› Forums › General Melanoma Community › Not all disease is melanoma.
- This topic has 42 replies, 10 voices, and was last updated 13 years, 1 month ago by
Jim M..
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- September 2, 2011 at 1:08 am
In 1984 I was pregnant with my second child and was diagnosed with Melanoma. Two skin lesions one on my right wrist the other on my right ankle. I was to further my treatmet but I prayed to God to let me live so I ignored it and lived until 2005 when it came back with a vengence. Stage 3B, i think. In 2006-2010 when through surgery, and all kinds of nastsy illnesses. Then came the biggest scare of them all.
In 1984 I was pregnant with my second child and was diagnosed with Melanoma. Two skin lesions one on my right wrist the other on my right ankle. I was to further my treatmet but I prayed to God to let me live so I ignored it and lived until 2005 when it came back with a vengence. Stage 3B, i think. In 2006-2010 when through surgery, and all kinds of nastsy illnesses. Then came the biggest scare of them all.
October 2010 my husband of 36 years left me for a girl 20 years younger then he. He said he just couldn't live with someone dying. So he took most of the valuables, left me no money, no food, no heating fuel for winter, a bunch of unpaid bills and I was in shock.. This has been just as hard if not harder to deal with than my second ourrence.
36 years down the tube, thank you melanoma.
C
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- September 2, 2011 at 5:56 am
Very sorry for your situation. Hate to tell him that she is dying to! We are all. I don't accept that I will automatically die from melanoma, though it is a distinct possibility. I wish you succes in your fiht. Don't let the mental attitude lower your fightiing spirit to much.
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- September 2, 2011 at 5:56 am
Very sorry for your situation. Hate to tell him that she is dying to! We are all. I don't accept that I will automatically die from melanoma, though it is a distinct possibility. I wish you succes in your fiht. Don't let the mental attitude lower your fightiing spirit to much.
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- September 2, 2011 at 7:30 pm
How painful and unfair for your husband to do this to you, whatever his reasons. It's hard enough having melanoma.
He's using this as an excuse for a midlife crisis.
After my stage IV diagnosis this year, my husband bought HIMSELF a motorcycle!! Since we both work full time, and I've missed all kinds of work this year, the added insult of the cycle payment/insurance does not sit well with me, at ALL! (Did I mention my melanoma is on my scalp, so I can't exactly wear a helmet to ride the blasted thing?!??!).
I give you hugs from Delaware, and lift you in prayer that things will get better for you. (Maybe a voodoo doll in his image with sharp pins sticking in it will make you feel better?) 🙂
TracyLee
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- September 2, 2011 at 7:44 pm
And I though I was the only one on this board with imperfect marriages.
My husband has turned away meals offered by others because he says he can cook for us. My husband hasn't cooked one meal since 1975 (wedding) and makes hot dogs 2x each week, loads up the fridge with hot dogs.
Did I mention I HATE hot dogs?
Nicki, stage 4, lungs, adrenal gland
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- September 2, 2011 at 7:44 pm
And I though I was the only one on this board with imperfect marriages.
My husband has turned away meals offered by others because he says he can cook for us. My husband hasn't cooked one meal since 1975 (wedding) and makes hot dogs 2x each week, loads up the fridge with hot dogs.
Did I mention I HATE hot dogs?
Nicki, stage 4, lungs, adrenal gland
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- September 5, 2011 at 11:57 pm
My Husband liked to be waited on hand and foot. All he wanted to do was go to work and come home. I did everything. Then when I got sick I couldn't do everything so I told him he would have to take over some of the responsibilites. I wasn't a house wife, I worked too all our marriage except I left work in 2008.
So he now has someone who does everything for him. Lucky Him. Poor stupid woman who hooked up with him. I know she thinks he probably makes lots of money and she will be taken care of…but I understand from my friends that she is actually taking care of everything including paying his bills. Will wonders ever cease?
Thank you
C Kasper
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- September 5, 2011 at 11:57 pm
My Husband liked to be waited on hand and foot. All he wanted to do was go to work and come home. I did everything. Then when I got sick I couldn't do everything so I told him he would have to take over some of the responsibilites. I wasn't a house wife, I worked too all our marriage except I left work in 2008.
So he now has someone who does everything for him. Lucky Him. Poor stupid woman who hooked up with him. I know she thinks he probably makes lots of money and she will be taken care of…but I understand from my friends that she is actually taking care of everything including paying his bills. Will wonders ever cease?
Thank you
C Kasper
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- September 2, 2011 at 7:30 pm
How painful and unfair for your husband to do this to you, whatever his reasons. It's hard enough having melanoma.
He's using this as an excuse for a midlife crisis.
After my stage IV diagnosis this year, my husband bought HIMSELF a motorcycle!! Since we both work full time, and I've missed all kinds of work this year, the added insult of the cycle payment/insurance does not sit well with me, at ALL! (Did I mention my melanoma is on my scalp, so I can't exactly wear a helmet to ride the blasted thing?!??!).
I give you hugs from Delaware, and lift you in prayer that things will get better for you. (Maybe a voodoo doll in his image with sharp pins sticking in it will make you feel better?) 🙂
TracyLee
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- September 3, 2011 at 3:02 am
I never respond without my name…but this one, I can't sign. My darling of 39 yrs isn't "fond" of my scars! Like I am?! I have had MM since 1993…way too many years to worry about what he is fond of.
I'm sorry he has caused you more pain. Does he actually think someone 20 yrs younger can't get sick?? You deserve better.
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- September 3, 2011 at 3:02 am
I never respond without my name…but this one, I can't sign. My darling of 39 yrs isn't "fond" of my scars! Like I am?! I have had MM since 1993…way too many years to worry about what he is fond of.
I'm sorry he has caused you more pain. Does he actually think someone 20 yrs younger can't get sick?? You deserve better.
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- September 5, 2011 at 11:46 pm
I know about that all to well. I have scars as well. Of course they are in places were they can be seen. So what? When people ask me about them I tell them. Stay out of the sun and wear sun screen and give to the Melanoma Research Foundation.
Spirtual thoughts and well wishes to you
C Kasper
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- September 5, 2011 at 11:46 pm
I know about that all to well. I have scars as well. Of course they are in places were they can be seen. So what? When people ask me about them I tell them. Stay out of the sun and wear sun screen and give to the Melanoma Research Foundation.
Spirtual thoughts and well wishes to you
C Kasper
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- September 6, 2011 at 12:03 am
He doesn't care, he just wants someone to do everything for him and from what I hear she does everything for him including paying some of his bills.
I often ask myself what can I do to help. I have always helped people in the work I did and I had many different jobs, some with some very high profile people. I live in New England.
We had to sell our home which was a small cape style home in Northern New England because we couldn't afford it with me being out of work and the property taxes going sky high.
We moved into a farmhouse in another Northern New England State in 2007. While I love the farmhouse which I will lose, I miss the other community I lived in S.Woodstock, VT.
I am so upset by what happened there and the village I lived in was one of the hardest hit.
I wish I could go back there and embrace them and ask if I can do anything to help. But I'm not well and I don't know what I could do.
Its Frustrating.
Peace be with you
CKasper
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- September 6, 2011 at 12:03 am
He doesn't care, he just wants someone to do everything for him and from what I hear she does everything for him including paying some of his bills.
I often ask myself what can I do to help. I have always helped people in the work I did and I had many different jobs, some with some very high profile people. I live in New England.
We had to sell our home which was a small cape style home in Northern New England because we couldn't afford it with me being out of work and the property taxes going sky high.
We moved into a farmhouse in another Northern New England State in 2007. While I love the farmhouse which I will lose, I miss the other community I lived in S.Woodstock, VT.
I am so upset by what happened there and the village I lived in was one of the hardest hit.
I wish I could go back there and embrace them and ask if I can do anything to help. But I'm not well and I don't know what I could do.
Its Frustrating.
Peace be with you
CKasper
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- September 3, 2011 at 3:55 pm
Oh, so horrible. You will grieve. Then you will rebound, because you are – you must be a warrior.
Get a good lawyer. After 36 years you deserve half plus support/alimony. My first husband was abusive. I had 2 little kids and was unemployed when I got my divorce. I got a good lawyer, got the house, child support, & alimony, and my attorney's bill and court costs were paid for by my ex, not by me.
If you have family and friends, turn to them. You are not alone. You will need support for this, as well as for your melanoma fight.
Just remember, you have legal rights. He can't just walk away.
Hang in there.
CJ wife of Ron, stage IV, mets to lung, bone, adrenals. No primary.
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- September 5, 2011 at 11:53 pm
My goodness you have so much on your plate. You must be so strong. I used to be a real fighter until this past year when my husband left me..and I think the horrible thing about it she's 20 years younger than he is….What is wrong with women who can't seem to find someone in their age bracket?
Oh well 36 years down the tube. I have two adult children but I have recevied minimal support from them, they say they wish to remain neutral. What it is….is that children no matter what their age are affect by divorce.
In February of this past year it was 0 degrees outside and he had not sent the support check and I ran out of heating fuel. I tried all the emergency agencies in the state of live in but there was not help….
So I thought Its time to die. I took an overdose, didn't die, didn't pass out and got extremely ill, so I broke down and called my doctor who put me in the hospital.
Now I suffer along with everything else extreme depression.
I often wonder if I will ever have another relationship with a man….I mean who wants a relationship with a cancer survivor?
Thank you very much for your words….I appreciate it.
CKasper
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- September 5, 2011 at 11:53 pm
My goodness you have so much on your plate. You must be so strong. I used to be a real fighter until this past year when my husband left me..and I think the horrible thing about it she's 20 years younger than he is….What is wrong with women who can't seem to find someone in their age bracket?
Oh well 36 years down the tube. I have two adult children but I have recevied minimal support from them, they say they wish to remain neutral. What it is….is that children no matter what their age are affect by divorce.
In February of this past year it was 0 degrees outside and he had not sent the support check and I ran out of heating fuel. I tried all the emergency agencies in the state of live in but there was not help….
So I thought Its time to die. I took an overdose, didn't die, didn't pass out and got extremely ill, so I broke down and called my doctor who put me in the hospital.
Now I suffer along with everything else extreme depression.
I often wonder if I will ever have another relationship with a man….I mean who wants a relationship with a cancer survivor?
Thank you very much for your words….I appreciate it.
CKasper
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- September 3, 2011 at 3:55 pm
Oh, so horrible. You will grieve. Then you will rebound, because you are – you must be a warrior.
Get a good lawyer. After 36 years you deserve half plus support/alimony. My first husband was abusive. I had 2 little kids and was unemployed when I got my divorce. I got a good lawyer, got the house, child support, & alimony, and my attorney's bill and court costs were paid for by my ex, not by me.
If you have family and friends, turn to them. You are not alone. You will need support for this, as well as for your melanoma fight.
Just remember, you have legal rights. He can't just walk away.
Hang in there.
CJ wife of Ron, stage IV, mets to lung, bone, adrenals. No primary.
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- September 4, 2011 at 8:38 am
Even family like your kids, aunts and uncles etc begin to pull away when they think you are dying. I think it happens more frequently then we want to believe. They want to pull back and not be close because it is so painful to lose someone.
I have talked to several women whose men left them after they aere diagnosed with cancer. My step dad began cheating on my mom and after she died he married the woman…
I have an awesome husband and we both have a lot of scars and we call them our battle scars…we have been through a lot of things and its the price we pay for living…I have stage 4 melanoma and currently stage 4. I was dx'ed Jun 2009 and given 6-9 months…been NED however since March 2010 and I am blessed and thankful to be alive.
I don't think my former husband would have handled my dx well….he always had to be the center of attention and the world rotated around him…when he had a cold he acted as if he was dying, but let anyone else get anything and it was nothing to him….
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- September 5, 2011 at 11:44 pm
Thank you for your words….I totaly agree that people pull way. When I was diagnosed with my recurrence friend and famiy were falling all over themselves to help and now I never see my daughter, barely talk to my son, and of course the soon to be ex husband never made the motgage payments, so I am in foreclosure and soon I will be homeless.
I will say this, I pray each and every day and a suffer tremendously from depression. It like it just continues to pile up and soon the straw will break the camel's back.
Thank you,
CKasper
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- September 5, 2011 at 11:44 pm
Thank you for your words….I totaly agree that people pull way. When I was diagnosed with my recurrence friend and famiy were falling all over themselves to help and now I never see my daughter, barely talk to my son, and of course the soon to be ex husband never made the motgage payments, so I am in foreclosure and soon I will be homeless.
I will say this, I pray each and every day and a suffer tremendously from depression. It like it just continues to pile up and soon the straw will break the camel's back.
Thank you,
CKasper
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- September 4, 2011 at 8:38 am
Even family like your kids, aunts and uncles etc begin to pull away when they think you are dying. I think it happens more frequently then we want to believe. They want to pull back and not be close because it is so painful to lose someone.
I have talked to several women whose men left them after they aere diagnosed with cancer. My step dad began cheating on my mom and after she died he married the woman…
I have an awesome husband and we both have a lot of scars and we call them our battle scars…we have been through a lot of things and its the price we pay for living…I have stage 4 melanoma and currently stage 4. I was dx'ed Jun 2009 and given 6-9 months…been NED however since March 2010 and I am blessed and thankful to be alive.
I don't think my former husband would have handled my dx well….he always had to be the center of attention and the world rotated around him…when he had a cold he acted as if he was dying, but let anyone else get anything and it was nothing to him….
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- September 4, 2011 at 8:38 am
Even family like your kids, aunts and uncles etc begin to pull away when they think you are dying. I think it happens more frequently then we want to believe. They want to pull back and not be close because it is so painful to lose someone.
I have talked to several women whose men left them after they aere diagnosed with cancer. My step dad began cheating on my mom and after she died he married the woman…
I have an awesome husband and we both have a lot of scars and we call them our battle scars…we have been through a lot of things and its the price we pay for living…I have stage 4 melanoma and currently stage 4. I was dx'ed Jun 2009 and given 6-9 months…been NED however since March 2010 and I am blessed and thankful to be alive.
I don't think my former husband would have handled my dx well….he always had to be the center of attention and the world rotated around him…when he had a cold he acted as if he was dying, but let anyone else get anything and it was nothing to him….
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- September 4, 2011 at 8:38 am
Even family like your kids, aunts and uncles etc begin to pull away when they think you are dying. I think it happens more frequently then we want to believe. They want to pull back and not be close because it is so painful to lose someone.
I have talked to several women whose men left them after they aere diagnosed with cancer. My step dad began cheating on my mom and after she died he married the woman…
I have an awesome husband and we both have a lot of scars and we call them our battle scars…we have been through a lot of things and its the price we pay for living…I have stage 4 melanoma and currently stage 4. I was dx'ed Jun 2009 and given 6-9 months…been NED however since March 2010 and I am blessed and thankful to be alive.
I don't think my former husband would have handled my dx well….he always had to be the center of attention and the world rotated around him…when he had a cold he acted as if he was dying, but let anyone else get anything and it was nothing to him….
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- September 4, 2011 at 8:02 pm
Hi,
What an awful situation. I can't imagine being left alone while battling melanoma. Even if you are over the shock, I'm sure you have a bunch of other feelings like anger, sadness, maybe even a feeling of helplessness.
If you look back on the last 36 years what good came out of it? You had at least 2 children. If you focus on good memories of your children, friends and other experiences, these things will help to give you strength for the future. It sounds like you find strength in God (I do also). Reflect on your life on the times you saw God working in your life. He's just as capable to help you now.
Spend time with people who support you, who make you laugh. Do things that you enjoy doing. Find support in a church or a support group. Talk to God about all your feelings/thoughts on a daily basis. In times of trouble I'd write a journal. Once in awhile I read to see how far I've come. Get enough sleep, exercise and eat foods that will boost the immune system.
These other ideas I mentioned I believe boost the immune system as well. You want to try to decrease the toxic feelings you have. This is another disease that is not melanoma and can lower your defenses.
You're better than melanoma, your husband's actions and all the negativity that life can throw at you. Believe it and live it!
God Bless,
Jim M.
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- September 4, 2011 at 8:02 pm
Hi,
What an awful situation. I can't imagine being left alone while battling melanoma. Even if you are over the shock, I'm sure you have a bunch of other feelings like anger, sadness, maybe even a feeling of helplessness.
If you look back on the last 36 years what good came out of it? You had at least 2 children. If you focus on good memories of your children, friends and other experiences, these things will help to give you strength for the future. It sounds like you find strength in God (I do also). Reflect on your life on the times you saw God working in your life. He's just as capable to help you now.
Spend time with people who support you, who make you laugh. Do things that you enjoy doing. Find support in a church or a support group. Talk to God about all your feelings/thoughts on a daily basis. In times of trouble I'd write a journal. Once in awhile I read to see how far I've come. Get enough sleep, exercise and eat foods that will boost the immune system.
These other ideas I mentioned I believe boost the immune system as well. You want to try to decrease the toxic feelings you have. This is another disease that is not melanoma and can lower your defenses.
You're better than melanoma, your husband's actions and all the negativity that life can throw at you. Believe it and live it!
God Bless,
Jim M.
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- September 6, 2011 at 12:19 am
Thank you Jim for your words….This past year has been incredibly difficult. It has appeared to me at many times that I was and still am overwhelmed. I'm trying to live day by day. I live in a very rural area, no neighbors, so sometimes being alone really gets to me.
I am currently being treated for major depression. I used to be this really strong fighting person but some days I wish it was all over.
I love To Love, I love to b Loved, I use to help where ever I could in my community and now I do nothing because its so difficult to do anything.
I still have faith.
Thank you
CKasper
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- September 6, 2011 at 11:14 am
Hi CKasper,
Counter to what you said, "now I do nothing" you are doing something. You are receiving professional help but by receiving it you make the effort to overcome depression. You are also reaching out to this board so that's another action you are doing. Praying daily is another action and I bet you can think of many other things you do. You have limitless value as a human being eventhough your husband left.
I will lift you up in prayer.
God Bless you,
Jim M.
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- September 6, 2011 at 11:14 am
Hi CKasper,
Counter to what you said, "now I do nothing" you are doing something. You are receiving professional help but by receiving it you make the effort to overcome depression. You are also reaching out to this board so that's another action you are doing. Praying daily is another action and I bet you can think of many other things you do. You have limitless value as a human being eventhough your husband left.
I will lift you up in prayer.
God Bless you,
Jim M.
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- September 6, 2011 at 12:19 am
Thank you Jim for your words….This past year has been incredibly difficult. It has appeared to me at many times that I was and still am overwhelmed. I'm trying to live day by day. I live in a very rural area, no neighbors, so sometimes being alone really gets to me.
I am currently being treated for major depression. I used to be this really strong fighting person but some days I wish it was all over.
I love To Love, I love to b Loved, I use to help where ever I could in my community and now I do nothing because its so difficult to do anything.
I still have faith.
Thank you
CKasper
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- September 6, 2011 at 6:16 am
I am really saddened to read of your situation. Unfortuntely, some people can be very cold and callous because they are motivated purely by self-interest.
Please remember that there are some wonderful people in this forum who care about you. So, don't hesitate to post here with any concerns that you may have.
I think that God always helps us to cope, no matter how tough life may be.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Frank from Australia
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- September 6, 2011 at 6:16 am
I am really saddened to read of your situation. Unfortuntely, some people can be very cold and callous because they are motivated purely by self-interest.
Please remember that there are some wonderful people in this forum who care about you. So, don't hesitate to post here with any concerns that you may have.
I think that God always helps us to cope, no matter how tough life may be.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Frank from Australia
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