› Forums › Caregiver Community › Sweet and thoughtful holiday gifts
- This topic has 27 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 11 years ago by
POW.
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- November 30, 2013 at 1:24 pm
I was just recollecting a very, very nice thing a melanoma patient's friends did for her. It occurred to me that this gesture would make a lovely gift for either a patient or a caregiver. Then I got to thinking that maybe others of you could come up with other thoughtful gifts that would mean a lot to people struggling under the physical, emotional and financial stresses of coping with melanoma. My suggestion is below. I would appreciate any other ideas you may have.
Idea #1 – engage a professional cleaning service to come in and thoroughly clean the house from top to bottom.
I don't know about you, but when my brother was sick, cleaning the house was near the bottom of my list of priorities. I didn't have the energy and dust mice in the corners just didn't seem all that important in the grand scheme of things. However, I was ashamed of the state of the house so I was very reluctant to invite people in. This lead to fewer visits to my brother and more social isolation for me.
Another caregiver told me that her friends banded together and hired a cleaning service to come in for one whole day to scrub her house from top to bottom, including cleaning the carpets. For the first time in a long time her home was sparkling clean. Entering such pleasant surroundings after yet another long and trying day of tedious traffic, boring waiting rooms and scan anxiety made her smile and feel relaxed.
I think that was a lovely and creative gift for her friends to give her, don't you?
Can you suggest anything else that would make a wonderful gift for someone who is struggling with melanoma? Has anyone done something really nice for you? Have any of you done something really nice for a patient or a caregiver? Do you have a secret wish that you hesitate to ask for? Filing all the papers that have piled up on the dining table? Mowing the lawn and caring for the garden? Volunteering to spend one afternoon a week helping the patient so the caregiver can get out for a few hours? Please share it here.
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- November 30, 2013 at 2:40 pm
If there are kids at home, you can take the kids for a day. . offer to take them to the zoo, or a park, etc. . .
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- November 30, 2013 at 3:58 pm
Yes! That's the spirit! You could add miniature golf, a games arcade, an indoor skateboarding arena, a children's art class at the local museum, an outing to a basketball or baseball game– whatever is appropriate for the kids' ages and interests. A gift to the parents could be a set of "coupons" hand-written on index cards saying: "Good for one trip to the zoo." and "Good for one round of miniature golf." etc. The parent could then let the child choose what they are interested in doing each outing. Excellent idea. Thanks!
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- November 30, 2013 at 3:58 pm
Yes! That's the spirit! You could add miniature golf, a games arcade, an indoor skateboarding arena, a children's art class at the local museum, an outing to a basketball or baseball game– whatever is appropriate for the kids' ages and interests. A gift to the parents could be a set of "coupons" hand-written on index cards saying: "Good for one trip to the zoo." and "Good for one round of miniature golf." etc. The parent could then let the child choose what they are interested in doing each outing. Excellent idea. Thanks!
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- November 30, 2013 at 3:58 pm
Yes! That's the spirit! You could add miniature golf, a games arcade, an indoor skateboarding arena, a children's art class at the local museum, an outing to a basketball or baseball game– whatever is appropriate for the kids' ages and interests. A gift to the parents could be a set of "coupons" hand-written on index cards saying: "Good for one trip to the zoo." and "Good for one round of miniature golf." etc. The parent could then let the child choose what they are interested in doing each outing. Excellent idea. Thanks!
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- November 30, 2013 at 5:28 pm
Great topic!! A professional cleaning service would be perfect for my family.
After surgery (three different times) my brothers and friends came over to rake leaves, clean the gutters, take out the trash, mow the lawn, etc., depending on the season. They also carried the laundry basket down my stairs, changed the gas to my grill . . . I told my brothers and friends that I was unable to do any 'man' things around the house (I also have two little ones so my wife is busy as well).
One thing to remember. There is a good chance that the person you are dealing with is a bit down because they can't do 'normal' things around the house. Many people (kindly) asked, "What can I/we do?" I always replied, "Nothing/I am fine." I simply don't like asking for help.
I have had several gift cards to restaurants expire (restaurant closed) and I simply gave others away. It's difficult to get out to dinner when my daughters and I share a bedtime.
Frozen dinners (in dishes that I did not need to return!!!) are perfect. Babysitting is always great. One particular friend now says to me, "I am doing A or B. Choose one." She's bossy . . .it's perfect for me.
One final comment . . . get the patient's wife a massage (if applicable).
Brendan
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- November 30, 2013 at 5:28 pm
Great topic!! A professional cleaning service would be perfect for my family.
After surgery (three different times) my brothers and friends came over to rake leaves, clean the gutters, take out the trash, mow the lawn, etc., depending on the season. They also carried the laundry basket down my stairs, changed the gas to my grill . . . I told my brothers and friends that I was unable to do any 'man' things around the house (I also have two little ones so my wife is busy as well).
One thing to remember. There is a good chance that the person you are dealing with is a bit down because they can't do 'normal' things around the house. Many people (kindly) asked, "What can I/we do?" I always replied, "Nothing/I am fine." I simply don't like asking for help.
I have had several gift cards to restaurants expire (restaurant closed) and I simply gave others away. It's difficult to get out to dinner when my daughters and I share a bedtime.
Frozen dinners (in dishes that I did not need to return!!!) are perfect. Babysitting is always great. One particular friend now says to me, "I am doing A or B. Choose one." She's bossy . . .it's perfect for me.
One final comment . . . get the patient's wife a massage (if applicable).
Brendan
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- November 30, 2013 at 5:28 pm
Great topic!! A professional cleaning service would be perfect for my family.
After surgery (three different times) my brothers and friends came over to rake leaves, clean the gutters, take out the trash, mow the lawn, etc., depending on the season. They also carried the laundry basket down my stairs, changed the gas to my grill . . . I told my brothers and friends that I was unable to do any 'man' things around the house (I also have two little ones so my wife is busy as well).
One thing to remember. There is a good chance that the person you are dealing with is a bit down because they can't do 'normal' things around the house. Many people (kindly) asked, "What can I/we do?" I always replied, "Nothing/I am fine." I simply don't like asking for help.
I have had several gift cards to restaurants expire (restaurant closed) and I simply gave others away. It's difficult to get out to dinner when my daughters and I share a bedtime.
Frozen dinners (in dishes that I did not need to return!!!) are perfect. Babysitting is always great. One particular friend now says to me, "I am doing A or B. Choose one." She's bossy . . .it's perfect for me.
One final comment . . . get the patient's wife a massage (if applicable).
Brendan
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- November 30, 2013 at 6:18 pm
POW thanks for suggesting this topic … and Brendan you are right, it is hard to ask for help!
Our friends come over to help mow the lawn … we don't have a say 🙂 Last weekend while they were at it, I was able to clean the house. Indeed is a great feeling to have your house clean to care for your love one.
The simplest things are the ones that help the most.
Elenise
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- November 30, 2013 at 6:18 pm
POW thanks for suggesting this topic … and Brendan you are right, it is hard to ask for help!
Our friends come over to help mow the lawn … we don't have a say 🙂 Last weekend while they were at it, I was able to clean the house. Indeed is a great feeling to have your house clean to care for your love one.
The simplest things are the ones that help the most.
Elenise
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- November 30, 2013 at 6:18 pm
POW thanks for suggesting this topic … and Brendan you are right, it is hard to ask for help!
Our friends come over to help mow the lawn … we don't have a say 🙂 Last weekend while they were at it, I was able to clean the house. Indeed is a great feeling to have your house clean to care for your love one.
The simplest things are the ones that help the most.
Elenise
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- November 30, 2013 at 8:02 pm
All great ideas. When I was doing chemo for breast cancer and later interferon friends started a meal schedule – delivering meals 3 times a week til treatments were over. It was wonderful and I was very grateful, but some days I didn't even feel like opening the door. Since then I've given gift certificates to pizza places – enclose a menu in the card and all the person has to do is call and have it delivered. The delivery guy doesn't care that you haven't showered for days and isn't likely to stay and chat either.
Fen
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- November 30, 2013 at 8:02 pm
All great ideas. When I was doing chemo for breast cancer and later interferon friends started a meal schedule – delivering meals 3 times a week til treatments were over. It was wonderful and I was very grateful, but some days I didn't even feel like opening the door. Since then I've given gift certificates to pizza places – enclose a menu in the card and all the person has to do is call and have it delivered. The delivery guy doesn't care that you haven't showered for days and isn't likely to stay and chat either.
Fen
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- November 30, 2013 at 8:02 pm
All great ideas. When I was doing chemo for breast cancer and later interferon friends started a meal schedule – delivering meals 3 times a week til treatments were over. It was wonderful and I was very grateful, but some days I didn't even feel like opening the door. Since then I've given gift certificates to pizza places – enclose a menu in the card and all the person has to do is call and have it delivered. The delivery guy doesn't care that you haven't showered for days and isn't likely to stay and chat either.
Fen
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- December 5, 2013 at 2:17 am
Great topic, Pat.
Yardwork is the other big area that neither Don nor I have time or energy for. Cutting the grass. Weeding. Vacuuming the pool. Shoveling the driveway/sidewalk. Raking leaves.
Unfortunately, these are not "one-time" chores; they just go on and on and on. And it is so hard to ask for help!
I've loved it when friends have brought over a pot of chicken soup (or, the chicken corn chowder that my best friend would drive 90 miles to deliver to Don!). Other friends have called and said, "how about we bring dinner tonight?" — and it doesn't matter what it is — pizza, sandwiches, mediterranean meat pies (yum!), etc.
I hope we can do the same for others in the future!
Janet
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- December 5, 2013 at 2:17 am
Great topic, Pat.
Yardwork is the other big area that neither Don nor I have time or energy for. Cutting the grass. Weeding. Vacuuming the pool. Shoveling the driveway/sidewalk. Raking leaves.
Unfortunately, these are not "one-time" chores; they just go on and on and on. And it is so hard to ask for help!
I've loved it when friends have brought over a pot of chicken soup (or, the chicken corn chowder that my best friend would drive 90 miles to deliver to Don!). Other friends have called and said, "how about we bring dinner tonight?" — and it doesn't matter what it is — pizza, sandwiches, mediterranean meat pies (yum!), etc.
I hope we can do the same for others in the future!
Janet
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- December 5, 2013 at 2:17 am
Great topic, Pat.
Yardwork is the other big area that neither Don nor I have time or energy for. Cutting the grass. Weeding. Vacuuming the pool. Shoveling the driveway/sidewalk. Raking leaves.
Unfortunately, these are not "one-time" chores; they just go on and on and on. And it is so hard to ask for help!
I've loved it when friends have brought over a pot of chicken soup (or, the chicken corn chowder that my best friend would drive 90 miles to deliver to Don!). Other friends have called and said, "how about we bring dinner tonight?" — and it doesn't matter what it is — pizza, sandwiches, mediterranean meat pies (yum!), etc.
I hope we can do the same for others in the future!
Janet
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- December 15, 2013 at 4:17 pm
Lots of really nice and thoughtful ideas here, folks. Thanks!
I just heard another one… offer to do some Christmas shopping or wrapping for a patient or caregiver. I don't know about you, but one of my biggest Christmas hassles is boxing up and shipping gifts to my out of town relatives. I sure would love for someone to take over that chore for me even though I'm not sick.
My mother recently broke her hip and is in a rehab hospital. She will be home before Christmas but, of course, has been unable to send her Christmas cards or shop or anything. I thought to myself, "Of course we won't expect anything from Mom this year." But my nephew went me one better. He called up grandma and offered to do her shopping for her. He lives in a different state but he will find everything online and have them gift wrapped and sent to the recipient. She was thrilled!! Not only is she happy to be able to send gifts this year, but even more pleased that her grandson was so thoughtful and considerate. (And I feel like a dolt for not having thought of it myself.)
We seem to be learning a couple of lessons here. It seems like just about all of the "sweet and thoughtful" gifts we can think of for melanoma patients and/or caregivers involve our time and attention rather than money. Another recurring theme is that sick people usually can't think of things that others can do for them, or if they do think of something, they are reluctant to mention it. So the best thing to do is Just Do It (as Nike says). Just say, "I'm coming over to mow your lawn on Sunday." or "I am going to do your Christmas shopping tomorrow. Can you give me suggestions or should I just use my own judgement?"
These small acts of kindness are not limited to Christmas. We can do them all year 'round. Isn't that nice to know?
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- December 15, 2013 at 4:17 pm
Lots of really nice and thoughtful ideas here, folks. Thanks!
I just heard another one… offer to do some Christmas shopping or wrapping for a patient or caregiver. I don't know about you, but one of my biggest Christmas hassles is boxing up and shipping gifts to my out of town relatives. I sure would love for someone to take over that chore for me even though I'm not sick.
My mother recently broke her hip and is in a rehab hospital. She will be home before Christmas but, of course, has been unable to send her Christmas cards or shop or anything. I thought to myself, "Of course we won't expect anything from Mom this year." But my nephew went me one better. He called up grandma and offered to do her shopping for her. He lives in a different state but he will find everything online and have them gift wrapped and sent to the recipient. She was thrilled!! Not only is she happy to be able to send gifts this year, but even more pleased that her grandson was so thoughtful and considerate. (And I feel like a dolt for not having thought of it myself.)
We seem to be learning a couple of lessons here. It seems like just about all of the "sweet and thoughtful" gifts we can think of for melanoma patients and/or caregivers involve our time and attention rather than money. Another recurring theme is that sick people usually can't think of things that others can do for them, or if they do think of something, they are reluctant to mention it. So the best thing to do is Just Do It (as Nike says). Just say, "I'm coming over to mow your lawn on Sunday." or "I am going to do your Christmas shopping tomorrow. Can you give me suggestions or should I just use my own judgement?"
These small acts of kindness are not limited to Christmas. We can do them all year 'round. Isn't that nice to know?
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- December 15, 2013 at 4:17 pm
Lots of really nice and thoughtful ideas here, folks. Thanks!
I just heard another one… offer to do some Christmas shopping or wrapping for a patient or caregiver. I don't know about you, but one of my biggest Christmas hassles is boxing up and shipping gifts to my out of town relatives. I sure would love for someone to take over that chore for me even though I'm not sick.
My mother recently broke her hip and is in a rehab hospital. She will be home before Christmas but, of course, has been unable to send her Christmas cards or shop or anything. I thought to myself, "Of course we won't expect anything from Mom this year." But my nephew went me one better. He called up grandma and offered to do her shopping for her. He lives in a different state but he will find everything online and have them gift wrapped and sent to the recipient. She was thrilled!! Not only is she happy to be able to send gifts this year, but even more pleased that her grandson was so thoughtful and considerate. (And I feel like a dolt for not having thought of it myself.)
We seem to be learning a couple of lessons here. It seems like just about all of the "sweet and thoughtful" gifts we can think of for melanoma patients and/or caregivers involve our time and attention rather than money. Another recurring theme is that sick people usually can't think of things that others can do for them, or if they do think of something, they are reluctant to mention it. So the best thing to do is Just Do It (as Nike says). Just say, "I'm coming over to mow your lawn on Sunday." or "I am going to do your Christmas shopping tomorrow. Can you give me suggestions or should I just use my own judgement?"
These small acts of kindness are not limited to Christmas. We can do them all year 'round. Isn't that nice to know?
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