@sharic
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- May 25, 2011 at 11:37 pm
This verifies one of the things my current oncologist said to me during my initial consultation. I think he's a very good doctor and was trying to be supportive…but, I've not forgotten him saying: "If you're going to get Melanoma, this is a very good time to get it."
Obviously I have very mixed feelings about how he presented his optimism to me!…but, whatever! hmmmm.
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- May 25, 2011 at 11:37 pm
This verifies one of the things my current oncologist said to me during my initial consultation. I think he's a very good doctor and was trying to be supportive…but, I've not forgotten him saying: "If you're going to get Melanoma, this is a very good time to get it."
Obviously I have very mixed feelings about how he presented his optimism to me!…but, whatever! hmmmm.
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- May 25, 2011 at 4:18 pm
Lisa – I sometimes think our body knows what it needs – emotionally too. If its time (for a day!) to allow yourself to ruminate about the seriousness of your diagnosis…maybe let yourself do that for a day.
Its rainy and cold here today. I don't know where you are…but, on a day like today, I, also, just want to put my jammies back on and go back to bed!! We ALL live with this fear that you described. Whether they've found something in our bodies (yet), or not. I have had a headache for 5 days straight now. It doesn't feel like a regular headache, its localized. So, of course, I imagine that its brain mets – growing, wreaking havoc – it might be. I imagine that the small cough I sometimes get means my lungs are filling with tumors – they might be. The list goes on and on and on. Somebody here described it as living with a sword over our heads…I think, "when is the other shoe going to drop"? Every day I think – perhaps this is the healthiest I'll ever be again. And that thought ALSO scares the shit out of me. Stupid thoughts cross my mind: Will this be the last dog I ever own? Will I outlast the expiration of my debit card?
We all think like this…every day. It sucks. And, I think, most cancer patients deal with this no matter what their prognosis is. I actually think this takes the greatest mental toll on us all. If its not foremost in my mind…its definitely there nagging me every single minute of every day. For that reason, counseling is a great idea.
Anyway…just wanted to let you know I understand and feel for you. Mostly…allow yourself to feel what you need to feel and keep in touch. We're all here…in basically the same place. Sorry…this isn't very 'upbeat' and I don't know if it will help or not to know that others feel the same way. I hope so!…keep on keeping on!! – Shari
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- May 25, 2011 at 4:18 pm
Lisa – I sometimes think our body knows what it needs – emotionally too. If its time (for a day!) to allow yourself to ruminate about the seriousness of your diagnosis…maybe let yourself do that for a day.
Its rainy and cold here today. I don't know where you are…but, on a day like today, I, also, just want to put my jammies back on and go back to bed!! We ALL live with this fear that you described. Whether they've found something in our bodies (yet), or not. I have had a headache for 5 days straight now. It doesn't feel like a regular headache, its localized. So, of course, I imagine that its brain mets – growing, wreaking havoc – it might be. I imagine that the small cough I sometimes get means my lungs are filling with tumors – they might be. The list goes on and on and on. Somebody here described it as living with a sword over our heads…I think, "when is the other shoe going to drop"? Every day I think – perhaps this is the healthiest I'll ever be again. And that thought ALSO scares the shit out of me. Stupid thoughts cross my mind: Will this be the last dog I ever own? Will I outlast the expiration of my debit card?
We all think like this…every day. It sucks. And, I think, most cancer patients deal with this no matter what their prognosis is. I actually think this takes the greatest mental toll on us all. If its not foremost in my mind…its definitely there nagging me every single minute of every day. For that reason, counseling is a great idea.
Anyway…just wanted to let you know I understand and feel for you. Mostly…allow yourself to feel what you need to feel and keep in touch. We're all here…in basically the same place. Sorry…this isn't very 'upbeat' and I don't know if it will help or not to know that others feel the same way. I hope so!…keep on keeping on!! – Shari
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- May 25, 2011 at 3:07 pm
Boots – Good luck. I'll be thinking about you as you start this part of the journey. I don't know if your bio-chem will be the same as mine. Mine was: IL2, Interferon, Dicarbazine, vinblastine, cistabine. I'm SURE I didn't get the names totally right or spell them right!!…but, that was basically it. I had 4 rounds, 5 days in the hospital each time. If you want to email me separately or call, I can tell you what my experience was like and what its like now 4 months later. feel free to email and I can pass along my cell phone number via email if you want. – Shari. ([email protected])
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- June 1, 2011 at 2:38 am
Thanks, guys. Like I said..felt better today just to get it out there to people who understand. Thanks Linda for the information on Jim…I'll look it up. I should have results tomorrow afternoon…hoping to get some sleep tonight. Thanks for all the good wishes and prayers. – Shari
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- June 1, 2011 at 2:38 am
Thanks, guys. Like I said..felt better today just to get it out there to people who understand. Thanks Linda for the information on Jim…I'll look it up. I should have results tomorrow afternoon…hoping to get some sleep tonight. Thanks for all the good wishes and prayers. – Shari
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- May 31, 2011 at 10:34 pm
Hi Lisa – I'd forgotten I wrote to you last week. This ride can be such a funny roller coaster (not 'ha, ha' funny, either!). One week I'm thinking I can handle anything that comes along…then just a few short days later I'm thinking the worse. I first thought that the "full" feeling was me eating too much and putting on too much weight too quickly from losing 40 lbs during the bio-chem. But, then I cut down my eating…and the bloating continued. So, we'll see. I hope to have my scan results back tomorrow afternoon. Thanks for "waiting" with me and sharing the anxiety a bit. – Shari
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- May 31, 2011 at 10:34 pm
Hi Lisa – I'd forgotten I wrote to you last week. This ride can be such a funny roller coaster (not 'ha, ha' funny, either!). One week I'm thinking I can handle anything that comes along…then just a few short days later I'm thinking the worse. I first thought that the "full" feeling was me eating too much and putting on too much weight too quickly from losing 40 lbs during the bio-chem. But, then I cut down my eating…and the bloating continued. So, we'll see. I hope to have my scan results back tomorrow afternoon. Thanks for "waiting" with me and sharing the anxiety a bit. – Shari
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- May 31, 2011 at 10:21 pm
Thanks, Dian – It's so helpful just to get part of this off my chest just by writing that post. Sad to say, that spreading the worry around, just a little bit, can help. So, thanks to all of you. I'm just new to this whole process of getting a scan and hoping for the "all clear" sign. I've dealt with this less than a year and I haven't gotten used to the 'scanxiety' OR the general anxiety about every ache and pain. Its a learning experience. Thanks for your support – Shari
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- May 31, 2011 at 10:21 pm
Thanks, Dian – It's so helpful just to get part of this off my chest just by writing that post. Sad to say, that spreading the worry around, just a little bit, can help. So, thanks to all of you. I'm just new to this whole process of getting a scan and hoping for the "all clear" sign. I've dealt with this less than a year and I haven't gotten used to the 'scanxiety' OR the general anxiety about every ache and pain. Its a learning experience. Thanks for your support – Shari
