One year and a nightmare ago

Rita, I just read your entire bio.  I feel as a wife of a melanoma patient "my total love", I may be writing something in the future.  My heart aches and aches for you and all of us as caregivers.  It is the hardest job I have ever had.

Donna

Oh, Rita. I remain so sorry for your loss.  Charles knew he was loved and cared for.  That is a gift beyond measure.  We melanoma peeps need and appreciate those who deal with the pain of our illnessses, research the information we require, and care for us still…more than we can ever express.  Much love, celeste

Rita, please don't have regrets.  You were doing what any loving spouse would do — trying to find that magic bullet that would give you more time with Charles.  I know he loved you for that.  In the final analysis, you were right there with him through everything.  I can hardly believe it has been a year.  I know the pain is still raw, but please know that you have the love and respect of everyone on this board (especially caregivers).

Hi Rita, no regrets, you were researching because you loved him and wanted more time!!!! Love from Canada!!!Ed

Dear Rita,

As yet another wife of a melanoma patient whose journey begain last September, my heart goes out to you. I'm so saddened by Charles' and your story. But I'm also grateful that you extended your heart and shared your sorrow in this post. It helps me maintain perspective.

My deep sympathy,

Carol 

You helped me. I’m in San Diego also. I changed my care team based on your experience. Thank you, you most likely saved my life (not yet but getting closer). I think my old care team was good but just didn’t have the resources of a leading cancer center.

Dan

Rita, It was your research and reading that likely gave you additional time with Charles and your dedication in doing so is a demonstration of your intense love for him. I have been told that the intensity of our mourning is in direct proportion to our love for those we have lost. It is easy to say "don't second guess or regret the decisions you made at the time" as I know personally that is an impossible task. Be assured that you did make the right ones.

Know that your participation and support here has been invaluable to others on here and will continue to be for many years to come.

I think I can say I know the pain you have. I believe losing a spouse to be particularly challenging and there is no comparison to any other loss. Although we think we have prepared ourselves, you find out afterward that you weren't even close to being prepared. I am honored that my loved one chose to spend her last moments with me and that she loved me and trusted me to care for her during that time. I am also grateful that we were fortunate to have the opportunity to have the choice available, as many do not because of their situation. I have come to believe there is no greater expression of love for someone than to share their final moments. 

Rita, I wish you well and that you find happiness. Go out and make new memories, not as replacements, but to honor what Charles would want for you. I can assure you that he would want you to have happiness, love and joy in your life just the same as he did during your life together over the last many years. 

Rob

Ah Rita! I've thought of you often in the last year … wondering how you were. Every loss in this community is devastating and I suppose, depending on our own state of fragility at the time, some resonate with us, individually, with even more heartbreak. News of Charles' passing was like that for me. Still wishing peace finds its way to your heart.

Barb