Today we had surgery…

It must be a relief to have the surgery completed. Now for the long wait for the results. I don't
have any special advice on how to deal with the fortnight ahead. However, many people in this
forum know how you are feeling at the moment. I hope that they will be able to give you some tips
on how to get through the next 2 weeks.

I think that one should find out as much as possible about any disease that a family member is
diagnosed with. However, one must be careful to get high quality information that is factual and
not alarmist or sensationalised. I found some info about the stages of melanoma at:
http://www.cancerhelp.org.uk/type/melanoma/treatment/stages-of-melanoma

Please don't feel like a failure. When something like this happens, it can severely challenge the
sanity of the most well prepared and competent people around. Some things are simply out of our
control.

You and your husband are in my prayers.

Frank from Australia

It must be a relief to have the surgery completed. Now for the long wait for the results. I don't
have any special advice on how to deal with the fortnight ahead. However, many people in this
forum know how you are feeling at the moment. I hope that they will be able to give you some tips
on how to get through the next 2 weeks.

I think that one should find out as much as possible about any disease that a family member is
diagnosed with. However, one must be careful to get high quality information that is factual and
not alarmist or sensationalised. I found some info about the stages of melanoma at:
http://www.cancerhelp.org.uk/type/melanoma/treatment/stages-of-melanoma

Please don't feel like a failure. When something like this happens, it can severely challenge the
sanity of the most well prepared and competent people around. Some things are simply out of our
control.

You and your husband are in my prayers.

Frank from Australia

Shay,

You get through the nedxt two weeks by living your lives. To the best of your ability, keep things as normal as possible, with the understanding that you have a new "normal" that will flesh itself out as time passes. Talk with each other wherever your minds take you, talk about it. You'll be surprised how much you're probably thinking about the same things.

Remember, he doesn't know how to be a cancer patient any more than you know how to be a patient's wife. So, be his wife. Not the wife of a cancer patient. That's something I love about my husband through this. I'm "Carol." I'm still his wife, I'm not "the cancer patient." Get my drift? He's your husband first and foremost, cancer is now part of both of your lives, but it is NOT the sum total!

Shay, he's just glad you're there, walking with him and knowing he can count on you to rise to the ocassion and do what ever has to be done. He's not looking for super-heroic efforts. He's amazed already, I guarantee it, ove how you're strong and dealing with this. You'll learn a lot about yourself and about your husband. Just being there, doing your best, is so much!

Also, don't forget to take care of yourself! YOU are crucial in his recovery and anything else that comes along. Take breaks as you need to and do what you find relaxing. Deal with your stress levels in ways that work for you. Seriously, keep a literal check on your own blood pressure.  My husband started getting headaches and figured it was due to the stress of looking after me. WRONG! He went to his dr who checked his bp and promptly put him in the hospital. His bp was borderline stroke territory! I don't say that to scare you but to motivate you to look after yourself! You won't be any good to your husband or anyone else if you let your own health & needs suffer.

Finally, read this:

http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=139193609483364

It's a blog type note I wrote called In Praise of care-givers: Our Unsung Heroes.

You don't have to be on Facebook to read it or anything else on the Melanoma Prayer Center.

Grace and peace,

Carol

Shay,

You get through the nedxt two weeks by living your lives. To the best of your ability, keep things as normal as possible, with the understanding that you have a new "normal" that will flesh itself out as time passes. Talk with each other wherever your minds take you, talk about it. You'll be surprised how much you're probably thinking about the same things.

Remember, he doesn't know how to be a cancer patient any more than you know how to be a patient's wife. So, be his wife. Not the wife of a cancer patient. That's something I love about my husband through this. I'm "Carol." I'm still his wife, I'm not "the cancer patient." Get my drift? He's your husband first and foremost, cancer is now part of both of your lives, but it is NOT the sum total!

Shay, he's just glad you're there, walking with him and knowing he can count on you to rise to the ocassion and do what ever has to be done. He's not looking for super-heroic efforts. He's amazed already, I guarantee it, ove how you're strong and dealing with this. You'll learn a lot about yourself and about your husband. Just being there, doing your best, is so much!

Also, don't forget to take care of yourself! YOU are crucial in his recovery and anything else that comes along. Take breaks as you need to and do what you find relaxing. Deal with your stress levels in ways that work for you. Seriously, keep a literal check on your own blood pressure.  My husband started getting headaches and figured it was due to the stress of looking after me. WRONG! He went to his dr who checked his bp and promptly put him in the hospital. His bp was borderline stroke territory! I don't say that to scare you but to motivate you to look after yourself! You won't be any good to your husband or anyone else if you let your own health & needs suffer.

Finally, read this:

http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=139193609483364

It's a blog type note I wrote called In Praise of care-givers: Our Unsung Heroes.

You don't have to be on Facebook to read it or anything else on the Melanoma Prayer Center.

Grace and peace,

Carol

You might want to check out your cancer hospital for caregiver support groups. They could give you lots of tips and hugs too!

Is this the fastest pathology lab in the area? In my area, I have a choice of 2 different labs, one takes less than a week for results while the othe takes 2+ weeks.  I got my SNB results in 5 days.  If you are just waiting for the next doctor appointment to hear your results, call your onc and see if it can be moved up or if a good report can be given to you over the phone.

Nicki, Stage3b, scalp

You might want to check out your cancer hospital for caregiver support groups. They could give you lots of tips and hugs too!

Is this the fastest pathology lab in the area? In my area, I have a choice of 2 different labs, one takes less than a week for results while the othe takes 2+ weeks.  I got my SNB results in 5 days.  If you are just waiting for the next doctor appointment to hear your results, call your onc and see if it can be moved up or if a good report can be given to you over the phone.

Nicki, Stage3b, scalp

 Sounds like all is well so far.  Watch out for infection.  One of my hubby's WLE sites got infected (red, swollen, fever) but I think he was in denial so he didn't get in to the doctor as quickly as he probably should have.  Doctor had to re-open the wound, clean it out, and then we had to pack the wound for a couple weeks till it closed up.  All is fine now, and I don't know how often this happens, but it is something to keep an eye on.  Good Luck

Akilyn

 Sounds like all is well so far.  Watch out for infection.  One of my hubby's WLE sites got infected (red, swollen, fever) but I think he was in denial so he didn't get in to the doctor as quickly as he probably should have.  Doctor had to re-open the wound, clean it out, and then we had to pack the wound for a couple weeks till it closed up.  All is fine now, and I don't know how often this happens, but it is something to keep an eye on.  Good Luck

Akilyn

Things to do for your husband:

 Give him lots of hugs, understand when he's hurting, make jokes to make him laugh, watch funny movies, surround him with people he loves, tell him you're gonna be there with him every step of the way.

And most important, tell him he's not alone, and show him this website.

You're both in my prayers.

Things to do for your husband:

 Give him lots of hugs, understand when he's hurting, make jokes to make him laugh, watch funny movies, surround him with people he loves, tell him you're gonna be there with him every step of the way.

And most important, tell him he's not alone, and show him this website.

You're both in my prayers.

Shay,

You and I can be together in the "don't know how to be the wife of a cancer patient" boat, then! I haven't been doing it that long either, as Don's diagnosis took us completely by surprise just last month. 

Besides… we are NOT wives of cancer patients… we are wives to our husbands who HAPPEN to have cancer. When you think about it that way, it doesn't feel quite as daunting. He's still the same guy…just with a few more health concerns…

First…. Is your husband seeing a melanoma specialist? If not, find the best cancer treatment facility in your area and go to their melanoma specialists. For us, it was a HUGE difference between our local hospital's oncology dept. and Dana Farber. You want to make sure that whatever stage he finalizes at, you are seeing people that have access to all the cutting edge knowledge and treatments and know the best ways to keep hubby's cancer at bay.

From my limited experience, waiting for test results has been the worst part. So far, we have kept from going insane by just taking it 1 day at a time…sometimes 1 hour at a time, if necessary, and not getting lost in thinking "what ifs" about the future. I offer my assistance to hubby during his recovery and trust that he will let me know when I am needed. I brace him up when he starts feeling down; he does the same with me when I feel down.

We let out all the emotions of anger, frustration, fear…let them out and let them go. I think it's healthy to have those emotions as long as no one gets caught up in them or dwells on them. Let them come out so that you can get past them to a place where you can handle things again. Neither you or your husband have to be superman…just be yourselves and be there for each other.

Laugh. That sounds cliche, but it's really true. Tell a silly anecdote; tease each other….be normal. Laughter and a positive fighting attitude works wonders.

I don't know if this helped you, but I hope it has…at the very least to know you are not alone. Feel free to contact me anytime if I can be of any help!

Best of luck to you and your husband; I hope his results are all you are hoping for. 

Michelle, wife to Don, Stage IV

Shay,

You and I can be together in the "don't know how to be the wife of a cancer patient" boat, then! I haven't been doing it that long either, as Don's diagnosis took us completely by surprise just last month. 

Besides… we are NOT wives of cancer patients… we are wives to our husbands who HAPPEN to have cancer. When you think about it that way, it doesn't feel quite as daunting. He's still the same guy…just with a few more health concerns…

First…. Is your husband seeing a melanoma specialist? If not, find the best cancer treatment facility in your area and go to their melanoma specialists. For us, it was a HUGE difference between our local hospital's oncology dept. and Dana Farber. You want to make sure that whatever stage he finalizes at, you are seeing people that have access to all the cutting edge knowledge and treatments and know the best ways to keep hubby's cancer at bay.

From my limited experience, waiting for test results has been the worst part. So far, we have kept from going insane by just taking it 1 day at a time…sometimes 1 hour at a time, if necessary, and not getting lost in thinking "what ifs" about the future. I offer my assistance to hubby during his recovery and trust that he will let me know when I am needed. I brace him up when he starts feeling down; he does the same with me when I feel down.

We let out all the emotions of anger, frustration, fear…let them out and let them go. I think it's healthy to have those emotions as long as no one gets caught up in them or dwells on them. Let them come out so that you can get past them to a place where you can handle things again. Neither you or your husband have to be superman…just be yourselves and be there for each other.

Laugh. That sounds cliche, but it's really true. Tell a silly anecdote; tease each other….be normal. Laughter and a positive fighting attitude works wonders.

I don't know if this helped you, but I hope it has…at the very least to know you are not alone. Feel free to contact me anytime if I can be of any help!

Best of luck to you and your husband; I hope his results are all you are hoping for. 

Michelle, wife to Don, Stage IV