› Forums › General Melanoma Community › Sterilization After Stage IV Diagnosis and NED Status
- This topic has 45 replies, 9 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 2 months ago by
Terrified.
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- January 31, 2017 at 6:19 am
Hey everyone,
It's been awhile since I've posted – there's such a delicate balance between being a "cancer patient " and a "normal person." Admittedly, it's a lot easier to fall into the latter category when you're doing well.
Quick history:
At 29 years old I had a changing mole on my left calf during my first pregnancy in 2012. My OB said not to worry; skin changes are common during pregnancy. About 7/8 months later, I had the mole removed. It was Stage 1b melanoma. I had a wide excision and SNB. Margins were clear and there was no lymph node involvement. I also had a clear PET. Four months later I had another very thin melanoma removed. After getting every doc's "blessing" I became pregnant again. In July 2014, at 20 weeks, I felt a lump the size of a ping pong ball in my left groin. Two days later I had it biopsied and it was metastatic. I had a complete node dissection while I was 23 weeks pregnant at Mayo Clinic. They found 4 total affected nodes. I also had MRIs without contrast, because of my pregnancy. Those were clear. We had ultra sounds every other week to check the placenta (since melanoma is one of only 3 types of cancer that can spread to baby). I refused scans and the treatment (my docs wanted to do some crazy, ineffective drug). I did agree to be induced at 37 weeks and my son came healthy in December 2014. I had scans 5 days later. Mets all over my liver, 1 on my spine, and 4 subcutaneous spots. (I was 31 by this point.) I found out I was BRAF negative. Mayo put me on chemo. I failed it, came on this board, got a ton of advice, and went on the (then trial) Ipi+Nivo combo at MD Anderson in March 2015. Long story short, I received NED status in November 2015. I will finish my Opdivo infusions in about 8 weeks.
So, I have decided to undergo a tubal ligation. My brain knows this is the right choice, but my heart is hurting. My doctor at MDA wholeheartedly believes that my pregnancies played a part in my diagnosis. So I get it. However, I didn't get to enjoy my last pregnancy and I so wish I could have another chance. Again, my brain reminds me how lucky I am to have two children (it took us 3 years to have our first) but I'm still sad. I think some of my sadness stems from the fact that this choice has basically been made for me.
As a side note, I know my husband could have a vasectomy. My doctors don't get it and my family doesn't get it, but I don't want him to do that. I feel like the folks on here know where I'm going….. Melanoma is scary and I know it could return anytime. We're still young and I want him to have options.
I know things could be so much worse, but this has weighed on me and I feel like my wonderful friends and family can't understand. So, I'm hoping for a little pep talk from y'all!
Ashley
- Replies
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- January 31, 2017 at 1:51 pm
Hi Ashley,I can understand exactly how you feel. I too struggled with this decision because I always felt like melanoma was hanging over me so didn’t want to risk another pregnancy. I had a tubal as well since it was me that shouldn’t have any more children, not necessarily my husband.
There is really nothing I can say to make this easier but just wanted to respond to let you know that your situation resonated with me.
Wishing you the best,
Nancy -
- January 31, 2017 at 1:51 pm
Hi Ashley,I can understand exactly how you feel. I too struggled with this decision because I always felt like melanoma was hanging over me so didn’t want to risk another pregnancy. I had a tubal as well since it was me that shouldn’t have any more children, not necessarily my husband.
There is really nothing I can say to make this easier but just wanted to respond to let you know that your situation resonated with me.
Wishing you the best,
Nancy -
- January 31, 2017 at 1:51 pm
Hi Ashley,I can understand exactly how you feel. I too struggled with this decision because I always felt like melanoma was hanging over me so didn’t want to risk another pregnancy. I had a tubal as well since it was me that shouldn’t have any more children, not necessarily my husband.
There is really nothing I can say to make this easier but just wanted to respond to let you know that your situation resonated with me.
Wishing you the best,
Nancy -
- January 31, 2017 at 5:52 pm
Ashley, your brave decision to save your husband's ability to have more children brought tears to my eyes. You have great insight into your feelings which leads me to believe you will work this out in your mind – it will, of course, take time but you are on your way. An act as final as tubal ligation would probably bring up emotions regardless of your health history. You sound like an incredibly woman – enjoy ned!
fen
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- January 31, 2017 at 5:52 pm
Ashley, your brave decision to save your husband's ability to have more children brought tears to my eyes. You have great insight into your feelings which leads me to believe you will work this out in your mind – it will, of course, take time but you are on your way. An act as final as tubal ligation would probably bring up emotions regardless of your health history. You sound like an incredibly woman – enjoy ned!
fen
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- January 31, 2017 at 5:52 pm
Ashley, your brave decision to save your husband's ability to have more children brought tears to my eyes. You have great insight into your feelings which leads me to believe you will work this out in your mind – it will, of course, take time but you are on your way. An act as final as tubal ligation would probably bring up emotions regardless of your health history. You sound like an incredibly woman – enjoy ned!
fen
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- February 1, 2017 at 2:49 am
Hi! I found a melanoma in Dec 2016, when my baby was 6 months old. Was diagnosed 1b, and most doctors said to go ahead and get pregnant, but I am not sure if I should. I always wanted at least 2 babies, but I worry that the melanoma may gain strenght from another pregancy. So I know exactly how you feel.
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- February 1, 2017 at 2:49 am
Hi! I found a melanoma in Dec 2016, when my baby was 6 months old. Was diagnosed 1b, and most doctors said to go ahead and get pregnant, but I am not sure if I should. I always wanted at least 2 babies, but I worry that the melanoma may gain strenght from another pregancy. So I know exactly how you feel.
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- February 1, 2017 at 2:49 am
Hi! I found a melanoma in Dec 2016, when my baby was 6 months old. Was diagnosed 1b, and most doctors said to go ahead and get pregnant, but I am not sure if I should. I always wanted at least 2 babies, but I worry that the melanoma may gain strenght from another pregancy. So I know exactly how you feel.
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- February 1, 2017 at 2:55 am
Hi Ashley, I can't offer any advice regarding the melanoma-I joined this site because I had a lesion which thankfully turned out to be only "severly atypical" and not melanoma. However I can offer some words regarding the tubal ligation. I had that done myself several years back and ended up with a hysterectomy, for various reasons, after having only one child. I can tell you that I went through a period of mourning for the "children I would not have"; but as time passed, those wounds healed! You are an awesome person for thinking of your husband. Having the tubal ligation is a hard decision! But, as I said, in time you will find peace with your decison and those doubts/sadness about not being able to have more children will fade. I hope things work out for you!
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- February 1, 2017 at 2:55 am
Hi Ashley, I can't offer any advice regarding the melanoma-I joined this site because I had a lesion which thankfully turned out to be only "severly atypical" and not melanoma. However I can offer some words regarding the tubal ligation. I had that done myself several years back and ended up with a hysterectomy, for various reasons, after having only one child. I can tell you that I went through a period of mourning for the "children I would not have"; but as time passed, those wounds healed! You are an awesome person for thinking of your husband. Having the tubal ligation is a hard decision! But, as I said, in time you will find peace with your decison and those doubts/sadness about not being able to have more children will fade. I hope things work out for you!
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- February 1, 2017 at 2:55 am
Hi Ashley, I can't offer any advice regarding the melanoma-I joined this site because I had a lesion which thankfully turned out to be only "severly atypical" and not melanoma. However I can offer some words regarding the tubal ligation. I had that done myself several years back and ended up with a hysterectomy, for various reasons, after having only one child. I can tell you that I went through a period of mourning for the "children I would not have"; but as time passed, those wounds healed! You are an awesome person for thinking of your husband. Having the tubal ligation is a hard decision! But, as I said, in time you will find peace with your decison and those doubts/sadness about not being able to have more children will fade. I hope things work out for you!
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- February 1, 2017 at 3:57 am
Hey Ashley,
I'm sorry for this hand you've been dealt. As a man I can't completely understand your feelings but I can definitely relate. I was diagnosed at stage III just after we had out second child. I was a little older when we started having kids so by the time I finished a year of interferon and shortly thereafter progressed to stage IV the decision to have a 3rd child really was made for us. We coudn't be happier with our family of 4 but still think about the what if occasionally. Adoption is not out of the question for us if I can ever get this pesky melanoma back in the cage.
Hang in their Ashley and congrats on your NED status. If I remember correctly you had some intense side effects so I'm thrilled to hear you are doing well.
Brian
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- February 1, 2017 at 3:57 am
Hey Ashley,
I'm sorry for this hand you've been dealt. As a man I can't completely understand your feelings but I can definitely relate. I was diagnosed at stage III just after we had out second child. I was a little older when we started having kids so by the time I finished a year of interferon and shortly thereafter progressed to stage IV the decision to have a 3rd child really was made for us. We coudn't be happier with our family of 4 but still think about the what if occasionally. Adoption is not out of the question for us if I can ever get this pesky melanoma back in the cage.
Hang in their Ashley and congrats on your NED status. If I remember correctly you had some intense side effects so I'm thrilled to hear you are doing well.
Brian
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- February 1, 2017 at 3:57 am
Hey Ashley,
I'm sorry for this hand you've been dealt. As a man I can't completely understand your feelings but I can definitely relate. I was diagnosed at stage III just after we had out second child. I was a little older when we started having kids so by the time I finished a year of interferon and shortly thereafter progressed to stage IV the decision to have a 3rd child really was made for us. We coudn't be happier with our family of 4 but still think about the what if occasionally. Adoption is not out of the question for us if I can ever get this pesky melanoma back in the cage.
Hang in their Ashley and congrats on your NED status. If I remember correctly you had some intense side effects so I'm thrilled to hear you are doing well.
Brian
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- February 1, 2017 at 6:24 pm
I'm not in your position so can only give my thoughts. As someone who wasn't able to have children, I'd revel in the children you have. Anything denied to us outside our control always make us wish differently, but I'd give a lot to have those two beautiful children of yours. Hopefully those thoughts will heal over time. As for vasectomy/tubal ligation, I'm totally on board with your decision and know I'd do the same.
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- February 1, 2017 at 6:24 pm
I'm not in your position so can only give my thoughts. As someone who wasn't able to have children, I'd revel in the children you have. Anything denied to us outside our control always make us wish differently, but I'd give a lot to have those two beautiful children of yours. Hopefully those thoughts will heal over time. As for vasectomy/tubal ligation, I'm totally on board with your decision and know I'd do the same.
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- February 1, 2017 at 6:24 pm
I'm not in your position so can only give my thoughts. As someone who wasn't able to have children, I'd revel in the children you have. Anything denied to us outside our control always make us wish differently, but I'd give a lot to have those two beautiful children of yours. Hopefully those thoughts will heal over time. As for vasectomy/tubal ligation, I'm totally on board with your decision and know I'd do the same.
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- February 2, 2017 at 10:07 pm
Ashley-
What an heart rending story! I can only try to imagine the emotional toll of being pregnant with all of the joy and responsibility that that brings and also dealing with such an agressive melanoma that even posed a threat to your unborn child. I am filled with happiness for you that you found treatment that worked and you are NED with two wonderful children.
I is completely understandable for you to grieve for the pain of that pregnancy and for the choice of another being taken away from you. At the same time, it is right and healthy for you to focus on the blessings that you have while you work towards acceptance and even gratitude for the path that life has dealt you. In the meantime people here will always be happy to listen and cheer you along.
All the best to you and your family-
Peggy
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- February 2, 2017 at 10:07 pm
Ashley-
What an heart rending story! I can only try to imagine the emotional toll of being pregnant with all of the joy and responsibility that that brings and also dealing with such an agressive melanoma that even posed a threat to your unborn child. I am filled with happiness for you that you found treatment that worked and you are NED with two wonderful children.
I is completely understandable for you to grieve for the pain of that pregnancy and for the choice of another being taken away from you. At the same time, it is right and healthy for you to focus on the blessings that you have while you work towards acceptance and even gratitude for the path that life has dealt you. In the meantime people here will always be happy to listen and cheer you along.
All the best to you and your family-
Peggy
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- February 2, 2017 at 10:07 pm
Ashley-
What an heart rending story! I can only try to imagine the emotional toll of being pregnant with all of the joy and responsibility that that brings and also dealing with such an agressive melanoma that even posed a threat to your unborn child. I am filled with happiness for you that you found treatment that worked and you are NED with two wonderful children.
I is completely understandable for you to grieve for the pain of that pregnancy and for the choice of another being taken away from you. At the same time, it is right and healthy for you to focus on the blessings that you have while you work towards acceptance and even gratitude for the path that life has dealt you. In the meantime people here will always be happy to listen and cheer you along.
All the best to you and your family-
Peggy
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- February 2, 2017 at 10:09 pm
Ashley-
What an heart rending story! I can only try to imagine the emotional toll of being pregnant with all of the joy and responsibility that that brings and also dealing with such an agressive melanoma that even posed a threat to your unborn child. I am filled with happiness for you that you found treatment that worked and you are NED with two wonderful children.
It is completely understandable for you to grieve for the pain of that pregnancy and for the choice of another being taken away from you. At the same time, it is right and healthy for you to focus on the blessings that you have while you work towards acceptance and even gratitude for the path that life has dealt you. In the meantime people here will always be happy to listen and cheer you along.
All the best to you and your family-
Peggy
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- February 2, 2017 at 10:09 pm
Ashley-
What an heart rending story! I can only try to imagine the emotional toll of being pregnant with all of the joy and responsibility that that brings and also dealing with such an agressive melanoma that even posed a threat to your unborn child. I am filled with happiness for you that you found treatment that worked and you are NED with two wonderful children.
It is completely understandable for you to grieve for the pain of that pregnancy and for the choice of another being taken away from you. At the same time, it is right and healthy for you to focus on the blessings that you have while you work towards acceptance and even gratitude for the path that life has dealt you. In the meantime people here will always be happy to listen and cheer you along.
All the best to you and your family-
Peggy
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- February 2, 2017 at 10:09 pm
Ashley-
What an heart rending story! I can only try to imagine the emotional toll of being pregnant with all of the joy and responsibility that that brings and also dealing with such an agressive melanoma that even posed a threat to your unborn child. I am filled with happiness for you that you found treatment that worked and you are NED with two wonderful children.
It is completely understandable for you to grieve for the pain of that pregnancy and for the choice of another being taken away from you. At the same time, it is right and healthy for you to focus on the blessings that you have while you work towards acceptance and even gratitude for the path that life has dealt you. In the meantime people here will always be happy to listen and cheer you along.
All the best to you and your family-
Peggy
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Tagged: cutaneous melanoma
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