Carol Taylor

Jared,

I haven't done much on here lately, but I've got to answer you. Friend, you've got a lot going on and at least three parts of your life, right now, are highly stressful. Your Mom's death from melanoma, your own diagnosis, and your looming deployment. If you've got access to a therapist of some sort before you leave, that would be really good in your case.

In case you don't:

One, you aren't your Mom. As much as you want to identify with her, don't try and take her story on as yours. It isn't yours. Just because she went from stage 1 to 4 doesn't mean you will. You have to take your life one day at a time like the rest of us. Stay vigilant and do what you can to stay on top of future problems.

As I look at what you've got going on, it occurs to me that you're not only grieving your Mom, you're grieving your own diagnosis…your life has changed and that affects your family and you're grieving the guilt you feel over having tanned…if I hadn't tanned I wouldn't have to deal with melanoma. And you're possibly also grieving leaving your family at this time and going to Afghanistan. I'm sure that's not easy to do because of, as you say, the high risk involved. Various sources of "grief" appear, to me, to be the big issue and "guilt" is a part of that.

I understand why you feel guilty and we can all feel guilty at times. I didn't listen to my Mama for decades about getting my mole removed and I knew my family history. I have reason to feel guilty, too. But I don't now and I'll tell you why. I can't go back and change a thing. Life moves forward and we all make bad, irreversible choices and have to live with the consequences. While I don't want melanoma and didn't choose it, I can't change having it. Also, I don't feel guilty because that doesn't help a thing; in fact, guilt, like fear, can work against a person.

What you're feeling is normal given everything you've got going on. We're all wired to grieve differently and it's most unfortunate that you've got your own diagnosis and deployment to deal with on top of your Mom's death. You don't have the freedom to grieve her like you need to without all that other piling on..but that's life as you have it right now. Try to take a step back and ascertain what you feel you need to do to help yourself at this time. Is there a way you can do what you feel you need to do?

Some people start journaling, exercising, becoming an advocate for something they associate with their loved one. What can you do that is positive that will honor your Mom? Also, love on your family while you are still at home with them. Channel that misplaced and undeserved guilt into being a husband and dad. And do the crying you need to do. Tell the stories about Mom that keep her alive for you.

It will take time and you will miss her the rest of your days but the open wound will scab and then scar over. But you be who who are. You be her son, her daughter-in-law's husband, and her grandchildren's father. You have to be you. You cannot be her.

All the best to you, Jared. If you'd like, drop by Melanoma Prayer Center and also Melanoma Grief Chapel on facebook. You don't have to be on fb or like the sites.

Again, if you have someone on base or Chaplain you can talk face-to-face with, that would be good.

Grace and peace,

Carol

Jared,

I haven't done much on here lately, but I've got to answer you. Friend, you've got a lot going on and at least three parts of your life, right now, are highly stressful. Your Mom's death from melanoma, your own diagnosis, and your looming deployment. If you've got access to a therapist of some sort before you leave, that would be really good in your case.

In case you don't:

One, you aren't your Mom. As much as you want to identify with her, don't try and take her story on as yours. It isn't yours. Just because she went from stage 1 to 4 doesn't mean you will. You have to take your life one day at a time like the rest of us. Stay vigilant and do what you can to stay on top of future problems.

As I look at what you've got going on, it occurs to me that you're not only grieving your Mom, you're grieving your own diagnosis…your life has changed and that affects your family and you're grieving the guilt you feel over having tanned…if I hadn't tanned I wouldn't have to deal with melanoma. And you're possibly also grieving leaving your family at this time and going to Afghanistan. I'm sure that's not easy to do because of, as you say, the high risk involved. Various sources of "grief" appear, to me, to be the big issue and "guilt" is a part of that.

I understand why you feel guilty and we can all feel guilty at times. I didn't listen to my Mama for decades about getting my mole removed and I knew my family history. I have reason to feel guilty, too. But I don't now and I'll tell you why. I can't go back and change a thing. Life moves forward and we all make bad, irreversible choices and have to live with the consequences. While I don't want melanoma and didn't choose it, I can't change having it. Also, I don't feel guilty because that doesn't help a thing; in fact, guilt, like fear, can work against a person.

What you're feeling is normal given everything you've got going on. We're all wired to grieve differently and it's most unfortunate that you've got your own diagnosis and deployment to deal with on top of your Mom's death. You don't have the freedom to grieve her like you need to without all that other piling on..but that's life as you have it right now. Try to take a step back and ascertain what you feel you need to do to help yourself at this time. Is there a way you can do what you feel you need to do?

Some people start journaling, exercising, becoming an advocate for something they associate with their loved one. What can you do that is positive that will honor your Mom? Also, love on your family while you are still at home with them. Channel that misplaced and undeserved guilt into being a husband and dad. And do the crying you need to do. Tell the stories about Mom that keep her alive for you.

It will take time and you will miss her the rest of your days but the open wound will scab and then scar over. But you be who who are. You be her son, her daughter-in-law's husband, and her grandchildren's father. You have to be you. You cannot be her.

All the best to you, Jared. If you'd like, drop by Melanoma Prayer Center and also Melanoma Grief Chapel on facebook. You don't have to be on fb or like the sites.

Again, if you have someone on base or Chaplain you can talk face-to-face with, that would be good.

Grace and peace,

Carol

Jared,

I haven't done much on here lately, but I've got to answer you. Friend, you've got a lot going on and at least three parts of your life, right now, are highly stressful. Your Mom's death from melanoma, your own diagnosis, and your looming deployment. If you've got access to a therapist of some sort before you leave, that would be really good in your case.

In case you don't:

One, you aren't your Mom. As much as you want to identify with her, don't try and take her story on as yours. It isn't yours. Just because she went from stage 1 to 4 doesn't mean you will. You have to take your life one day at a time like the rest of us. Stay vigilant and do what you can to stay on top of future problems.

As I look at what you've got going on, it occurs to me that you're not only grieving your Mom, you're grieving your own diagnosis…your life has changed and that affects your family and you're grieving the guilt you feel over having tanned…if I hadn't tanned I wouldn't have to deal with melanoma. And you're possibly also grieving leaving your family at this time and going to Afghanistan. I'm sure that's not easy to do because of, as you say, the high risk involved. Various sources of "grief" appear, to me, to be the big issue and "guilt" is a part of that.

I understand why you feel guilty and we can all feel guilty at times. I didn't listen to my Mama for decades about getting my mole removed and I knew my family history. I have reason to feel guilty, too. But I don't now and I'll tell you why. I can't go back and change a thing. Life moves forward and we all make bad, irreversible choices and have to live with the consequences. While I don't want melanoma and didn't choose it, I can't change having it. Also, I don't feel guilty because that doesn't help a thing; in fact, guilt, like fear, can work against a person.

What you're feeling is normal given everything you've got going on. We're all wired to grieve differently and it's most unfortunate that you've got your own diagnosis and deployment to deal with on top of your Mom's death. You don't have the freedom to grieve her like you need to without all that other piling on..but that's life as you have it right now. Try to take a step back and ascertain what you feel you need to do to help yourself at this time. Is there a way you can do what you feel you need to do?

Some people start journaling, exercising, becoming an advocate for something they associate with their loved one. What can you do that is positive that will honor your Mom? Also, love on your family while you are still at home with them. Channel that misplaced and undeserved guilt into being a husband and dad. And do the crying you need to do. Tell the stories about Mom that keep her alive for you.

It will take time and you will miss her the rest of your days but the open wound will scab and then scar over. But you be who who are. You be her son, her daughter-in-law's husband, and her grandchildren's father. You have to be you. You cannot be her.

All the best to you, Jared. If you'd like, drop by Melanoma Prayer Center and also Melanoma Grief Chapel on facebook. You don't have to be on fb or like the sites.

Again, if you have someone on base or Chaplain you can talk face-to-face with, that would be good.

Grace and peace,

Carol

Hallelujah Fearless Leader! I am so happy for you I can hardly stand it! Keep the great news coming and celebrate.

Hallelujah Fearless Leader! I am so happy for you I can hardly stand it! Keep the great news coming and celebrate.

Hallelujah Fearless Leader! I am so happy for you I can hardly stand it! Keep the great news coming and celebrate.

Happy blessed birthday Tracy! Celebrate in style and with great flair and enjoy your day!

Grace and peace,

Carol

Happy blessed birthday Tracy! Celebrate in style and with great flair and enjoy your day!

Grace and peace,

Carol

Happy blessed birthday Tracy! Celebrate in style and with great flair and enjoy your day!

Grace and peace,

Carol

Michelle,

I'm so sorry. My heart breaks for the two of you. Prayers will continue as you continue your journey; it's not over. Give Don lots of hugs from all of us. I'd hug you myself if I could. You're trememdous. The two of you are quite blessed.

Grace and peace,

Carol

Michelle,

I'm so sorry. My heart breaks for the two of you. Prayers will continue as you continue your journey; it's not over. Give Don lots of hugs from all of us. I'd hug you myself if I could. You're trememdous. The two of you are quite blessed.

Grace and peace,

Carol

Michelle,

I'm so sorry. My heart breaks for the two of you. Prayers will continue as you continue your journey; it's not over. Give Don lots of hugs from all of us. I'd hug you myself if I could. You're trememdous. The two of you are quite blessed.

Grace and peace,

Carol

You're welcome, Jared. You take care and be good to yourself! You'll be better to the ones you love when you take care of you too!

All the best friend!

Grace and peace,

Carol

You're welcome, Jared. You take care and be good to yourself! You'll be better to the ones you love when you take care of you too!

All the best friend!

Grace and peace,

Carol

You're welcome, Jared. You take care and be good to yourself! You'll be better to the ones you love when you take care of you too!

All the best friend!

Grace and peace,

Carol