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- This topic has 21 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 12 years, 4 months ago by
davidfromsingapore.
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- January 18, 2012 at 10:46 pm
Hello, I wish I could say it is nice to be here but as I'm sure you all know it isn't. my husband was diagnosed this summer with melanoma and I am just devestated. It all started in the usual way with a mole he has had all his life beginning to itch and make small changes. I told him he needed to get it checked and hopefully removed and that would be that. We left just after that for a family camping holiday and got a call a week later saying they weren't sure what it was and had to send it off for more tests.
Hello, I wish I could say it is nice to be here but as I'm sure you all know it isn't. my husband was diagnosed this summer with melanoma and I am just devestated. It all started in the usual way with a mole he has had all his life beginning to itch and make small changes. I told him he needed to get it checked and hopefully removed and that would be that. We left just after that for a family camping holiday and got a call a week later saying they weren't sure what it was and had to send it off for more tests. That scared me alot and I just prayed that they would just call it a strange mole but another week later it came back as melanoma. A WLE and SNB was scheduled for the middle of September and we were told that there was only a 10-25% chance that it had spread to the lymph nodes so I felt quite positive about the results. Unfortunately both nodes they took came back positive. We had to see a different surgeon now in a city 3 hours away to talk about having all the nodes in the groin area removed and that was done in Nov. Thankfully they all came back negative. During this time to say I was a wreck is an understatement, all I could think of was cancer and that my amazing wonderful husband would be leaving me and our 2 boys and we would have to stand by and watch this horrible disease slowly and painfully take him. Slowly I began to regain somewhat of a normal life and thought process, I told myself he will be ok. Then we saw the oncologist and her resident, my husband decided against interferon, the cons of this treatment far outweighed the pros in our opinion, so now he is scheduled for scans and are doing the watch and wait thing. After talking to them I once again feel like we are going to lose him, I dream he find bumps and lumps or we are being told there is something in a scan. my question to all you amazing care givers out there is how do you manage this? You all seem so strong and capable. I hear so many sad stories, and my deepest darkest fear is that we will be one of those stories soon. I almost feel like I am pre grieving, trying to prepare myself for what will come.
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- January 19, 2012 at 1:09 am
Dear Anonymous, This is my first post too and I am struggling with some of the same issues. While I intelectually understand that the future has always been uncertain, I don't know how to deal with the tension that builds as the day of my wife's next pet scan approaches. If the Scans bring good news we get to do it again. Sometimes my wife and I can talk about these things and that is very helpful for both of us I think but I don't want to be an extra stress in her life so I don't share it all with her. I have also seen counselor three times and found that very helpful. As I write this I realize I need to make another appointment with the counselor. It has only been since June that we have been dealing with this. I too would be interested in hearing how other have and are dealing with the uncertainty.
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- January 19, 2012 at 1:09 am
Dear Anonymous, This is my first post too and I am struggling with some of the same issues. While I intelectually understand that the future has always been uncertain, I don't know how to deal with the tension that builds as the day of my wife's next pet scan approaches. If the Scans bring good news we get to do it again. Sometimes my wife and I can talk about these things and that is very helpful for both of us I think but I don't want to be an extra stress in her life so I don't share it all with her. I have also seen counselor three times and found that very helpful. As I write this I realize I need to make another appointment with the counselor. It has only been since June that we have been dealing with this. I too would be interested in hearing how other have and are dealing with the uncertainty.
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- January 19, 2012 at 1:09 am
Dear Anonymous, This is my first post too and I am struggling with some of the same issues. While I intelectually understand that the future has always been uncertain, I don't know how to deal with the tension that builds as the day of my wife's next pet scan approaches. If the Scans bring good news we get to do it again. Sometimes my wife and I can talk about these things and that is very helpful for both of us I think but I don't want to be an extra stress in her life so I don't share it all with her. I have also seen counselor three times and found that very helpful. As I write this I realize I need to make another appointment with the counselor. It has only been since June that we have been dealing with this. I too would be interested in hearing how other have and are dealing with the uncertainty.
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- January 19, 2012 at 3:03 am
Hi Im very sorry to hear that you are also dealing with melanoma. I am not in your position but I am dealing with my father's diagnosis of last December. No-one can be sure what the outcome will be for your husband, everyones melanoma is different and prognosis is dependent on where the melanoma has spread and how the individual responds to treatment. I am very close to my dad and my parents do nothing apart. My dad is 64 and just retired. It's now been one year coming to terms with the fact that we are living with cancer and I still wake up sometimes thinking this is all a nightmare. I have watched my father and mother break down many times, I even had to call an ambulance for my mum once when she suddenly blacked out, so it hasn't been easy. I am not the patient but I have seen how Cancer takes away the control you once had in your life and the only way of dealing with this is by taking it day by day with a positive attitude. Pre-grieving isn't always a bad thing, in some ways I think it helps to prepare us mentally for whatever maybe ahead. Just remember there are a lot of survivors out there, so for now I think you need to focus on that fact, why can't your husband be one of those? Stay well informed and stay positive. If someone had told me that we would be where we are now with my dad, I would never have believed I could have dealt with it, but you do and you will, step by step. This board is an amazing source of support, encouragement and crucial knowledge.
I feel for you and hope things go well for your husband.
Nahmi from Melbourne
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- January 19, 2012 at 1:27 pm
deardad, I am so sorry to hear of your father's situation and equally sorry to hear how your mother is suffering. I think I can understand a little of how she is feeling, my husband and I have been married for 20 years and we do everything together, we are best friends. Thank you for all your kind words, and I do hope that my husband and your father will be among the survivors.
Best wishes to you and your family and thank you for your kind words.
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- January 19, 2012 at 1:27 pm
deardad, I am so sorry to hear of your father's situation and equally sorry to hear how your mother is suffering. I think I can understand a little of how she is feeling, my husband and I have been married for 20 years and we do everything together, we are best friends. Thank you for all your kind words, and I do hope that my husband and your father will be among the survivors.
Best wishes to you and your family and thank you for your kind words.
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- January 19, 2012 at 1:27 pm
deardad, I am so sorry to hear of your father's situation and equally sorry to hear how your mother is suffering. I think I can understand a little of how she is feeling, my husband and I have been married for 20 years and we do everything together, we are best friends. Thank you for all your kind words, and I do hope that my husband and your father will be among the survivors.
Best wishes to you and your family and thank you for your kind words.
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- January 19, 2012 at 3:03 am
Hi Im very sorry to hear that you are also dealing with melanoma. I am not in your position but I am dealing with my father's diagnosis of last December. No-one can be sure what the outcome will be for your husband, everyones melanoma is different and prognosis is dependent on where the melanoma has spread and how the individual responds to treatment. I am very close to my dad and my parents do nothing apart. My dad is 64 and just retired. It's now been one year coming to terms with the fact that we are living with cancer and I still wake up sometimes thinking this is all a nightmare. I have watched my father and mother break down many times, I even had to call an ambulance for my mum once when she suddenly blacked out, so it hasn't been easy. I am not the patient but I have seen how Cancer takes away the control you once had in your life and the only way of dealing with this is by taking it day by day with a positive attitude. Pre-grieving isn't always a bad thing, in some ways I think it helps to prepare us mentally for whatever maybe ahead. Just remember there are a lot of survivors out there, so for now I think you need to focus on that fact, why can't your husband be one of those? Stay well informed and stay positive. If someone had told me that we would be where we are now with my dad, I would never have believed I could have dealt with it, but you do and you will, step by step. This board is an amazing source of support, encouragement and crucial knowledge.
I feel for you and hope things go well for your husband.
Nahmi from Melbourne
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- January 19, 2012 at 3:03 am
Hi Im very sorry to hear that you are also dealing with melanoma. I am not in your position but I am dealing with my father's diagnosis of last December. No-one can be sure what the outcome will be for your husband, everyones melanoma is different and prognosis is dependent on where the melanoma has spread and how the individual responds to treatment. I am very close to my dad and my parents do nothing apart. My dad is 64 and just retired. It's now been one year coming to terms with the fact that we are living with cancer and I still wake up sometimes thinking this is all a nightmare. I have watched my father and mother break down many times, I even had to call an ambulance for my mum once when she suddenly blacked out, so it hasn't been easy. I am not the patient but I have seen how Cancer takes away the control you once had in your life and the only way of dealing with this is by taking it day by day with a positive attitude. Pre-grieving isn't always a bad thing, in some ways I think it helps to prepare us mentally for whatever maybe ahead. Just remember there are a lot of survivors out there, so for now I think you need to focus on that fact, why can't your husband be one of those? Stay well informed and stay positive. If someone had told me that we would be where we are now with my dad, I would never have believed I could have dealt with it, but you do and you will, step by step. This board is an amazing source of support, encouragement and crucial knowledge.
I feel for you and hope things go well for your husband.
Nahmi from Melbourne
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- January 19, 2012 at 1:18 pm
Barbaras husband,
Thank you for replying, it is good to know that someone out there feels the way I do. I feel the same way about telling my husband how I feel, there is no way I could put that stress on him. i have heard so much about how staying positive is important and stress is so very bad, and while I know there is no way to get rid of all the stress this situation brings about I refuse to add to it by placing my worries on his shoulders.
His next scan is in 3 months so hopefully we won't have to see any doctors until then, atleast cancer doctors. You and your wife are in my thoughts and I hope all goes well at her next scan and you can breathe a little easier.
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- January 19, 2012 at 1:18 pm
Barbaras husband,
Thank you for replying, it is good to know that someone out there feels the way I do. I feel the same way about telling my husband how I feel, there is no way I could put that stress on him. i have heard so much about how staying positive is important and stress is so very bad, and while I know there is no way to get rid of all the stress this situation brings about I refuse to add to it by placing my worries on his shoulders.
His next scan is in 3 months so hopefully we won't have to see any doctors until then, atleast cancer doctors. You and your wife are in my thoughts and I hope all goes well at her next scan and you can breathe a little easier.
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- January 19, 2012 at 1:18 pm
Barbaras husband,
Thank you for replying, it is good to know that someone out there feels the way I do. I feel the same way about telling my husband how I feel, there is no way I could put that stress on him. i have heard so much about how staying positive is important and stress is so very bad, and while I know there is no way to get rid of all the stress this situation brings about I refuse to add to it by placing my worries on his shoulders.
His next scan is in 3 months so hopefully we won't have to see any doctors until then, atleast cancer doctors. You and your wife are in my thoughts and I hope all goes well at her next scan and you can breathe a little easier.
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- January 19, 2012 at 3:39 pm
Dear Anon,
In September of 2007, I was in your shoes. I also found this website early, and was amazed at how strong the caregivers were on this site. My husband was 38 when we found the mole (while camping…) and he advanced to stage four just this past June. The fear in the beginning was awful, but you will get used to a new "normal". You will not take a minute for granted. I lost my 31 year old brother on Dec 10 from a different type of cancer, so I know first hand what can happen if Dave takes a turn for the worst.
BUT…. Dave is still working and feeling OK despite doing daily Temodar, and I am still working, taking care of the kids, cleaning the house, scheduling docs appts, researching trials. We just got back from a 2 week vacation with the family. I can honestly say that I no longer remember a life without cancer. But keep one thing in mind… no matter what happens, you will be OK. Do not live in fear, and let cancer take a single moment from you. My husband hasn't, so why should I?
Post your questions, fears, bad news, and triumphs here. So many are going through the same thing as you, and we are all here to help. I remember those early, dark days, when it seemed all I would do is cry. This last June I re-visited those same feelings, but briefly. There is so much that cancer can take from us, but I WILL NOT GIVE IT TODAY!!
All my best to you and your husband,
Maria
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- January 19, 2012 at 3:39 pm
Dear Anon,
In September of 2007, I was in your shoes. I also found this website early, and was amazed at how strong the caregivers were on this site. My husband was 38 when we found the mole (while camping…) and he advanced to stage four just this past June. The fear in the beginning was awful, but you will get used to a new "normal". You will not take a minute for granted. I lost my 31 year old brother on Dec 10 from a different type of cancer, so I know first hand what can happen if Dave takes a turn for the worst.
BUT…. Dave is still working and feeling OK despite doing daily Temodar, and I am still working, taking care of the kids, cleaning the house, scheduling docs appts, researching trials. We just got back from a 2 week vacation with the family. I can honestly say that I no longer remember a life without cancer. But keep one thing in mind… no matter what happens, you will be OK. Do not live in fear, and let cancer take a single moment from you. My husband hasn't, so why should I?
Post your questions, fears, bad news, and triumphs here. So many are going through the same thing as you, and we are all here to help. I remember those early, dark days, when it seemed all I would do is cry. This last June I re-visited those same feelings, but briefly. There is so much that cancer can take from us, but I WILL NOT GIVE IT TODAY!!
All my best to you and your husband,
Maria
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- January 19, 2012 at 3:39 pm
Dear Anon,
In September of 2007, I was in your shoes. I also found this website early, and was amazed at how strong the caregivers were on this site. My husband was 38 when we found the mole (while camping…) and he advanced to stage four just this past June. The fear in the beginning was awful, but you will get used to a new "normal". You will not take a minute for granted. I lost my 31 year old brother on Dec 10 from a different type of cancer, so I know first hand what can happen if Dave takes a turn for the worst.
BUT…. Dave is still working and feeling OK despite doing daily Temodar, and I am still working, taking care of the kids, cleaning the house, scheduling docs appts, researching trials. We just got back from a 2 week vacation with the family. I can honestly say that I no longer remember a life without cancer. But keep one thing in mind… no matter what happens, you will be OK. Do not live in fear, and let cancer take a single moment from you. My husband hasn't, so why should I?
Post your questions, fears, bad news, and triumphs here. So many are going through the same thing as you, and we are all here to help. I remember those early, dark days, when it seemed all I would do is cry. This last June I re-visited those same feelings, but briefly. There is so much that cancer can take from us, but I WILL NOT GIVE IT TODAY!!
All my best to you and your husband,
Maria
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- January 19, 2012 at 4:54 pm
You have come to the right spot. There are many caretakers like you on this website. I come on this website a few times a week…I don't post often but do feel connected to many people here. My husband was diagnosed on 9/6/11 (the surgeon who removed the lesion on his leg said "I don't think it's anything, but I'll call tomorrow with the pathology results." He told us the same thing you heard-we have to send it out for more tests. We went away to a lake for Labor Day and received the dreadful call the following day). Fortunately, my husband is the optimistic one of the two of us. I have learned from him and from many others on this website that you must stay optimisitc. You MUST enjoy every single day, every single moment. We have a 2 year old little girl that keeps us motivated. Stay positive for your husband and your two boys and know that there are many people available here to talk to.
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- January 19, 2012 at 4:54 pm
You have come to the right spot. There are many caretakers like you on this website. I come on this website a few times a week…I don't post often but do feel connected to many people here. My husband was diagnosed on 9/6/11 (the surgeon who removed the lesion on his leg said "I don't think it's anything, but I'll call tomorrow with the pathology results." He told us the same thing you heard-we have to send it out for more tests. We went away to a lake for Labor Day and received the dreadful call the following day). Fortunately, my husband is the optimistic one of the two of us. I have learned from him and from many others on this website that you must stay optimisitc. You MUST enjoy every single day, every single moment. We have a 2 year old little girl that keeps us motivated. Stay positive for your husband and your two boys and know that there are many people available here to talk to.
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- January 19, 2012 at 4:54 pm
You have come to the right spot. There are many caretakers like you on this website. I come on this website a few times a week…I don't post often but do feel connected to many people here. My husband was diagnosed on 9/6/11 (the surgeon who removed the lesion on his leg said "I don't think it's anything, but I'll call tomorrow with the pathology results." He told us the same thing you heard-we have to send it out for more tests. We went away to a lake for Labor Day and received the dreadful call the following day). Fortunately, my husband is the optimistic one of the two of us. I have learned from him and from many others on this website that you must stay optimisitc. You MUST enjoy every single day, every single moment. We have a 2 year old little girl that keeps us motivated. Stay positive for your husband and your two boys and know that there are many people available here to talk to.
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- January 20, 2012 at 2:50 pm
I am so sorry to hear about your husband. I am a melanoma patient – just found out that I had 3 brain tumors about a month ago. I started with stage 3c – with a bad mole on my head. There is no way around the anxiety – living day to day with the thoughts of it coming back, waiting on the results from the routine scans. I do think it is bery helpful to find ways to meditate and to channel your energy (and more importantly your husband) into good thoughts. Read a book about meditation and give it a try. But what I think is most important here is that you gte 2nd and 3rd opinions. There are adjuvant treatments out there. Adjuvant means that there is no evidence of disease (NED), but that you are taking some form of medication to prevent it from returning. I was on a drug Leukine for 3 years when I was NED. It seemed to work and had little if no side effects. There are options. Know them all, and make your decision based on risk and severity of sie effects versus possibility of response. And, check out what clinical trial are available. KNow them now while he is not sick – when he is still healthy. Hoping and praying for the best.
David
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- January 20, 2012 at 2:50 pm
I am so sorry to hear about your husband. I am a melanoma patient – just found out that I had 3 brain tumors about a month ago. I started with stage 3c – with a bad mole on my head. There is no way around the anxiety – living day to day with the thoughts of it coming back, waiting on the results from the routine scans. I do think it is bery helpful to find ways to meditate and to channel your energy (and more importantly your husband) into good thoughts. Read a book about meditation and give it a try. But what I think is most important here is that you gte 2nd and 3rd opinions. There are adjuvant treatments out there. Adjuvant means that there is no evidence of disease (NED), but that you are taking some form of medication to prevent it from returning. I was on a drug Leukine for 3 years when I was NED. It seemed to work and had little if no side effects. There are options. Know them all, and make your decision based on risk and severity of sie effects versus possibility of response. And, check out what clinical trial are available. KNow them now while he is not sick – when he is still healthy. Hoping and praying for the best.
David
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- January 20, 2012 at 2:50 pm
I am so sorry to hear about your husband. I am a melanoma patient – just found out that I had 3 brain tumors about a month ago. I started with stage 3c – with a bad mole on my head. There is no way around the anxiety – living day to day with the thoughts of it coming back, waiting on the results from the routine scans. I do think it is bery helpful to find ways to meditate and to channel your energy (and more importantly your husband) into good thoughts. Read a book about meditation and give it a try. But what I think is most important here is that you gte 2nd and 3rd opinions. There are adjuvant treatments out there. Adjuvant means that there is no evidence of disease (NED), but that you are taking some form of medication to prevent it from returning. I was on a drug Leukine for 3 years when I was NED. It seemed to work and had little if no side effects. There are options. Know them all, and make your decision based on risk and severity of sie effects versus possibility of response. And, check out what clinical trial are available. KNow them now while he is not sick – when he is still healthy. Hoping and praying for the best.
David
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Tagged: cutaneous melanoma
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