Advice on telling my mother about my stage 3 melanoma
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Advice on telling my mother about my stage 3 melanoma

› Forums › General Melanoma Community › Advice on telling my mother about my stage 3 melanoma

  • Post
    • April 8, 2016 at 11:16 am
    stuartw
    Participant

    so I never told my mother I have stage 3 melanoma. The lymph node biopsy was such that they could not rule out stage 3 so I am only going for cat scans and sonongrams. No chemo. I'm 52. its been 6 months. How do I share this with my mother?

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  • Replies
      • April 8, 2016 at 2:55 pm
      casagrayson
      Participant

      You know … I've figured out that my elderly parents are a lot tougher than they look.  They've lived through some hard times in their lives (wars, Depression, deaths of their own parents, etc).  While your mom will be very concerned, I don't think it will devastate her.  Just tell her that their was ambiguity in the biopsy, and for right now the doctors think a "watch and wait" approach is best.  Tell her you are doing everything in your power to stay on top of this.  Once you tell her, your anxiety will lessen as well! (My only caveat would be if your mother has dementia.  In that case, I would not tell her anything …. dementia causes an OCD-type behavior and she might find herself obsessing about your illness.)

      • April 8, 2016 at 2:55 pm
      casagrayson
      Participant

      You know … I've figured out that my elderly parents are a lot tougher than they look.  They've lived through some hard times in their lives (wars, Depression, deaths of their own parents, etc).  While your mom will be very concerned, I don't think it will devastate her.  Just tell her that their was ambiguity in the biopsy, and for right now the doctors think a "watch and wait" approach is best.  Tell her you are doing everything in your power to stay on top of this.  Once you tell her, your anxiety will lessen as well! (My only caveat would be if your mother has dementia.  In that case, I would not tell her anything …. dementia causes an OCD-type behavior and she might find herself obsessing about your illness.)

        • April 9, 2016 at 1:43 am
        stuartw
        Participant

        Thanks. 

        • April 9, 2016 at 1:43 am
        stuartw
        Participant

        Thanks. 

        • April 9, 2016 at 1:43 am
        stuartw
        Participant

        Thanks. 

      • April 8, 2016 at 2:55 pm
      casagrayson
      Participant

      You know … I've figured out that my elderly parents are a lot tougher than they look.  They've lived through some hard times in their lives (wars, Depression, deaths of their own parents, etc).  While your mom will be very concerned, I don't think it will devastate her.  Just tell her that their was ambiguity in the biopsy, and for right now the doctors think a "watch and wait" approach is best.  Tell her you are doing everything in your power to stay on top of this.  Once you tell her, your anxiety will lessen as well! (My only caveat would be if your mother has dementia.  In that case, I would not tell her anything …. dementia causes an OCD-type behavior and she might find herself obsessing about your illness.)

      • April 9, 2016 at 11:50 am
      MoiraM
      Participant

      Think it through carefully Why didn't you tell her when it first happened? Do you want to tell her? If the answer to that is yes, the advice that Susan has given seems very sound.

      I have made the decision not to tell my mother. I am 56, my mother is 85. I was diagnosed February 2015 as Stage 3C. I will not tell her unless there is no other option.

      I had to cancel a trip to a family get-together when my pituitary gland had stopped working as a side effect of my treatment with Ipi. I told her and my brothers that my pituitary gland had packed up. When she asksed why it happened, I lied and said that I did not know, that there were a wide range of reasons why pituitary glands stopped working (truth) and that I had had a scan to rule out a brain tumour (truth).

      I have talked  it though with my husband and we both agree that there is absolutely no benefit to either her or me in telling her.

      • April 9, 2016 at 11:50 am
      MoiraM
      Participant

      Think it through carefully Why didn't you tell her when it first happened? Do you want to tell her? If the answer to that is yes, the advice that Susan has given seems very sound.

      I have made the decision not to tell my mother. I am 56, my mother is 85. I was diagnosed February 2015 as Stage 3C. I will not tell her unless there is no other option.

      I had to cancel a trip to a family get-together when my pituitary gland had stopped working as a side effect of my treatment with Ipi. I told her and my brothers that my pituitary gland had packed up. When she asksed why it happened, I lied and said that I did not know, that there were a wide range of reasons why pituitary glands stopped working (truth) and that I had had a scan to rule out a brain tumour (truth).

      I have talked  it though with my husband and we both agree that there is absolutely no benefit to either her or me in telling her.

      • April 9, 2016 at 11:50 am
      MoiraM
      Participant

      Think it through carefully Why didn't you tell her when it first happened? Do you want to tell her? If the answer to that is yes, the advice that Susan has given seems very sound.

      I have made the decision not to tell my mother. I am 56, my mother is 85. I was diagnosed February 2015 as Stage 3C. I will not tell her unless there is no other option.

      I had to cancel a trip to a family get-together when my pituitary gland had stopped working as a side effect of my treatment with Ipi. I told her and my brothers that my pituitary gland had packed up. When she asksed why it happened, I lied and said that I did not know, that there were a wide range of reasons why pituitary glands stopped working (truth) and that I had had a scan to rule out a brain tumour (truth).

      I have talked  it though with my husband and we both agree that there is absolutely no benefit to either her or me in telling her.

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