Caretaker looking for encouragement

Although, I have no experience with post partum depression, I have lots with being a caretaker for family members with terminal cancer as well as survivors and now as a stage IV melanoma patient myself. Given my life experience, I have never asked why me? If a 6 month old baby can have melanoma and receive Opdivo infusions then why not me or anyone else? The key is to put it all into perspective. While it is certainly a life changing experience, there is as much hope now as ever with the immunotherapy advancements. Also, you are so fortunate that you have each other, as well as a healthy child. Many people are alone and have no one to love or be loved, not to mention to care about/for or themselves to be cared by. Instead of focusing on the stage of the illness, focus on being grateful and thankful for what you do have. Have faith, believe, hope, show gratitude, love and be loved. If a single person can beat cancer and has the will to live then together the three of you will do/be just fine. Remember, where there is life there is hope. Find a friend or two or join a support group. You are not alone and together you can and will beat this!
Melanie

Hannaln;
I am now the patient, have been a caretaker before as well. THIS is a huge struggle. Sometimes as a caregiver or patient you feel helpless, you want to do something and there is “nothing” you can do. But there is…..the most important thing you can do is be there for each other. The difference between those who struggle through disease and illness alone and those who have loved ones and friends creating a support network is huge. But, your support network as a caregiver is a little different. You need to have people to talk to that just listen. No judgement, no brilliant ideas, just listen to your conversations about your feelings and experience! That is what has helped me. Try to find people with a shared experience. I think in this sight you have come to a good place. There are many here like me who have been patients and caregivers and there are many who are just caregivers. I wish for you and your husband the best. Remember, it is okay to cry and be worried sometimes…..you need that.
God bless,
Ted

Hi. I’m so sorry you guys are dealing with this…I have two young children , and I have done so much worrying over the last year. Ivevalso got a wife in her 30’s.

When I first was diagnosed a year ago, it wrecked me. Today, we went out to breakfast and I felt real happiness all morning…being with the ones I live most. I couldn’t do that 6 months ago but I could today. I started by enjoying little moments…a hug, a glance…and Im.working my way up.to longer periods of anxiety free time.

For me I think I just needed time to process it…I wish you the best and urge you to enjoy a moment..and build from there. Do not let melanoma steal.any more moments from you…or try to minimize the stolen moments.

Hello, I know exactly what you are going through and I am sorry that melanoma is now part of your life. It sucks, and we have no control over it! My husband is also stage 4 he progressed to stage 4 in May 2018. I had all the feelings you do and felt that I would not be able to get through the next 5 minutes without crying, but I did. I had lots of support from people on this board and a few close friends let your friends help you. I told you once before to be gentle and kind to yourself, this is very important so that you can care for your baby and your husband. When someone asks if they can do an errand for you or watch your baby let them. It is wonderful that you are seeing a therapist and taking medication, in time you will be able to quiet all the scary thoughts in your mind( maybe not at scan time) My husband was diagnosed stage 3 in 2015 and I still turn into an anxious mess at scan time, you will find many postings from me on this board barely holding it together. I don’t know what your husband’s scans will show, I wish I could tell you everything is going to be fine I wish that for all of us here. I do know that treatment for melanoma has come a long way and that there is real hope! Read the posts from the survivors that always makes me feel better. You and your family are in my thoughts I will be hoping for great news on your husband’s next scans.

Hi Hanaln,

Clearly your plate is more than full!!! So sorry for your husband’s diagnosis. However, there is plenty of reason for hope. I’m still here after dealing with melanoma for the past 16 years, Stage IV for the past 9 and NED since 2013! Still, I am certain I would not be here were it not for the caregivers I have been blessed to have in my life. This ode to them and the information included may be of interest to you: https://chaoticallypreciselifeloveandmelanoma.blogspot.com/2017/06/asco-2017-friends-in-need-are-friends.html

Hang tough. Take care of yourself as best you can. Your husband is lucky to have you! I wish you and yours my best. Celeste

Hi Hannah,
I, too, am sorry for all that you’re going through, but you’ve found a soft place to fall with this group. When I was diagnosed, and while I waited for surgery and biopsy results, I was a frantic mess. I didn’t really tell a lot of people, only those with a “need to know”, because I didn’t want our relationships to change with the word “cancer”. That probably made things a bit worse because I was keeping my fear to myself, and didn’t even let my family know how frightened I was. I would have a hard time falling asleep (which is very unusual, I could sleep on a picket fence!), and then I’d wake in the middle of the night – and I mean WIDE awake, going over every fear possible. I think I could feel my heart beating out of my chest for a full 2 months, 24/7. My daughter made me a beautiful sign that says “Give it to God and go to sleep”, which became my evening mantra (it helped!) With each step forward I became a little less anxious, and finding this forum was a huge part of that. I could see that there is hope in even the most devastating of diagnosis, and I came to know those that offer the constant guidance and support as a kind of family. I think it’s safe to say that there is always a prayer on someone’s lips, and you can add mine to that. Best of luck with the scans, and find peace in each moment.
laurie