - April 26, 2011 at 1:28 am
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  ValinMtl
  Participant
  Words alone cannot express how sorry I am. The pain is so great…please accept my deepest condolences. Val xx
- - April 26, 2011 at 1:28 am
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  ValinMtl
  Participant
  Words alone cannot express how sorry I am. The pain is so great…please accept my deepest condolences. Val xx
- - April 26, 2011 at 1:45 am
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  King
  Participant
  Chris,
  
  I am so sorry for the loss of your wife, Melissa, and the pain that you are in. Hopefully, as time passes, the pain will lessen and the happy memories will take its place. Surround yourself with supportive family and friends.
  
  Stay Strong
  King
  
  Stage IV 7/05 Liver mets
- - April 26, 2011 at 1:45 am
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  King
  Participant
  Chris,
  
  I am so sorry for the loss of your wife, Melissa, and the pain that you are in. Hopefully, as time passes, the pain will lessen and the happy memories will take its place. Surround yourself with supportive family and friends.
  
  Stay Strong
  King
  
  Stage IV 7/05 Liver mets
- - April 26, 2011 at 2:11 am
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  boot2aboot
  Participant
  i am so sorry for your loss…dreadfully unfair…
- - April 26, 2011 at 2:11 am
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  boot2aboot
  Participant
  i am so sorry for your loss…dreadfully unfair…
- - April 26, 2011 at 2:47 am
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  debbieVA
  Participant
  I am so sorry for your loss. Peace be with you.
  
  Debbie Stage 4 NED
- - April 26, 2011 at 2:47 am
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  debbieVA
  Participant
  I am so sorry for your loss. Peace be with you.
  
  Debbie Stage 4 NED
- - April 26, 2011 at 3:11 am
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  Janis B.
  Participant
  Such a terrible loss – I am so sorry and my heart and prayers also go out to you and family.
- - April 26, 2011 at 3:11 am
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  Janis B.
  Participant
  Such a terrible loss – I am so sorry and my heart and prayers also go out to you and family.
- - April 26, 2011 at 9:59 am
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  kim2712
  Participant
  There are simply no words that I can say to ease your pain. Melanoma is a vicious beast and someday we will find a treatment to once and for all KILL the beast. I am so sorry for your loss.
  
  Peace and Blessings,
  
  Kim
  
  Mother to Erik, stage lv
- - April 26, 2011 at 9:59 am
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  kim2712
  Participant
  There are simply no words that I can say to ease your pain. Melanoma is a vicious beast and someday we will find a treatment to once and for all KILL the beast. I am so sorry for your loss.
  
  Peace and Blessings,
  
  Kim
  
  Mother to Erik, stage lv
- - April 26, 2011 at 12:42 pm
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  shellebrownies
  Participant
  I wish there were words I could say to take any of your pain away. My deepest condolences for the loss of your wonderful wife. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
  
  Michelle, wife of Don, Stage IIIc
- - April 26, 2011 at 12:42 pm
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  shellebrownies
  Participant
  I wish there were words I could say to take any of your pain away. My deepest condolences for the loss of your wonderful wife. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
  
  Michelle, wife of Don, Stage IIIc
- - April 26, 2011 at 11:48 pm
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  mzeigler
  Participant
  I lost my wife one day before you lost yours, so I imagine we are having similar feelings. We were married 31 years and raised 2 boys. I hate melanoma because it takes one of the most beautiful, kind, loving people and takes them away so quickly. I alternate between guilt that I couldn't take her suffering away from her onto myself, and anger because our time together seemed so short and unfinished. We fought melanoma 8 years and up until the end I never lost hope that we could beat it. But then it happened quickly, before I could absorb what was happening. Life seems very unfair. I, with my family, try to find comfort in our memories.
- - April 26, 2011 at 11:48 pm
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  mzeigler
  Participant
  I lost my wife one day before you lost yours, so I imagine we are having similar feelings. We were married 31 years and raised 2 boys. I hate melanoma because it takes one of the most beautiful, kind, loving people and takes them away so quickly. I alternate between guilt that I couldn't take her suffering away from her onto myself, and anger because our time together seemed so short and unfinished. We fought melanoma 8 years and up until the end I never lost hope that we could beat it. But then it happened quickly, before I could absorb what was happening. Life seems very unfair. I, with my family, try to find comfort in our memories.
  - April 27, 2011 at 12:01 am
    
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    Carol Taylor
    Participant
    
    M,
    
    I'm sorry. Prayers for comfort and peace during this time are with you and your sons. You hit close to home for me. My husband and I have been married 31 years, two children (girl & boy), I'm going on 52 and he's pushing 56 so our ages are close.
    
    I can't ask you to put aside your anger because you have every right to it, but please, don't beat yourself up with undeserved guilt. If we could bear each other's physical pains and illnesses, the world would be a vastly different place and at your age, you know the world just doesn't work that way. I didn't know your wife, obviously, but I bet she'd tell you the same thing.
    
    Lord, in Your mercy, comfort M in his pain, grief, and loneliness. Amen.
  - April 27, 2011 at 12:01 am
    
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    Carol Taylor
    Participant
    
    M,
    
    I'm sorry. Prayers for comfort and peace during this time are with you and your sons. You hit close to home for me. My husband and I have been married 31 years, two children (girl & boy), I'm going on 52 and he's pushing 56 so our ages are close.
    
    I can't ask you to put aside your anger because you have every right to it, but please, don't beat yourself up with undeserved guilt. If we could bear each other's physical pains and illnesses, the world would be a vastly different place and at your age, you know the world just doesn't work that way. I didn't know your wife, obviously, but I bet she'd tell you the same thing.
    
    Lord, in Your mercy, comfort M in his pain, grief, and loneliness. Amen.
- - April 27, 2011 at 12:27 am
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  MaryD
  Participant
  I am so sorry for the loss of your dear wife – you clearly had wonderful years together that you will always cherish. Thankfully she is not suffering anymore and I hope, through this difficult time, you will find comfort in all of the amazing memories.
  
  Sending thoughts and prayers,
  
  Mary
- - April 27, 2011 at 12:27 am
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  MaryD
  Participant
  I am so sorry for the loss of your dear wife – you clearly had wonderful years together that you will always cherish. Thankfully she is not suffering anymore and I hope, through this difficult time, you will find comfort in all of the amazing memories.
  
  Sending thoughts and prayers,
  
  Mary
- - April 27, 2011 at 1:02 am
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  sofiaeli
  Participant
  I am so sorry for your loss. I know the pain you are dealing with. I lost my husband to melanoma on Jan 11th. He was just 29 years old.
  
  You are in my thoughts and if you ever want to talk to anyone, please feel free to contact me.
  
  Try to take care of yourself over the next few months…they are just brutal.
- - April 27, 2011 at 1:02 am
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  sofiaeli
  Participant
  I am so sorry for your loss. I know the pain you are dealing with. I lost my husband to melanoma on Jan 11th. He was just 29 years old.
  
  You are in my thoughts and if you ever want to talk to anyone, please feel free to contact me.
  
  Try to take care of yourself over the next few months…they are just brutal.
- - April 27, 2011 at 1:02 am
  - Quote
  sofiaeli
  Participant
  I am so sorry for your loss. I know the pain you are dealing with. I lost my husband to melanoma on Jan 11th. He was just 29 years old.
  
  You are in my thoughts and if you ever want to talk to anyone, please feel free to contact me.
  
  Try to take care of yourself over the next few months…they are just brutal.
- - April 27, 2011 at 1:02 am
  - Quote
  sofiaeli
  Participant
  I am so sorry for your loss. I know the pain you are dealing with. I lost my husband to melanoma on Jan 11th. He was just 29 years old.
  
  You are in my thoughts and if you ever want to talk to anyone, please feel free to contact me.
  
  Try to take care of yourself over the next few months…they are just brutal.
- - April 27, 2011 at 1:37 am
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  lhaley
  Participant
  I am so sorry for you loss. It sounds like you have many wonderful memories. Melissa is no longer in pain.
  
  Linda
- - April 27, 2011 at 1:37 am
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  lhaley
  Participant
  I am so sorry for you loss. It sounds like you have many wonderful memories. Melissa is no longer in pain.
  
  Linda
- - April 27, 2011 at 2:57 am
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  lovingwifedeb
  Participant
  Chris,
  I hope in the coming days you find comfort that Melissa will never leave your heart, look there for comfort and you will find her squeezing it with love.
  
  Most all here live in the shadow of this disease… If you need an ear please come back.
  
  Deb
  lovingwife, to Bob stage 4
  - April 27, 2011 at 5:52 pm
    
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    LampChop
    Participant
    
    My thoughts and prayers are with you.
  - April 27, 2011 at 5:52 pm
    
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    LampChop
    Participant
    
    My thoughts and prayers are with you.
- - April 27, 2011 at 2:57 am
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  lovingwifedeb
  Participant
  Chris,
  I hope in the coming days you find comfort that Melissa will never leave your heart, look there for comfort and you will find her squeezing it with love.
  
  Most all here live in the shadow of this disease… If you need an ear please come back.
  
  Deb
  lovingwife, to Bob stage 4
- - April 27, 2011 at 8:09 pm
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  stilwellsa
  Participant
  I just wanted to tell you how very deeply sorry i am for you. I know how you feel. My husband lost his battle with melanoma on April 19th 1999. Exactly 12 years and 1 day before your beloved. He was 29 and we had only been married 5 months. I still miss him sooo very much. I'm 37 now and life is moving on. But i still can't let him go. I am certain i will never be loved again the way that i was loved by him. I wish I could tell you that you'll feel better fast. But that would be a lie. The one piece of advice i can give you is to follow your journey through grief YOUR WAY! Don't let anyone diminish your feelings or try to sway you away from feeling the pain. This profound and devastating experience will most definitely shape the rest of your life. I started running after my husband died. I now run to raise money for the MRF. I'm running my first marathon this November and hope to raise lots of money in his memory. Someday there will be a cure.
  
  Ironically i rarely check this bulletin board but today i had a sign that i felt was my husband saying "hello" and i felt compelled to come here. Maybe it's just to help share my story and give support to someone who is in pain.
  
  Peace be with you….
  
  Sally
- - April 27, 2011 at 8:09 pm
  - Quote
  stilwellsa
  Participant
  I just wanted to tell you how very deeply sorry i am for you. I know how you feel. My husband lost his battle with melanoma on April 19th 1999. Exactly 12 years and 1 day before your beloved. He was 29 and we had only been married 5 months. I still miss him sooo very much. I'm 37 now and life is moving on. But i still can't let him go. I am certain i will never be loved again the way that i was loved by him. I wish I could tell you that you'll feel better fast. But that would be a lie. The one piece of advice i can give you is to follow your journey through grief YOUR WAY! Don't let anyone diminish your feelings or try to sway you away from feeling the pain. This profound and devastating experience will most definitely shape the rest of your life. I started running after my husband died. I now run to raise money for the MRF. I'm running my first marathon this November and hope to raise lots of money in his memory. Someday there will be a cure.
  
  Ironically i rarely check this bulletin board but today i had a sign that i felt was my husband saying "hello" and i felt compelled to come here. Maybe it's just to help share my story and give support to someone who is in pain.
  
  Peace be with you….
  
  Sally
- - April 28, 2011 at 1:05 am
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  BethA in VA
  Participant
  I am so sorry for the loss of your precious wife. She was one lucky lady to have you with her. You sound like a loving and very caring husband and I know she was blessed to be with you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Beth 3/B
- - April 28, 2011 at 1:05 am
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  BethA in VA
  Participant
  I am so sorry for the loss of your precious wife. She was one lucky lady to have you with her. You sound like a loving and very caring husband and I know she was blessed to be with you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Beth 3/B
- - April 28, 2011 at 1:34 am
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  JuleFL
  Participant
  My heart aches for you. I lost my my loving husband to this horrible disease shortly before our 6th anniversary. I wanted so many more anniversaries. You are embarking on a long journey – you will be in pain, but I wish you enlightenment, wonderful memories and peace in knowing that you were an important part of this wonderful woman's life.
  
  Jule
- - April 28, 2011 at 1:34 am
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  JuleFL
  Participant
  My heart aches for you. I lost my my loving husband to this horrible disease shortly before our 6th anniversary. I wanted so many more anniversaries. You are embarking on a long journey – you will be in pain, but I wish you enlightenment, wonderful memories and peace in knowing that you were an important part of this wonderful woman's life.
  
  Jule