› Forums › General Melanoma Community › Have Kids or Begin Treatment?
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POW.
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- September 15, 2012 at 6:29 pm
Hello All. My wife is stage 3C and after a year of NED, she has had 4 tumors pop up between her primary and her lymphnodes (had 2 lymphnodes removed last june, both positive for melanoma) in the span of 45 days which means that the melanoma is in transit. Outside of her surgeries (to remove the primary and the lymphnodes) she has never recieved any treatment, which makes her eligible for the GSK MEK and BRAF trial.
Hello All. My wife is stage 3C and after a year of NED, she has had 4 tumors pop up between her primary and her lymphnodes (had 2 lymphnodes removed last june, both positive for melanoma) in the span of 45 days which means that the melanoma is in transit. Outside of her surgeries (to remove the primary and the lymphnodes) she has never recieved any treatment, which makes her eligible for the GSK MEK and BRAF trial.
This comes as a big blow to us, as we were hoping to start a family soon. If we enter the trial we will have to give up on starting a family for at least 3 years (god willing), so with those things in mind, we were hoping some of you can speak on our situation.
Once melanoma starts coming back in her limb, what is our prognosis?
Do we have time to try for children before entering treatment? if not….how about after?
If we do have time before starting treatment, we were thinking of having an isolated limb perfusion before we start trying, with hopes that this would buy us some more time before she can start treatment. Is this a good option?
Please don't think we are being selfish or greedy. I know some of you out there would kill to be in our shoes, and we do recognize that even with this bad news, we are still fortunate to have these options. However, like it or not, these are our options and we would be foolish not to seriously consider each one.
Thank you in advance,
Nate and Thanny
- Replies
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- September 15, 2012 at 8:31 pm
Nate and Thanny,
Melanoma as you have read is not forgiving. Once found agressive treatment is the only option (strictly my opinion). I have had my children and know this is a tough decision for you both. I have never asked my prognosis. All you will hear are statistics which don't apply to you. Each person is different. Given that, I wouldn't wait if I was in your shoes. I'm one of the odd-balls that had a 10% chance of reoccurrence from a mole removal back in 2006. Four years later it showed up in lymph nodes in my groin. Diagnosed Stage IIIB/C. After surgery, radiation, Phase I immunotherapy trial (11 of 12 doses), and now Zelboraf I am NED. It's been two years. Don't wait.
Kellie
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- September 15, 2012 at 8:31 pm
Nate and Thanny,
Melanoma as you have read is not forgiving. Once found agressive treatment is the only option (strictly my opinion). I have had my children and know this is a tough decision for you both. I have never asked my prognosis. All you will hear are statistics which don't apply to you. Each person is different. Given that, I wouldn't wait if I was in your shoes. I'm one of the odd-balls that had a 10% chance of reoccurrence from a mole removal back in 2006. Four years later it showed up in lymph nodes in my groin. Diagnosed Stage IIIB/C. After surgery, radiation, Phase I immunotherapy trial (11 of 12 doses), and now Zelboraf I am NED. It's been two years. Don't wait.
Kellie
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- September 15, 2012 at 8:31 pm
Nate and Thanny,
Melanoma as you have read is not forgiving. Once found agressive treatment is the only option (strictly my opinion). I have had my children and know this is a tough decision for you both. I have never asked my prognosis. All you will hear are statistics which don't apply to you. Each person is different. Given that, I wouldn't wait if I was in your shoes. I'm one of the odd-balls that had a 10% chance of reoccurrence from a mole removal back in 2006. Four years later it showed up in lymph nodes in my groin. Diagnosed Stage IIIB/C. After surgery, radiation, Phase I immunotherapy trial (11 of 12 doses), and now Zelboraf I am NED. It's been two years. Don't wait.
Kellie
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- September 15, 2012 at 9:00 pm
I suggest you check this site for profiles of those stage 3/4 and you will get a better idea of how unpredictable and deadly melanoma is. The treatments we have are not even close to a cure, although some people do survive for years and years.Any treatment will most likely leave lasting damage in its wake. Sadly I have given up many of my long term dreams however in their place I have been given the amazing gift of appreciating every day so much more and being more grateful for the blessings I do have.
Any oncologist that gives you a guarantee on any of your questions isn’t worth seeing again. Best of luck to you.
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- September 15, 2012 at 9:00 pm
I suggest you check this site for profiles of those stage 3/4 and you will get a better idea of how unpredictable and deadly melanoma is. The treatments we have are not even close to a cure, although some people do survive for years and years.Any treatment will most likely leave lasting damage in its wake. Sadly I have given up many of my long term dreams however in their place I have been given the amazing gift of appreciating every day so much more and being more grateful for the blessings I do have.
Any oncologist that gives you a guarantee on any of your questions isn’t worth seeing again. Best of luck to you.
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- September 15, 2012 at 9:00 pm
I suggest you check this site for profiles of those stage 3/4 and you will get a better idea of how unpredictable and deadly melanoma is. The treatments we have are not even close to a cure, although some people do survive for years and years.Any treatment will most likely leave lasting damage in its wake. Sadly I have given up many of my long term dreams however in their place I have been given the amazing gift of appreciating every day so much more and being more grateful for the blessings I do have.
Any oncologist that gives you a guarantee on any of your questions isn’t worth seeing again. Best of luck to you.
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- September 15, 2012 at 9:12 pm
If your wife has active disease, the time to take care of that is NOW. Prognosis numbers are pretty worthless now – there are new treatments available that weren't available 2 years ago (i.e. BRAF/MEK) so anything you read is already obsolete. If your wife becomes pregnant and the melanoma is active, they can't treat her while she is pregnant. That means ~9 months of no treatment. That's really not a good place to be with a cancer that can be as aggressive as melanoma. Melanoma is one cancer that can metastasize to the placenta as well. Extremely rare, but possible. The goal would be for your wife to become NED – no evidence of disease. THEN you can consider pregnancy. Many docs will tell you to wait X number of years before becoming pregnant. The reason is specifically to avoid recurrence because treatment can't be done while pregnant. Most recurrences happen within the first two years so that is why 2 years is minimally suggested. Realistically, if you want a child sooner than later, it might be better to consider adoption at this point. You need to get your wife's disease under control first. That is the priority because you want her around for any children you have later.
Just my 2 cents.
Janner
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- September 15, 2012 at 9:12 pm
If your wife has active disease, the time to take care of that is NOW. Prognosis numbers are pretty worthless now – there are new treatments available that weren't available 2 years ago (i.e. BRAF/MEK) so anything you read is already obsolete. If your wife becomes pregnant and the melanoma is active, they can't treat her while she is pregnant. That means ~9 months of no treatment. That's really not a good place to be with a cancer that can be as aggressive as melanoma. Melanoma is one cancer that can metastasize to the placenta as well. Extremely rare, but possible. The goal would be for your wife to become NED – no evidence of disease. THEN you can consider pregnancy. Many docs will tell you to wait X number of years before becoming pregnant. The reason is specifically to avoid recurrence because treatment can't be done while pregnant. Most recurrences happen within the first two years so that is why 2 years is minimally suggested. Realistically, if you want a child sooner than later, it might be better to consider adoption at this point. You need to get your wife's disease under control first. That is the priority because you want her around for any children you have later.
Just my 2 cents.
Janner
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- September 15, 2012 at 9:12 pm
If your wife has active disease, the time to take care of that is NOW. Prognosis numbers are pretty worthless now – there are new treatments available that weren't available 2 years ago (i.e. BRAF/MEK) so anything you read is already obsolete. If your wife becomes pregnant and the melanoma is active, they can't treat her while she is pregnant. That means ~9 months of no treatment. That's really not a good place to be with a cancer that can be as aggressive as melanoma. Melanoma is one cancer that can metastasize to the placenta as well. Extremely rare, but possible. The goal would be for your wife to become NED – no evidence of disease. THEN you can consider pregnancy. Many docs will tell you to wait X number of years before becoming pregnant. The reason is specifically to avoid recurrence because treatment can't be done while pregnant. Most recurrences happen within the first two years so that is why 2 years is minimally suggested. Realistically, if you want a child sooner than later, it might be better to consider adoption at this point. You need to get your wife's disease under control first. That is the priority because you want her around for any children you have later.
Just my 2 cents.
Janner
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- September 15, 2012 at 9:41 pm
I am not sure what you mean by "kill to be in our shoes", but you need to deal with the melanoma first. I would not want to be in your wifes or your shoes at all right now. Especially with the melanoma coming back
I have read before on this site of women becoming pregnant and then the melanoma rearing it's ugly head yet again. Hormones or whatever-no studies, but it happens. And there is a small chance it can cross the placenta as well.
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- September 15, 2012 at 9:41 pm
I am not sure what you mean by "kill to be in our shoes", but you need to deal with the melanoma first. I would not want to be in your wifes or your shoes at all right now. Especially with the melanoma coming back
I have read before on this site of women becoming pregnant and then the melanoma rearing it's ugly head yet again. Hormones or whatever-no studies, but it happens. And there is a small chance it can cross the placenta as well.
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- September 15, 2012 at 9:41 pm
I am not sure what you mean by "kill to be in our shoes", but you need to deal with the melanoma first. I would not want to be in your wifes or your shoes at all right now. Especially with the melanoma coming back
I have read before on this site of women becoming pregnant and then the melanoma rearing it's ugly head yet again. Hormones or whatever-no studies, but it happens. And there is a small chance it can cross the placenta as well.
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- September 15, 2012 at 10:08 pm
I am going to have to agree with what every one posted here. Then I am going to ask you to ask yourself three very hard questions.
1. Are you willing to risk you wife's life for a child?
2. Are you ready to raise that child alone?
3. could you live with yourself if you don't do every thing you can now for your wife and the Mel progresses (which it most likely will).
Sorry to be so blunt but sometimes reality check a needed.
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- September 15, 2012 at 10:08 pm
I am going to have to agree with what every one posted here. Then I am going to ask you to ask yourself three very hard questions.
1. Are you willing to risk you wife's life for a child?
2. Are you ready to raise that child alone?
3. could you live with yourself if you don't do every thing you can now for your wife and the Mel progresses (which it most likely will).
Sorry to be so blunt but sometimes reality check a needed.
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- September 16, 2012 at 12:22 am
To anonymous who posted here… what they are trying to say is that many stage 4 melanoma patients would kill to be NED.
Nate and Thanny, I agree with Janner, you really need to focus on treating your wife now.
Having children is wonderful privilege and I would imagine it would be hard coming to terms with the fact that having children may not be a possiblity. In saying that, if the melanoma comes back during pregnancy, where does that leave your wife as far as treatment is concerned?
Your questions are valid and don't let others make you feel silly for asking them, we all have a different level of understanding of this disease. But what is most important is to educate yourself now and seek treatments for your wife's life, that is a priority.
Your wife may be NED for now (I sincerely hope it stays that way) but she needs to be ready in case that changes. Melanoma is a devious, sneaky cancer…..learn as much as you can. This board is wonderful place to learn and receive support when you need it.
Take care
Nahmi
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- September 16, 2012 at 12:22 am
To anonymous who posted here… what they are trying to say is that many stage 4 melanoma patients would kill to be NED.
Nate and Thanny, I agree with Janner, you really need to focus on treating your wife now.
Having children is wonderful privilege and I would imagine it would be hard coming to terms with the fact that having children may not be a possiblity. In saying that, if the melanoma comes back during pregnancy, where does that leave your wife as far as treatment is concerned?
Your questions are valid and don't let others make you feel silly for asking them, we all have a different level of understanding of this disease. But what is most important is to educate yourself now and seek treatments for your wife's life, that is a priority.
Your wife may be NED for now (I sincerely hope it stays that way) but she needs to be ready in case that changes. Melanoma is a devious, sneaky cancer…..learn as much as you can. This board is wonderful place to learn and receive support when you need it.
Take care
Nahmi
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- September 16, 2012 at 12:22 am
To anonymous who posted here… what they are trying to say is that many stage 4 melanoma patients would kill to be NED.
Nate and Thanny, I agree with Janner, you really need to focus on treating your wife now.
Having children is wonderful privilege and I would imagine it would be hard coming to terms with the fact that having children may not be a possiblity. In saying that, if the melanoma comes back during pregnancy, where does that leave your wife as far as treatment is concerned?
Your questions are valid and don't let others make you feel silly for asking them, we all have a different level of understanding of this disease. But what is most important is to educate yourself now and seek treatments for your wife's life, that is a priority.
Your wife may be NED for now (I sincerely hope it stays that way) but she needs to be ready in case that changes. Melanoma is a devious, sneaky cancer…..learn as much as you can. This board is wonderful place to learn and receive support when you need it.
Take care
Nahmi
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- September 15, 2012 at 10:08 pm
I am going to have to agree with what every one posted here. Then I am going to ask you to ask yourself three very hard questions.
1. Are you willing to risk you wife's life for a child?
2. Are you ready to raise that child alone?
3. could you live with yourself if you don't do every thing you can now for your wife and the Mel progresses (which it most likely will).
Sorry to be so blunt but sometimes reality check a needed.
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- September 16, 2012 at 1:32 am
All,
Thank you very much the input. You have summed up what my wife and I have been feeling since we got the news. I guess we just needed to hear it from somebody else. I know it seems rediculous to even consider postponing treatment, but if the options are living out her life in treatment vs living a shorter life with the fulfilment of family, it is worth discussing at least (in our opinion anyway).
We will continue to update you all with our status.
Kind regards,
Nate and Thanny
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- September 16, 2012 at 1:32 am
All,
Thank you very much the input. You have summed up what my wife and I have been feeling since we got the news. I guess we just needed to hear it from somebody else. I know it seems rediculous to even consider postponing treatment, but if the options are living out her life in treatment vs living a shorter life with the fulfilment of family, it is worth discussing at least (in our opinion anyway).
We will continue to update you all with our status.
Kind regards,
Nate and Thanny
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- September 16, 2012 at 1:32 am
All,
Thank you very much the input. You have summed up what my wife and I have been feeling since we got the news. I guess we just needed to hear it from somebody else. I know it seems rediculous to even consider postponing treatment, but if the options are living out her life in treatment vs living a shorter life with the fulfilment of family, it is worth discussing at least (in our opinion anyway).
We will continue to update you all with our status.
Kind regards,
Nate and Thanny
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- September 16, 2012 at 1:51 am
I do not want to appear unkind. but you need a reality check that is clear, distinct and pragmatic.
No matter the deal you and your wife made about your hopes, aspirations, wants and desires prior to and entering into marriage, I am quite sure the thought of a melanoma diagnosis was not part of the equation. Welll, now it is and it is important to come to terms with that reality.
While I admire your standing beside her, it is no longer "we" it is her.
HER life is on the line; it is not yours to bargain.; YOUR life is not at risk; yes your dream is, but it is HER that will undergo , and bear the burden of one treatment or another and the risks involved, not you.. Your dream may be at risk, but it is her life.
No matter how much in your mind it is "we"……it is her life that is at risk; not yours. Yes, support her and stand beside her; but the chance of you dying from her having melanoma is non-existent; her chance is quite different., so recognize that.
It strikes me you want a clear ride with melanoma that fits your picture of life as you imagined. That is not going to happen, and don't expect people here to pat you on the head with the expectation that it will.
May end up your wife is fine but it may not end up that way. That is the real risk with adbanced melanoma.
Hope springs eternal, but right now, your dream of a family takes a back seat to the realities at hand……………and that is for you to have a wife that is alive and in your arms.
Support her to make a smart, well informed medical decision as a way forward and put your dreams aside as an influence, because if I read you right, you love her and can't imagine life without her……………………..well, I HOPE that is the way I read you
Cheers,
Charlie S
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- September 16, 2012 at 1:51 am
I do not want to appear unkind. but you need a reality check that is clear, distinct and pragmatic.
No matter the deal you and your wife made about your hopes, aspirations, wants and desires prior to and entering into marriage, I am quite sure the thought of a melanoma diagnosis was not part of the equation. Welll, now it is and it is important to come to terms with that reality.
While I admire your standing beside her, it is no longer "we" it is her.
HER life is on the line; it is not yours to bargain.; YOUR life is not at risk; yes your dream is, but it is HER that will undergo , and bear the burden of one treatment or another and the risks involved, not you.. Your dream may be at risk, but it is her life.
No matter how much in your mind it is "we"……it is her life that is at risk; not yours. Yes, support her and stand beside her; but the chance of you dying from her having melanoma is non-existent; her chance is quite different., so recognize that.
It strikes me you want a clear ride with melanoma that fits your picture of life as you imagined. That is not going to happen, and don't expect people here to pat you on the head with the expectation that it will.
May end up your wife is fine but it may not end up that way. That is the real risk with adbanced melanoma.
Hope springs eternal, but right now, your dream of a family takes a back seat to the realities at hand……………and that is for you to have a wife that is alive and in your arms.
Support her to make a smart, well informed medical decision as a way forward and put your dreams aside as an influence, because if I read you right, you love her and can't imagine life without her……………………..well, I HOPE that is the way I read you
Cheers,
Charlie S
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- September 16, 2012 at 1:51 am
I do not want to appear unkind. but you need a reality check that is clear, distinct and pragmatic.
No matter the deal you and your wife made about your hopes, aspirations, wants and desires prior to and entering into marriage, I am quite sure the thought of a melanoma diagnosis was not part of the equation. Welll, now it is and it is important to come to terms with that reality.
While I admire your standing beside her, it is no longer "we" it is her.
HER life is on the line; it is not yours to bargain.; YOUR life is not at risk; yes your dream is, but it is HER that will undergo , and bear the burden of one treatment or another and the risks involved, not you.. Your dream may be at risk, but it is her life.
No matter how much in your mind it is "we"……it is her life that is at risk; not yours. Yes, support her and stand beside her; but the chance of you dying from her having melanoma is non-existent; her chance is quite different., so recognize that.
It strikes me you want a clear ride with melanoma that fits your picture of life as you imagined. That is not going to happen, and don't expect people here to pat you on the head with the expectation that it will.
May end up your wife is fine but it may not end up that way. That is the real risk with adbanced melanoma.
Hope springs eternal, but right now, your dream of a family takes a back seat to the realities at hand……………and that is for you to have a wife that is alive and in your arms.
Support her to make a smart, well informed medical decision as a way forward and put your dreams aside as an influence, because if I read you right, you love her and can't imagine life without her……………………..well, I HOPE that is the way I read you
Cheers,
Charlie S
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- September 16, 2012 at 10:04 am
Nate,
I am stage 4 and have been (NED) 2 1/2 years ( No evidence of disease). In June 2009 I was diagnosed stage 4 and was given 6-9 months. I am a realist. Things to consider also- if wife ends up 4 or 5 months along and needs treatment…what about the unborn baby? Also, are you prepared to be a single parent? There is also a rare possibility that melanoma can cross over through the unbolical cord and the baby could end up stage 4 at birth. http://abcnews.go.com/Health/deadly-melanoma-passes-mother-baby-rare-medical-mystery/story?id=15810411
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- September 16, 2012 at 10:04 am
Nate,
I am stage 4 and have been (NED) 2 1/2 years ( No evidence of disease). In June 2009 I was diagnosed stage 4 and was given 6-9 months. I am a realist. Things to consider also- if wife ends up 4 or 5 months along and needs treatment…what about the unborn baby? Also, are you prepared to be a single parent? There is also a rare possibility that melanoma can cross over through the unbolical cord and the baby could end up stage 4 at birth. http://abcnews.go.com/Health/deadly-melanoma-passes-mother-baby-rare-medical-mystery/story?id=15810411
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- September 16, 2012 at 10:04 am
Nate,
I am stage 4 and have been (NED) 2 1/2 years ( No evidence of disease). In June 2009 I was diagnosed stage 4 and was given 6-9 months. I am a realist. Things to consider also- if wife ends up 4 or 5 months along and needs treatment…what about the unborn baby? Also, are you prepared to be a single parent? There is also a rare possibility that melanoma can cross over through the unbolical cord and the baby could end up stage 4 at birth. http://abcnews.go.com/Health/deadly-melanoma-passes-mother-baby-rare-medical-mystery/story?id=15810411
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- September 16, 2012 at 6:44 pm
Pregnancy is an immunosuppressive state. Immunosuppression helps cancer to grow. Pregnancy would NOT be a good idea at all, particularly given that your wife has active disease. To add to that, melanoma works quickly. 9 1/2 months is a long time in the life of a melanoma patient at an advanced stage.-
- September 17, 2012 at 1:00 am
Hi,
Sorry about your situation. Would it be possible to freeze your wifes eggs? That way she would still have an option in the future either way. My brother is battling stage 4 and doesnt have any children, and in reality with all the chemicals that have gone in his body, be probably wouldn't be able to have children now. As he was told, his sperm are probably so fried and full of chemicals. It would have been nice for him to have an option. It might give her some peace of mind as she goes in for this fight.
Just a thought-
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- September 17, 2012 at 2:10 am
I think that it honestly sucks that you have to make a decision like this – but that's what cancer does. I agree with everybody else, but most importantly, agree with Kelly7. If it is possible (emotionally and financially) to freeze her eggs for future use, I would look into that now. Stage IV disease today isn't an automatic death sentence, as many on this board will tell you. So plan for your future – yes, you are dealing with a disease that is deadly, but that doesn't mean you stop living. Don't ever let melanoma do that –
All my best to the both of you,
Maria
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- September 17, 2012 at 2:10 am
I think that it honestly sucks that you have to make a decision like this – but that's what cancer does. I agree with everybody else, but most importantly, agree with Kelly7. If it is possible (emotionally and financially) to freeze her eggs for future use, I would look into that now. Stage IV disease today isn't an automatic death sentence, as many on this board will tell you. So plan for your future – yes, you are dealing with a disease that is deadly, but that doesn't mean you stop living. Don't ever let melanoma do that –
All my best to the both of you,
Maria
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- September 17, 2012 at 2:10 am
I think that it honestly sucks that you have to make a decision like this – but that's what cancer does. I agree with everybody else, but most importantly, agree with Kelly7. If it is possible (emotionally and financially) to freeze her eggs for future use, I would look into that now. Stage IV disease today isn't an automatic death sentence, as many on this board will tell you. So plan for your future – yes, you are dealing with a disease that is deadly, but that doesn't mean you stop living. Don't ever let melanoma do that –
All my best to the both of you,
Maria
-
- September 17, 2012 at 1:00 am
Hi,
Sorry about your situation. Would it be possible to freeze your wifes eggs? That way she would still have an option in the future either way. My brother is battling stage 4 and doesnt have any children, and in reality with all the chemicals that have gone in his body, be probably wouldn't be able to have children now. As he was told, his sperm are probably so fried and full of chemicals. It would have been nice for him to have an option. It might give her some peace of mind as she goes in for this fight.
Just a thought-
-
- September 17, 2012 at 1:00 am
Hi,
Sorry about your situation. Would it be possible to freeze your wifes eggs? That way she would still have an option in the future either way. My brother is battling stage 4 and doesnt have any children, and in reality with all the chemicals that have gone in his body, be probably wouldn't be able to have children now. As he was told, his sperm are probably so fried and full of chemicals. It would have been nice for him to have an option. It might give her some peace of mind as she goes in for this fight.
Just a thought-
-
- September 16, 2012 at 6:44 pm
Pregnancy is an immunosuppressive state. Immunosuppression helps cancer to grow. Pregnancy would NOT be a good idea at all, particularly given that your wife has active disease. To add to that, melanoma works quickly. 9 1/2 months is a long time in the life of a melanoma patient at an advanced stage. -
- September 16, 2012 at 6:44 pm
Pregnancy is an immunosuppressive state. Immunosuppression helps cancer to grow. Pregnancy would NOT be a good idea at all, particularly given that your wife has active disease. To add to that, melanoma works quickly. 9 1/2 months is a long time in the life of a melanoma patient at an advanced stage. -
- September 17, 2012 at 2:21 am
Thanny,
Merry and I have just been blessed with a baby boy named Jedd. We agonized over the decision about having a child all through my treatment. Merry wanted children, I wanted to watch them grow up.
I have been NED for 4 years now, actually 4.5 (scans this week showed no changes, evidence of disease). I have been chemically neutered, luckily for me, I banked sperm. A few suggestions to avoid chemical changes in your wifes reproductive ability:
1. Pick immunotherapies like Yervoy/anti pd1/Interleukin 2 and if possible, a vaccine trial. Immunotherapy tends to have the most durable response, with minimal long term effects. Surgery would be the number one treatment to consider.
2. If you are going to go through the chemical therapies, try to bank eggs for the future when you “get through all of this”, and can plan for your future.
3. Definitely do not take this disease lightly.-
- September 17, 2012 at 12:15 pm
Hi, Nate and Thanny-
I am very sorry about your diagnosis and my heart goes out to you as you grapple with this life-altering event. You have gotten a lot of very good advice here from people who know the score. The only thing I want to add is to advise you to think about the welfare of your child, should you have any. There is as yet no cure for melanoma. In most cases, you will try some type of treatment, tolerate the side-effects, hopefully have some success, then a wait-and-see period to determine if the cancer starts growing again. If it does, then you choose another type of treatment, more side effects, some success, more waiting, etc.
What effect will all this have on your child? A toddler whose mommy is frequently exhausted, anxious, and sick and the child doesn't understand what's going on. A daddy who is on the phone with the doctors, taking Mommy for treatments, nursing her after surgery, and worrying about medical bills. How about an elementary school child whose parents are not able to attend parent-teacher meetings, host sleep-overs, or come to the school play because Mommy is sick? What if you and your wife have to travel to a distant medical center for specialized treatment or clinical trials? No matter who cares for your child during that time, you will be worrying about the child in addition to worrying about your wife.
As you weigh your options, think about the welfare of the child, too.
-
- September 17, 2012 at 12:15 pm
Hi, Nate and Thanny-
I am very sorry about your diagnosis and my heart goes out to you as you grapple with this life-altering event. You have gotten a lot of very good advice here from people who know the score. The only thing I want to add is to advise you to think about the welfare of your child, should you have any. There is as yet no cure for melanoma. In most cases, you will try some type of treatment, tolerate the side-effects, hopefully have some success, then a wait-and-see period to determine if the cancer starts growing again. If it does, then you choose another type of treatment, more side effects, some success, more waiting, etc.
What effect will all this have on your child? A toddler whose mommy is frequently exhausted, anxious, and sick and the child doesn't understand what's going on. A daddy who is on the phone with the doctors, taking Mommy for treatments, nursing her after surgery, and worrying about medical bills. How about an elementary school child whose parents are not able to attend parent-teacher meetings, host sleep-overs, or come to the school play because Mommy is sick? What if you and your wife have to travel to a distant medical center for specialized treatment or clinical trials? No matter who cares for your child during that time, you will be worrying about the child in addition to worrying about your wife.
As you weigh your options, think about the welfare of the child, too.
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- September 17, 2012 at 12:15 pm
Hi, Nate and Thanny-
I am very sorry about your diagnosis and my heart goes out to you as you grapple with this life-altering event. You have gotten a lot of very good advice here from people who know the score. The only thing I want to add is to advise you to think about the welfare of your child, should you have any. There is as yet no cure for melanoma. In most cases, you will try some type of treatment, tolerate the side-effects, hopefully have some success, then a wait-and-see period to determine if the cancer starts growing again. If it does, then you choose another type of treatment, more side effects, some success, more waiting, etc.
What effect will all this have on your child? A toddler whose mommy is frequently exhausted, anxious, and sick and the child doesn't understand what's going on. A daddy who is on the phone with the doctors, taking Mommy for treatments, nursing her after surgery, and worrying about medical bills. How about an elementary school child whose parents are not able to attend parent-teacher meetings, host sleep-overs, or come to the school play because Mommy is sick? What if you and your wife have to travel to a distant medical center for specialized treatment or clinical trials? No matter who cares for your child during that time, you will be worrying about the child in addition to worrying about your wife.
As you weigh your options, think about the welfare of the child, too.
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- September 17, 2012 at 2:21 am
Thanny,
Merry and I have just been blessed with a baby boy named Jedd. We agonized over the decision about having a child all through my treatment. Merry wanted children, I wanted to watch them grow up.
I have been NED for 4 years now, actually 4.5 (scans this week showed no changes, evidence of disease). I have been chemically neutered, luckily for me, I banked sperm. A few suggestions to avoid chemical changes in your wifes reproductive ability:
1. Pick immunotherapies like Yervoy/anti pd1/Interleukin 2 and if possible, a vaccine trial. Immunotherapy tends to have the most durable response, with minimal long term effects. Surgery would be the number one treatment to consider.
2. If you are going to go through the chemical therapies, try to bank eggs for the future when you “get through all of this”, and can plan for your future.
3. Definitely do not take this disease lightly. -
- September 17, 2012 at 2:21 am
Thanny,
Merry and I have just been blessed with a baby boy named Jedd. We agonized over the decision about having a child all through my treatment. Merry wanted children, I wanted to watch them grow up.
I have been NED for 4 years now, actually 4.5 (scans this week showed no changes, evidence of disease). I have been chemically neutered, luckily for me, I banked sperm. A few suggestions to avoid chemical changes in your wifes reproductive ability:
1. Pick immunotherapies like Yervoy/anti pd1/Interleukin 2 and if possible, a vaccine trial. Immunotherapy tends to have the most durable response, with minimal long term effects. Surgery would be the number one treatment to consider.
2. If you are going to go through the chemical therapies, try to bank eggs for the future when you “get through all of this”, and can plan for your future.
3. Definitely do not take this disease lightly.
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