› Forums › General Melanoma Community › Three years later and still hard to accept what melanoma did.
- This topic has 18 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 3 months ago by susanr.
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- December 6, 2015 at 10:00 pm
My brother passed away from melanoma 3 yrs ago today. He was only 45 yrs old. Fought hard for 3 yrs. Left a wife and 4 children. My brother was so smart, He could fix anything but could not fix himself.
I have not posted in awhile. I do visit and appreciate some of the old contacts help that really gave good advice and well wishes. I see some of you still on the forum and some not. It is hard to read many posts because of how this disease destrioys your life but also the loved ones.
I still wake up at night thinking this was a horrible nightmare…but reality sets in.
Holidays of course suck now.
I have children myself, nieces and nephews and hard to put on a happy face during Holiday season and birthdays. The loss of my brother destroyed my family. Life won't be the same , I say… just have to live like this until its our time. I did not want to see my parents have to bury a child or see my brothers wife suffer more family loss and have to see his kids live without a dad…but it happened. Just wish I tried to keep ahead of the eight ball when it came to melanoma…but it sneaked up on us ..and I tried …but too late. Even being a medical clinicain myself did not help.
I read many posts and want to say my thoughts and good wishes are with you all. I love reading NED posts. Gives us hope. I worry about my brothers kids and my own children developing melanoma so need to still be on top of melanoma. Only reason I try to be on top of the research.
I remeber all who replied to my post when my brother passed…and i still look out for you all. I give a prayer or a high five when it is needed.
One last thing…..When I see what is going on in society or the world….horrible events happening and you go in the stores now during holiday season and people are so rude and don't appreciate other people, I remind myself about all of you and realize how precious life is and makes me block out all the negative energy……gives me a sense of what is important. When I get down and out, I go on this forum and gets me back to myself…….
I thank you all for helping me……….
Hope for a Cure….
Susan
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- December 7, 2015 at 12:31 am
Hi Susan, I am so sad to read about your brother. And 45 is so young! 🙁 It is heartbreaking to read your story.
I have one of the rarer forms of mucosal melanoma which is more aggressive, and I was 45 at diagnosis, and I have two young sons myself. I know very few people with mucosal melanoma, though some are doing extremely well and seeming to beat the odds, and I guess I am included in that category at 2-1/2 years out and no sign of recurrence. But closest to me was a lady my age in another state who wrote to me every few days from the time I first met her in January 2014. We had so much in common in addition to the same type of melanoma, and she had become a constant presence in my life, an ally and a source of strength in dealing with this rare form of cancer. But where mine leveled off after 3 surgeries, hers was extremely aggressive and continued to progress. She developed bone and pelvic tumors, then liver and lung metastases, the treatments ultimately failed her, and about 2 months ago she passed away from this horrible disease, leaving behind 2 sons and a husband. I am still in shock and grieving the loss of my friend. She was kind and beautiful and funny and healthy before the melanoma, and there is just no sense to it.
I too am happy to be part of this forum where there are so many strong warriors battling this disease, and they inspire me. Sometimes they bring tears to my eyes, sometimes their humor and strength make me smile and just leave me completely amazed by the strength of the human spirit…the strength of spirit of some very remarkable people, many of whom I am so lucky to have come across here.
Hugs to you, Susan, and healing to you and your family in your grief.
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- December 7, 2015 at 12:31 am
Hi Susan, I am so sad to read about your brother. And 45 is so young! 🙁 It is heartbreaking to read your story.
I have one of the rarer forms of mucosal melanoma which is more aggressive, and I was 45 at diagnosis, and I have two young sons myself. I know very few people with mucosal melanoma, though some are doing extremely well and seeming to beat the odds, and I guess I am included in that category at 2-1/2 years out and no sign of recurrence. But closest to me was a lady my age in another state who wrote to me every few days from the time I first met her in January 2014. We had so much in common in addition to the same type of melanoma, and she had become a constant presence in my life, an ally and a source of strength in dealing with this rare form of cancer. But where mine leveled off after 3 surgeries, hers was extremely aggressive and continued to progress. She developed bone and pelvic tumors, then liver and lung metastases, the treatments ultimately failed her, and about 2 months ago she passed away from this horrible disease, leaving behind 2 sons and a husband. I am still in shock and grieving the loss of my friend. She was kind and beautiful and funny and healthy before the melanoma, and there is just no sense to it.
I too am happy to be part of this forum where there are so many strong warriors battling this disease, and they inspire me. Sometimes they bring tears to my eyes, sometimes their humor and strength make me smile and just leave me completely amazed by the strength of the human spirit…the strength of spirit of some very remarkable people, many of whom I am so lucky to have come across here.
Hugs to you, Susan, and healing to you and your family in your grief.
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- December 7, 2015 at 12:31 am
Hi Susan, I am so sad to read about your brother. And 45 is so young! 🙁 It is heartbreaking to read your story.
I have one of the rarer forms of mucosal melanoma which is more aggressive, and I was 45 at diagnosis, and I have two young sons myself. I know very few people with mucosal melanoma, though some are doing extremely well and seeming to beat the odds, and I guess I am included in that category at 2-1/2 years out and no sign of recurrence. But closest to me was a lady my age in another state who wrote to me every few days from the time I first met her in January 2014. We had so much in common in addition to the same type of melanoma, and she had become a constant presence in my life, an ally and a source of strength in dealing with this rare form of cancer. But where mine leveled off after 3 surgeries, hers was extremely aggressive and continued to progress. She developed bone and pelvic tumors, then liver and lung metastases, the treatments ultimately failed her, and about 2 months ago she passed away from this horrible disease, leaving behind 2 sons and a husband. I am still in shock and grieving the loss of my friend. She was kind and beautiful and funny and healthy before the melanoma, and there is just no sense to it.
I too am happy to be part of this forum where there are so many strong warriors battling this disease, and they inspire me. Sometimes they bring tears to my eyes, sometimes their humor and strength make me smile and just leave me completely amazed by the strength of the human spirit…the strength of spirit of some very remarkable people, many of whom I am so lucky to have come across here.
Hugs to you, Susan, and healing to you and your family in your grief.
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- December 7, 2015 at 1:31 am
I'm so sorry for your loss of your brother. I lost my father two years ago from heart failure. I was diagnosed last month with melanoma on my left foot. I miss so much the ability to call him to talk to him to hear his reassuring voice that all will be all right. Luckily I found this site because through the people's posts on here I am finding that reassuring voice I truly miss and need. You are so right about the people on this site.
Luckily, I caught it early. I will have surgery and a skin graft sometime in the next few weeks. I have a 4 year old son so I need to stay healthy for him.
Best of wishes to you and your family.
Cynthia
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- December 7, 2015 at 1:31 am
I'm so sorry for your loss of your brother. I lost my father two years ago from heart failure. I was diagnosed last month with melanoma on my left foot. I miss so much the ability to call him to talk to him to hear his reassuring voice that all will be all right. Luckily I found this site because through the people's posts on here I am finding that reassuring voice I truly miss and need. You are so right about the people on this site.
Luckily, I caught it early. I will have surgery and a skin graft sometime in the next few weeks. I have a 4 year old son so I need to stay healthy for him.
Best of wishes to you and your family.
Cynthia
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- December 7, 2015 at 1:31 am
I'm so sorry for your loss of your brother. I lost my father two years ago from heart failure. I was diagnosed last month with melanoma on my left foot. I miss so much the ability to call him to talk to him to hear his reassuring voice that all will be all right. Luckily I found this site because through the people's posts on here I am finding that reassuring voice I truly miss and need. You are so right about the people on this site.
Luckily, I caught it early. I will have surgery and a skin graft sometime in the next few weeks. I have a 4 year old son so I need to stay healthy for him.
Best of wishes to you and your family.
Cynthia
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- December 7, 2015 at 1:41 pm
Oh, Susan, my heart breaks for you and your family. i am not going to presume to know what you're going through but friends of ours who lost a child went to a grief counselor for a long time. They had other children and wanted to provide a more typical environment for the others – they said it helped tremendously. One of the things the couselor had them do was to keep a journal and write about anything they wanted to. Not only was it therapeutic but they could see the gradual changes that happened slowly over the years.
Keeping you and your family in my prayers.
Fen
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- December 7, 2015 at 1:41 pm
Oh, Susan, my heart breaks for you and your family. i am not going to presume to know what you're going through but friends of ours who lost a child went to a grief counselor for a long time. They had other children and wanted to provide a more typical environment for the others – they said it helped tremendously. One of the things the couselor had them do was to keep a journal and write about anything they wanted to. Not only was it therapeutic but they could see the gradual changes that happened slowly over the years.
Keeping you and your family in my prayers.
Fen
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- December 7, 2015 at 1:41 pm
Oh, Susan, my heart breaks for you and your family. i am not going to presume to know what you're going through but friends of ours who lost a child went to a grief counselor for a long time. They had other children and wanted to provide a more typical environment for the others – they said it helped tremendously. One of the things the couselor had them do was to keep a journal and write about anything they wanted to. Not only was it therapeutic but they could see the gradual changes that happened slowly over the years.
Keeping you and your family in my prayers.
Fen
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- December 8, 2015 at 12:15 am
Hi Susanr,
I find that often friends or those who dont really know what to say sometimes say, "I understand how you feel"….and we all know thats isnt close to a reality.
I however can say , I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. I too lost my brother many years ago to cancer, when he was only 36 ……
Additionally, I now have melanoma, and have not shared it with my siblings or parents…as i can't bare the thought of putting them through this again or worse, losing another child.
All I can say is, the loss gets easier over time….i promise that part i can say from experience.
The sadness doesnt really ever go away, but you just find " a place for it".
I hope over time you will remember the happier memories, and thinking of him will make you smile rather than cry…i still do both!
Wishing you all the best,
jenny
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- December 12, 2015 at 3:19 pm
Thank you Jenny. I am sorry for your loss and what you are going through with melanoma.
You are right sadness really does not go away. It sucks.
But like I said before in a reply….I feel like a whiney jerk right now after reading about your story and Artie.
Others have it tougher than me right now. Nice reality check.
I wish you the best….will look out on the board for you and also some others.
Thank you.
Susan
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- December 12, 2015 at 3:19 pm
Thank you Jenny. I am sorry for your loss and what you are going through with melanoma.
You are right sadness really does not go away. It sucks.
But like I said before in a reply….I feel like a whiney jerk right now after reading about your story and Artie.
Others have it tougher than me right now. Nice reality check.
I wish you the best….will look out on the board for you and also some others.
Thank you.
Susan
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- December 12, 2015 at 3:19 pm
Thank you Jenny. I am sorry for your loss and what you are going through with melanoma.
You are right sadness really does not go away. It sucks.
But like I said before in a reply….I feel like a whiney jerk right now after reading about your story and Artie.
Others have it tougher than me right now. Nice reality check.
I wish you the best….will look out on the board for you and also some others.
Thank you.
Susan
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- December 8, 2015 at 12:15 am
Hi Susanr,
I find that often friends or those who dont really know what to say sometimes say, "I understand how you feel"….and we all know thats isnt close to a reality.
I however can say , I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. I too lost my brother many years ago to cancer, when he was only 36 ……
Additionally, I now have melanoma, and have not shared it with my siblings or parents…as i can't bare the thought of putting them through this again or worse, losing another child.
All I can say is, the loss gets easier over time….i promise that part i can say from experience.
The sadness doesnt really ever go away, but you just find " a place for it".
I hope over time you will remember the happier memories, and thinking of him will make you smile rather than cry…i still do both!
Wishing you all the best,
jenny
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- December 8, 2015 at 12:15 am
Hi Susanr,
I find that often friends or those who dont really know what to say sometimes say, "I understand how you feel"….and we all know thats isnt close to a reality.
I however can say , I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL. I too lost my brother many years ago to cancer, when he was only 36 ……
Additionally, I now have melanoma, and have not shared it with my siblings or parents…as i can't bare the thought of putting them through this again or worse, losing another child.
All I can say is, the loss gets easier over time….i promise that part i can say from experience.
The sadness doesnt really ever go away, but you just find " a place for it".
I hope over time you will remember the happier memories, and thinking of him will make you smile rather than cry…i still do both!
Wishing you all the best,
jenny
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- December 12, 2015 at 3:16 pm
Thank you all for the kind and thoughtful comments. I am soory for not saying thank you until now.
I read about Artie and it was just a kick in the you know what. Another young, and seemed like a real nice person….gone.
I really do appreciate the kind words and advice. Reading some other posts makes me feel like a jerk….I am not the only one in this world who is affected by this disease. I should not complain…I am still on this earth for now.
Thank you..
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- December 12, 2015 at 3:16 pm
Thank you all for the kind and thoughtful comments. I am soory for not saying thank you until now.
I read about Artie and it was just a kick in the you know what. Another young, and seemed like a real nice person….gone.
I really do appreciate the kind words and advice. Reading some other posts makes me feel like a jerk….I am not the only one in this world who is affected by this disease. I should not complain…I am still on this earth for now.
Thank you..
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- December 12, 2015 at 3:16 pm
Thank you all for the kind and thoughtful comments. I am soory for not saying thank you until now.
I read about Artie and it was just a kick in the you know what. Another young, and seemed like a real nice person….gone.
I really do appreciate the kind words and advice. Reading some other posts makes me feel like a jerk….I am not the only one in this world who is affected by this disease. I should not complain…I am still on this earth for now.
Thank you..
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