Can’t “Live my life.”

Not that this is much help, but you’re not alone in how you feel.  I am very similar to you in my thoughts and fears.  Cancer is a traumatic event, research shows that cancer diagnosis (and recurrence) can be considered a traumatic event. In certain cases, this trauma may lead to symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I'm not saying that's what you're experiencing, but it illustrates how it can impact people.  Getting mental health counselling from a therapist who specializes in working with cancer patients is something that might be able to help, or at least teach you ways to control your thoughts and relaxation techniques. 

Not that this is much help, but you’re not alone in how you feel.  I am very similar to you in my thoughts and fears.  Cancer is a traumatic event, research shows that cancer diagnosis (and recurrence) can be considered a traumatic event. In certain cases, this trauma may lead to symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I'm not saying that's what you're experiencing, but it illustrates how it can impact people.  Getting mental health counselling from a therapist who specializes in working with cancer patients is something that might be able to help, or at least teach you ways to control your thoughts and relaxation techniques. 

Not that this is much help, but you’re not alone in how you feel.  I am very similar to you in my thoughts and fears.  Cancer is a traumatic event, research shows that cancer diagnosis (and recurrence) can be considered a traumatic event. In certain cases, this trauma may lead to symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I'm not saying that's what you're experiencing, but it illustrates how it can impact people.  Getting mental health counselling from a therapist who specializes in working with cancer patients is something that might be able to help, or at least teach you ways to control your thoughts and relaxation techniques. 

I found that finding a small group of people in whom I could confide has been very helpful.  Family, friends, support group, church – it doesn't really matter.  Knowing that others are aware of my situation and are there if I need to reach out is very comforting to me.  Also, there's no way you cannot search the internet and look for statistics.  Just be aware that much of the information is outdated and that each patient is a person, not a statistic.  I'm five years past my "expiration date" and don't plan on leaving the planet anytime soon.  If your oncologist is not a melanoma specialist, you might want to consider seeing one as the melanoma landscape chanages so quickly that I suspect only the specialists are truly on top of it.

I found that finding a small group of people in whom I could confide has been very helpful.  Family, friends, support group, church – it doesn't really matter.  Knowing that others are aware of my situation and are there if I need to reach out is very comforting to me.  Also, there's no way you cannot search the internet and look for statistics.  Just be aware that much of the information is outdated and that each patient is a person, not a statistic.  I'm five years past my "expiration date" and don't plan on leaving the planet anytime soon.  If your oncologist is not a melanoma specialist, you might want to consider seeing one as the melanoma landscape chanages so quickly that I suspect only the specialists are truly on top of it.

I found that finding a small group of people in whom I could confide has been very helpful.  Family, friends, support group, church – it doesn't really matter.  Knowing that others are aware of my situation and are there if I need to reach out is very comforting to me.  Also, there's no way you cannot search the internet and look for statistics.  Just be aware that much of the information is outdated and that each patient is a person, not a statistic.  I'm five years past my "expiration date" and don't plan on leaving the planet anytime soon.  If your oncologist is not a melanoma specialist, you might want to consider seeing one as the melanoma landscape chanages so quickly that I suspect only the specialists are truly on top of it.

First thing is first, welcome.  I am so sorry that you have had to join this forum, but you are at a great place to read positive stories as well as real situations. Statistics can bog you down, so I find that reading about real people helps me the best.

I'm not sure if my story will provide any solice or not, but my story is one of hope. My husband was diagnosed in February of 2011.  He could tell you the details of breslow or depth etc., I'm not as schooled as he is.  We were thrown into the melanoma pool somewhere in the middle.  His staging was 2C at the time.  He had just turned 37 days before his surgery, and devistation was definitely one of our feelings.  We have three boys.  At the time they were 10, 9 and 18months.  Our oncologist after the surgery basically said that we "doged a bullet", but wanted to closely monitor.

Fast forward 15 months later and a month after moving to a new state away from all friends and family.  My husband felt a lump on his arm (same arm as his initial location).  The dermatologist sent him to an oncologist who biopsied the 'bump'.  It was melanoma and in a secondary lymph node.  We were sent to a melanoma specialist about an hour away from where we lived.  Another wide excision and sentinal lymph node biopsy.  All clear again, but since it was a recurrance, now stage 3C.

Fast forward another 17 months to just a month ago, another tumor showed up on his small intestine, and he underwent another surgery to remove the tumor, a foot of his small intestine, and 20 lymph nodes (one of which had melanoma).  With the spread, it now stages him at stage 4, but NED (no evidence of disease). 

With all that said, I am a stay home mom, and my husband is the sole provider for our family.  Our boys are now 12, 11 and 4.  There are times that I am scared out of my wits that my husband will not be here for our children's major milestones, and that our littlest one will have no memory of his daddy, but I have read things here on this forum that has helped me to be able to 'live life', and accept the new normal.  One person decided to change the NED accronym to "Not Expecting to Die", I also read someone mention that if you aren't at a funeral, don't live like you are at one.  This disease is extremely real and can be deadly, but the truth of the matter is there are new treatments coming very frequently, and research will not stop.  Yes some will die from melanoma, but I truly believe more and more people will live with it.

I fully believe that it is okay to let yourself feel every emotion that you have, talk to your oncologist and see if (s)he has a therapist that he would recommend, and involve your caregiver as well.  I have personally been looking into caregiver support groups as well.  Breathe, give yourself what you need, and hug your children.  Get help if you need it, and know that you are not alone.  There are many others on this forum far more knowledgable than I, but as my husband loves to call me, I'm the eternal hopeful optimist, and am availible if you want to contact me.  Keep the faith!

Megan

First thing is first, welcome.  I am so sorry that you have had to join this forum, but you are at a great place to read positive stories as well as real situations. Statistics can bog you down, so I find that reading about real people helps me the best.

I'm not sure if my story will provide any solice or not, but my story is one of hope. My husband was diagnosed in February of 2011.  He could tell you the details of breslow or depth etc., I'm not as schooled as he is.  We were thrown into the melanoma pool somewhere in the middle.  His staging was 2C at the time.  He had just turned 37 days before his surgery, and devistation was definitely one of our feelings.  We have three boys.  At the time they were 10, 9 and 18months.  Our oncologist after the surgery basically said that we "doged a bullet", but wanted to closely monitor.

Fast forward 15 months later and a month after moving to a new state away from all friends and family.  My husband felt a lump on his arm (same arm as his initial location).  The dermatologist sent him to an oncologist who biopsied the 'bump'.  It was melanoma and in a secondary lymph node.  We were sent to a melanoma specialist about an hour away from where we lived.  Another wide excision and sentinal lymph node biopsy.  All clear again, but since it was a recurrance, now stage 3C.

Fast forward another 17 months to just a month ago, another tumor showed up on his small intestine, and he underwent another surgery to remove the tumor, a foot of his small intestine, and 20 lymph nodes (one of which had melanoma).  With the spread, it now stages him at stage 4, but NED (no evidence of disease). 

With all that said, I am a stay home mom, and my husband is the sole provider for our family.  Our boys are now 12, 11 and 4.  There are times that I am scared out of my wits that my husband will not be here for our children's major milestones, and that our littlest one will have no memory of his daddy, but I have read things here on this forum that has helped me to be able to 'live life', and accept the new normal.  One person decided to change the NED accronym to "Not Expecting to Die", I also read someone mention that if you aren't at a funeral, don't live like you are at one.  This disease is extremely real and can be deadly, but the truth of the matter is there are new treatments coming very frequently, and research will not stop.  Yes some will die from melanoma, but I truly believe more and more people will live with it.

I fully believe that it is okay to let yourself feel every emotion that you have, talk to your oncologist and see if (s)he has a therapist that he would recommend, and involve your caregiver as well.  I have personally been looking into caregiver support groups as well.  Breathe, give yourself what you need, and hug your children.  Get help if you need it, and know that you are not alone.  There are many others on this forum far more knowledgable than I, but as my husband loves to call me, I'm the eternal hopeful optimist, and am availible if you want to contact me.  Keep the faith!

Megan

First thing is first, welcome.  I am so sorry that you have had to join this forum, but you are at a great place to read positive stories as well as real situations. Statistics can bog you down, so I find that reading about real people helps me the best.

I'm not sure if my story will provide any solice or not, but my story is one of hope. My husband was diagnosed in February of 2011.  He could tell you the details of breslow or depth etc., I'm not as schooled as he is.  We were thrown into the melanoma pool somewhere in the middle.  His staging was 2C at the time.  He had just turned 37 days before his surgery, and devistation was definitely one of our feelings.  We have three boys.  At the time they were 10, 9 and 18months.  Our oncologist after the surgery basically said that we "doged a bullet", but wanted to closely monitor.

Fast forward 15 months later and a month after moving to a new state away from all friends and family.  My husband felt a lump on his arm (same arm as his initial location).  The dermatologist sent him to an oncologist who biopsied the 'bump'.  It was melanoma and in a secondary lymph node.  We were sent to a melanoma specialist about an hour away from where we lived.  Another wide excision and sentinal lymph node biopsy.  All clear again, but since it was a recurrance, now stage 3C.

Fast forward another 17 months to just a month ago, another tumor showed up on his small intestine, and he underwent another surgery to remove the tumor, a foot of his small intestine, and 20 lymph nodes (one of which had melanoma).  With the spread, it now stages him at stage 4, but NED (no evidence of disease). 

With all that said, I am a stay home mom, and my husband is the sole provider for our family.  Our boys are now 12, 11 and 4.  There are times that I am scared out of my wits that my husband will not be here for our children's major milestones, and that our littlest one will have no memory of his daddy, but I have read things here on this forum that has helped me to be able to 'live life', and accept the new normal.  One person decided to change the NED accronym to "Not Expecting to Die", I also read someone mention that if you aren't at a funeral, don't live like you are at one.  This disease is extremely real and can be deadly, but the truth of the matter is there are new treatments coming very frequently, and research will not stop.  Yes some will die from melanoma, but I truly believe more and more people will live with it.

I fully believe that it is okay to let yourself feel every emotion that you have, talk to your oncologist and see if (s)he has a therapist that he would recommend, and involve your caregiver as well.  I have personally been looking into caregiver support groups as well.  Breathe, give yourself what you need, and hug your children.  Get help if you need it, and know that you are not alone.  There are many others on this forum far more knowledgable than I, but as my husband loves to call me, I'm the eternal hopeful optimist, and am availible if you want to contact me.  Keep the faith!

Megan

If it's any solace, I was diagnosed Stage 2B in July of 1996.  I am alive and well. I had a WLE (SNBs were not routinely performed back then) – no further treatment other than skin checks every 6 months with my derm – now they are yearly, unless I notice something I feel has changed.  Never saw an oncologist.  Be filled with HOPE, not despair.  Stress is a killer as well – need to try to let go of that unncessary stress.  If you can't, talk to your doctor for help in dealing with the depression.  Good luck, stay focused and be well!

If it's any solace, I was diagnosed Stage 2B in July of 1996.  I am alive and well. I had a WLE (SNBs were not routinely performed back then) – no further treatment other than skin checks every 6 months with my derm – now they are yearly, unless I notice something I feel has changed.  Never saw an oncologist.  Be filled with HOPE, not despair.  Stress is a killer as well – need to try to let go of that unncessary stress.  If you can't, talk to your doctor for help in dealing with the depression.  Good luck, stay focused and be well!

If it's any solace, I was diagnosed Stage 2B in July of 1996.  I am alive and well. I had a WLE (SNBs were not routinely performed back then) – no further treatment other than skin checks every 6 months with my derm – now they are yearly, unless I notice something I feel has changed.  Never saw an oncologist.  Be filled with HOPE, not despair.  Stress is a killer as well – need to try to let go of that unncessary stress.  If you can't, talk to your doctor for help in dealing with the depression.  Good luck, stay focused and be well!

Time.  Some of this just takes time.  And I've found that it is often difficult for the newly diagnosed to keep their actual risk in perspective.  It's hard to quantify a 5, 10 or 15% risk.  We hear the word cancer but there are no treatments unless it comes back.  If you have a treatment, you jump in and prepare yourself.  But without that, you get time to wonder and worry and stress and all of those other terrible things.  The first year is the toughest.  As time goes on, you'll discover yourself thinking about melanoma less each day.  There will be good days and bad days.  But the overall progression usually tends toward more good than bad.  (If you find differently, you'll need to address that with some type of counselor). 

Be vigilant, not paranoid.  If you are going to worry about melanoma, try to do it at a specific time you set aside.  The rest of the time, LIVE LIFE.  Don't let melanoma win this battle.  If it never comes back, you'll have wasted all this worry time instead of living.  And if it does come back, you'll deal with it then.  Researching treatment options now is useless as the treatments, clinical trials and general research changes very quickly.  There is nothing on the internet that is going to help you NOW once you've got past the initial biopsy/WLE/SNB events.  Remember, even a recurrence is hardly a death sentence. 

So maybe it's time to take a step back, limit your internet searches and do other things.  We're here if you have questions or need to vent.  Remember, most things are NOT melanoma.  If you experience something… consider if it would have caused concern prior to melanoma.  That is key to keeping the imagination in check.  None of this is easy, but the key is to try and put melanoma in it's place.  It's there, but it doesn't need to take front and center stage right now. 

Hang in there!

Janner

Time.  Some of this just takes time.  And I've found that it is often difficult for the newly diagnosed to keep their actual risk in perspective.  It's hard to quantify a 5, 10 or 15% risk.  We hear the word cancer but there are no treatments unless it comes back.  If you have a treatment, you jump in and prepare yourself.  But without that, you get time to wonder and worry and stress and all of those other terrible things.  The first year is the toughest.  As time goes on, you'll discover yourself thinking about melanoma less each day.  There will be good days and bad days.  But the overall progression usually tends toward more good than bad.  (If you find differently, you'll need to address that with some type of counselor). 

Be vigilant, not paranoid.  If you are going to worry about melanoma, try to do it at a specific time you set aside.  The rest of the time, LIVE LIFE.  Don't let melanoma win this battle.  If it never comes back, you'll have wasted all this worry time instead of living.  And if it does come back, you'll deal with it then.  Researching treatment options now is useless as the treatments, clinical trials and general research changes very quickly.  There is nothing on the internet that is going to help you NOW once you've got past the initial biopsy/WLE/SNB events.  Remember, even a recurrence is hardly a death sentence. 

So maybe it's time to take a step back, limit your internet searches and do other things.  We're here if you have questions or need to vent.  Remember, most things are NOT melanoma.  If you experience something… consider if it would have caused concern prior to melanoma.  That is key to keeping the imagination in check.  None of this is easy, but the key is to try and put melanoma in it's place.  It's there, but it doesn't need to take front and center stage right now. 

Hang in there!

Janner

Time.  Some of this just takes time.  And I've found that it is often difficult for the newly diagnosed to keep their actual risk in perspective.  It's hard to quantify a 5, 10 or 15% risk.  We hear the word cancer but there are no treatments unless it comes back.  If you have a treatment, you jump in and prepare yourself.  But without that, you get time to wonder and worry and stress and all of those other terrible things.  The first year is the toughest.  As time goes on, you'll discover yourself thinking about melanoma less each day.  There will be good days and bad days.  But the overall progression usually tends toward more good than bad.  (If you find differently, you'll need to address that with some type of counselor). 

Be vigilant, not paranoid.  If you are going to worry about melanoma, try to do it at a specific time you set aside.  The rest of the time, LIVE LIFE.  Don't let melanoma win this battle.  If it never comes back, you'll have wasted all this worry time instead of living.  And if it does come back, you'll deal with it then.  Researching treatment options now is useless as the treatments, clinical trials and general research changes very quickly.  There is nothing on the internet that is going to help you NOW once you've got past the initial biopsy/WLE/SNB events.  Remember, even a recurrence is hardly a death sentence. 

So maybe it's time to take a step back, limit your internet searches and do other things.  We're here if you have questions or need to vent.  Remember, most things are NOT melanoma.  If you experience something… consider if it would have caused concern prior to melanoma.  That is key to keeping the imagination in check.  None of this is easy, but the key is to try and put melanoma in it's place.  It's there, but it doesn't need to take front and center stage right now. 

Hang in there!

Janner

Not sure if my husband's story will help, but he was diagnosed in 1996, at age 23 with stage 1ish (I truly don't know all the mitotic rate, depth, etc) melanoma.  We were scared, but it was cut out, and we continued to live our lives.  We bought a house, traveled, worked, had 3 children.  Fast forward to January 2011…he progressed to stage 4.  Everything flashed in front of us,,,our boys were 8, 9, and 11.  With all the new treatments, his is still alive and "well" and has been NED for almost 2 years.  If we had spent our lives worrying about the "what ifs" of melanoma, we would have missed out on so much.  Obviously his prognosis isn't great,  but we try not to dwell in it and enjoy each and every day.  We treat the melanoma as a warning that tomorrow isn't a given.  It's simply a warning to live life to it's fullest, because even though he's the one with cancer, I could die tomorrow just as easily as him.  The good news for you is that as each day, week and month progresses, the treatments for melanoma get better.  Try not to focus on the statistics…they continually change as treatments get better and better.

Not sure if my husband's story will help, but he was diagnosed in 1996, at age 23 with stage 1ish (I truly don't know all the mitotic rate, depth, etc) melanoma.  We were scared, but it was cut out, and we continued to live our lives.  We bought a house, traveled, worked, had 3 children.  Fast forward to January 2011…he progressed to stage 4.  Everything flashed in front of us,,,our boys were 8, 9, and 11.  With all the new treatments, his is still alive and "well" and has been NED for almost 2 years.  If we had spent our lives worrying about the "what ifs" of melanoma, we would have missed out on so much.  Obviously his prognosis isn't great,  but we try not to dwell in it and enjoy each and every day.  We treat the melanoma as a warning that tomorrow isn't a given.  It's simply a warning to live life to it's fullest, because even though he's the one with cancer, I could die tomorrow just as easily as him.  The good news for you is that as each day, week and month progresses, the treatments for melanoma get better.  Try not to focus on the statistics…they continually change as treatments get better and better.

Not sure if my husband's story will help, but he was diagnosed in 1996, at age 23 with stage 1ish (I truly don't know all the mitotic rate, depth, etc) melanoma.  We were scared, but it was cut out, and we continued to live our lives.  We bought a house, traveled, worked, had 3 children.  Fast forward to January 2011…he progressed to stage 4.  Everything flashed in front of us,,,our boys were 8, 9, and 11.  With all the new treatments, his is still alive and "well" and has been NED for almost 2 years.  If we had spent our lives worrying about the "what ifs" of melanoma, we would have missed out on so much.  Obviously his prognosis isn't great,  but we try not to dwell in it and enjoy each and every day.  We treat the melanoma as a warning that tomorrow isn't a given.  It's simply a warning to live life to it's fullest, because even though he's the one with cancer, I could die tomorrow just as easily as him.  The good news for you is that as each day, week and month progresses, the treatments for melanoma get better.  Try not to focus on the statistics…they continually change as treatments get better and better.

Aloha,

I started out the same way at stage 2A.  My life was put on hold thanks to the unknown.  The surgeries, deciding on treatment if anything, tests, doctors visits ALL kept my mortality front and center.  I was only 34 and just settling into my professional life and marriage.  All that was now in limbo because at my stage the 10yr life expectancy was 65%.  I know I am not a statistic, but damn that sucked!

I couldn't drive by the exit to the doctor's office without massive anxiety.  The inital appointments every 3 months didn't give me enough time to get over scanxitey or the exams.  I was numb.

Over time though my appointment frequency lessened.  As more time passed without problems I too was able to relax.  Believe me, time and distraction with work, play etc. really really helped me.  This website was a G-D send for me.

I promise that time will make things better.  It took me to the 1 year mark before I began to notice my life slowly returning to normal ex. worrying about the small stuff (a good indicator you are getting back to normal – LOL).

I was one of those weird cases that recured 7 years later.  It probably was sooner but I moved back home and didn't have an oncologist.  At the time, for my stage, there are no recommended x-rays etc. although the clinical trial I was in did use bloodwork and chest x-ray to monitor me.

A funny thing happened though.  Becoming stage 4 messed with my head big time since I then had 2 little girls age 2 & 4.  After the dust began to settle, I actually felt a weight lifted off of me because I couldn't get worse than stage IV.  The shoe dropped so I didn't have to worry about it since it was here…..  Weird, but I am more relaxed now than before.

If I had to be stage IV, I wasn't planning on going anywhere any time soon!  Stage IV has such a wide range and I was as far away from the grave as you could get.  I can only say this after undergoing VATS lung surgery and IL-2.  I have been NED for almost 4 years now.  I actually worry about retirement and have started my sheep business for my girls.

Yes, even after becoming stage IV, most of us find a place akin to well, it could be worse because I only have one met or something like that.  Stable disease with stage IV also becomes "normal" and delt with only when it needs to.  Much easeir if you have creepy crawly disease like I did.

Give it at least a year.  It is too soon, but don't be hesitant to speak with someone professionally to help keep things in perspective.

We didn't have Braf, Ipi, PD-1 etc. around when I was originally diagnosed.  There still is a way to go, but it is much better than even a year ago.  Have a plan B, C, D etc., then actively try to live life.  Anxiety will come in waves or fits and spurts – this is normal.  It will get better though with time and sometimes a little professional help if needed.

Been there, done that got the scars and T-shirt to prove it.

Take care, give things time.

Kim

Aloha,

I started out the same way at stage 2A.  My life was put on hold thanks to the unknown.  The surgeries, deciding on treatment if anything, tests, doctors visits ALL kept my mortality front and center.  I was only 34 and just settling into my professional life and marriage.  All that was now in limbo because at my stage the 10yr life expectancy was 65%.  I know I am not a statistic, but damn that sucked!

I couldn't drive by the exit to the doctor's office without massive anxiety.  The inital appointments every 3 months didn't give me enough time to get over scanxitey or the exams.  I was numb.

Over time though my appointment frequency lessened.  As more time passed without problems I too was able to relax.  Believe me, time and distraction with work, play etc. really really helped me.  This website was a G-D send for me.

I promise that time will make things better.  It took me to the 1 year mark before I began to notice my life slowly returning to normal ex. worrying about the small stuff (a good indicator you are getting back to normal – LOL).

I was one of those weird cases that recured 7 years later.  It probably was sooner but I moved back home and didn't have an oncologist.  At the time, for my stage, there are no recommended x-rays etc. although the clinical trial I was in did use bloodwork and chest x-ray to monitor me.

A funny thing happened though.  Becoming stage 4 messed with my head big time since I then had 2 little girls age 2 & 4.  After the dust began to settle, I actually felt a weight lifted off of me because I couldn't get worse than stage IV.  The shoe dropped so I didn't have to worry about it since it was here…..  Weird, but I am more relaxed now than before.

If I had to be stage IV, I wasn't planning on going anywhere any time soon!  Stage IV has such a wide range and I was as far away from the grave as you could get.  I can only say this after undergoing VATS lung surgery and IL-2.  I have been NED for almost 4 years now.  I actually worry about retirement and have started my sheep business for my girls.

Yes, even after becoming stage IV, most of us find a place akin to well, it could be worse because I only have one met or something like that.  Stable disease with stage IV also becomes "normal" and delt with only when it needs to.  Much easeir if you have creepy crawly disease like I did.

Give it at least a year.  It is too soon, but don't be hesitant to speak with someone professionally to help keep things in perspective.

We didn't have Braf, Ipi, PD-1 etc. around when I was originally diagnosed.  There still is a way to go, but it is much better than even a year ago.  Have a plan B, C, D etc., then actively try to live life.  Anxiety will come in waves or fits and spurts – this is normal.  It will get better though with time and sometimes a little professional help if needed.

Been there, done that got the scars and T-shirt to prove it.

Take care, give things time.

Kim

Aloha,

I started out the same way at stage 2A.  My life was put on hold thanks to the unknown.  The surgeries, deciding on treatment if anything, tests, doctors visits ALL kept my mortality front and center.  I was only 34 and just settling into my professional life and marriage.  All that was now in limbo because at my stage the 10yr life expectancy was 65%.  I know I am not a statistic, but damn that sucked!

I couldn't drive by the exit to the doctor's office without massive anxiety.  The inital appointments every 3 months didn't give me enough time to get over scanxitey or the exams.  I was numb.

Over time though my appointment frequency lessened.  As more time passed without problems I too was able to relax.  Believe me, time and distraction with work, play etc. really really helped me.  This website was a G-D send for me.

I promise that time will make things better.  It took me to the 1 year mark before I began to notice my life slowly returning to normal ex. worrying about the small stuff (a good indicator you are getting back to normal – LOL).

I was one of those weird cases that recured 7 years later.  It probably was sooner but I moved back home and didn't have an oncologist.  At the time, for my stage, there are no recommended x-rays etc. although the clinical trial I was in did use bloodwork and chest x-ray to monitor me.

A funny thing happened though.  Becoming stage 4 messed with my head big time since I then had 2 little girls age 2 & 4.  After the dust began to settle, I actually felt a weight lifted off of me because I couldn't get worse than stage IV.  The shoe dropped so I didn't have to worry about it since it was here…..  Weird, but I am more relaxed now than before.

If I had to be stage IV, I wasn't planning on going anywhere any time soon!  Stage IV has such a wide range and I was as far away from the grave as you could get.  I can only say this after undergoing VATS lung surgery and IL-2.  I have been NED for almost 4 years now.  I actually worry about retirement and have started my sheep business for my girls.

Yes, even after becoming stage IV, most of us find a place akin to well, it could be worse because I only have one met or something like that.  Stable disease with stage IV also becomes "normal" and delt with only when it needs to.  Much easeir if you have creepy crawly disease like I did.

Give it at least a year.  It is too soon, but don't be hesitant to speak with someone professionally to help keep things in perspective.

We didn't have Braf, Ipi, PD-1 etc. around when I was originally diagnosed.  There still is a way to go, but it is much better than even a year ago.  Have a plan B, C, D etc., then actively try to live life.  Anxiety will come in waves or fits and spurts – this is normal.  It will get better though with time and sometimes a little professional help if needed.

Been there, done that got the scars and T-shirt to prove it.

Take care, give things time.

Kim

I totally feel you. I am 36 and was just diagnosed with stage 1a and even though I should feel relieved I have been a mess. I normally have anxiety however I had just  found out I was pregnant 3 weeks before I found out about the melanoma so no meds or booze for me…… My nerves are raw and sleep is not forthcoming . If you ever want to chat let me know…. Not sure where you are but I am in nj

I totally feel you. I am 36 and was just diagnosed with stage 1a and even though I should feel relieved I have been a mess. I normally have anxiety however I had just  found out I was pregnant 3 weeks before I found out about the melanoma so no meds or booze for me…… My nerves are raw and sleep is not forthcoming . If you ever want to chat let me know…. Not sure where you are but I am in nj

I totally feel you. I am 36 and was just diagnosed with stage 1a and even though I should feel relieved I have been a mess. I normally have anxiety however I had just  found out I was pregnant 3 weeks before I found out about the melanoma so no meds or booze for me…… My nerves are raw and sleep is not forthcoming . If you ever want to chat let me know…. Not sure where you are but I am in nj

I agree with many of the other posts. I remember feeling like it was a death sentence and the anxiety was overwhelming. It just takes time and it gets easier and as time goes on you will spend less time thinking or worrying about it. I guess when I realized that what is to happen will happen no matter how much time I spend fretting over it. I just hate that every ache and pain you have at first you think it could be Melanoma returning. Just remember we all have aches and pains. I always give it some time and they go away. I was diagnosed stage 3a 2011 and have been NED ever since. I have had some scares with PET scans but all turned out to be nothing. It will get better, but I so much remember just how your feeling. Good thoughts sent your way.   Kim

I agree with many of the other posts. I remember feeling like it was a death sentence and the anxiety was overwhelming. It just takes time and it gets easier and as time goes on you will spend less time thinking or worrying about it. I guess when I realized that what is to happen will happen no matter how much time I spend fretting over it. I just hate that every ache and pain you have at first you think it could be Melanoma returning. Just remember we all have aches and pains. I always give it some time and they go away. I was diagnosed stage 3a 2011 and have been NED ever since. I have had some scares with PET scans but all turned out to be nothing. It will get better, but I so much remember just how your feeling. Good thoughts sent your way.   Kim

I agree with many of the other posts. I remember feeling like it was a death sentence and the anxiety was overwhelming. It just takes time and it gets easier and as time goes on you will spend less time thinking or worrying about it. I guess when I realized that what is to happen will happen no matter how much time I spend fretting over it. I just hate that every ache and pain you have at first you think it could be Melanoma returning. Just remember we all have aches and pains. I always give it some time and they go away. I was diagnosed stage 3a 2011 and have been NED ever since. I have had some scares with PET scans but all turned out to be nothing. It will get better, but I so much remember just how your feeling. Good thoughts sent your way.   Kim

I find this chain interesting.  Yes, the first year is the hardest. Especially if your GP has slow rolled you and not given you a referral for 3 1/2 years then the surgeon you were referred to slow rolled and played delaying games for months with improper follow up. Suddenly I was Stage III with the options of Interferon  being sick for the next year (and likely dying anytime) or possibly dying anytime without feeling so bad all the time.  This was in the days that IL-2 was the only feasible treatment for stage IV.  9 months after initial diagnosis and one month after the major Stage III, 7 hour groin operation i was Stage IV.  I actually told my wife I preferred to be Stage IV because I knew what I wanted to do at that stage, no interferon, no wait and watch GET ON THE IL-2.  Yes it was as one has stated NO more "WHEN" for the other shoe. That was in Feb 2007.  I have not been NED since then, but have had about 8 more grandchildren and 2 great grandchildren since then.  Will melanoma lead to my death?  Who KNOWS? I sure don't.  I do spend time learning about what is going on in the melanoma field, research, etc and have several things I'm looking at incase I loose my stable innumerable tumor designation.  Yes, I've had a total of about seven operations,  but have quit being paranoid.  Melanoma my end my life, but it will not take my life away while I am still living!  Affect it, yes, destroy it with worry and paranoia, NOPE! 

I find this chain interesting.  Yes, the first year is the hardest. Especially if your GP has slow rolled you and not given you a referral for 3 1/2 years then the surgeon you were referred to slow rolled and played delaying games for months with improper follow up. Suddenly I was Stage III with the options of Interferon  being sick for the next year (and likely dying anytime) or possibly dying anytime without feeling so bad all the time.  This was in the days that IL-2 was the only feasible treatment for stage IV.  9 months after initial diagnosis and one month after the major Stage III, 7 hour groin operation i was Stage IV.  I actually told my wife I preferred to be Stage IV because I knew what I wanted to do at that stage, no interferon, no wait and watch GET ON THE IL-2.  Yes it was as one has stated NO more "WHEN" for the other shoe. That was in Feb 2007.  I have not been NED since then, but have had about 8 more grandchildren and 2 great grandchildren since then.  Will melanoma lead to my death?  Who KNOWS? I sure don't.  I do spend time learning about what is going on in the melanoma field, research, etc and have several things I'm looking at incase I loose my stable innumerable tumor designation.  Yes, I've had a total of about seven operations,  but have quit being paranoid.  Melanoma my end my life, but it will not take my life away while I am still living!  Affect it, yes, destroy it with worry and paranoia, NOPE! 

I find this chain interesting.  Yes, the first year is the hardest. Especially if your GP has slow rolled you and not given you a referral for 3 1/2 years then the surgeon you were referred to slow rolled and played delaying games for months with improper follow up. Suddenly I was Stage III with the options of Interferon  being sick for the next year (and likely dying anytime) or possibly dying anytime without feeling so bad all the time.  This was in the days that IL-2 was the only feasible treatment for stage IV.  9 months after initial diagnosis and one month after the major Stage III, 7 hour groin operation i was Stage IV.  I actually told my wife I preferred to be Stage IV because I knew what I wanted to do at that stage, no interferon, no wait and watch GET ON THE IL-2.  Yes it was as one has stated NO more "WHEN" for the other shoe. That was in Feb 2007.  I have not been NED since then, but have had about 8 more grandchildren and 2 great grandchildren since then.  Will melanoma lead to my death?  Who KNOWS? I sure don't.  I do spend time learning about what is going on in the melanoma field, research, etc and have several things I'm looking at incase I loose my stable innumerable tumor designation.  Yes, I've had a total of about seven operations,  but have quit being paranoid.  Melanoma my end my life, but it will not take my life away while I am still living!  Affect it, yes, destroy it with worry and paranoia, NOPE!