› Forums › General Melanoma Community › daughter just dx with stage 3 melanoma
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deesbabygirl.
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- July 8, 2012 at 1:13 pm
My daughter is 41 just had bisopy done dr called said stage 3 melanoma waiting to see derm and onocologist as a mother I am lost and heart broken but without much knowledge of Melanoma I don't know what to expect or what to research I need advise form someone as to how to deal with this emotional roller coaster! at first she did not want to tell me then she did we cried but now a few days later I feel she is shutting me out of her life because she is so independent and dosen't want me to worry is this normal?
My daughter is 41 just had bisopy done dr called said stage 3 melanoma waiting to see derm and onocologist as a mother I am lost and heart broken but without much knowledge of Melanoma I don't know what to expect or what to research I need advise form someone as to how to deal with this emotional roller coaster! at first she did not want to tell me then she did we cried but now a few days later I feel she is shutting me out of her life because she is so independent and dosen't want me to worry is this normal? I have told her I will go to the appointments with her but want to go armed with questions what do I need to ask? thanks to anyone who can enlighten me on this.
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- July 8, 2012 at 1:43 pm
Normally the dermatologist does a biopsy and confirms you have melanoma with a clarks level not a stage yet. In order to find out you have stage III melanoma you are typically referred to an surgical oncologist and they do a sentinal node surgery with dye to find out how many lymph nodes have melanoma in them and hopefully none of them do. I'm just writing this piece to make sure your daughter is stage III not clarks level III. When my husband was orginially diagnosed by the dermatologist we were told Clarks level IV and we confused that with staging. He was not officially staged until after the sentinal node surgery. Has your daughter had the sentinal node surgery yet?
Everyone will say this to you, make sure you are seeing a melanoma specialist, the best in your area. We are in northern va so we went to a derm and then picked Johns Hopkins as our oncologist to do the surgery and follow up.
Rebecca
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- July 8, 2012 at 1:43 pm
Normally the dermatologist does a biopsy and confirms you have melanoma with a clarks level not a stage yet. In order to find out you have stage III melanoma you are typically referred to an surgical oncologist and they do a sentinal node surgery with dye to find out how many lymph nodes have melanoma in them and hopefully none of them do. I'm just writing this piece to make sure your daughter is stage III not clarks level III. When my husband was orginially diagnosed by the dermatologist we were told Clarks level IV and we confused that with staging. He was not officially staged until after the sentinal node surgery. Has your daughter had the sentinal node surgery yet?
Everyone will say this to you, make sure you are seeing a melanoma specialist, the best in your area. We are in northern va so we went to a derm and then picked Johns Hopkins as our oncologist to do the surgery and follow up.
Rebecca
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- July 8, 2012 at 1:43 pm
Normally the dermatologist does a biopsy and confirms you have melanoma with a clarks level not a stage yet. In order to find out you have stage III melanoma you are typically referred to an surgical oncologist and they do a sentinal node surgery with dye to find out how many lymph nodes have melanoma in them and hopefully none of them do. I'm just writing this piece to make sure your daughter is stage III not clarks level III. When my husband was orginially diagnosed by the dermatologist we were told Clarks level IV and we confused that with staging. He was not officially staged until after the sentinal node surgery. Has your daughter had the sentinal node surgery yet?
Everyone will say this to you, make sure you are seeing a melanoma specialist, the best in your area. We are in northern va so we went to a derm and then picked Johns Hopkins as our oncologist to do the surgery and follow up.
Rebecca
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- July 8, 2012 at 1:49 pm
Rebecca is absolutely right – many people confuse depth with stage. This link (http://www.melanoma.org/learn-more/melanoma-101/melanoma-diagnosis) will give you more information. Please post more information. Has your daughter had tests or surgery beyond removing the mole?
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- July 8, 2012 at 1:49 pm
Rebecca is absolutely right – many people confuse depth with stage. This link (http://www.melanoma.org/learn-more/melanoma-101/melanoma-diagnosis) will give you more information. Please post more information. Has your daughter had tests or surgery beyond removing the mole?
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- July 8, 2012 at 1:49 pm
Rebecca is absolutely right – many people confuse depth with stage. This link (http://www.melanoma.org/learn-more/melanoma-101/melanoma-diagnosis) will give you more information. Please post more information. Has your daughter had tests or surgery beyond removing the mole?
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- July 8, 2012 at 3:11 pm
Sorry for your daughters diagnosis. The best advise anyone would start you off with make sure your daughter sees a melanoma specialist.Very important.As for shutting you out that is something that an independent person might do as a first reaction to the news. Give her some time to realize that she will need the support of her loved ones.Will keep her in my prayers . Al
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- July 8, 2012 at 3:11 pm
Sorry for your daughters diagnosis. The best advise anyone would start you off with make sure your daughter sees a melanoma specialist.Very important.As for shutting you out that is something that an independent person might do as a first reaction to the news. Give her some time to realize that she will need the support of her loved ones.Will keep her in my prayers . Al
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- July 8, 2012 at 3:11 pm
Sorry for your daughters diagnosis. The best advise anyone would start you off with make sure your daughter sees a melanoma specialist.Very important.As for shutting you out that is something that an independent person might do as a first reaction to the news. Give her some time to realize that she will need the support of her loved ones.Will keep her in my prayers . Al
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- July 8, 2012 at 3:14 pm
It is really hard to assist you based on what you have given so far.
Can you get a copy of the pathology report and post it here? Clarks levels go from 1 to 5 (I-V) and involve depth levels of invasion through the skin. It is not the same as the stages of melanoma which are stages 0-4.
The most important thing is what is called the Breslow depth, which is measured in MM or millimeters. That and other factors will determine if what is called a sentinel node biopsy is needed.
Hopefully it is referring to Clarks levels, and she may be stage one or two, and not stage three.
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- July 8, 2012 at 3:14 pm
It is really hard to assist you based on what you have given so far.
Can you get a copy of the pathology report and post it here? Clarks levels go from 1 to 5 (I-V) and involve depth levels of invasion through the skin. It is not the same as the stages of melanoma which are stages 0-4.
The most important thing is what is called the Breslow depth, which is measured in MM or millimeters. That and other factors will determine if what is called a sentinel node biopsy is needed.
Hopefully it is referring to Clarks levels, and she may be stage one or two, and not stage three.
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- July 8, 2012 at 3:14 pm
It is really hard to assist you based on what you have given so far.
Can you get a copy of the pathology report and post it here? Clarks levels go from 1 to 5 (I-V) and involve depth levels of invasion through the skin. It is not the same as the stages of melanoma which are stages 0-4.
The most important thing is what is called the Breslow depth, which is measured in MM or millimeters. That and other factors will determine if what is called a sentinel node biopsy is needed.
Hopefully it is referring to Clarks levels, and she may be stage one or two, and not stage three.
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- July 8, 2012 at 5:17 pm
I am a daughter not much older than yours. Like everyone posted, it sounds like it wasn't stage 3, but a Clark Level 3. I was a Clark Level 4 after my biopsy results.
If the tumor was deep enough to require a sentinel node biopsy, that is what will happen next, along with the surgery to remove more skin around the tumor.
The important thing to tell yourself now is that the tumor is gone, and after everything is said and done, she will probably be stage 1 and there won't be any treatment beyond the next surgery. She will be seen by a dermatologist every 3 months for at least a year to check her skin, and less often as time goes on. It's entirely possible that this will be the end of her melanoma forever.
Dealing with my mom's reaction to my cancer has been the hardest part of this whole process, and it's unexplainable. My mom is very nice and supportive, but no matter what she said, it made me upset. I know my mom's fear of losing me was at the center, and maybe that alone is enough to shake the confidence of someone trying to deal with this when they are first diagnosed. To try to be clearer – I think I welcomed the fear and concern from friends and other family, but absolutely not from my mom. I still don't know what I want from her, and its my problem – definately not hers, because she would do anything she could for me.
I would suggest not asking questions of the doctors, but writing down possible questions for her to choose to ask. My doctors told me everything I needed to know, but at the same time, none of the really important questions could be answered because they were all "we don't know."
If your daughter has children, thats where you can be the most helpful – she needs someone to keep them happy and occupied while she deals with this news.
The most important thing is to not try to empathize with your own mortality.
Very sorry you are going through this, keep telling yourself that so far you have actually received decent news in the melanoma world.
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- July 8, 2012 at 5:17 pm
I am a daughter not much older than yours. Like everyone posted, it sounds like it wasn't stage 3, but a Clark Level 3. I was a Clark Level 4 after my biopsy results.
If the tumor was deep enough to require a sentinel node biopsy, that is what will happen next, along with the surgery to remove more skin around the tumor.
The important thing to tell yourself now is that the tumor is gone, and after everything is said and done, she will probably be stage 1 and there won't be any treatment beyond the next surgery. She will be seen by a dermatologist every 3 months for at least a year to check her skin, and less often as time goes on. It's entirely possible that this will be the end of her melanoma forever.
Dealing with my mom's reaction to my cancer has been the hardest part of this whole process, and it's unexplainable. My mom is very nice and supportive, but no matter what she said, it made me upset. I know my mom's fear of losing me was at the center, and maybe that alone is enough to shake the confidence of someone trying to deal with this when they are first diagnosed. To try to be clearer – I think I welcomed the fear and concern from friends and other family, but absolutely not from my mom. I still don't know what I want from her, and its my problem – definately not hers, because she would do anything she could for me.
I would suggest not asking questions of the doctors, but writing down possible questions for her to choose to ask. My doctors told me everything I needed to know, but at the same time, none of the really important questions could be answered because they were all "we don't know."
If your daughter has children, thats where you can be the most helpful – she needs someone to keep them happy and occupied while she deals with this news.
The most important thing is to not try to empathize with your own mortality.
Very sorry you are going through this, keep telling yourself that so far you have actually received decent news in the melanoma world.
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- July 15, 2012 at 1:30 pm
thank you for your post I beleive my daughter is much like you in that she gets upset when I talk to her but we are moving forward she is having surgery and sential node bisopy with in the next 2 weeks so will know more after that and the dr who called her with the "stage" was wrong and it was a Clark level I did have her ask for a copy of the path report so I am hanging in there and she knows I am doing and saying only because I love her and would do anything I could to help her through this she has told me that at the surgeons office last week but it is a lot to process and so she is dealing with it somewhat better now i think
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- July 15, 2012 at 1:30 pm
thank you for your post I beleive my daughter is much like you in that she gets upset when I talk to her but we are moving forward she is having surgery and sential node bisopy with in the next 2 weeks so will know more after that and the dr who called her with the "stage" was wrong and it was a Clark level I did have her ask for a copy of the path report so I am hanging in there and she knows I am doing and saying only because I love her and would do anything I could to help her through this she has told me that at the surgeons office last week but it is a lot to process and so she is dealing with it somewhat better now i think
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- July 15, 2012 at 1:30 pm
thank you for your post I beleive my daughter is much like you in that she gets upset when I talk to her but we are moving forward she is having surgery and sential node bisopy with in the next 2 weeks so will know more after that and the dr who called her with the "stage" was wrong and it was a Clark level I did have her ask for a copy of the path report so I am hanging in there and she knows I am doing and saying only because I love her and would do anything I could to help her through this she has told me that at the surgeons office last week but it is a lot to process and so she is dealing with it somewhat better now i think
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- July 8, 2012 at 5:17 pm
I am a daughter not much older than yours. Like everyone posted, it sounds like it wasn't stage 3, but a Clark Level 3. I was a Clark Level 4 after my biopsy results.
If the tumor was deep enough to require a sentinel node biopsy, that is what will happen next, along with the surgery to remove more skin around the tumor.
The important thing to tell yourself now is that the tumor is gone, and after everything is said and done, she will probably be stage 1 and there won't be any treatment beyond the next surgery. She will be seen by a dermatologist every 3 months for at least a year to check her skin, and less often as time goes on. It's entirely possible that this will be the end of her melanoma forever.
Dealing with my mom's reaction to my cancer has been the hardest part of this whole process, and it's unexplainable. My mom is very nice and supportive, but no matter what she said, it made me upset. I know my mom's fear of losing me was at the center, and maybe that alone is enough to shake the confidence of someone trying to deal with this when they are first diagnosed. To try to be clearer – I think I welcomed the fear and concern from friends and other family, but absolutely not from my mom. I still don't know what I want from her, and its my problem – definately not hers, because she would do anything she could for me.
I would suggest not asking questions of the doctors, but writing down possible questions for her to choose to ask. My doctors told me everything I needed to know, but at the same time, none of the really important questions could be answered because they were all "we don't know."
If your daughter has children, thats where you can be the most helpful – she needs someone to keep them happy and occupied while she deals with this news.
The most important thing is to not try to empathize with your own mortality.
Very sorry you are going through this, keep telling yourself that so far you have actually received decent news in the melanoma world.
-
- July 8, 2012 at 6:18 pm
I have not seen the path report just what she said the dr said and no she went in to a gp dr for something else and ask while she was there about the spot on her arm which had changed in color and size the dr did not "like the looks" so she removed it and sent it for path resultes Im sorry I have not got enough info to know what I'm talking about but if it was a Clark not stage I would guess that is good I will ask her more about it but I know the dr is sending her to a "regular" derm doc so I guress I need to wait for that? then talk to her about melanoma specialist? thank you so much I find the boards to be very helpful when I was dx with PBC last year it was a life saver to talk to people who knew what I was going through happyly I am in remission as of June 2012! I will call her and see if she can tell me anything more and then I will be back…thanks again!
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- July 8, 2012 at 6:18 pm
I have not seen the path report just what she said the dr said and no she went in to a gp dr for something else and ask while she was there about the spot on her arm which had changed in color and size the dr did not "like the looks" so she removed it and sent it for path resultes Im sorry I have not got enough info to know what I'm talking about but if it was a Clark not stage I would guess that is good I will ask her more about it but I know the dr is sending her to a "regular" derm doc so I guress I need to wait for that? then talk to her about melanoma specialist? thank you so much I find the boards to be very helpful when I was dx with PBC last year it was a life saver to talk to people who knew what I was going through happyly I am in remission as of June 2012! I will call her and see if she can tell me anything more and then I will be back…thanks again!
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- July 8, 2012 at 8:49 pm
Great news on your remission!
If her regular doctor did something called an excision biopsy, she will have quite a bit of information if she was given a copy of the pathology report. Ask her about the depth and the mitotic rate. There are other biopsies called "punch" and "shave." A Clark 3 is better than a Clark 4, and it seems that nobody pays much attention to the Clark level here, so don't let that number worry you.
Her doctor might have called the melanoma tumor by its name, for example, I had a T2a tumor. I am a stage 1B, but didn't know what my stage was until after I had the sentinel lymph node biopsy and wide local excision (taking more tissue around the tumor). At this point, you assume she is stage 0 or 1 because it's unknown.
A person in my situation doesn't need a melanoma specialist or an oncologist. I am writing this to you because it appears that your daughter is in a better position than I was after biopsy, so I think you can be very hopeful and grateful that it was caught at an early stage.
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- July 8, 2012 at 8:49 pm
Great news on your remission!
If her regular doctor did something called an excision biopsy, she will have quite a bit of information if she was given a copy of the pathology report. Ask her about the depth and the mitotic rate. There are other biopsies called "punch" and "shave." A Clark 3 is better than a Clark 4, and it seems that nobody pays much attention to the Clark level here, so don't let that number worry you.
Her doctor might have called the melanoma tumor by its name, for example, I had a T2a tumor. I am a stage 1B, but didn't know what my stage was until after I had the sentinel lymph node biopsy and wide local excision (taking more tissue around the tumor). At this point, you assume she is stage 0 or 1 because it's unknown.
A person in my situation doesn't need a melanoma specialist or an oncologist. I am writing this to you because it appears that your daughter is in a better position than I was after biopsy, so I think you can be very hopeful and grateful that it was caught at an early stage.
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- July 8, 2012 at 8:49 pm
Great news on your remission!
If her regular doctor did something called an excision biopsy, she will have quite a bit of information if she was given a copy of the pathology report. Ask her about the depth and the mitotic rate. There are other biopsies called "punch" and "shave." A Clark 3 is better than a Clark 4, and it seems that nobody pays much attention to the Clark level here, so don't let that number worry you.
Her doctor might have called the melanoma tumor by its name, for example, I had a T2a tumor. I am a stage 1B, but didn't know what my stage was until after I had the sentinel lymph node biopsy and wide local excision (taking more tissue around the tumor). At this point, you assume she is stage 0 or 1 because it's unknown.
A person in my situation doesn't need a melanoma specialist or an oncologist. I am writing this to you because it appears that your daughter is in a better position than I was after biopsy, so I think you can be very hopeful and grateful that it was caught at an early stage.
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- July 8, 2012 at 9:57 pm
They would not know it was Stage III unless she had a node biopsy. Did she have a node biopsy? When I first read your post I thought you meant she had a biopsy of an enlarged lymph node, hence the stage III. But if it was a biopsy of a mole then I'm guessing it was clarks III which is most likely stage I, of course not confirmed until after node biopsy IF a node biopsy is recommended (it is only recommended for lesions of a certain depth and/or with certain characteristics).
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- July 8, 2012 at 9:57 pm
They would not know it was Stage III unless she had a node biopsy. Did she have a node biopsy? When I first read your post I thought you meant she had a biopsy of an enlarged lymph node, hence the stage III. But if it was a biopsy of a mole then I'm guessing it was clarks III which is most likely stage I, of course not confirmed until after node biopsy IF a node biopsy is recommended (it is only recommended for lesions of a certain depth and/or with certain characteristics).
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- July 9, 2012 at 10:33 pm
no she only had the bisopy of the place on her arm we have appointment on Thursday so maybe will know more then thank you everyone! I have apprciated all the input and info!
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- July 9, 2012 at 10:33 pm
no she only had the bisopy of the place on her arm we have appointment on Thursday so maybe will know more then thank you everyone! I have apprciated all the input and info!
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- July 9, 2012 at 10:33 pm
no she only had the bisopy of the place on her arm we have appointment on Thursday so maybe will know more then thank you everyone! I have apprciated all the input and info!
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- July 8, 2012 at 9:57 pm
They would not know it was Stage III unless she had a node biopsy. Did she have a node biopsy? When I first read your post I thought you meant she had a biopsy of an enlarged lymph node, hence the stage III. But if it was a biopsy of a mole then I'm guessing it was clarks III which is most likely stage I, of course not confirmed until after node biopsy IF a node biopsy is recommended (it is only recommended for lesions of a certain depth and/or with certain characteristics).
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- July 8, 2012 at 6:18 pm
I have not seen the path report just what she said the dr said and no she went in to a gp dr for something else and ask while she was there about the spot on her arm which had changed in color and size the dr did not "like the looks" so she removed it and sent it for path resultes Im sorry I have not got enough info to know what I'm talking about but if it was a Clark not stage I would guess that is good I will ask her more about it but I know the dr is sending her to a "regular" derm doc so I guress I need to wait for that? then talk to her about melanoma specialist? thank you so much I find the boards to be very helpful when I was dx with PBC last year it was a life saver to talk to people who knew what I was going through happyly I am in remission as of June 2012! I will call her and see if she can tell me anything more and then I will be back…thanks again!
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- July 8, 2012 at 11:39 pm
Here is the "offical" Melanoma info page from the National Cancer Institute at the Institutes of Health http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/types/melanoma They oversee all clinical trials/approved by FDA.
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- July 8, 2012 at 11:39 pm
Here is the "offical" Melanoma info page from the National Cancer Institute at the Institutes of Health http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/types/melanoma They oversee all clinical trials/approved by FDA.
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- July 12, 2012 at 9:23 pm
Send her to THIS SITE……tell her it's VERY EDUCATIONAL and she can learn a LOT about her condition from here. This will ENLIGHTEN her and set in her things she needs to do and know, like : A MEL SPECIALIST – A MEL DERM – THE BEST TREATMENT MONEY CAN AFFORD and WHERE THAT IS.
Just reading here will tell her what she is dealing with and educate her on what she needs to be doing next. You can delete your post so she can't see them.
Just tell her you were doing reseach on your own to learn more about it.
THIS WILL SET her in the right direction in a million ways. NORMAL DOCS cannot handle MEL. Not even normal ONCOLOGIST can. She needs the best of the best from the get go.
Blessings to you – I know you must be worried sick.
Nancy (devoted wife of 3X warrior Wayne)
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- July 12, 2012 at 9:23 pm
Send her to THIS SITE……tell her it's VERY EDUCATIONAL and she can learn a LOT about her condition from here. This will ENLIGHTEN her and set in her things she needs to do and know, like : A MEL SPECIALIST – A MEL DERM – THE BEST TREATMENT MONEY CAN AFFORD and WHERE THAT IS.
Just reading here will tell her what she is dealing with and educate her on what she needs to be doing next. You can delete your post so she can't see them.
Just tell her you were doing reseach on your own to learn more about it.
THIS WILL SET her in the right direction in a million ways. NORMAL DOCS cannot handle MEL. Not even normal ONCOLOGIST can. She needs the best of the best from the get go.
Blessings to you – I know you must be worried sick.
Nancy (devoted wife of 3X warrior Wayne)
-
- July 12, 2012 at 9:23 pm
Send her to THIS SITE……tell her it's VERY EDUCATIONAL and she can learn a LOT about her condition from here. This will ENLIGHTEN her and set in her things she needs to do and know, like : A MEL SPECIALIST – A MEL DERM – THE BEST TREATMENT MONEY CAN AFFORD and WHERE THAT IS.
Just reading here will tell her what she is dealing with and educate her on what she needs to be doing next. You can delete your post so she can't see them.
Just tell her you were doing reseach on your own to learn more about it.
THIS WILL SET her in the right direction in a million ways. NORMAL DOCS cannot handle MEL. Not even normal ONCOLOGIST can. She needs the best of the best from the get go.
Blessings to you – I know you must be worried sick.
Nancy (devoted wife of 3X warrior Wayne)
-
- July 8, 2012 at 11:39 pm
Here is the "offical" Melanoma info page from the National Cancer Institute at the Institutes of Health http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/types/melanoma They oversee all clinical trials/approved by FDA.
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