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Barely Coping
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Barely Coping

› Forums › General Melanoma Community › Barely Coping

  • Post
    • January 19, 2016 at 6:03 pm
    MrsMolly
    Participant
      My husband has been fighting Melanoma since 2011. It was diagnosed stage 3B but progressed to stage 4 in 2014. Overall he has been successful, killing 14 metastasis in 5 years. But we found out last week despite his most recent treatment the cancer spread to his lung. He’s feeling very defeated and I understand why. I’ve been here with him through the entire journey. But lately he sleeps until 5 every day and has no interest in taking care of daily tasks. He’s had a short fuse and flips out if I don’t do something right or try to wake him up or suggest he does anything. We are waiting to see if anything more can be done, so I’m sure it has a lot to do with the stress. I just need to know I’m not alone in dealing with this. I hope the short fuse gets better and we don’t have to have this anger become a new norm. It is difficult to bear!!!
    Viewing 8 reply threads
    • Replies
        • January 19, 2016 at 9:58 pm
        jodaro
        Participant

          It looks like MRF offers patient and caregiver help here: http://www.melanoma.org/find-support/helpline-nurse

          There is help here, too: http://www.cancercare.org/tagged/caregiving

          Call ASAP, for both of you. Good luck.

          • January 19, 2016 at 9:58 pm
          jodaro
          Participant

            It looks like MRF offers patient and caregiver help here: http://www.melanoma.org/find-support/helpline-nurse

            There is help here, too: http://www.cancercare.org/tagged/caregiving

            Call ASAP, for both of you. Good luck.

            • January 19, 2016 at 9:58 pm
            jodaro
            Participant

              It looks like MRF offers patient and caregiver help here: http://www.melanoma.org/find-support/helpline-nurse

              There is help here, too: http://www.cancercare.org/tagged/caregiving

              Call ASAP, for both of you. Good luck.

                • January 20, 2016 at 2:45 am
                lmhl
                Participant

                  If his personality has changed I would also suggest asking for an MRI-Brain if it hasn't been done recently.  We noticed my husband's behaviour changed just prior to being diagnosed with brain mets.  He just wasn't himself.  Just a thought.  Curious what other's would say.

                  • January 20, 2016 at 1:06 pm
                  emagdnim83
                  Participant

                    I second that. From my own experience, personality change can be a symptome of brain mets.Hope we are wrong, though.

                    • January 20, 2016 at 1:06 pm
                    emagdnim83
                    Participant

                      I second that. From my own experience, personality change can be a symptome of brain mets.Hope we are wrong, though.

                      • January 20, 2016 at 1:06 pm
                      emagdnim83
                      Participant

                        I second that. From my own experience, personality change can be a symptome of brain mets.Hope we are wrong, though.

                        • January 20, 2016 at 2:45 am
                        lmhl
                        Participant

                          If his personality has changed I would also suggest asking for an MRI-Brain if it hasn't been done recently.  We noticed my husband's behaviour changed just prior to being diagnosed with brain mets.  He just wasn't himself.  Just a thought.  Curious what other's would say.

                          • January 20, 2016 at 2:45 am
                          lmhl
                          Participant

                            If his personality has changed I would also suggest asking for an MRI-Brain if it hasn't been done recently.  We noticed my husband's behaviour changed just prior to being diagnosed with brain mets.  He just wasn't himself.  Just a thought.  Curious what other's would say.

                          • January 20, 2016 at 4:15 am
                          specka
                          Participant
                            Hello,
                            You aren’t alone. I am the wife of a melanoma warrior. We were dating, He was diagnosed stage 3b, then we got married almost one year ago. We we’re devastated when they did the next scans and found out it spread to the liver. I noticed mood swings, short fuse, anger.. the works. I actually asked the doctors if it could be a side effect from the medicine. They said it was likely stress and possibly depression. I tried getting him to see a therapist, that didn’t fly. You may have better luck. Hopefully he will come around. You are his support. But not his punching bag. Try talking to him. I talked to my husband about what was going on. Told him I know he’s stressed and scared and that I am too.

                            Caregivers are supposed to keep it together. I know it’s hard to do. Perhaps when he’s rude, leave the room. You may consider seeing a therapist yourself. That will give you someone to talk to and learn how to interpret your own emotion and his. Ultimately, you have no power of how people treat you. But you do have control of how you feel and react in situations where you aren’t treated like you should be. He may actually pick up in it and re-evaluate his actions.

                            • January 20, 2016 at 4:15 am
                            specka
                            Participant
                              Hello,
                              You aren’t alone. I am the wife of a melanoma warrior. We were dating, He was diagnosed stage 3b, then we got married almost one year ago. We we’re devastated when they did the next scans and found out it spread to the liver. I noticed mood swings, short fuse, anger.. the works. I actually asked the doctors if it could be a side effect from the medicine. They said it was likely stress and possibly depression. I tried getting him to see a therapist, that didn’t fly. You may have better luck. Hopefully he will come around. You are his support. But not his punching bag. Try talking to him. I talked to my husband about what was going on. Told him I know he’s stressed and scared and that I am too.

                              Caregivers are supposed to keep it together. I know it’s hard to do. Perhaps when he’s rude, leave the room. You may consider seeing a therapist yourself. That will give you someone to talk to and learn how to interpret your own emotion and his. Ultimately, you have no power of how people treat you. But you do have control of how you feel and react in situations where you aren’t treated like you should be. He may actually pick up in it and re-evaluate his actions.

                              • January 20, 2016 at 4:15 am
                              specka
                              Participant
                                Hello,
                                You aren’t alone. I am the wife of a melanoma warrior. We were dating, He was diagnosed stage 3b, then we got married almost one year ago. We we’re devastated when they did the next scans and found out it spread to the liver. I noticed mood swings, short fuse, anger.. the works. I actually asked the doctors if it could be a side effect from the medicine. They said it was likely stress and possibly depression. I tried getting him to see a therapist, that didn’t fly. You may have better luck. Hopefully he will come around. You are his support. But not his punching bag. Try talking to him. I talked to my husband about what was going on. Told him I know he’s stressed and scared and that I am too.

                                Caregivers are supposed to keep it together. I know it’s hard to do. Perhaps when he’s rude, leave the room. You may consider seeing a therapist yourself. That will give you someone to talk to and learn how to interpret your own emotion and his. Ultimately, you have no power of how people treat you. But you do have control of how you feel and react in situations where you aren’t treated like you should be. He may actually pick up in it and re-evaluate his actions.

                                • January 20, 2016 at 3:29 pm
                                Gene_S
                                Participant

                                  Hi,  My husbands treatment messed with the amount of prednisone you body produces and he had to go on a low dose 7.5 of prednisone a day to replace his as his body wasn't producing any and he was moody and snapped at me.  Then  when we tried weaning him off of the supplement it was doing the same thing and I told the doctor and he said to try weaning him down to just the 5 mg a day and that is where we are at.  So I suggest asking his doctor if this could be his problem or what does he think could be causing it.

                                  My husband started out at 3C and progessed to IV with an unresectable at the cervical spine up at C1-C2 and also mets in the liver and lungs and a few sub q's.  He has been NED for over 3 years now and not taking any treatments for over a year now.  If you would like to read more about his journey check out his profile.

                                  Judy (loving wife of Gene Stage IV and now NED)

                                  • January 20, 2016 at 3:29 pm
                                  Gene_S
                                  Participant

                                    Hi,  My husbands treatment messed with the amount of prednisone you body produces and he had to go on a low dose 7.5 of prednisone a day to replace his as his body wasn't producing any and he was moody and snapped at me.  Then  when we tried weaning him off of the supplement it was doing the same thing and I told the doctor and he said to try weaning him down to just the 5 mg a day and that is where we are at.  So I suggest asking his doctor if this could be his problem or what does he think could be causing it.

                                    My husband started out at 3C and progessed to IV with an unresectable at the cervical spine up at C1-C2 and also mets in the liver and lungs and a few sub q's.  He has been NED for over 3 years now and not taking any treatments for over a year now.  If you would like to read more about his journey check out his profile.

                                    Judy (loving wife of Gene Stage IV and now NED)

                                      • January 20, 2016 at 8:20 pm
                                      Scooby123
                                      Participant

                                        Hi there, 

                                        so sorry you are feeling like this . It's hard for us dealing with this disease plus your family having to deal with what might happen. Watching you when having treatment . I completely understand. I have liver , lung tumours and other areas, I just say to my self have not got time for this . Have children and a dog. Some times  I get cross when people in general argue over little things. When I have disagreements with my husband I feel angry thinking too myself do you know what am dealing with at present and do not need any stress, but it's hard for caregivers too . I was told by a nurse not to let melanoma rule me. I am 48 years old want to see my children grow up . I will do my best to beat this, but I also do not know what will happen. Try and talk to your husband how you feel plus talk to a support nurse they are there to help you cope. 

                                        I wish you all the best and prayers for you

                                        scooby❤️

                                        • January 20, 2016 at 8:20 pm
                                        Scooby123
                                        Participant

                                          Hi there, 

                                          so sorry you are feeling like this . It's hard for us dealing with this disease plus your family having to deal with what might happen. Watching you when having treatment . I completely understand. I have liver , lung tumours and other areas, I just say to my self have not got time for this . Have children and a dog. Some times  I get cross when people in general argue over little things. When I have disagreements with my husband I feel angry thinking too myself do you know what am dealing with at present and do not need any stress, but it's hard for caregivers too . I was told by a nurse not to let melanoma rule me. I am 48 years old want to see my children grow up . I will do my best to beat this, but I also do not know what will happen. Try and talk to your husband how you feel plus talk to a support nurse they are there to help you cope. 

                                          I wish you all the best and prayers for you

                                          scooby❤️

                                          • January 20, 2016 at 8:20 pm
                                          Scooby123
                                          Participant

                                            Hi there, 

                                            so sorry you are feeling like this . It's hard for us dealing with this disease plus your family having to deal with what might happen. Watching you when having treatment . I completely understand. I have liver , lung tumours and other areas, I just say to my self have not got time for this . Have children and a dog. Some times  I get cross when people in general argue over little things. When I have disagreements with my husband I feel angry thinking too myself do you know what am dealing with at present and do not need any stress, but it's hard for caregivers too . I was told by a nurse not to let melanoma rule me. I am 48 years old want to see my children grow up . I will do my best to beat this, but I also do not know what will happen. Try and talk to your husband how you feel plus talk to a support nurse they are there to help you cope. 

                                            I wish you all the best and prayers for you

                                            scooby❤️

                                            • January 20, 2016 at 10:22 pm
                                            Scooby123
                                            Participant

                                              Gene,

                                              Hope you and your husband is well. If you do not mind me asking when your husband had tumours on liver did he get pain and how many he had what size. My biggest was 2.8cm  has far as I know I have 3 on liver . Had ippi which has help to reduce tumours by 50% all over my cancer . I completed all 4 doses with minor issue . I have discomfort in my sides but my doc says it's due to my arthuritus which I have in spine. But it is not my usuall pain which I have had for the past 20 years. So either my backs got worse or it's some thing eles. Ippi could cause joint pain I believe so. Praying its nothing eles, I have had 2 stable scans with no change to tumours. Going to see if I can get a maintance dose of ippi . My doc says PD1 next but do not see why ippi could still work longer if had maintance dose like when it was a trial .

                                              All the best 

                                              scooby❤️

                                              • January 20, 2016 at 10:22 pm
                                              Scooby123
                                              Participant

                                                Gene,

                                                Hope you and your husband is well. If you do not mind me asking when your husband had tumours on liver did he get pain and how many he had what size. My biggest was 2.8cm  has far as I know I have 3 on liver . Had ippi which has help to reduce tumours by 50% all over my cancer . I completed all 4 doses with minor issue . I have discomfort in my sides but my doc says it's due to my arthuritus which I have in spine. But it is not my usuall pain which I have had for the past 20 years. So either my backs got worse or it's some thing eles. Ippi could cause joint pain I believe so. Praying its nothing eles, I have had 2 stable scans with no change to tumours. Going to see if I can get a maintance dose of ippi . My doc says PD1 next but do not see why ippi could still work longer if had maintance dose like when it was a trial .

                                                All the best 

                                                scooby❤️

                                                • January 20, 2016 at 10:22 pm
                                                Scooby123
                                                Participant

                                                  Gene,

                                                  Hope you and your husband is well. If you do not mind me asking when your husband had tumours on liver did he get pain and how many he had what size. My biggest was 2.8cm  has far as I know I have 3 on liver . Had ippi which has help to reduce tumours by 50% all over my cancer . I completed all 4 doses with minor issue . I have discomfort in my sides but my doc says it's due to my arthuritus which I have in spine. But it is not my usuall pain which I have had for the past 20 years. So either my backs got worse or it's some thing eles. Ippi could cause joint pain I believe so. Praying its nothing eles, I have had 2 stable scans with no change to tumours. Going to see if I can get a maintance dose of ippi . My doc says PD1 next but do not see why ippi could still work longer if had maintance dose like when it was a trial .

                                                  All the best 

                                                  scooby❤️

                                                • January 20, 2016 at 3:29 pm
                                                Gene_S
                                                Participant

                                                  Hi,  My husbands treatment messed with the amount of prednisone you body produces and he had to go on a low dose 7.5 of prednisone a day to replace his as his body wasn't producing any and he was moody and snapped at me.  Then  when we tried weaning him off of the supplement it was doing the same thing and I told the doctor and he said to try weaning him down to just the 5 mg a day and that is where we are at.  So I suggest asking his doctor if this could be his problem or what does he think could be causing it.

                                                  My husband started out at 3C and progessed to IV with an unresectable at the cervical spine up at C1-C2 and also mets in the liver and lungs and a few sub q's.  He has been NED for over 3 years now and not taking any treatments for over a year now.  If you would like to read more about his journey check out his profile.

                                                  Judy (loving wife of Gene Stage IV and now NED)

                                              Viewing 8 reply threads
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