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Out of my mind with fear.
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Out of my mind with fear.

› Forums › General Melanoma Community › Out of my mind with fear.

  • Post
    • August 16, 2016 at 5:40 am
    Gordknight
    Participant

      First to start off I know that so many of you warriors out there have it so much rougher than I do and how you find the strength and will to carry on I only hope I can achieve some day in my life.

      I had a stage 1a melanoma removed from my neck back in November of 2014 and have had many scares and removals since then (all of which were benign or midly atypical) I am kind of a moley white guy.  Age 33.  Anyway I noticed a new spot developing on my PALM of all places.  Luckily I was at my family Dr for an unrelated issue and he took a look at it and said he didn't think it was a melanoma (but I know he isnt a skin specialist) but it would be wise to follow up with my Derm.  I got an appointment with my derm for the 31st of this month and put on the wait list in case anyone cancels an appointment but of course I did the worst thing you can do and googled.  

      Now I am convinced that this is an Acral Lintiginous Melanoma.  The pigmentation is on the ridges which is what inclines me to think so after reading liturature about them.  I know Im doing the right thing in going to see my derm (who is great) asap but it still makes me just want to crawl into a dark corner until that morning arrives.  Im sick with worry.  

      I used to be a care free guy until I had my first melanoma and ever since then I have had my good days, but I still feel like the majorty of my life has been lived in panic and fear.  Anyway I guess I am just looking for opinions and encouraging thoughts.

      I have included a picture of the new spot.  ( I know nobody here is a doctor and cant diagnose me).  Im just having a hard time imagining going through surgery again and more years of fear waiting for the other shoe to drop.. again.

      http://imgur.com/qIaAiQD

      Thanks in advance for your help.

    Viewing 8 reply threads
    • Replies
        • August 16, 2016 at 5:59 am
        sfyfe
        Participant

          Hey man, I don't have any advice, but I'm up right now kinda freaking out as well.  I just posted about a lesion and black spot that popped up on my face over the past week, and I'm losing my mind over it.  I've never really had a history of skin cancer, but I can't sleep because I'm so worried about it.

          I can't really help with anything, and I don't know if mine is skin cancer at all, but I want you to know that you're not alone!  

          • August 16, 2016 at 5:59 am
          sfyfe
          Participant

            Hey man, I don't have any advice, but I'm up right now kinda freaking out as well.  I just posted about a lesion and black spot that popped up on my face over the past week, and I'm losing my mind over it.  I've never really had a history of skin cancer, but I can't sleep because I'm so worried about it.

            I can't really help with anything, and I don't know if mine is skin cancer at all, but I want you to know that you're not alone!  

            • August 16, 2016 at 5:59 am
            sfyfe
            Participant

              Hey man, I don't have any advice, but I'm up right now kinda freaking out as well.  I just posted about a lesion and black spot that popped up on my face over the past week, and I'm losing my mind over it.  I've never really had a history of skin cancer, but I can't sleep because I'm so worried about it.

              I can't really help with anything, and I don't know if mine is skin cancer at all, but I want you to know that you're not alone!  

              • August 16, 2016 at 7:10 am
              MoiraM
              Participant

                As you know, no one can diagnose melanoma, or lack of it, from a photograph. You are doing the correct thing by seeing a dermatologist (even though your doctor does not think there is a problem) because only that will eleviate your anxiety.

                I have stage 3C melanoma and I do not live my life in fear. The only melanoma cells you ever had were removed in 2014. They never went beyond the top layer of your skin as it was a stage 1A.

                Your level of anxiety strikes me as more pathological than your moles!

                Have you thought about speaking with a psychologist?

                In my opinion, you have various behaviours that fuel your anxiety. You have mentioned one – googling! Could you replace them with other behaviours that were equally or more effective but less destructive?

                Perhaps you could so a skin check each month on a specific date. There are people on here who can advise you about this. Maybe you could change your state of mind so that the skin check was merely routine e.g. (1) Do skin check (maybe with photos), decide no moles have changed, stop thinkng about melanoma for another month or (2) Do skin check, think a mole has changed, go to your doctor.

                Is there any reason to believe that 'the other shoe will drop'? Do you have evidence that you any more likely to develop a melanoma than anyone else? Are your doctor and dermatologist reacting to your anxiety by removing moles that they actually think are normal to 'lay your mind to rest'? If so, it isn't working!

                 

                  • August 16, 2016 at 3:29 pm
                  Gordknight
                  Participant

                    Thank you MoiraM!  You are so right.  I have actually seen a therapist about it at the recommendation of my derm and my wife.  IT did help quite a bit, but Ill be going back there again.  Like I said before, so many people have it so much worse than me and yet handle it so much better.

                    I think its time for me to be brave too and just live.  The only proof I have ever had of melanoma was two years ago and since then everything else removed has been nothing.  This might be too, and if not Ill just cut it out like the last one and then keep living.  I woke up this morning and thought.. huh melanoma in a way has already killed me if I am not living.  Fear is no state of mind to live in and Im going to do my best to not live that way anymore.

                    Thanks Moira.  I needed that.

                    • August 16, 2016 at 3:29 pm
                    Gordknight
                    Participant

                      Thank you MoiraM!  You are so right.  I have actually seen a therapist about it at the recommendation of my derm and my wife.  IT did help quite a bit, but Ill be going back there again.  Like I said before, so many people have it so much worse than me and yet handle it so much better.

                      I think its time for me to be brave too and just live.  The only proof I have ever had of melanoma was two years ago and since then everything else removed has been nothing.  This might be too, and if not Ill just cut it out like the last one and then keep living.  I woke up this morning and thought.. huh melanoma in a way has already killed me if I am not living.  Fear is no state of mind to live in and Im going to do my best to not live that way anymore.

                      Thanks Moira.  I needed that.

                      • August 16, 2016 at 3:29 pm
                      Gordknight
                      Participant

                        Thank you MoiraM!  You are so right.  I have actually seen a therapist about it at the recommendation of my derm and my wife.  IT did help quite a bit, but Ill be going back there again.  Like I said before, so many people have it so much worse than me and yet handle it so much better.

                        I think its time for me to be brave too and just live.  The only proof I have ever had of melanoma was two years ago and since then everything else removed has been nothing.  This might be too, and if not Ill just cut it out like the last one and then keep living.  I woke up this morning and thought.. huh melanoma in a way has already killed me if I am not living.  Fear is no state of mind to live in and Im going to do my best to not live that way anymore.

                        Thanks Moira.  I needed that.

                      • August 16, 2016 at 7:10 am
                      MoiraM
                      Participant

                        As you know, no one can diagnose melanoma, or lack of it, from a photograph. You are doing the correct thing by seeing a dermatologist (even though your doctor does not think there is a problem) because only that will eleviate your anxiety.

                        I have stage 3C melanoma and I do not live my life in fear. The only melanoma cells you ever had were removed in 2014. They never went beyond the top layer of your skin as it was a stage 1A.

                        Your level of anxiety strikes me as more pathological than your moles!

                        Have you thought about speaking with a psychologist?

                        In my opinion, you have various behaviours that fuel your anxiety. You have mentioned one – googling! Could you replace them with other behaviours that were equally or more effective but less destructive?

                        Perhaps you could so a skin check each month on a specific date. There are people on here who can advise you about this. Maybe you could change your state of mind so that the skin check was merely routine e.g. (1) Do skin check (maybe with photos), decide no moles have changed, stop thinkng about melanoma for another month or (2) Do skin check, think a mole has changed, go to your doctor.

                        Is there any reason to believe that 'the other shoe will drop'? Do you have evidence that you any more likely to develop a melanoma than anyone else? Are your doctor and dermatologist reacting to your anxiety by removing moles that they actually think are normal to 'lay your mind to rest'? If so, it isn't working!

                         

                        • August 16, 2016 at 7:10 am
                        MoiraM
                        Participant

                          As you know, no one can diagnose melanoma, or lack of it, from a photograph. You are doing the correct thing by seeing a dermatologist (even though your doctor does not think there is a problem) because only that will eleviate your anxiety.

                          I have stage 3C melanoma and I do not live my life in fear. The only melanoma cells you ever had were removed in 2014. They never went beyond the top layer of your skin as it was a stage 1A.

                          Your level of anxiety strikes me as more pathological than your moles!

                          Have you thought about speaking with a psychologist?

                          In my opinion, you have various behaviours that fuel your anxiety. You have mentioned one – googling! Could you replace them with other behaviours that were equally or more effective but less destructive?

                          Perhaps you could so a skin check each month on a specific date. There are people on here who can advise you about this. Maybe you could change your state of mind so that the skin check was merely routine e.g. (1) Do skin check (maybe with photos), decide no moles have changed, stop thinkng about melanoma for another month or (2) Do skin check, think a mole has changed, go to your doctor.

                          Is there any reason to believe that 'the other shoe will drop'? Do you have evidence that you any more likely to develop a melanoma than anyone else? Are your doctor and dermatologist reacting to your anxiety by removing moles that they actually think are normal to 'lay your mind to rest'? If so, it isn't working!

                           

                          • August 16, 2016 at 3:39 pm
                          jennunicorn
                          Participant

                            I have something very similar but larger on the bottom of my foot, it has been looked at by my melanoma dermatologist and it is nothing to worry about. She spouted off some terminology about what it is, but it's nothing related to any skin cancer. Also, my boyfriend has a similar spot on his finger, he recently got his skin check as well, and again, his derm said the same thing mine did. Maybe this puts your mind at ease a little bit. 

                            Take care,

                            • August 16, 2016 at 3:39 pm
                            jennunicorn
                            Participant

                              I have something very similar but larger on the bottom of my foot, it has been looked at by my melanoma dermatologist and it is nothing to worry about. She spouted off some terminology about what it is, but it's nothing related to any skin cancer. Also, my boyfriend has a similar spot on his finger, he recently got his skin check as well, and again, his derm said the same thing mine did. Maybe this puts your mind at ease a little bit. 

                              Take care,

                              • August 16, 2016 at 3:39 pm
                              jennunicorn
                              Participant

                                I have something very similar but larger on the bottom of my foot, it has been looked at by my melanoma dermatologist and it is nothing to worry about. She spouted off some terminology about what it is, but it's nothing related to any skin cancer. Also, my boyfriend has a similar spot on his finger, he recently got his skin check as well, and again, his derm said the same thing mine did. Maybe this puts your mind at ease a little bit. 

                                Take care,

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