The information on this site is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Content within the patient forum is user-generated and has not been reviewed by medical professionals. Other sections of the Melanoma Research Foundation website include information that has been reviewed by medical professionals as appropriate. All medical decisions should be made in consultation with your doctor or other qualified medical professional.

He Was Just 17…

Forums General Melanoma Community He Was Just 17…

  • Post
    BethA in VA
    Participant

      I'm not sure why I have to say this…maybe because NO ONE will talk to me about him.  My 17 year old nephew died in a car accident…on this day,          25 years ago.  There…I said it.  Everyone acts like the world will end if I mention him. 

      I'm not sure why I have to say this…maybe because NO ONE will talk to me about him.  My 17 year old nephew died in a car accident…on this day,          25 years ago.  There…I said it.  Everyone acts like the world will end if I mention him. 

      He was a handsome, nice kid.  High School senior, (same as my granddaughter now!) on Christmas vacation.  He was just hanging out with his friends and left to go to his girlfriends house for dinner with her family.  And then…it was over.  In a minute, life changed. 

      We all loved him.  We all miss him.  But as I said, no one is willing to talk about him.  How can I still miss someone who has been gone longer than he lived on this earth?? 

      I don't need a response to this crazy ranting of me.  I just wanted to remember Bobby, my 17 years old "practice child".     Beth

      Loading spinner
    Viewing 3 reply threads
    • Replies
        bcl
        Participant

          Hi Beth, I know you said you need no replies.. but I have to tell you it's not at all crazy to remember someone you have loved for all these years, no matter how much time has passed since last you saw him.  And I'm really sorry those around you have put up walls –  it seems so unfair of them to refuse to acknowledge his precious memory.  When my grandfather died suddenly, my grandmother coped by removing his photo from every album and picture frame.. every conversation.  Out of compassion, everyone went along with her and since I was still a child I was left completely confused as to why someone I adored could be so very much alive one day and wiped from memory the next.  Fortunately some of the adults hid photos just as you are forced to hide your memories; it took decades for these to surface, but I'm sure glad they did. Don't question yourself Beth, what you are feeling really is healthy and a fine tribute to a special young man.

          Loading spinner
          bcl
          Participant

            Hi Beth, I know you said you need no replies.. but I have to tell you it's not at all crazy to remember someone you have loved for all these years, no matter how much time has passed since last you saw him.  And I'm really sorry those around you have put up walls –  it seems so unfair of them to refuse to acknowledge his precious memory.  When my grandfather died suddenly, my grandmother coped by removing his photo from every album and picture frame.. every conversation.  Out of compassion, everyone went along with her and since I was still a child I was left completely confused as to why someone I adored could be so very much alive one day and wiped from memory the next.  Fortunately some of the adults hid photos just as you are forced to hide your memories; it took decades for these to surface, but I'm sure glad they did. Don't question yourself Beth, what you are feeling really is healthy and a fine tribute to a special young man.

            Loading spinner
            DebbieH
            Participant

              Hi Beth, I didn't see this until now but still wanted to post. 

              I think time is a funny thing.  It doesn't always make sense WHEN we miss someone, or what brings them to mind after years of being gone — it just happens.  My niece has been gone 17 years and somehow she was in my mind more this year than ever before.  She was 21 when a madman killed her and nobody speaks of her either.  I suppose because it's so painful but if nobody mentions a person then it's like they were never here.  When we put up our Christmas tree I spoke of her often this year – she liked to make decorations when she was a little girl and I still have several of them.  If it was hard for anyone to hear then too bad. 

              Even if nobody else does, you should talk about Bobby whenever you like.  Remember him with tears and with smiles and he won't be forgotten.  He sounds like he was a great kid – I'm so very sorry for your loss.  Hang in there. 

              DebbieH

              Loading spinner
                BethA in VA
                Participant

                  Thank you.  You really understand because you have been there.  I'm sorry for that.  I do talk about him.  Just no one talks back.  They act like he never existed and I can't do that.  I really don't know what my breakdown was the other night, just needed to tell someone, so I chose this board.  Maybe telling strangers is easier. 

                  We will remember them forever.  Thank you again for the kind words.  Beth

                  Loading spinner
                  BethA in VA
                  Participant

                    Thank you.  You really understand because you have been there.  I'm sorry for that.  I do talk about him.  Just no one talks back.  They act like he never existed and I can't do that.  I really don't know what my breakdown was the other night, just needed to tell someone, so I chose this board.  Maybe telling strangers is easier. 

                    We will remember them forever.  Thank you again for the kind words.  Beth

                    Loading spinner
                  DebbieH
                  Participant

                    Hi Beth, I didn't see this until now but still wanted to post. 

                    I think time is a funny thing.  It doesn't always make sense WHEN we miss someone, or what brings them to mind after years of being gone — it just happens.  My niece has been gone 17 years and somehow she was in my mind more this year than ever before.  She was 21 when a madman killed her and nobody speaks of her either.  I suppose because it's so painful but if nobody mentions a person then it's like they were never here.  When we put up our Christmas tree I spoke of her often this year – she liked to make decorations when she was a little girl and I still have several of them.  If it was hard for anyone to hear then too bad. 

                    Even if nobody else does, you should talk about Bobby whenever you like.  Remember him with tears and with smiles and he won't be forgotten.  He sounds like he was a great kid – I'm so very sorry for your loss.  Hang in there. 

                    DebbieH

                    Loading spinner
                Viewing 3 reply threads
                • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
                About the MRF Patient Forum

                The MRF Patient Forum is the oldest and largest online community of people affected by melanoma. It is designed to provide peer support and information to caregivers, patients, family and friends. There is no better place to discuss different parts of your journey with this cancer and find the friends and support resources to make that journey more bearable.

                The information on the forum is open and accessible to everyone. To add a new topic or to post a reply, you must be a registered user. Please note that you will be able to post both topics and replies anonymously even though you are logged in. All posts must abide by MRF posting policies.