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When the OTHER SHOE drops….

Forums General Melanoma Community When the OTHER SHOE drops….

  • Post
    Snickers60
    Participant

      I've read some sad post here about how quickly things can change and turn.   My beloved Warrior Wayne has done so

      well on Zel that he was NED in 7 weeks.    Now to my question:   HOW do you live with the OTHER SHOE possibly

      dropping all the time ?    Even with this GREAT REPORT on Wayne, I find myself in a HOLDING PATTERN of sorts.   

      Wayne has had colon cancer at age 40 and the melanoma on his ear lobe at age 50 and then the mets at age 62, but this

      I've read some sad post here about how quickly things can change and turn.   My beloved Warrior Wayne has done so

      well on Zel that he was NED in 7 weeks.    Now to my question:   HOW do you live with the OTHER SHOE possibly

      dropping all the time ?    Even with this GREAT REPORT on Wayne, I find myself in a HOLDING PATTERN of sorts.   

      Wayne has had colon cancer at age 40 and the melanoma on his ear lobe at age 50 and then the mets at age 62, but this

      time is so different for some reason.  I cannot seem to get hold of it.  I feel as if I'm unconsciously trying to PREPARE my self

      all the time for life without Wayne which seems to be a worst fate than any I can think of, we are so very close and have such

      an awesome and very happy and loving marriage of almost 27 years.

       I 

      know that GOD has been more than a LITTLE GOOD to us.   Keeping him through so much, but we BOTH seems to have

      this "SHOE DROPPING" thing hanging over our head, knowing how quickly things can turn.    I know that being so ill myself

      and having struggled with DEPRESSION for decades in this abhorable pain I live in has a lot to do with it, but what do you 

      do to make LIFE NORMAL ???     As NORMAL as can be ?    I'd love to hear how you stay above the curve with your

      emotions and FEARS !    We are normally very positive people – have great faith, but this time…..this time, something is

      just bad wrong……we try to live a happy life, keep the joy, keep up the spirits, be POSITIVE, and we are very light hearted

      people laughing at things most people would weep over, but still we have this HANGING OF THE OTHER SHOE over us that 

      seems to dampen us in small ways all the time.   Please share how you handle this EMOTIONAL SIDE OF IT if you would.

      Thank you for your time and GOD'S BEST BLESSINGS AND HEALING TO ALL OF YOU !

      Nancy (devoted wife of 3 X warrior Wayne ) 

    Viewing 23 reply threads
    • Replies
        JC
        Participant

          I can't say I'm at an advanced mel stage right now, I'm at an earlier stage.  But, I too, always feel like I'm just waiting. . waiting for the other shoe to drop, certain that it will at some point.  It's mentally exhausting day after day, month after month, year. . . . .

          JC
          Participant

            I can't say I'm at an advanced mel stage right now, I'm at an earlier stage.  But, I too, always feel like I'm just waiting. . waiting for the other shoe to drop, certain that it will at some point.  It's mentally exhausting day after day, month after month, year. . . . .

              Snickers60
              Participant

                Sooo sorry about how my post typing came out.   I have it on large print so I can SEE IT, but it really messed it up to read.   Sorry bout that……hope you will still try to make it out.   THANKS 

                Snickers60
                Participant

                  Sooo sorry about how my post typing came out.   I have it on large print so I can SEE IT, but it really messed it up to read.   Sorry bout that……hope you will still try to make it out.   THANKS 

                  Snickers60
                  Participant

                    Sooo sorry about how my post typing came out.   I have it on large print so I can SEE IT, but it really messed it up to read.   Sorry bout that……hope you will still try to make it out.   THANKS 

                  JC
                  Participant

                    I can't say I'm at an advanced mel stage right now, I'm at an earlier stage.  But, I too, always feel like I'm just waiting. . waiting for the other shoe to drop, certain that it will at some point.  It's mentally exhausting day after day, month after month, year. . . . .

                    mimi0201
                    Participant

                      I lost my husband to Melanoma May 28, 2011.  He had a mole removed mid back Feb 2009, went stage IV March 2010.  I found a wonderful therapist who was able to help us immensely.  I would make that recommendation to you.  Reach out for help from someone who has professional training.

                      mimi0201
                      Participant

                        I lost my husband to Melanoma May 28, 2011.  He had a mole removed mid back Feb 2009, went stage IV March 2010.  I found a wonderful therapist who was able to help us immensely.  I would make that recommendation to you.  Reach out for help from someone who has professional training.

                          Snickers60
                          Participant

                            I am soooo very, very sorry for your loss  !!!   How devastating !  

                             

                            I would just love to find a GOOD SUPPORT GROUP –  which we do not have here in town.   I'd love to meet with others with any kind of cancer, but especially with MEL.    Seems melanoma is not well known here or people keep to themselves.    I do think I'm at the point where I need HELP !    LIke I say, I'm in tortuous pain all the time…can't even take care of myself, and I have been struggling emotionally for a long time.   This was the icing on the cake.

                            Wayne was my caretaker and I will be LEFT ALONE for the most part……with no one near me.   I'm horrified of a day like that.   Feel bad and negative just saying it.    He went out of town day before yesterday and I imagined the whole time what it would be like for him not to be coming home for dinner ever again, and I cried the entire time he was gone.  

                            We do not like being apart even for WORK – so I cannot even imagine a time when this would get so bad that I would have to care for him  – because I can't, or worse yet….to lose him.      Most of his family is gone….mine is gone emotionally and have never been there for me in any way, so this is all but causinig PANIC ATTACKS for me for the first time !   I have always been known as THE ROCK !    I think this diagnosis shattered this rock and I can't seem to get it put back together again. 

                            I KNOW ALL THE THINGS IN MY HEAD I need to do……….I just can't seem to get them to my HEART !   :-((((

                            Thanks for your input……..

                            Snickers60
                            Participant

                              I am soooo very, very sorry for your loss  !!!   How devastating !  

                               

                              I would just love to find a GOOD SUPPORT GROUP –  which we do not have here in town.   I'd love to meet with others with any kind of cancer, but especially with MEL.    Seems melanoma is not well known here or people keep to themselves.    I do think I'm at the point where I need HELP !    LIke I say, I'm in tortuous pain all the time…can't even take care of myself, and I have been struggling emotionally for a long time.   This was the icing on the cake.

                              Wayne was my caretaker and I will be LEFT ALONE for the most part……with no one near me.   I'm horrified of a day like that.   Feel bad and negative just saying it.    He went out of town day before yesterday and I imagined the whole time what it would be like for him not to be coming home for dinner ever again, and I cried the entire time he was gone.  

                              We do not like being apart even for WORK – so I cannot even imagine a time when this would get so bad that I would have to care for him  – because I can't, or worse yet….to lose him.      Most of his family is gone….mine is gone emotionally and have never been there for me in any way, so this is all but causinig PANIC ATTACKS for me for the first time !   I have always been known as THE ROCK !    I think this diagnosis shattered this rock and I can't seem to get it put back together again. 

                              I KNOW ALL THE THINGS IN MY HEAD I need to do……….I just can't seem to get them to my HEART !   :-((((

                              Thanks for your input……..

                              Snickers60
                              Participant

                                I am soooo very, very sorry for your loss  !!!   How devastating !  

                                 

                                I would just love to find a GOOD SUPPORT GROUP –  which we do not have here in town.   I'd love to meet with others with any kind of cancer, but especially with MEL.    Seems melanoma is not well known here or people keep to themselves.    I do think I'm at the point where I need HELP !    LIke I say, I'm in tortuous pain all the time…can't even take care of myself, and I have been struggling emotionally for a long time.   This was the icing on the cake.

                                Wayne was my caretaker and I will be LEFT ALONE for the most part……with no one near me.   I'm horrified of a day like that.   Feel bad and negative just saying it.    He went out of town day before yesterday and I imagined the whole time what it would be like for him not to be coming home for dinner ever again, and I cried the entire time he was gone.  

                                We do not like being apart even for WORK – so I cannot even imagine a time when this would get so bad that I would have to care for him  – because I can't, or worse yet….to lose him.      Most of his family is gone….mine is gone emotionally and have never been there for me in any way, so this is all but causinig PANIC ATTACKS for me for the first time !   I have always been known as THE ROCK !    I think this diagnosis shattered this rock and I can't seem to get it put back together again. 

                                I KNOW ALL THE THINGS IN MY HEAD I need to do……….I just can't seem to get them to my HEART !   :-((((

                                Thanks for your input……..

                              mimi0201
                              Participant

                                I lost my husband to Melanoma May 28, 2011.  He had a mole removed mid back Feb 2009, went stage IV March 2010.  I found a wonderful therapist who was able to help us immensely.  I would make that recommendation to you.  Reach out for help from someone who has professional training.

                                mimi0201
                                Participant

                                  I lost my husband to Melanoma May 28, 2011.  He had a mole removed mid back Feb 2009, went stage IV March 2010.  I found a wonderful therapist who was able to help us immensely.  I would make that recommendation to you.  Reach out for help from someone who has professional training.

                                  mimi0201
                                  Participant

                                    I lost my husband to Melanoma May 28, 2011.  He had a mole removed mid back Feb 2009, went stage IV March 2010.  I found a wonderful therapist who was able to help us immensely.  I would make that recommendation to you.  Reach out for help from someone who has professional training.

                                    mimi0201
                                    Participant

                                      I lost my husband to Melanoma May 28, 2011.  He had a mole removed mid back Feb 2009, went stage IV March 2010.  I found a wonderful therapist who was able to help us immensely.  I would make that recommendation to you.  Reach out for help from someone who has professional training.

                                      awillett1991
                                      Participant
                                        I know what you’re talking about with Zel especially. I have 3 school age kids and have been battling 2.5 years now. It is hard. My best recommendation for myself anyway is to Thank God for today, get up, (if i can!), stop thinking about myself, and DO something, even one little thing, for someone else – like even just calling or emailing someone else to see how they are doing. I’m also volunteering for Miles for Melanoma in our area which makes me feel great!! None of us gets out of here alive, it’s a fact. Also, get meds if you need them. No shame in asking for a little help. You ARE blessed!
                                        awillett1991
                                        Participant
                                          I know what you’re talking about with Zel especially. I have 3 school age kids and have been battling 2.5 years now. It is hard. My best recommendation for myself anyway is to Thank God for today, get up, (if i can!), stop thinking about myself, and DO something, even one little thing, for someone else – like even just calling or emailing someone else to see how they are doing. I’m also volunteering for Miles for Melanoma in our area which makes me feel great!! None of us gets out of here alive, it’s a fact. Also, get meds if you need them. No shame in asking for a little help. You ARE blessed!
                                            Snickers60
                                            Participant

                                              I do all that and then some ………..actually have a card ministry to sick folks.   I am so DISABLED myself that getting dinner is an all day chore or I would be out doing a million things.   My hubby has cancer, but I'm the one so sick at this point if you get my drift.   I pray online with people all the time and have a ministry of Encouragement on the internet on my FB.      We try hard to stay focused on TODAY and MAKING EVERY MINUTE OF IT COUNT.  Making it a GOOD DAY, but that pesky little thought sits on your shoulder like a worm.      We have actually started thinking of our flight to Houston as a LITTLE GETAWAY…..LOLOL    We even laughed and had FUN planning our funerals…..picking out headstone and caskets and getting pics ready for a CD.   Call us crazy, but NOW is the time to do that, not when we are worn out and in such GRIEF.    That has actually taken some stress off.    We're about to sell our home and downsize and get ready for WHOMEVER is left without this big place, so we're doing a lot of positive things.    We are GIVERS, so our giving list is endless in so many ways every day, week, month, year……it's just who we are.   And yes, the JOY is always with the GIVER ! 

                                              We have traveled a lot but do not feel like we can spend a lot of money on planning something like that right now, plus I have basically been bedridden for 3 months now.   I was just off the operating table with an ER Gallbladder surgery where I learned I had a liver diseas and they are watching it for cirhossis or cancer (non alcoholic cirhossis) ……and he's still working and taking off so much time, we have to be respectful of that, though we sure would like to go somewhere right now other than HOUSTON.   I read, pray, do my ministry – we always have SATURDAY DATE all day and get out IF MY HEALTH will allow to go to lunch, shop, movie.    LIVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    But it is a worm……..that just crawls around in your head all the time……..

                                              We also kinda sort get into DENIAL with things going so well too…..and that's scary too !    GO FIGURE LIFE….none of us DO GET OUT ALIVE…..it's coming to all of us, so LIVE, LOVE, LAUGH TODAY !!!

                                              THANKS FOR YOUR INPUT AND THE VERY BEST TO YOU – MAY YOU GET YOUR MIRACLE !    

                                              HANG ON, THEY ARE GETTING THERE WITH IT…………I really do think they are.   

                                              Snickers60
                                              Participant

                                                I do all that and then some ………..actually have a card ministry to sick folks.   I am so DISABLED myself that getting dinner is an all day chore or I would be out doing a million things.   My hubby has cancer, but I'm the one so sick at this point if you get my drift.   I pray online with people all the time and have a ministry of Encouragement on the internet on my FB.      We try hard to stay focused on TODAY and MAKING EVERY MINUTE OF IT COUNT.  Making it a GOOD DAY, but that pesky little thought sits on your shoulder like a worm.      We have actually started thinking of our flight to Houston as a LITTLE GETAWAY…..LOLOL    We even laughed and had FUN planning our funerals…..picking out headstone and caskets and getting pics ready for a CD.   Call us crazy, but NOW is the time to do that, not when we are worn out and in such GRIEF.    That has actually taken some stress off.    We're about to sell our home and downsize and get ready for WHOMEVER is left without this big place, so we're doing a lot of positive things.    We are GIVERS, so our giving list is endless in so many ways every day, week, month, year……it's just who we are.   And yes, the JOY is always with the GIVER ! 

                                                We have traveled a lot but do not feel like we can spend a lot of money on planning something like that right now, plus I have basically been bedridden for 3 months now.   I was just off the operating table with an ER Gallbladder surgery where I learned I had a liver diseas and they are watching it for cirhossis or cancer (non alcoholic cirhossis) ……and he's still working and taking off so much time, we have to be respectful of that, though we sure would like to go somewhere right now other than HOUSTON.   I read, pray, do my ministry – we always have SATURDAY DATE all day and get out IF MY HEALTH will allow to go to lunch, shop, movie.    LIVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    But it is a worm……..that just crawls around in your head all the time……..

                                                We also kinda sort get into DENIAL with things going so well too…..and that's scary too !    GO FIGURE LIFE….none of us DO GET OUT ALIVE…..it's coming to all of us, so LIVE, LOVE, LAUGH TODAY !!!

                                                THANKS FOR YOUR INPUT AND THE VERY BEST TO YOU – MAY YOU GET YOUR MIRACLE !    

                                                HANG ON, THEY ARE GETTING THERE WITH IT…………I really do think they are.   

                                                deardad
                                                Participant

                                                  Dear Nancy,

                                                  I cannot imagine loosing my husband, but my father has months (if we're lucky) and that fear eats at you all day.

                                                  My parents have been together for over 40years and mum has no real friends only dad and me and my sister. She is terrified…..I am too.

                                                  I don't think there is any easy way through this, and imagining it now does make the what is ahead even worse (of course we all do that). I never thought I'd loose my dad at 65 and this cancer, I went into shock with his diagnosis, I literally shook  all night, I"m very close to him. 

                                                  I know that my faith will help me to have the strength to get through this but I don't believe that it will soften the pain of loss. Loss will always be a hole and as days pass that hole will be carried around with you, but time will help you to deal with your saddness because life has to go on.

                                                  Suffering depression and disability is certainly a greater obstacle, but keep your contacts and friends close and you will get through. Looking ahead in these situations is scarey, so only focus on today and tomorrow will come and you will find strength to deal with it.

                                                   You are in my thoughts and prayers.

                                                  Nahmi

                                                   

                                                  deardad
                                                  Participant

                                                    Dear Nancy,

                                                    I cannot imagine loosing my husband, but my father has months (if we're lucky) and that fear eats at you all day.

                                                    My parents have been together for over 40years and mum has no real friends only dad and me and my sister. She is terrified…..I am too.

                                                    I don't think there is any easy way through this, and imagining it now does make the what is ahead even worse (of course we all do that). I never thought I'd loose my dad at 65 and this cancer, I went into shock with his diagnosis, I literally shook  all night, I"m very close to him. 

                                                    I know that my faith will help me to have the strength to get through this but I don't believe that it will soften the pain of loss. Loss will always be a hole and as days pass that hole will be carried around with you, but time will help you to deal with your saddness because life has to go on.

                                                    Suffering depression and disability is certainly a greater obstacle, but keep your contacts and friends close and you will get through. Looking ahead in these situations is scarey, so only focus on today and tomorrow will come and you will find strength to deal with it.

                                                     You are in my thoughts and prayers.

                                                    Nahmi

                                                     

                                                    deardad
                                                    Participant

                                                      Dear Nancy,

                                                      I cannot imagine loosing my husband, but my father has months (if we're lucky) and that fear eats at you all day.

                                                      My parents have been together for over 40years and mum has no real friends only dad and me and my sister. She is terrified…..I am too.

                                                      I don't think there is any easy way through this, and imagining it now does make the what is ahead even worse (of course we all do that). I never thought I'd loose my dad at 65 and this cancer, I went into shock with his diagnosis, I literally shook  all night, I"m very close to him. 

                                                      I know that my faith will help me to have the strength to get through this but I don't believe that it will soften the pain of loss. Loss will always be a hole and as days pass that hole will be carried around with you, but time will help you to deal with your saddness because life has to go on.

                                                      Suffering depression and disability is certainly a greater obstacle, but keep your contacts and friends close and you will get through. Looking ahead in these situations is scarey, so only focus on today and tomorrow will come and you will find strength to deal with it.

                                                       You are in my thoughts and prayers.

                                                      Nahmi

                                                       

                                                      Snickers60
                                                      Participant

                                                        I do all that and then some ………..actually have a card ministry to sick folks.   I am so DISABLED myself that getting dinner is an all day chore or I would be out doing a million things.   My hubby has cancer, but I'm the one so sick at this point if you get my drift.   I pray online with people all the time and have a ministry of Encouragement on the internet on my FB.      We try hard to stay focused on TODAY and MAKING EVERY MINUTE OF IT COUNT.  Making it a GOOD DAY, but that pesky little thought sits on your shoulder like a worm.      We have actually started thinking of our flight to Houston as a LITTLE GETAWAY…..LOLOL    We even laughed and had FUN planning our funerals…..picking out headstone and caskets and getting pics ready for a CD.   Call us crazy, but NOW is the time to do that, not when we are worn out and in such GRIEF.    That has actually taken some stress off.    We're about to sell our home and downsize and get ready for WHOMEVER is left without this big place, so we're doing a lot of positive things.    We are GIVERS, so our giving list is endless in so many ways every day, week, month, year……it's just who we are.   And yes, the JOY is always with the GIVER ! 

                                                        We have traveled a lot but do not feel like we can spend a lot of money on planning something like that right now, plus I have basically been bedridden for 3 months now.   I was just off the operating table with an ER Gallbladder surgery where I learned I had a liver diseas and they are watching it for cirhossis or cancer (non alcoholic cirhossis) ……and he's still working and taking off so much time, we have to be respectful of that, though we sure would like to go somewhere right now other than HOUSTON.   I read, pray, do my ministry – we always have SATURDAY DATE all day and get out IF MY HEALTH will allow to go to lunch, shop, movie.    LIVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    But it is a worm……..that just crawls around in your head all the time……..

                                                        We also kinda sort get into DENIAL with things going so well too…..and that's scary too !    GO FIGURE LIFE….none of us DO GET OUT ALIVE…..it's coming to all of us, so LIVE, LOVE, LAUGH TODAY !!!

                                                        THANKS FOR YOUR INPUT AND THE VERY BEST TO YOU – MAY YOU GET YOUR MIRACLE !    

                                                        HANG ON, THEY ARE GETTING THERE WITH IT…………I really do think they are.   

                                                      awillett1991
                                                      Participant
                                                        I know what you’re talking about with Zel especially. I have 3 school age kids and have been battling 2.5 years now. It is hard. My best recommendation for myself anyway is to Thank God for today, get up, (if i can!), stop thinking about myself, and DO something, even one little thing, for someone else – like even just calling or emailing someone else to see how they are doing. I’m also volunteering for Miles for Melanoma in our area which makes me feel great!! None of us gets out of here alive, it’s a fact. Also, get meds if you need them. No shame in asking for a little help. You ARE blessed!
                                                        Gail G
                                                        Participant

                                                          Your post really caught my eye, because I often used the same imagery of the other shoe dropping. I am 15 years NED – but spent a few years after my diagnosis and treatment being hypersensitive to any change in my body. As life went on, I realized that the fear and anticipation of something else bad happening was robbing me of my todays. Living in the moment and conciously choosing to not look at my daughter and wonder who would raise her when I was gone helped me move forward.

                                                          After my diagnosis, I had the privilege of being my Dad's primary caretaker through a multiple myeloma diagnosis where at age 70, they told him he had 90 days to live tops – and chemo put him in remission for the rest of his life. Then he had stage I colon cancer and major surgery at age 73 was no picnic. He was not a candidate for follow up chemo because he was too weak – but he rebounded. Then at age 77, he was diagnosed with lung cancer and was not a candidate for traditional lung removal, but had pioneering minimally invasive surgery in a clinical trial in what is now the standard of care – and he rebounded.  At the begining of his challenges with cancer, I would wonder how I would live without him – we were so close after my Mom died young – but then I had to choose to focus on each day as a gift – and not think about the next day or the next month – to keep from ruining the time we had together.  At age 78, he was diagnosed as Stage IV – they never decided if the origin was the colon or the lung – he was put in pallative care and we lived each day as if he was going to make it to 100. We spoke of it and made the choice to look forward and not let our lives be governed by the dread of the separation that we knew was coming and that allowed us many "normal" days together over his last year. We made long term plans, many of which were never fulfilled, but many were and we cherised them – planting a vegetable garden, buying a new car, planning and making day trips.

                                                          Maybe I'm capable of extreme denial – but each time I felt myself sinking into a depression and fog of worry – I made myself stop thinking of the negatives, and choose to refocus on something – anything – else, and through self-talk – I made myself make that choice.  When I lost my Mom suddenly and I couldn't snap out of my depression, I went to therapy and they helped me learn several coping strategies that really came in handy with my own disease and in managing my mental health as I supported my Dad. I strongly urge you to seek therapy – whether your church has resources, or your husband's job has an Employee Assistant Plan – there are some great resources out there to help you learn to rise above the grieving we experience when disease interrupts the sense of complacency we enjoy. Not to mention the therapy we all provide through MPIP πŸ™‚  Best wishes in seeking a new normal that isn't filled with fear!

                                                           

                                                          Gail

                                                          Gail G
                                                          Participant

                                                            Your post really caught my eye, because I often used the same imagery of the other shoe dropping. I am 15 years NED – but spent a few years after my diagnosis and treatment being hypersensitive to any change in my body. As life went on, I realized that the fear and anticipation of something else bad happening was robbing me of my todays. Living in the moment and conciously choosing to not look at my daughter and wonder who would raise her when I was gone helped me move forward.

                                                            After my diagnosis, I had the privilege of being my Dad's primary caretaker through a multiple myeloma diagnosis where at age 70, they told him he had 90 days to live tops – and chemo put him in remission for the rest of his life. Then he had stage I colon cancer and major surgery at age 73 was no picnic. He was not a candidate for follow up chemo because he was too weak – but he rebounded. Then at age 77, he was diagnosed with lung cancer and was not a candidate for traditional lung removal, but had pioneering minimally invasive surgery in a clinical trial in what is now the standard of care – and he rebounded.  At the begining of his challenges with cancer, I would wonder how I would live without him – we were so close after my Mom died young – but then I had to choose to focus on each day as a gift – and not think about the next day or the next month – to keep from ruining the time we had together.  At age 78, he was diagnosed as Stage IV – they never decided if the origin was the colon or the lung – he was put in pallative care and we lived each day as if he was going to make it to 100. We spoke of it and made the choice to look forward and not let our lives be governed by the dread of the separation that we knew was coming and that allowed us many "normal" days together over his last year. We made long term plans, many of which were never fulfilled, but many were and we cherised them – planting a vegetable garden, buying a new car, planning and making day trips.

                                                            Maybe I'm capable of extreme denial – but each time I felt myself sinking into a depression and fog of worry – I made myself stop thinking of the negatives, and choose to refocus on something – anything – else, and through self-talk – I made myself make that choice.  When I lost my Mom suddenly and I couldn't snap out of my depression, I went to therapy and they helped me learn several coping strategies that really came in handy with my own disease and in managing my mental health as I supported my Dad. I strongly urge you to seek therapy – whether your church has resources, or your husband's job has an Employee Assistant Plan – there are some great resources out there to help you learn to rise above the grieving we experience when disease interrupts the sense of complacency we enjoy. Not to mention the therapy we all provide through MPIP πŸ™‚  Best wishes in seeking a new normal that isn't filled with fear!

                                                             

                                                            Gail

                                                            Gail G
                                                            Participant

                                                              Your post really caught my eye, because I often used the same imagery of the other shoe dropping. I am 15 years NED – but spent a few years after my diagnosis and treatment being hypersensitive to any change in my body. As life went on, I realized that the fear and anticipation of something else bad happening was robbing me of my todays. Living in the moment and conciously choosing to not look at my daughter and wonder who would raise her when I was gone helped me move forward.

                                                              After my diagnosis, I had the privilege of being my Dad's primary caretaker through a multiple myeloma diagnosis where at age 70, they told him he had 90 days to live tops – and chemo put him in remission for the rest of his life. Then he had stage I colon cancer and major surgery at age 73 was no picnic. He was not a candidate for follow up chemo because he was too weak – but he rebounded. Then at age 77, he was diagnosed with lung cancer and was not a candidate for traditional lung removal, but had pioneering minimally invasive surgery in a clinical trial in what is now the standard of care – and he rebounded.  At the begining of his challenges with cancer, I would wonder how I would live without him – we were so close after my Mom died young – but then I had to choose to focus on each day as a gift – and not think about the next day or the next month – to keep from ruining the time we had together.  At age 78, he was diagnosed as Stage IV – they never decided if the origin was the colon or the lung – he was put in pallative care and we lived each day as if he was going to make it to 100. We spoke of it and made the choice to look forward and not let our lives be governed by the dread of the separation that we knew was coming and that allowed us many "normal" days together over his last year. We made long term plans, many of which were never fulfilled, but many were and we cherised them – planting a vegetable garden, buying a new car, planning and making day trips.

                                                              Maybe I'm capable of extreme denial – but each time I felt myself sinking into a depression and fog of worry – I made myself stop thinking of the negatives, and choose to refocus on something – anything – else, and through self-talk – I made myself make that choice.  When I lost my Mom suddenly and I couldn't snap out of my depression, I went to therapy and they helped me learn several coping strategies that really came in handy with my own disease and in managing my mental health as I supported my Dad. I strongly urge you to seek therapy – whether your church has resources, or your husband's job has an Employee Assistant Plan – there are some great resources out there to help you learn to rise above the grieving we experience when disease interrupts the sense of complacency we enjoy. Not to mention the therapy we all provide through MPIP πŸ™‚  Best wishes in seeking a new normal that isn't filled with fear!

                                                               

                                                              Gail

                                                              Gail G
                                                              Participant

                                                                Your post really caught my eye, because I often used the same imagery of the other shoe dropping. I am 15 years NED – but spent a few years after my diagnosis and treatment being hypersensitive to any change in my body. As life went on, I realized that the fear and anticipation of something else bad happening was robbing me of my todays. Living in the moment and conciously choosing to not look at my daughter and wonder who would raise her when I was gone helped me move forward.

                                                                After my diagnosis, I had the privilege of being my Dad's primary caretaker through a multiple myeloma diagnosis where at age 70, they told him he had 90 days to live tops – and chemo put him in remission for the rest of his life. Then he had stage I colon cancer and major surgery at age 73 was no picnic. He was not a candidate for follow up chemo because he was too weak – but he rebounded. Then at age 77, he was diagnosed with lung cancer and was not a candidate for traditional lung removal, but had pioneering minimally invasive surgery in a clinical trial in what is now the standard of care – and he rebounded.  At the begining of his challenges with cancer, I would wonder how I would live without him – we were so close after my Mom died young – but then I had to choose to focus on each day as a gift – and not think about the next day or the next month – to keep from ruining the time we had together.  At age 78, he was diagnosed as Stage IV – they never decided if the origin was the colon or the lung – he was put in pallative care and we lived each day as if he was going to make it to 100. We spoke of it and made the choice to look forward and not let our lives be governed by the dread of the separation that we knew was coming and that allowed us many "normal" days together over his last year. We made long term plans, many of which were never fulfilled, but many were and we cherised them – planting a vegetable garden, buying a new car, planning and making day trips.

                                                                Maybe I'm capable of extreme denial – but each time I felt myself sinking into a depression and fog of worry – I made myself stop thinking of the negatives, and choose to refocus on something – anything – else, and through self-talk – I made myself make that choice.  When I lost my Mom suddenly and I couldn't snap out of my depression, I went to therapy and they helped me learn several coping strategies that really came in handy with my own disease and in managing my mental health as I supported my Dad. I strongly urge you to seek therapy – whether your church has resources, or your husband's job has an Employee Assistant Plan – there are some great resources out there to help you learn to rise above the grieving we experience when disease interrupts the sense of complacency we enjoy. Not to mention the therapy we all provide through MPIP πŸ™‚  Best wishes in seeking a new normal that isn't filled with fear!

                                                                 

                                                                Gail

                                                                Gail G
                                                                Participant

                                                                  Your post really caught my eye, because I often used the same imagery of the other shoe dropping. I am 15 years NED – but spent a few years after my diagnosis and treatment being hypersensitive to any change in my body. As life went on, I realized that the fear and anticipation of something else bad happening was robbing me of my todays. Living in the moment and conciously choosing to not look at my daughter and wonder who would raise her when I was gone helped me move forward.

                                                                  After my diagnosis, I had the privilege of being my Dad's primary caretaker through a multiple myeloma diagnosis where at age 70, they told him he had 90 days to live tops – and chemo put him in remission for the rest of his life. Then he had stage I colon cancer and major surgery at age 73 was no picnic. He was not a candidate for follow up chemo because he was too weak – but he rebounded. Then at age 77, he was diagnosed with lung cancer and was not a candidate for traditional lung removal, but had pioneering minimally invasive surgery in a clinical trial in what is now the standard of care – and he rebounded.  At the begining of his challenges with cancer, I would wonder how I would live without him – we were so close after my Mom died young – but then I had to choose to focus on each day as a gift – and not think about the next day or the next month – to keep from ruining the time we had together.  At age 78, he was diagnosed as Stage IV – they never decided if the origin was the colon or the lung – he was put in pallative care and we lived each day as if he was going to make it to 100. We spoke of it and made the choice to look forward and not let our lives be governed by the dread of the separation that we knew was coming and that allowed us many "normal" days together over his last year. We made long term plans, many of which were never fulfilled, but many were and we cherised them – planting a vegetable garden, buying a new car, planning and making day trips.

                                                                  Maybe I'm capable of extreme denial – but each time I felt myself sinking into a depression and fog of worry – I made myself stop thinking of the negatives, and choose to refocus on something – anything – else, and through self-talk – I made myself make that choice.  When I lost my Mom suddenly and I couldn't snap out of my depression, I went to therapy and they helped me learn several coping strategies that really came in handy with my own disease and in managing my mental health as I supported my Dad. I strongly urge you to seek therapy – whether your church has resources, or your husband's job has an Employee Assistant Plan – there are some great resources out there to help you learn to rise above the grieving we experience when disease interrupts the sense of complacency we enjoy. Not to mention the therapy we all provide through MPIP πŸ™‚  Best wishes in seeking a new normal that isn't filled with fear!

                                                                   

                                                                  Gail

                                                                  Gail G
                                                                  Participant

                                                                    Your post really caught my eye, because I often used the same imagery of the other shoe dropping. I am 15 years NED – but spent a few years after my diagnosis and treatment being hypersensitive to any change in my body. As life went on, I realized that the fear and anticipation of something else bad happening was robbing me of my todays. Living in the moment and conciously choosing to not look at my daughter and wonder who would raise her when I was gone helped me move forward.

                                                                    After my diagnosis, I had the privilege of being my Dad's primary caretaker through a multiple myeloma diagnosis where at age 70, they told him he had 90 days to live tops – and chemo put him in remission for the rest of his life. Then he had stage I colon cancer and major surgery at age 73 was no picnic. He was not a candidate for follow up chemo because he was too weak – but he rebounded. Then at age 77, he was diagnosed with lung cancer and was not a candidate for traditional lung removal, but had pioneering minimally invasive surgery in a clinical trial in what is now the standard of care – and he rebounded.  At the begining of his challenges with cancer, I would wonder how I would live without him – we were so close after my Mom died young – but then I had to choose to focus on each day as a gift – and not think about the next day or the next month – to keep from ruining the time we had together.  At age 78, he was diagnosed as Stage IV – they never decided if the origin was the colon or the lung – he was put in pallative care and we lived each day as if he was going to make it to 100. We spoke of it and made the choice to look forward and not let our lives be governed by the dread of the separation that we knew was coming and that allowed us many "normal" days together over his last year. We made long term plans, many of which were never fulfilled, but many were and we cherised them – planting a vegetable garden, buying a new car, planning and making day trips.

                                                                    Maybe I'm capable of extreme denial – but each time I felt myself sinking into a depression and fog of worry – I made myself stop thinking of the negatives, and choose to refocus on something – anything – else, and through self-talk – I made myself make that choice.  When I lost my Mom suddenly and I couldn't snap out of my depression, I went to therapy and they helped me learn several coping strategies that really came in handy with my own disease and in managing my mental health as I supported my Dad. I strongly urge you to seek therapy – whether your church has resources, or your husband's job has an Employee Assistant Plan – there are some great resources out there to help you learn to rise above the grieving we experience when disease interrupts the sense of complacency we enjoy. Not to mention the therapy we all provide through MPIP πŸ™‚  Best wishes in seeking a new normal that isn't filled with fear!

                                                                     

                                                                    Gail

                                                                    Gene_S
                                                                    Participant
                                                                      Nancy,  It is a well known fact that colon and breast cancers are in part caused by a vitamin D-3 deficiency! I suspect that it also would be a leading cause in melanoma also! Colon cancer has a lot to do with one's diet. My suggestion for you is to obtain and read the book "The Maker Diet".  Also have Wayne's blood tested for a vitamin D-3 deficiency.
                                                                      Best Wishes, Gene

                                                                      http://search.yahoo.com/search;_ylt=AouL8RgOgdEIWsiLj1xnzribvZx4?fr=yfp-t-701-s&toggle=1&cop=mss&ei=UTF-8&p=the%20maker's%20diet

                                                                      Gene_S
                                                                      Participant
                                                                        Nancy,  It is a well known fact that colon and breast cancers are in part caused by a vitamin D-3 deficiency! I suspect that it also would be a leading cause in melanoma also! Colon cancer has a lot to do with one's diet. My suggestion for you is to obtain and read the book "The Maker Diet".  Also have Wayne's blood tested for a vitamin D-3 deficiency.
                                                                        Best Wishes, Gene

                                                                        http://search.yahoo.com/search;_ylt=AouL8RgOgdEIWsiLj1xnzribvZx4?fr=yfp-t-701-s&toggle=1&cop=mss&ei=UTF-8&p=the%20maker's%20diet

                                                                        Gene_S
                                                                        Participant
                                                                          Nancy,  It is a well known fact that colon and breast cancers are in part caused by a vitamin D-3 deficiency! I suspect that it also would be a leading cause in melanoma also! Colon cancer has a lot to do with one's diet. My suggestion for you is to obtain and read the book "The Maker Diet".  Also have Wayne's blood tested for a vitamin D-3 deficiency.
                                                                          Best Wishes, Gene

                                                                          http://search.yahoo.com/search;_ylt=AouL8RgOgdEIWsiLj1xnzribvZx4?fr=yfp-t-701-s&toggle=1&cop=mss&ei=UTF-8&p=the%20maker's%20diet

                                                                            Snickers60
                                                                            Participant

                                                                              Funniest thing, Gene, I just texted him to remind him to BE SURE he requested the Vit. D 3 with his lab

                                                                              We head back to MDA on Monday………..

                                                                               

                                                                              THANKS GENE 

                                                                              Snickers60
                                                                              Participant

                                                                                Funniest thing, Gene, I just texted him to remind him to BE SURE he requested the Vit. D 3 with his lab

                                                                                We head back to MDA on Monday………..

                                                                                 

                                                                                THANKS GENE 

                                                                                Snickers60
                                                                                Participant

                                                                                  Funniest thing, Gene, I just texted him to remind him to BE SURE he requested the Vit. D 3 with his lab

                                                                                  We head back to MDA on Monday………..

                                                                                   

                                                                                  THANKS GENE 

                                                                                dodgedh2
                                                                                Participant

                                                                                  I am Stage 4 (met to sacrum) and have been NED now for 4 years. It is a constant struggle mentally to deal with the possibility of a recurrance. With time, it becomes easier to deal with it, but the thought is always there. The advice that I live by (and give to family members that are faced with cancer) is to live one day at a time. Set goals (short term at first) for things to accomplish. I started out by just having the goal of getting through the day as if I didn't have MM. Gradually, I have made and kept longer term goals, and I am now making a goal of what I (and my wife) want to do when we are both retired. I am making the plans, but the thought is always there, that I might not be there to share it with her. Bottom line is to live one day at a time, and keep fighting the mel. No matter how long each of us has in this life, keep fighting and don't let the mel rule how you enjoy the time you've got. This site helps, as there are many on here that have been Stage 4 for 5, 10, 20 years and more. You are not alone.

                                                                                  dodgedh2
                                                                                  Participant

                                                                                    I am Stage 4 (met to sacrum) and have been NED now for 4 years. It is a constant struggle mentally to deal with the possibility of a recurrance. With time, it becomes easier to deal with it, but the thought is always there. The advice that I live by (and give to family members that are faced with cancer) is to live one day at a time. Set goals (short term at first) for things to accomplish. I started out by just having the goal of getting through the day as if I didn't have MM. Gradually, I have made and kept longer term goals, and I am now making a goal of what I (and my wife) want to do when we are both retired. I am making the plans, but the thought is always there, that I might not be there to share it with her. Bottom line is to live one day at a time, and keep fighting the mel. No matter how long each of us has in this life, keep fighting and don't let the mel rule how you enjoy the time you've got. This site helps, as there are many on here that have been Stage 4 for 5, 10, 20 years and more. You are not alone.

                                                                                    dodgedh2
                                                                                    Participant

                                                                                      I am Stage 4 (met to sacrum) and have been NED now for 4 years. It is a constant struggle mentally to deal with the possibility of a recurrance. With time, it becomes easier to deal with it, but the thought is always there. The advice that I live by (and give to family members that are faced with cancer) is to live one day at a time. Set goals (short term at first) for things to accomplish. I started out by just having the goal of getting through the day as if I didn't have MM. Gradually, I have made and kept longer term goals, and I am now making a goal of what I (and my wife) want to do when we are both retired. I am making the plans, but the thought is always there, that I might not be there to share it with her. Bottom line is to live one day at a time, and keep fighting the mel. No matter how long each of us has in this life, keep fighting and don't let the mel rule how you enjoy the time you've got. This site helps, as there are many on here that have been Stage 4 for 5, 10, 20 years and more. You are not alone.

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