Does the fear ever end ?

I hear you, I'm Stage I and my worry and fear level is so high I think it must be doing more damage to me than melanoma itself may ever do

I hear you, I'm Stage I and my worry and fear level is so high I think it must be doing more damage to me than melanoma itself may ever do

I hear you, I'm Stage I and my worry and fear level is so high I think it must be doing more damage to me than melanoma itself may ever do

I suggest you find a cancer support group in your community, at your church, or Gilda’s club, if there is one near you and also seriously, stay off here for now, you’re only scaring yourself more. Everyone has their own path and mine isn’t easy but I live each and every day, grateful for my blessings, doing the best I can, and knowing it is all in His hands. I don’t have time to waste reading something into everything and freaking out over all the waiting. There is always the waiting. Don’t let those days be wasted. I don’t know if you’re Christian or not but imagine God saying ” I kept you alive and gave you all those beautiful days, what did you do with them??”

I suggest you find a cancer support group in your community, at your church, or Gilda’s club, if there is one near you and also seriously, stay off here for now, you’re only scaring yourself more. Everyone has their own path and mine isn’t easy but I live each and every day, grateful for my blessings, doing the best I can, and knowing it is all in His hands. I don’t have time to waste reading something into everything and freaking out over all the waiting. There is always the waiting. Don’t let those days be wasted. I don’t know if you’re Christian or not but imagine God saying ” I kept you alive and gave you all those beautiful days, what did you do with them??”

I suggest you find a cancer support group in your community, at your church, or Gilda’s club, if there is one near you and also seriously, stay off here for now, you’re only scaring yourself more. Everyone has their own path and mine isn’t easy but I live each and every day, grateful for my blessings, doing the best I can, and knowing it is all in His hands. I don’t have time to waste reading something into everything and freaking out over all the waiting. There is always the waiting. Don’t let those days be wasted. I don’t know if you’re Christian or not but imagine God saying ” I kept you alive and gave you all those beautiful days, what did you do with them??”

Hi Kathy,

I saw your post and had to reply, I thought this is me! My husband is the one with the disease but i have the stress.

He is like you, stage 3A, diagnosed last year and actually Set 15th marked one year NED for us! He has had 2 clean scans and our last visit to the oncologist we were told no more scans unless he becomes symptomatic. I know alot of people would not be thrilled with the idea with no scans but we definately were. I have read so many stories of people stressed beyond belief over something showing up on a scan only to be told later it is nothing. I really believe that if, god forbid, it returns he will know and we will go from there. 

That being said there is no end to the stress and the fear for me. I still cry, and while cancer isn't my first thought upon waking it is now my second or third. 

I hope you find someone or something to help with your stress, it can be so debilitating, but please know you are not alone in how you feel. I may not have melanoma but knowing that the person who is my best friend, the father of my boys, and the love of my life does have it is crippling at times.

i wish you well and that both you and my husband will always be 3A warriors!

Samantha

Hi Kathy,

I saw your post and had to reply, I thought this is me! My husband is the one with the disease but i have the stress.

He is like you, stage 3A, diagnosed last year and actually Set 15th marked one year NED for us! He has had 2 clean scans and our last visit to the oncologist we were told no more scans unless he becomes symptomatic. I know alot of people would not be thrilled with the idea with no scans but we definately were. I have read so many stories of people stressed beyond belief over something showing up on a scan only to be told later it is nothing. I really believe that if, god forbid, it returns he will know and we will go from there. 

That being said there is no end to the stress and the fear for me. I still cry, and while cancer isn't my first thought upon waking it is now my second or third. 

I hope you find someone or something to help with your stress, it can be so debilitating, but please know you are not alone in how you feel. I may not have melanoma but knowing that the person who is my best friend, the father of my boys, and the love of my life does have it is crippling at times.

i wish you well and that both you and my husband will always be 3A warriors!

Samantha

Hi Kathy,

I saw your post and had to reply, I thought this is me! My husband is the one with the disease but i have the stress.

He is like you, stage 3A, diagnosed last year and actually Set 15th marked one year NED for us! He has had 2 clean scans and our last visit to the oncologist we were told no more scans unless he becomes symptomatic. I know alot of people would not be thrilled with the idea with no scans but we definately were. I have read so many stories of people stressed beyond belief over something showing up on a scan only to be told later it is nothing. I really believe that if, god forbid, it returns he will know and we will go from there. 

That being said there is no end to the stress and the fear for me. I still cry, and while cancer isn't my first thought upon waking it is now my second or third. 

I hope you find someone or something to help with your stress, it can be so debilitating, but please know you are not alone in how you feel. I may not have melanoma but knowing that the person who is my best friend, the father of my boys, and the love of my life does have it is crippling at times.

i wish you well and that both you and my husband will always be 3A warriors!

Samantha

I'm so sorry you are so scared.  I just recently found out I am stage 1 and I am a complete mess.  I understand everything you said.  I just left my dermatologist yesterday. He took my stitches out and did an all over body check and told me to come back in 3 months.  So of course I have now set myself up for an appointment with a melanoma specialist.  I have even found myself checking strangers for strange spots.  Yep I'm losing it.  I wish I could tell you or myself that the fear does go away but I don't think it does.  I do think that at some point it is not as powerful though and eventually we will just have enough fear to keep us checking and following up with our bodies but not enough fear to send us all to the insane asylum;)  One thing I have done that has actually helped me is I have been trying hard to get my life insurance policy straightened out and have been working on getting a will drawn up.  These are things that I know are grim but it helps give me the feeling of control that I need right now.  That is what melanoma or any cancer does in my opinion.  It takes away our feeling of control over our lives.  i have to know that everyone will be taken care of if something does happen to me in doing this I have actually taken away a lot of my stress.   

I'm so sorry you are so scared.  I just recently found out I am stage 1 and I am a complete mess.  I understand everything you said.  I just left my dermatologist yesterday. He took my stitches out and did an all over body check and told me to come back in 3 months.  So of course I have now set myself up for an appointment with a melanoma specialist.  I have even found myself checking strangers for strange spots.  Yep I'm losing it.  I wish I could tell you or myself that the fear does go away but I don't think it does.  I do think that at some point it is not as powerful though and eventually we will just have enough fear to keep us checking and following up with our bodies but not enough fear to send us all to the insane asylum;)  One thing I have done that has actually helped me is I have been trying hard to get my life insurance policy straightened out and have been working on getting a will drawn up.  These are things that I know are grim but it helps give me the feeling of control that I need right now.  That is what melanoma or any cancer does in my opinion.  It takes away our feeling of control over our lives.  i have to know that everyone will be taken care of if something does happen to me in doing this I have actually taken away a lot of my stress.   

I'm so sorry you are so scared.  I just recently found out I am stage 1 and I am a complete mess.  I understand everything you said.  I just left my dermatologist yesterday. He took my stitches out and did an all over body check and told me to come back in 3 months.  So of course I have now set myself up for an appointment with a melanoma specialist.  I have even found myself checking strangers for strange spots.  Yep I'm losing it.  I wish I could tell you or myself that the fear does go away but I don't think it does.  I do think that at some point it is not as powerful though and eventually we will just have enough fear to keep us checking and following up with our bodies but not enough fear to send us all to the insane asylum;)  One thing I have done that has actually helped me is I have been trying hard to get my life insurance policy straightened out and have been working on getting a will drawn up.  These are things that I know are grim but it helps give me the feeling of control that I need right now.  That is what melanoma or any cancer does in my opinion.  It takes away our feeling of control over our lives.  i have to know that everyone will be taken care of if something does happen to me in doing this I have actually taken away a lot of my stress.   

Time is the only thing that worked for me.  As each year passed I became more comfortable looking for explanations other than cancer for physical problems.  It is a slow, gradual process but it does get better and it will get better for you. My cancer center doesn't do scans unless you're symptomatic so in a way it was easier for me.

Your description of reading non-verbal clues was so perfect it made me laugh. We've all been there.  Hoping you pair 3A with NED forever.

Fen – formerly from NJ 

Time is the only thing that worked for me.  As each year passed I became more comfortable looking for explanations other than cancer for physical problems.  It is a slow, gradual process but it does get better and it will get better for you. My cancer center doesn't do scans unless you're symptomatic so in a way it was easier for me.

Your description of reading non-verbal clues was so perfect it made me laugh. We've all been there.  Hoping you pair 3A with NED forever.

Fen – formerly from NJ 

Time is the only thing that worked for me.  As each year passed I became more comfortable looking for explanations other than cancer for physical problems.  It is a slow, gradual process but it does get better and it will get better for you. My cancer center doesn't do scans unless you're symptomatic so in a way it was easier for me.

Your description of reading non-verbal clues was so perfect it made me laugh. We've all been there.  Hoping you pair 3A with NED forever.

Fen – formerly from NJ 

I wonder if melanoma is unique or if this is typical with any and all types of cancers?  Or is it more intense with melanoma because it's so aggressive, so unpredictable?

I wonder if melanoma is unique or if this is typical with any and all types of cancers?  Or is it more intense with melanoma because it's so aggressive, so unpredictable?

I wonder if melanoma is unique or if this is typical with any and all types of cancers?  Or is it more intense with melanoma because it's so aggressive, so unpredictable?

(((Kathy))), I so appreciate your post, as well as all the replies.  I am one who, as a support person, is far more stressed than my Stage 3B husband.  Yes, he's finally accepting the fact that this is indeed an aggressive, insidious disease.  Initially he was under the false impression that it was nothing major.  But even now, with a full understanding of where he's at, he's not particularly worried.  He has an almost frustrating ability to simply take things as they come, and to compartmentalize such that when I asked him yesterday if he'd made a particularly significant phone call related to all this, he was able to reply in complete honesty that he forgot about it.

Forgot?!  How enviable! 

Meanwhile, I wake up every day and this is the first thing on my mind.  I run and cycle a lot, but even when I'm out there being active and enjoying the fresh air, thoughts of melanoma and all the related issues keep creeping up on me.  I'm grateful I have children whose schooling and activities demand my attention ~ though I never thought helping someone with algebra would be a breath of fresh air! 😉

My husband is likely going to begin interferon treatments soon, alongside a surveillance regimen of alternating dermatology appointments and CT scans.  The oncologist recommended scans every 6 months for the next couple of years and initially, I worried that would be too infrequent.  But the more I read and think about it, the more I realize it's sufficient ~ and will likely save me more grief since, as you said, waiting for results can be ridiculously stressful. 

Yes, stress itself is unhealthy.  Living in fear is unhealthy.  I know that, and I'm trying to be reasonable.  By all outward appearances, I'm handling everything well and it's by no means consuming me.  Inwardly, it's another story.  And I have to admit that while I appreciate my husband's easygoing attitude in some respects, I do feel somewhat resentful, like I'm carrying the load here.  He prefers that I do the research, but then he wonders why I think about it so much.  Well, a crash course in melanoma does put it front and center in one's mind! 

Well, I could go on and on but suffice it to say I understand ~ at least, from the support person's perspective, anyway.  I've gained a new respect for anyone and everyone going through this as I realize just how consuming it can be.  I wish the very best for you, Kathy, and others here.

Warmly,

Colleen 

(((Kathy))), I so appreciate your post, as well as all the replies.  I am one who, as a support person, is far more stressed than my Stage 3B husband.  Yes, he's finally accepting the fact that this is indeed an aggressive, insidious disease.  Initially he was under the false impression that it was nothing major.  But even now, with a full understanding of where he's at, he's not particularly worried.  He has an almost frustrating ability to simply take things as they come, and to compartmentalize such that when I asked him yesterday if he'd made a particularly significant phone call related to all this, he was able to reply in complete honesty that he forgot about it.

Forgot?!  How enviable! 

Meanwhile, I wake up every day and this is the first thing on my mind.  I run and cycle a lot, but even when I'm out there being active and enjoying the fresh air, thoughts of melanoma and all the related issues keep creeping up on me.  I'm grateful I have children whose schooling and activities demand my attention ~ though I never thought helping someone with algebra would be a breath of fresh air! 😉

My husband is likely going to begin interferon treatments soon, alongside a surveillance regimen of alternating dermatology appointments and CT scans.  The oncologist recommended scans every 6 months for the next couple of years and initially, I worried that would be too infrequent.  But the more I read and think about it, the more I realize it's sufficient ~ and will likely save me more grief since, as you said, waiting for results can be ridiculously stressful. 

Yes, stress itself is unhealthy.  Living in fear is unhealthy.  I know that, and I'm trying to be reasonable.  By all outward appearances, I'm handling everything well and it's by no means consuming me.  Inwardly, it's another story.  And I have to admit that while I appreciate my husband's easygoing attitude in some respects, I do feel somewhat resentful, like I'm carrying the load here.  He prefers that I do the research, but then he wonders why I think about it so much.  Well, a crash course in melanoma does put it front and center in one's mind! 

Well, I could go on and on but suffice it to say I understand ~ at least, from the support person's perspective, anyway.  I've gained a new respect for anyone and everyone going through this as I realize just how consuming it can be.  I wish the very best for you, Kathy, and others here.

Warmly,

Colleen 

(((Kathy))), I so appreciate your post, as well as all the replies.  I am one who, as a support person, is far more stressed than my Stage 3B husband.  Yes, he's finally accepting the fact that this is indeed an aggressive, insidious disease.  Initially he was under the false impression that it was nothing major.  But even now, with a full understanding of where he's at, he's not particularly worried.  He has an almost frustrating ability to simply take things as they come, and to compartmentalize such that when I asked him yesterday if he'd made a particularly significant phone call related to all this, he was able to reply in complete honesty that he forgot about it.

Forgot?!  How enviable! 

Meanwhile, I wake up every day and this is the first thing on my mind.  I run and cycle a lot, but even when I'm out there being active and enjoying the fresh air, thoughts of melanoma and all the related issues keep creeping up on me.  I'm grateful I have children whose schooling and activities demand my attention ~ though I never thought helping someone with algebra would be a breath of fresh air! 😉

My husband is likely going to begin interferon treatments soon, alongside a surveillance regimen of alternating dermatology appointments and CT scans.  The oncologist recommended scans every 6 months for the next couple of years and initially, I worried that would be too infrequent.  But the more I read and think about it, the more I realize it's sufficient ~ and will likely save me more grief since, as you said, waiting for results can be ridiculously stressful. 

Yes, stress itself is unhealthy.  Living in fear is unhealthy.  I know that, and I'm trying to be reasonable.  By all outward appearances, I'm handling everything well and it's by no means consuming me.  Inwardly, it's another story.  And I have to admit that while I appreciate my husband's easygoing attitude in some respects, I do feel somewhat resentful, like I'm carrying the load here.  He prefers that I do the research, but then he wonders why I think about it so much.  Well, a crash course in melanoma does put it front and center in one's mind! 

Well, I could go on and on but suffice it to say I understand ~ at least, from the support person's perspective, anyway.  I've gained a new respect for anyone and everyone going through this as I realize just how consuming it can be.  I wish the very best for you, Kathy, and others here.

Warmly,

Colleen 

Hello Kathy,   I too am 3a and totally understand what you are going thru. My first 2 scans were good but my 3rd was quesionable for recurrence but I waited and had a 4th one in May of this year and it was good. So scary! Every ache and pain you think "is that the melanoma?". My husband just thinks it will all be ok and is not interested in learning about it and does not even want me to talk about it. Now I have a lump in my scar. Back to the doctors again and more fear! I do think maybe it just takes time. I think maybe I always had aches and pains, but you cant help but worry. My husband is so tired of hearing the statement "that kinda worries me".  I cant say I blame him cause I am tired of it myself. I guess its best to take one day at a time and be thankful for what we have. But that sure is not as easy as it sounds. Good luck to you and I hope your stress is less every day. I can sure relate to it. Take care and stay well. This forum helps just to know you are not alone and people are going thru the same emotions.   Heres to staying 3A forever!!

Kim

Hello Kathy,   I too am 3a and totally understand what you are going thru. My first 2 scans were good but my 3rd was quesionable for recurrence but I waited and had a 4th one in May of this year and it was good. So scary! Every ache and pain you think "is that the melanoma?". My husband just thinks it will all be ok and is not interested in learning about it and does not even want me to talk about it. Now I have a lump in my scar. Back to the doctors again and more fear! I do think maybe it just takes time. I think maybe I always had aches and pains, but you cant help but worry. My husband is so tired of hearing the statement "that kinda worries me".  I cant say I blame him cause I am tired of it myself. I guess its best to take one day at a time and be thankful for what we have. But that sure is not as easy as it sounds. Good luck to you and I hope your stress is less every day. I can sure relate to it. Take care and stay well. This forum helps just to know you are not alone and people are going thru the same emotions.   Heres to staying 3A forever!!

Kim

Hello Kathy,   I too am 3a and totally understand what you are going thru. My first 2 scans were good but my 3rd was quesionable for recurrence but I waited and had a 4th one in May of this year and it was good. So scary! Every ache and pain you think "is that the melanoma?". My husband just thinks it will all be ok and is not interested in learning about it and does not even want me to talk about it. Now I have a lump in my scar. Back to the doctors again and more fear! I do think maybe it just takes time. I think maybe I always had aches and pains, but you cant help but worry. My husband is so tired of hearing the statement "that kinda worries me".  I cant say I blame him cause I am tired of it myself. I guess its best to take one day at a time and be thankful for what we have. But that sure is not as easy as it sounds. Good luck to you and I hope your stress is less every day. I can sure relate to it. Take care and stay well. This forum helps just to know you are not alone and people are going thru the same emotions.   Heres to staying 3A forever!!

Kim

Hi Kathy ….

I hear you loud and clear!  My husband is the patient, mucosal stage 3.  After the intial shock, he's handling it all very well.  Me?  I'm a basket case.  It's been 5 months and it's always on my mind.  I research, read, come to this board, whatever.  If I wake up at night and think of something, I'm back at the computer researching. His is a complicated case as I've said before on this board because of a second primary lung cancer.  There were numerous delays and we're just now getting into treatment.  He's undergoing  a combination of carbo/taxol and has handled it very well.  But the great news is that he had his second treatment today and the tumors have shrunk 75% already, nothing new has popped up and the lung cancer, which they've tried to radiate but just can't seem to get it together to even begin treating, is also responding to the chemo.  They're going to try again next week for the radiation – hope they have their coordinates and positioning right this time.  Anyway, we've had great news today and I'm still worried.  Most of what I've read indicates that chemo does not have any kind of durable response yet they told us today that in some people, it does.  They said mucosal sometimes responds differently than other melanoma's.  I still worry.  I am a Christian and attend church.  I know that God is in control and is answering our prayers, yet I still worry.  That's just plain wrong!  The stress HAS affected me – blood pressure, weight and blood sugar are all up.  I know I have to get it together but how?  I'd gladly attend a support group if there was one in my area, but there isn't.

Plus, there have been so many screw ups along the way.  I won''t get into it all but to give you an example, the nurse doing the screening before his scan today asked him about the brain resection he had.  Hello????  His neck was resected.  His brain is and has been fine. There are no scars at all on his bald head (from the chemo).  Did she think he had some super microsurgery that left no scars????  Those things add to my stress, but he takes it all in stride.

I guess we have to find a balance here before we go completely bonkers.  From reading on this board, I know that some are long time survivors even at stage 4.  I need to learn to focus on the positive.  I think some of us, by nature, are just worriers.

Hi Kathy ….

I hear you loud and clear!  My husband is the patient, mucosal stage 3.  After the intial shock, he's handling it all very well.  Me?  I'm a basket case.  It's been 5 months and it's always on my mind.  I research, read, come to this board, whatever.  If I wake up at night and think of something, I'm back at the computer researching. His is a complicated case as I've said before on this board because of a second primary lung cancer.  There were numerous delays and we're just now getting into treatment.  He's undergoing  a combination of carbo/taxol and has handled it very well.  But the great news is that he had his second treatment today and the tumors have shrunk 75% already, nothing new has popped up and the lung cancer, which they've tried to radiate but just can't seem to get it together to even begin treating, is also responding to the chemo.  They're going to try again next week for the radiation – hope they have their coordinates and positioning right this time.  Anyway, we've had great news today and I'm still worried.  Most of what I've read indicates that chemo does not have any kind of durable response yet they told us today that in some people, it does.  They said mucosal sometimes responds differently than other melanoma's.  I still worry.  I am a Christian and attend church.  I know that God is in control and is answering our prayers, yet I still worry.  That's just plain wrong!  The stress HAS affected me – blood pressure, weight and blood sugar are all up.  I know I have to get it together but how?  I'd gladly attend a support group if there was one in my area, but there isn't.

Plus, there have been so many screw ups along the way.  I won''t get into it all but to give you an example, the nurse doing the screening before his scan today asked him about the brain resection he had.  Hello????  His neck was resected.  His brain is and has been fine. There are no scars at all on his bald head (from the chemo).  Did she think he had some super microsurgery that left no scars????  Those things add to my stress, but he takes it all in stride.

I guess we have to find a balance here before we go completely bonkers.  From reading on this board, I know that some are long time survivors even at stage 4.  I need to learn to focus on the positive.  I think some of us, by nature, are just worriers.

Hi Kathy ….

I hear you loud and clear!  My husband is the patient, mucosal stage 3.  After the intial shock, he's handling it all very well.  Me?  I'm a basket case.  It's been 5 months and it's always on my mind.  I research, read, come to this board, whatever.  If I wake up at night and think of something, I'm back at the computer researching. His is a complicated case as I've said before on this board because of a second primary lung cancer.  There were numerous delays and we're just now getting into treatment.  He's undergoing  a combination of carbo/taxol and has handled it very well.  But the great news is that he had his second treatment today and the tumors have shrunk 75% already, nothing new has popped up and the lung cancer, which they've tried to radiate but just can't seem to get it together to even begin treating, is also responding to the chemo.  They're going to try again next week for the radiation – hope they have their coordinates and positioning right this time.  Anyway, we've had great news today and I'm still worried.  Most of what I've read indicates that chemo does not have any kind of durable response yet they told us today that in some people, it does.  They said mucosal sometimes responds differently than other melanoma's.  I still worry.  I am a Christian and attend church.  I know that God is in control and is answering our prayers, yet I still worry.  That's just plain wrong!  The stress HAS affected me – blood pressure, weight and blood sugar are all up.  I know I have to get it together but how?  I'd gladly attend a support group if there was one in my area, but there isn't.

Plus, there have been so many screw ups along the way.  I won''t get into it all but to give you an example, the nurse doing the screening before his scan today asked him about the brain resection he had.  Hello????  His neck was resected.  His brain is and has been fine. There are no scars at all on his bald head (from the chemo).  Did she think he had some super microsurgery that left no scars????  Those things add to my stress, but he takes it all in stride.

I guess we have to find a balance here before we go completely bonkers.  From reading on this board, I know that some are long time survivors even at stage 4.  I need to learn to focus on the positive.  I think some of us, by nature, are just worriers.

Thanks for that post Kathy. I am newly diagnosed IIIa and I get the fear thing. I knew when my dermatologist called me two days after having my first biopsy done that I had melanoma before he even told me (I have had several moles removed over the years but they have all been benign and it would take more than 2 days to get the results back and never from the Dr. himself).

Then there was the first meeting with the oncologist (before the sentinel node biospy) when he was telling me I was level 4 and I thought he meant stage 4! I have never had such a sick sinking feeling.

And of course the phone call from the surgeon following the SNB telling me it had spread.

What really helps me is reading the stories of others. It helps to know I am not alone and to see how others cope. It they can do than so can I. And doing the best I can to accept life's curveballs. Once I can accept I have no control over things out of my control it starts to get better. The other thing that helps me is to pray for my fear to be taken away.

Take care – Paul.

Thanks for that post Kathy. I am newly diagnosed IIIa and I get the fear thing. I knew when my dermatologist called me two days after having my first biopsy done that I had melanoma before he even told me (I have had several moles removed over the years but they have all been benign and it would take more than 2 days to get the results back and never from the Dr. himself).

Then there was the first meeting with the oncologist (before the sentinel node biospy) when he was telling me I was level 4 and I thought he meant stage 4! I have never had such a sick sinking feeling.

And of course the phone call from the surgeon following the SNB telling me it had spread.

What really helps me is reading the stories of others. It helps to know I am not alone and to see how others cope. It they can do than so can I. And doing the best I can to accept life's curveballs. Once I can accept I have no control over things out of my control it starts to get better. The other thing that helps me is to pray for my fear to be taken away.

Take care – Paul.

Thanks for that post Kathy. I am newly diagnosed IIIa and I get the fear thing. I knew when my dermatologist called me two days after having my first biopsy done that I had melanoma before he even told me (I have had several moles removed over the years but they have all been benign and it would take more than 2 days to get the results back and never from the Dr. himself).

Then there was the first meeting with the oncologist (before the sentinel node biospy) when he was telling me I was level 4 and I thought he meant stage 4! I have never had such a sick sinking feeling.

And of course the phone call from the surgeon following the SNB telling me it had spread.

What really helps me is reading the stories of others. It helps to know I am not alone and to see how others cope. It they can do than so can I. And doing the best I can to accept life's curveballs. Once I can accept I have no control over things out of my control it starts to get better. The other thing that helps me is to pray for my fear to be taken away.

Take care – Paul.

I am stage 3B and have been since 2008.  I can say that the fear never completely goes away, but it does get better.  I am 4.5 yrs "cancer free" and melanoma isn't the first thing on my mind when i wake up.  It use to be, but not now.   When i am at a soccer game watching my kid play i do look for shade, and i do always wear spf.  Melanoma use to rule me, but know i can control it.  There was a time when i was at a soccer game and  thats all i could think about was did i cover every inch of my body with SPF,   is there a beam of sun hitting me thru the shade??  Sure it sounds crazy, and i realize that now.  It use to be that i never just got a headache, i was sure i had cancer in my brain, but now i take tylenol and sure enough my headache/brain tumor go away.  I think as you continue to be cancer free and years pass, skin cancer prevention becomes part of your life.

I am stage 3B and have been since 2008.  I can say that the fear never completely goes away, but it does get better.  I am 4.5 yrs "cancer free" and melanoma isn't the first thing on my mind when i wake up.  It use to be, but not now.   When i am at a soccer game watching my kid play i do look for shade, and i do always wear spf.  Melanoma use to rule me, but know i can control it.  There was a time when i was at a soccer game and  thats all i could think about was did i cover every inch of my body with SPF,   is there a beam of sun hitting me thru the shade??  Sure it sounds crazy, and i realize that now.  It use to be that i never just got a headache, i was sure i had cancer in my brain, but now i take tylenol and sure enough my headache/brain tumor go away.  I think as you continue to be cancer free and years pass, skin cancer prevention becomes part of your life.

I am stage 3B and have been since 2008.  I can say that the fear never completely goes away, but it does get better.  I am 4.5 yrs "cancer free" and melanoma isn't the first thing on my mind when i wake up.  It use to be, but not now.   When i am at a soccer game watching my kid play i do look for shade, and i do always wear spf.  Melanoma use to rule me, but know i can control it.  There was a time when i was at a soccer game and  thats all i could think about was did i cover every inch of my body with SPF,   is there a beam of sun hitting me thru the shade??  Sure it sounds crazy, and i realize that now.  It use to be that i never just got a headache, i was sure i had cancer in my brain, but now i take tylenol and sure enough my headache/brain tumor go away.  I think as you continue to be cancer free and years pass, skin cancer prevention becomes part of your life.

I am stage 3B and have been since 2008.  I can say that the fear never completely goes away, but it does get better.  I am 4.5 yrs "cancer free" and melanoma isn't the first thing on my mind when i wake up.  It use to be, but not now.   When i am at a soccer game watching my kid play i do look for shade, and i do always wear spf.  Melanoma use to rule me, but know i can control it.  There was a time when i was at a soccer game and  thats all i could think about was did i cover every inch of my body with SPF,   is there a beam of sun hitting me thru the shade??  Sure it sounds crazy, and i realize that now.  It use to be that i never just got a headache, i was sure i had cancer in my brain, but now i take tylenol and sure enough my headache/brain tumor go away.  I think as you continue to be cancer free and years pass, skin cancer prevention becomes part of your life.

I am stage 3B and have been since 2008.  I can say that the fear never completely goes away, but it does get better.  I am 4.5 yrs "cancer free" and melanoma isn't the first thing on my mind when i wake up.  It use to be, but not now.   When i am at a soccer game watching my kid play i do look for shade, and i do always wear spf.  Melanoma use to rule me, but know i can control it.  There was a time when i was at a soccer game and  thats all i could think about was did i cover every inch of my body with SPF,   is there a beam of sun hitting me thru the shade??  Sure it sounds crazy, and i realize that now.  It use to be that i never just got a headache, i was sure i had cancer in my brain, but now i take tylenol and sure enough my headache/brain tumor go away.  I think as you continue to be cancer free and years pass, skin cancer prevention becomes part of your life.

I am stage 3B and have been since 2008.  I can say that the fear never completely goes away, but it does get better.  I am 4.5 yrs "cancer free" and melanoma isn't the first thing on my mind when i wake up.  It use to be, but not now.   When i am at a soccer game watching my kid play i do look for shade, and i do always wear spf.  Melanoma use to rule me, but know i can control it.  There was a time when i was at a soccer game and  thats all i could think about was did i cover every inch of my body with SPF,   is there a beam of sun hitting me thru the shade??  Sure it sounds crazy, and i realize that now.  It use to be that i never just got a headache, i was sure i had cancer in my brain, but now i take tylenol and sure enough my headache/brain tumor go away.  I think as you continue to be cancer free and years pass, skin cancer prevention becomes part of your life.

Kathy:
I am also a stage 3a. I know that my wife Connie worries about me all the time. What bothers me most is the money. I am 59 and thus too young to retire, and I have been getting short term disability, but I have not heard yet if I am approved for long term. It would be nice to go back to work, but I am just not up to it ( I have some other health problems as well).
I think men worry, but may hold it in, trying to be strong. One thing that we have done is try and get things set up, a power of attorney, life insurance, and money for funeral. This may seem grime, but for us at least, the less there is to think about, the better.
Bill

Kathy:
I am also a stage 3a. I know that my wife Connie worries about me all the time. What bothers me most is the money. I am 59 and thus too young to retire, and I have been getting short term disability, but I have not heard yet if I am approved for long term. It would be nice to go back to work, but I am just not up to it ( I have some other health problems as well).
I think men worry, but may hold it in, trying to be strong. One thing that we have done is try and get things set up, a power of attorney, life insurance, and money for funeral. This may seem grime, but for us at least, the less there is to think about, the better.
Bill

Kathy:
I am also a stage 3a. I know that my wife Connie worries about me all the time. What bothers me most is the money. I am 59 and thus too young to retire, and I have been getting short term disability, but I have not heard yet if I am approved for long term. It would be nice to go back to work, but I am just not up to it ( I have some other health problems as well).
I think men worry, but may hold it in, trying to be strong. One thing that we have done is try and get things set up, a power of attorney, life insurance, and money for funeral. This may seem grime, but for us at least, the less there is to think about, the better.
Bill

Hi Kathy – I am a melanoma mucosal cancer survivor. The hardest part of my cancer was the fear I felt and also losing my job. Acupuncture did wonders for me. I walked out of the office after my first visit feeling as though a fifty pound weight had been lifted from my shoulders. You need to get rid of the fear so that your body could fight. It is also very important to get enough sleep. Take good care and God bless!

Dina

Hi Kathy – I am a melanoma mucosal cancer survivor. The hardest part of my cancer was the fear I felt and also losing my job. Acupuncture did wonders for me. I walked out of the office after my first visit feeling as though a fifty pound weight had been lifted from my shoulders. You need to get rid of the fear so that your body could fight. It is also very important to get enough sleep. Take good care and God bless!

Dina

Hi Kathy – I am a melanoma mucosal cancer survivor. The hardest part of my cancer was the fear I felt and also losing my job. Acupuncture did wonders for me. I walked out of the office after my first visit feeling as though a fifty pound weight had been lifted from my shoulders. You need to get rid of the fear so that your body could fight. It is also very important to get enough sleep. Take good care and God bless!

Dina

The fear doesn't end, but it does subside.  My husband was diagnosed as Stage 1B 12 years ago.  It has come back. Check the profile for details.  I always worried about a recurrence because I knew of a few other people with similar diagnoses that recurred (not on this board either).  For me, the fact of the matter is that no one really knows enough about Melanoma to say with any amount of certainty that it won't recur.  I especially believe this to be the case for the 1B to 2A category.  Sugar coating and underestimating is not helpful when it comes to Melanoma.  It is too complex of a cancer to be complacent.  I agree that stressing about it is not good but neither is underestimating it.  You just need to stay on top of it.  Too much is unknown. 

 

 

 

The fear doesn't end, but it does subside.  My husband was diagnosed as Stage 1B 12 years ago.  It has come back. Check the profile for details.  I always worried about a recurrence because I knew of a few other people with similar diagnoses that recurred (not on this board either).  For me, the fact of the matter is that no one really knows enough about Melanoma to say with any amount of certainty that it won't recur.  I especially believe this to be the case for the 1B to 2A category.  Sugar coating and underestimating is not helpful when it comes to Melanoma.  It is too complex of a cancer to be complacent.  I agree that stressing about it is not good but neither is underestimating it.  You just need to stay on top of it.  Too much is unknown. 

 

 

 

The fear doesn't end, but it does subside.  My husband was diagnosed as Stage 1B 12 years ago.  It has come back. Check the profile for details.  I always worried about a recurrence because I knew of a few other people with similar diagnoses that recurred (not on this board either).  For me, the fact of the matter is that no one really knows enough about Melanoma to say with any amount of certainty that it won't recur.  I especially believe this to be the case for the 1B to 2A category.  Sugar coating and underestimating is not helpful when it comes to Melanoma.  It is too complex of a cancer to be complacent.  I agree that stressing about it is not good but neither is underestimating it.  You just need to stay on top of it.  Too much is unknown.