TERRIFIED! Newly diagnosed – stage 3abc?

Hi Michele, 

Im stage 3b mm. I got the news in 2013 a month before my son was born. I'm a Christian but I still cried out to God. It just so happened that my church had done a series on "Where is God when life is a pain" it was invaluable in keeping my eternal perspective. It might help you as well-www.sunnybrookchurch.org. Go to messages then click sermon archive then page down to load more sermons and click on "Hurt".. The pastor does a great job in applying the Bible to our cancer. Hope it helps. It's worth listening to-I was where you are. It is still on my mind, but lessens each day. God has great plans for you. People need and love you! I've got a 2yr old and a 4 year old and they need a dad.

Toby

[email protected]

Hi Michele, 

Im stage 3b mm. I got the news in 2013 a month before my son was born. I'm a Christian but I still cried out to God. It just so happened that my church had done a series on "Where is God when life is a pain" it was invaluable in keeping my eternal perspective. It might help you as well-www.sunnybrookchurch.org. Go to messages then click sermon archive then page down to load more sermons and click on "Hurt".. The pastor does a great job in applying the Bible to our cancer. Hope it helps. It's worth listening to-I was where you are. It is still on my mind, but lessens each day. God has great plans for you. People need and love you! I've got a 2yr old and a 4 year old and they need a dad.

Toby

[email protected]

Hi Michele, 

Im stage 3b mm. I got the news in 2013 a month before my son was born. I'm a Christian but I still cried out to God. It just so happened that my church had done a series on "Where is God when life is a pain" it was invaluable in keeping my eternal perspective. It might help you as well-www.sunnybrookchurch.org. Go to messages then click sermon archive then page down to load more sermons and click on "Hurt".. The pastor does a great job in applying the Bible to our cancer. Hope it helps. It's worth listening to-I was where you are. It is still on my mind, but lessens each day. God has great plans for you. People need and love you! I've got a 2yr old and a 4 year old and they need a dad.

Toby

[email protected]

Michele – totally understand your situation.  The plot is very familiar…start with localized removal to full surgeries over the next several weeks and the news seemingly getting worse by the week.  I can't tell you how many times I cried myself to sleep (and I rarely cry for any reason).  It took about 3-4 months before I could settle myself down to the point of seeing any kind of future.

So yes your feeling are completely normal given the situation.  BUT it will get better.  Think about this as a completely new chapter in your life…don't presume what you had will ever be quite the same in terms of your body or your outlook…but there is more life to be lived.

Having said all that, while I am being heavily monitored (as well on an adjunctive therapy Interferon) with both PET and MRI scans.  (And I just had an MRI brain scan yesterday and all is good for now).  I work full time, travel with my job, and very importantly take beach vacations with my wife where we leave the worries behind.

The good news is that there are so many new drugs coming out (some just in the last few months…some expected to be approved before the end of the year) that a Melanoma diagnosis isn't a death sentence.  I am constantly looking at the statistics but you need to realize that the stats are quite outdated and when these new drugs are fully evaluated…I suspect that the whole outlook will be considerably much more favorable.

Welcome to the forum…and keep in touch.

Best wishes.

Michel

Michele – totally understand your situation.  The plot is very familiar…start with localized removal to full surgeries over the next several weeks and the news seemingly getting worse by the week.  I can't tell you how many times I cried myself to sleep (and I rarely cry for any reason).  It took about 3-4 months before I could settle myself down to the point of seeing any kind of future.

So yes your feeling are completely normal given the situation.  BUT it will get better.  Think about this as a completely new chapter in your life…don't presume what you had will ever be quite the same in terms of your body or your outlook…but there is more life to be lived.

Having said all that, while I am being heavily monitored (as well on an adjunctive therapy Interferon) with both PET and MRI scans.  (And I just had an MRI brain scan yesterday and all is good for now).  I work full time, travel with my job, and very importantly take beach vacations with my wife where we leave the worries behind.

The good news is that there are so many new drugs coming out (some just in the last few months…some expected to be approved before the end of the year) that a Melanoma diagnosis isn't a death sentence.  I am constantly looking at the statistics but you need to realize that the stats are quite outdated and when these new drugs are fully evaluated…I suspect that the whole outlook will be considerably much more favorable.

Welcome to the forum…and keep in touch.

Best wishes.

Michel

Michele – totally understand your situation.  The plot is very familiar…start with localized removal to full surgeries over the next several weeks and the news seemingly getting worse by the week.  I can't tell you how many times I cried myself to sleep (and I rarely cry for any reason).  It took about 3-4 months before I could settle myself down to the point of seeing any kind of future.

So yes your feeling are completely normal given the situation.  BUT it will get better.  Think about this as a completely new chapter in your life…don't presume what you had will ever be quite the same in terms of your body or your outlook…but there is more life to be lived.

Having said all that, while I am being heavily monitored (as well on an adjunctive therapy Interferon) with both PET and MRI scans.  (And I just had an MRI brain scan yesterday and all is good for now).  I work full time, travel with my job, and very importantly take beach vacations with my wife where we leave the worries behind.

The good news is that there are so many new drugs coming out (some just in the last few months…some expected to be approved before the end of the year) that a Melanoma diagnosis isn't a death sentence.  I am constantly looking at the statistics but you need to realize that the stats are quite outdated and when these new drugs are fully evaluated…I suspect that the whole outlook will be considerably much more favorable.

Welcome to the forum…and keep in touch.

Best wishes.

Michel

So sorry you are going through this, Michele.  First – breathe deep lots of times. You are in the worst part of the process and things will get better.  You'll get more information, develop a treatment plan if necessary, and get used to the idea that you have/had melanoma.  Counseling will help you develop good adaptive stress relief strategies.  Exercise if you can, post here often, connect with friends and family.  Go out at night and howl at the moon if that helps.

You're doing everything right just give it some time.  There are many good treatments available and more being developed.  I can't say everthing will be ok but you are in a good place with treatments.  While you may not believe this now many people see their cancer diagnosis as a postive, life-changing event.

Fen

So sorry you are going through this, Michele.  First – breathe deep lots of times. You are in the worst part of the process and things will get better.  You'll get more information, develop a treatment plan if necessary, and get used to the idea that you have/had melanoma.  Counseling will help you develop good adaptive stress relief strategies.  Exercise if you can, post here often, connect with friends and family.  Go out at night and howl at the moon if that helps.

You're doing everything right just give it some time.  There are many good treatments available and more being developed.  I can't say everthing will be ok but you are in a good place with treatments.  While you may not believe this now many people see their cancer diagnosis as a postive, life-changing event.

Fen

So sorry you are going through this, Michele.  First – breathe deep lots of times. You are in the worst part of the process and things will get better.  You'll get more information, develop a treatment plan if necessary, and get used to the idea that you have/had melanoma.  Counseling will help you develop good adaptive stress relief strategies.  Exercise if you can, post here often, connect with friends and family.  Go out at night and howl at the moon if that helps.

You're doing everything right just give it some time.  There are many good treatments available and more being developed.  I can't say everthing will be ok but you are in a good place with treatments.  While you may not believe this now many people see their cancer diagnosis as a postive, life-changing event.

Fen

Hi Michele

Firstly, I'm sorry you find yourself here in Club Melanoma. Secondly, the main thing is: you have been diagnosed. An alternative scenario is that you hadn't gotten that mole checked, ever, and then you find yourself at stage 4 (or worse). So if there's a glass half full point of view it's that at least you have been diagnosed and are now in treatment. Just as importantly, you are taking care of your mental health as well, with ativan and counselling. I've had three thin primary melanomas and if I had to distil the whole experience into one word, that word is: fear. Just like you, I was incredibly stressed to be diagnosed with melanoma. That was about six months ago, and it DOES get better. Probably not like the good old days where illness never crosses your mind (well, not for me, yet), but the number of hours/minutes consumed by worry does drop and drop and drop. The more you can live your normal life the better (as opposed to locking yourself in a room to worry – worse still, a room with an internet connection where you can read horror stories and scare yourself silly). I don't have any silver bullet for you, a melanoma diagnosis has brought me nothing but worry, but it has eased over time and I'm not much more grateful for things that I once took for granted – simple pleasures like time with family, time with friends, little things. Reach out to people for help, just like you are doing here. You are doing all you can, just hang on in there,

Stars

Hi Michele

Firstly, I'm sorry you find yourself here in Club Melanoma. Secondly, the main thing is: you have been diagnosed. An alternative scenario is that you hadn't gotten that mole checked, ever, and then you find yourself at stage 4 (or worse). So if there's a glass half full point of view it's that at least you have been diagnosed and are now in treatment. Just as importantly, you are taking care of your mental health as well, with ativan and counselling. I've had three thin primary melanomas and if I had to distil the whole experience into one word, that word is: fear. Just like you, I was incredibly stressed to be diagnosed with melanoma. That was about six months ago, and it DOES get better. Probably not like the good old days where illness never crosses your mind (well, not for me, yet), but the number of hours/minutes consumed by worry does drop and drop and drop. The more you can live your normal life the better (as opposed to locking yourself in a room to worry – worse still, a room with an internet connection where you can read horror stories and scare yourself silly). I don't have any silver bullet for you, a melanoma diagnosis has brought me nothing but worry, but it has eased over time and I'm not much more grateful for things that I once took for granted – simple pleasures like time with family, time with friends, little things. Reach out to people for help, just like you are doing here. You are doing all you can, just hang on in there,

Stars

Hi Michele

Firstly, I'm sorry you find yourself here in Club Melanoma. Secondly, the main thing is: you have been diagnosed. An alternative scenario is that you hadn't gotten that mole checked, ever, and then you find yourself at stage 4 (or worse). So if there's a glass half full point of view it's that at least you have been diagnosed and are now in treatment. Just as importantly, you are taking care of your mental health as well, with ativan and counselling. I've had three thin primary melanomas and if I had to distil the whole experience into one word, that word is: fear. Just like you, I was incredibly stressed to be diagnosed with melanoma. That was about six months ago, and it DOES get better. Probably not like the good old days where illness never crosses your mind (well, not for me, yet), but the number of hours/minutes consumed by worry does drop and drop and drop. The more you can live your normal life the better (as opposed to locking yourself in a room to worry – worse still, a room with an internet connection where you can read horror stories and scare yourself silly). I don't have any silver bullet for you, a melanoma diagnosis has brought me nothing but worry, but it has eased over time and I'm not much more grateful for things that I once took for granted – simple pleasures like time with family, time with friends, little things. Reach out to people for help, just like you are doing here. You are doing all you can, just hang on in there,

Stars

It is very hard to deal with. Mom says for me to count my blessings. She's right. Sure I wish I had pushed the doc more when I kept getting misdiagnosed for 9 months. But we have to let go of what could have been or it will drive us crazy. Sure I was angry with God. Finally when I was a hairs breath of being paralyzed I realized God never abandoned me. He was always there keeping me from being paralyzed.

Very hard to deal with this stuff but it's best to try and relax and have hope that everything is going to be alright. Fortunately treatments are better now than 5 years ago. But even from back then many on here are still here and doing fine. Have hope you will be cancer free. I've found having hope is very important to my sanity.

Artie

It is very hard to deal with. Mom says for me to count my blessings. She's right. Sure I wish I had pushed the doc more when I kept getting misdiagnosed for 9 months. But we have to let go of what could have been or it will drive us crazy. Sure I was angry with God. Finally when I was a hairs breath of being paralyzed I realized God never abandoned me. He was always there keeping me from being paralyzed.

Very hard to deal with this stuff but it's best to try and relax and have hope that everything is going to be alright. Fortunately treatments are better now than 5 years ago. But even from back then many on here are still here and doing fine. Have hope you will be cancer free. I've found having hope is very important to my sanity.

Artie

It is very hard to deal with. Mom says for me to count my blessings. She's right. Sure I wish I had pushed the doc more when I kept getting misdiagnosed for 9 months. But we have to let go of what could have been or it will drive us crazy. Sure I was angry with God. Finally when I was a hairs breath of being paralyzed I realized God never abandoned me. He was always there keeping me from being paralyzed.

Very hard to deal with this stuff but it's best to try and relax and have hope that everything is going to be alright. Fortunately treatments are better now than 5 years ago. But even from back then many on here are still here and doing fine. Have hope you will be cancer free. I've found having hope is very important to my sanity.

Artie

Wow! I needed to read these responses to your post, Michele because I, too, stay terrified and cannot seem to shake it on most days. I love the advice others have given regarding trying to focus on the fact that it could have gone even longer without being diagnosed and to count blessings, etc. I need to practice these pointers in a big way!

Saying that, I completely understand every feeling you are describing and I felt like I was reading my own words and thoughts. It's actually my husband who was diagnosed last November, but i can't bear thinking of my life without him. He had a primary of 1.25 on the top of his head, followed by the WLE and SLNB in December. All nodes (tested from both sides of neck) were clear. We had about a month of celebrating the 1b successful surgery and he had another lesion appear about 2 inches from the scar. Ugh- intransit melanoma which moved him to stage 3b. He's had a total of 3 intransits appear on his head (both sides) and we are awaiting results on yet another biopsy of a suspicious new lesion last Tuesday. 

I feel like we never get the chance to relax with these recurrences and it's terrifying! They are small detections since I constantly look at his head, which are removed with punch biopsies; however, I feel like we are just playing whack a mole! He gets scans and ultrasounds every 3 months which so far, have been clear. Hard to celebrate this even after reading the horror stories of others. I feel like melanoma is just consuming us and it's so hard to be positive. So, I get your fear and am right there with you! i

i am going to start counting my blessings though and try to appreciate every day and also the fact that he is being treated at MDA which is an hour from home. Not sure I'm liking their "watch and wait" approach but I plan to ask and beg for any ideas to try and be more aggressive. I do trust their expertise though. 

Please keep us posted and hang in there! Like mentioned above, there are lots of new treatments out there for melanoma. You're not alone in this fight! 

Kim

Wow! I needed to read these responses to your post, Michele because I, too, stay terrified and cannot seem to shake it on most days. I love the advice others have given regarding trying to focus on the fact that it could have gone even longer without being diagnosed and to count blessings, etc. I need to practice these pointers in a big way!

Saying that, I completely understand every feeling you are describing and I felt like I was reading my own words and thoughts. It's actually my husband who was diagnosed last November, but i can't bear thinking of my life without him. He had a primary of 1.25 on the top of his head, followed by the WLE and SLNB in December. All nodes (tested from both sides of neck) were clear. We had about a month of celebrating the 1b successful surgery and he had another lesion appear about 2 inches from the scar. Ugh- intransit melanoma which moved him to stage 3b. He's had a total of 3 intransits appear on his head (both sides) and we are awaiting results on yet another biopsy of a suspicious new lesion last Tuesday. 

I feel like we never get the chance to relax with these recurrences and it's terrifying! They are small detections since I constantly look at his head, which are removed with punch biopsies; however, I feel like we are just playing whack a mole! He gets scans and ultrasounds every 3 months which so far, have been clear. Hard to celebrate this even after reading the horror stories of others. I feel like melanoma is just consuming us and it's so hard to be positive. So, I get your fear and am right there with you! i

i am going to start counting my blessings though and try to appreciate every day and also the fact that he is being treated at MDA which is an hour from home. Not sure I'm liking their "watch and wait" approach but I plan to ask and beg for any ideas to try and be more aggressive. I do trust their expertise though. 

Please keep us posted and hang in there! Like mentioned above, there are lots of new treatments out there for melanoma. You're not alone in this fight! 

Kim

Wow! I needed to read these responses to your post, Michele because I, too, stay terrified and cannot seem to shake it on most days. I love the advice others have given regarding trying to focus on the fact that it could have gone even longer without being diagnosed and to count blessings, etc. I need to practice these pointers in a big way!

Saying that, I completely understand every feeling you are describing and I felt like I was reading my own words and thoughts. It's actually my husband who was diagnosed last November, but i can't bear thinking of my life without him. He had a primary of 1.25 on the top of his head, followed by the WLE and SLNB in December. All nodes (tested from both sides of neck) were clear. We had about a month of celebrating the 1b successful surgery and he had another lesion appear about 2 inches from the scar. Ugh- intransit melanoma which moved him to stage 3b. He's had a total of 3 intransits appear on his head (both sides) and we are awaiting results on yet another biopsy of a suspicious new lesion last Tuesday. 

I feel like we never get the chance to relax with these recurrences and it's terrifying! They are small detections since I constantly look at his head, which are removed with punch biopsies; however, I feel like we are just playing whack a mole! He gets scans and ultrasounds every 3 months which so far, have been clear. Hard to celebrate this even after reading the horror stories of others. I feel like melanoma is just consuming us and it's so hard to be positive. So, I get your fear and am right there with you! i

i am going to start counting my blessings though and try to appreciate every day and also the fact that he is being treated at MDA which is an hour from home. Not sure I'm liking their "watch and wait" approach but I plan to ask and beg for any ideas to try and be more aggressive. I do trust their expertise though. 

Please keep us posted and hang in there! Like mentioned above, there are lots of new treatments out there for melanoma. You're not alone in this fight! 

Kim

Hi Michele, so sorry that you have a reason to find yourself here.  But glad that you found this group as it is a very supportive and informative one.  Reading your post took me back to my own diagnosis.  Sitting here feeling healthy and happy it is difficult for me to remember that I ever felt as fearful as you currently do.  But yes, I definitely did.  A spot was found on my lung in July 2012 but was misdiagnosed.  It wasn't until a recurrence in January 2014 that I was properly diagnosed and the tumor from 2012 was reassessed as also being melanoma.  What a shock!  Talk abut "leaving it too long".  I had gone a year and a half with no treatment (apart from the removal of that first tumor).  I was freaked out.  But eventually I got tired of that.  As others have pointed out, I realized that I wasn't going to die tomorrow.  I took some time to evaluate different doctors and different approaches that they offered.  I then decided on a sequence of treatments that I would try (always open to amending it as new studies come out and depending on my own progress).  But having a plan I felt comfortable with and implementing it took much of the stress away.  You will find your new normal.  Just give yourself a break and some time.  It truly does get easier.

Hi Michele, so sorry that you have a reason to find yourself here.  But glad that you found this group as it is a very supportive and informative one.  Reading your post took me back to my own diagnosis.  Sitting here feeling healthy and happy it is difficult for me to remember that I ever felt as fearful as you currently do.  But yes, I definitely did.  A spot was found on my lung in July 2012 but was misdiagnosed.  It wasn't until a recurrence in January 2014 that I was properly diagnosed and the tumor from 2012 was reassessed as also being melanoma.  What a shock!  Talk abut "leaving it too long".  I had gone a year and a half with no treatment (apart from the removal of that first tumor).  I was freaked out.  But eventually I got tired of that.  As others have pointed out, I realized that I wasn't going to die tomorrow.  I took some time to evaluate different doctors and different approaches that they offered.  I then decided on a sequence of treatments that I would try (always open to amending it as new studies come out and depending on my own progress).  But having a plan I felt comfortable with and implementing it took much of the stress away.  You will find your new normal.  Just give yourself a break and some time.  It truly does get easier.

Hi Michele, so sorry that you have a reason to find yourself here.  But glad that you found this group as it is a very supportive and informative one.  Reading your post took me back to my own diagnosis.  Sitting here feeling healthy and happy it is difficult for me to remember that I ever felt as fearful as you currently do.  But yes, I definitely did.  A spot was found on my lung in July 2012 but was misdiagnosed.  It wasn't until a recurrence in January 2014 that I was properly diagnosed and the tumor from 2012 was reassessed as also being melanoma.  What a shock!  Talk abut "leaving it too long".  I had gone a year and a half with no treatment (apart from the removal of that first tumor).  I was freaked out.  But eventually I got tired of that.  As others have pointed out, I realized that I wasn't going to die tomorrow.  I took some time to evaluate different doctors and different approaches that they offered.  I then decided on a sequence of treatments that I would try (always open to amending it as new studies come out and depending on my own progress).  But having a plan I felt comfortable with and implementing it took much of the stress away.  You will find your new normal.  Just give yourself a break and some time.  It truly does get easier.

Hi Michele,

I've been in that abyss where you are just under 5 years ago. Had one helluva pity party that year. I was diagnosed in December 2010. Christmas really sucked that year, so did my birthday, and New Year's.

You are doing one major thing right: you got help to deal with the stress you're under! Celexa and I were very good friends for several weeks after I was diagnosed but eventually I weaned myself off of it.

Something positive I'd like to point out to you is that your scan showed no distant metasteses. This is important to remember.

It's very possible that the one node is reactive. After all, you just had surgery. So, the odds are are very good that's exactly what it is.

You can't undo the past. You have to move forward. And you will, one step at a time. One of the best things a good friend reminded me of was that my diagnosis represented a change and new routine in my life. Sudden change along with a new routine is scary because you've had the rug pulled out from under you. Once you get the new routine down pat, you'll find that you'll be just fine with it. Your new routine will consist of regular doctor visits and followup scans that will decrease in frequency as time moves on. Scan time will bring some stress. But you are in good company and this board is great to get that little emotional boost to help you through scan day.

Hi Michele,

I've been in that abyss where you are just under 5 years ago. Had one helluva pity party that year. I was diagnosed in December 2010. Christmas really sucked that year, so did my birthday, and New Year's.

You are doing one major thing right: you got help to deal with the stress you're under! Celexa and I were very good friends for several weeks after I was diagnosed but eventually I weaned myself off of it.

Something positive I'd like to point out to you is that your scan showed no distant metasteses. This is important to remember.

It's very possible that the one node is reactive. After all, you just had surgery. So, the odds are are very good that's exactly what it is.

You can't undo the past. You have to move forward. And you will, one step at a time. One of the best things a good friend reminded me of was that my diagnosis represented a change and new routine in my life. Sudden change along with a new routine is scary because you've had the rug pulled out from under you. Once you get the new routine down pat, you'll find that you'll be just fine with it. Your new routine will consist of regular doctor visits and followup scans that will decrease in frequency as time moves on. Scan time will bring some stress. But you are in good company and this board is great to get that little emotional boost to help you through scan day.

Hi Michele,

I've been in that abyss where you are just under 5 years ago. Had one helluva pity party that year. I was diagnosed in December 2010. Christmas really sucked that year, so did my birthday, and New Year's.

You are doing one major thing right: you got help to deal with the stress you're under! Celexa and I were very good friends for several weeks after I was diagnosed but eventually I weaned myself off of it.

Something positive I'd like to point out to you is that your scan showed no distant metasteses. This is important to remember.

It's very possible that the one node is reactive. After all, you just had surgery. So, the odds are are very good that's exactly what it is.

You can't undo the past. You have to move forward. And you will, one step at a time. One of the best things a good friend reminded me of was that my diagnosis represented a change and new routine in my life. Sudden change along with a new routine is scary because you've had the rug pulled out from under you. Once you get the new routine down pat, you'll find that you'll be just fine with it. Your new routine will consist of regular doctor visits and followup scans that will decrease in frequency as time moves on. Scan time will bring some stress. But you are in good company and this board is great to get that little emotional boost to help you through scan day.

Welcome to a new family. This will be a place you find yourself in the middle of sleepless nights and hard days. 9/12/14 my 17 yr old son was diagnosed stage 3c. Through neck dissection, biochemo, interferon and radiation it grew. Stage 4. He took a small break to gain some weight, and be a kid and graduate high school. In that 6 weeks it spread everywhere. Spine, liver, lungs, ribs, sternum, femurs…we could see rumors on his skin. Everywhere. We went to Hawaii with Make-a-wish. Then he was able to receive Keytruda! I really wasn't sure he could survive until it kicked in…he is doing GREAT!! Half the cancer was gone or shrunk or less active in his 3 mo scan! He is nearby at college. He plays tennis everyday. And you know what??? Jake is so brave. I was in such a dark place those first few weeks! It's truly paralyzing! My neighbors showered us in healthy food, prayers, books and checks! His friends treated him normal which he loved! And Jake…well jake never talks cancer! Jake loves life! Jake is happy. He is active everyday he can!! He says he is not afraid to go if that is what God wants. He also wants to live the best he can if he gets to stay! So I fight for him all the time. I look for all we have to be grateful for. I look for what I need to learn. And I watch an 18 year old kid teach me how to have courage! You can do this!! We all understand. We love you. 

Welcome to a new family. This will be a place you find yourself in the middle of sleepless nights and hard days. 9/12/14 my 17 yr old son was diagnosed stage 3c. Through neck dissection, biochemo, interferon and radiation it grew. Stage 4. He took a small break to gain some weight, and be a kid and graduate high school. In that 6 weeks it spread everywhere. Spine, liver, lungs, ribs, sternum, femurs…we could see rumors on his skin. Everywhere. We went to Hawaii with Make-a-wish. Then he was able to receive Keytruda! I really wasn't sure he could survive until it kicked in…he is doing GREAT!! Half the cancer was gone or shrunk or less active in his 3 mo scan! He is nearby at college. He plays tennis everyday. And you know what??? Jake is so brave. I was in such a dark place those first few weeks! It's truly paralyzing! My neighbors showered us in healthy food, prayers, books and checks! His friends treated him normal which he loved! And Jake…well jake never talks cancer! Jake loves life! Jake is happy. He is active everyday he can!! He says he is not afraid to go if that is what God wants. He also wants to live the best he can if he gets to stay! So I fight for him all the time. I look for all we have to be grateful for. I look for what I need to learn. And I watch an 18 year old kid teach me how to have courage! You can do this!! We all understand. We love you. 

Welcome to a new family. This will be a place you find yourself in the middle of sleepless nights and hard days. 9/12/14 my 17 yr old son was diagnosed stage 3c. Through neck dissection, biochemo, interferon and radiation it grew. Stage 4. He took a small break to gain some weight, and be a kid and graduate high school. In that 6 weeks it spread everywhere. Spine, liver, lungs, ribs, sternum, femurs…we could see rumors on his skin. Everywhere. We went to Hawaii with Make-a-wish. Then he was able to receive Keytruda! I really wasn't sure he could survive until it kicked in…he is doing GREAT!! Half the cancer was gone or shrunk or less active in his 3 mo scan! He is nearby at college. He plays tennis everyday. And you know what??? Jake is so brave. I was in such a dark place those first few weeks! It's truly paralyzing! My neighbors showered us in healthy food, prayers, books and checks! His friends treated him normal which he loved! And Jake…well jake never talks cancer! Jake loves life! Jake is happy. He is active everyday he can!! He says he is not afraid to go if that is what God wants. He also wants to live the best he can if he gets to stay! So I fight for him all the time. I look for all we have to be grateful for. I look for what I need to learn. And I watch an 18 year old kid teach me how to have courage! You can do this!! We all understand. We love you.