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My Mom’s Doctor wants her to go into Hospice

Forums General Melanoma Community My Mom’s Doctor wants her to go into Hospice

  • Post
    hdelancey23
    Participant

      My Mom has been fighting Melanoma for two years now.  She has been so strong and brave through out this struggle.  We just got the news that there is nothing left to do and suggested she go into Hospice this last Sunday.  I am very sad about this news and am not ready to let my Mom go.  She is so young, she will be 48 on November 28th.  It hurts so bad knowing that our time is so limited.  I pray every day that God gives her peace in her heart and takes her pain and hurt.  I feel like I should have done more to be there for her and spent more time with her.  Our family will never be ready to lose my Mom, and I don't see how we are going to make it through this.  I just don't really know what to do.  My heart hurts right now but what keeps me going is that I know that God will take her home and that she will be looking down on us when she does go.  Please if any body has any advice on what to do, how to cope, encouraging words and most importantly what I can do to help my mom right now please comment. 

       

      Thank You.

    Viewing 8 reply threads
    • Replies
        casagrayson
        Participant

          Oh, sweetheart!  I know how difficult this must be on you and your family.  The thought of losing a mother at such a young age is heartbreaking.  

          First, don't think of Hospice as giving up.  Many people have come in and out of hospice as treatments become available; in the interim hospice is able to control pain and help with day-to-day activities that might otherwise be too difficult.  I would encourage your mom to take their help.  They are a wonderful source of help and comfort to family members, too.

          Second, I would encourage you to read "Final Gifts".  I read the book when one of my family members went into Hospice and I was so helpful.  It presented me with ideas on what to do, what to say, and how best to assist my loved one emotionally.  Here is a link to the book:

          http://www.amazon.com/Final-Gifts-Understanding-Special-Awareness-ebook/dp/B005UDIC3E/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1384280655&sr=8-1&keywords=amazon+final+gifts

          Please come back and talk as much as you need.  There are wonderful people on this site who have walked this road before, and everyone will support you and your mom no matter what decisions you make.

            hdelancey23
            Participant

              Thank you, I will look into the book.  The Doctor suggested she go into Hospice this last sunday and she has decided to wait as long as possible.  She is taking MEK right now which is helping the tumors in her body and helping to make her feel a little more comfortable but the tumors in her brain are bleeding and causing pressure in her head.  She is thinking she will go into Hospice at a care facility this week all depending on how she feels and wants to wait until the pain is unmanageable.  I support her in her decision as I think I would want to be home as long as possible also.  She is such a strong woman and I am so proud of her.  I will get that book ASAP as I want to be there for her as much as I can.  I hope that I can make up for not being there as much as I should have these past couple years.  I pray that if she does go into Hospice that she will not stay there and that she will have enough time to get another treatment to give us just a little more time.  I am so thankful for every second more that she is still here.

              POW
              Participant

                I think you said in an earlier post that your mother is DeniseK. I want you to know that Denise has been one of the warmest, most positive and inspirational people ever to grace these pages. I can tell from your post that you follow closely in her footsteps. Your instinct is to FIGHT and to want to HELP. Just like Denise. She would be so proud of you!  

                If you want to help your mother, I also suggest that you read "Final Gifts". It was written by two highly experienced hospice nurses and really helps family members understand what the patient is going through and provides specific suggestions about how you can help. I read it when I was trying to help my brother and I found it very useful.

                I do hope that your mother reconsiders her decision to delay seeking hospice help. Most hospice care is provided in the comfort of your home. Patients feel much better and much calmer when their pain is under control, and hospice is really good at that. Chronic pain and the resulting anxiety and loss of sleep are very debilitating. And as others have said, if a new melanoma treatment does become available, your mother can always temporarily stop the hospice visits while she is getting the new treatment. 

                Please do continue to post here and let us know how you are doing. We will give you all the help and support that we can.

                POW
                Participant

                  I think you said in an earlier post that your mother is DeniseK. I want you to know that Denise has been one of the warmest, most positive and inspirational people ever to grace these pages. I can tell from your post that you follow closely in her footsteps. Your instinct is to FIGHT and to want to HELP. Just like Denise. She would be so proud of you!  

                  If you want to help your mother, I also suggest that you read "Final Gifts". It was written by two highly experienced hospice nurses and really helps family members understand what the patient is going through and provides specific suggestions about how you can help. I read it when I was trying to help my brother and I found it very useful.

                  I do hope that your mother reconsiders her decision to delay seeking hospice help. Most hospice care is provided in the comfort of your home. Patients feel much better and much calmer when their pain is under control, and hospice is really good at that. Chronic pain and the resulting anxiety and loss of sleep are very debilitating. And as others have said, if a new melanoma treatment does become available, your mother can always temporarily stop the hospice visits while she is getting the new treatment. 

                  Please do continue to post here and let us know how you are doing. We will give you all the help and support that we can.

                  hdelancey23
                  Participant

                    Yes that is right thats my momma. I am so so proud of her.  Thank you so much for your kind words.  I have been reading some of her posts( I hope she doesn't mind..) and it makes me so proud.  I am going tonight to get the book it looks like a very helpful tool.

                    hdelancey23
                    Participant

                      Yes that is right thats my momma. I am so so proud of her.  Thank you so much for your kind words.  I have been reading some of her posts( I hope she doesn't mind..) and it makes me so proud.  I am going tonight to get the book it looks like a very helpful tool.

                      casagrayson
                      Participant

                        Is there a particular reason she wants to go into a hospice facility?  Does she not think that she can stay at home?

                        Susan

                        casagrayson
                        Participant

                          Is there a particular reason she wants to go into a hospice facility?  Does she not think that she can stay at home?

                          Susan

                          hdelancey23
                          Participant
                            She is going to be talking to her doctor tomorrow to see what her options are. I guess she talked to a nurse that made it sound like she can’t continue treatment when she goes into hospice. Is that true? It seems crazy to not do anything but take pain medication. I guess we will know more tomorrow. But the tumor in her asophagus is growing and causing her throat to close up. It is hard for her to talk or swallow but she us still able to do those things. I will update how the conversation goes with her doctor tomorrow but I know he wants her to go on hospice ASAP.
                            hdelancey23
                            Participant
                              She is going to be talking to her doctor tomorrow to see what her options are. I guess she talked to a nurse that made it sound like she can’t continue treatment when she goes into hospice. Is that true? It seems crazy to not do anything but take pain medication. I guess we will know more tomorrow. But the tumor in her asophagus is growing and causing her throat to close up. It is hard for her to talk or swallow but she us still able to do those things. I will update how the conversation goes with her doctor tomorrow but I know he wants her to go on hospice ASAP.
                              hdelancey23
                              Participant
                                She is going to be talking to her doctor tomorrow to see what her options are. I guess she talked to a nurse that made it sound like she can’t continue treatment when she goes into hospice. Is that true? It seems crazy to not do anything but take pain medication. I guess we will know more tomorrow. But the tumor in her asophagus is growing and causing her throat to close up. It is hard for her to talk or swallow but she us still able to do those things. I will update how the conversation goes with her doctor tomorrow but I know he wants her to go on hospice ASAP.
                                casagrayson
                                Participant

                                  Is there a particular reason she wants to go into a hospice facility?  Does she not think that she can stay at home?

                                  Susan

                                  hdelancey23
                                  Participant

                                    Yes that is right thats my momma. I am so so proud of her.  Thank you so much for your kind words.  I have been reading some of her posts( I hope she doesn't mind..) and it makes me so proud.  I am going tonight to get the book it looks like a very helpful tool.

                                    POW
                                    Participant

                                      I think you said in an earlier post that your mother is DeniseK. I want you to know that Denise has been one of the warmest, most positive and inspirational people ever to grace these pages. I can tell from your post that you follow closely in her footsteps. Your instinct is to FIGHT and to want to HELP. Just like Denise. She would be so proud of you!  

                                      If you want to help your mother, I also suggest that you read "Final Gifts". It was written by two highly experienced hospice nurses and really helps family members understand what the patient is going through and provides specific suggestions about how you can help. I read it when I was trying to help my brother and I found it very useful.

                                      I do hope that your mother reconsiders her decision to delay seeking hospice help. Most hospice care is provided in the comfort of your home. Patients feel much better and much calmer when their pain is under control, and hospice is really good at that. Chronic pain and the resulting anxiety and loss of sleep are very debilitating. And as others have said, if a new melanoma treatment does become available, your mother can always temporarily stop the hospice visits while she is getting the new treatment. 

                                      Please do continue to post here and let us know how you are doing. We will give you all the help and support that we can.

                                      hdelancey23
                                      Participant

                                        Thank you, I will look into the book.  The Doctor suggested she go into Hospice this last sunday and she has decided to wait as long as possible.  She is taking MEK right now which is helping the tumors in her body and helping to make her feel a little more comfortable but the tumors in her brain are bleeding and causing pressure in her head.  She is thinking she will go into Hospice at a care facility this week all depending on how she feels and wants to wait until the pain is unmanageable.  I support her in her decision as I think I would want to be home as long as possible also.  She is such a strong woman and I am so proud of her.  I will get that book ASAP as I want to be there for her as much as I can.  I hope that I can make up for not being there as much as I should have these past couple years.  I pray that if she does go into Hospice that she will not stay there and that she will have enough time to get another treatment to give us just a little more time.  I am so thankful for every second more that she is still here.

                                        hdelancey23
                                        Participant

                                          Thank you, I will look into the book.  The Doctor suggested she go into Hospice this last sunday and she has decided to wait as long as possible.  She is taking MEK right now which is helping the tumors in her body and helping to make her feel a little more comfortable but the tumors in her brain are bleeding and causing pressure in her head.  She is thinking she will go into Hospice at a care facility this week all depending on how she feels and wants to wait until the pain is unmanageable.  I support her in her decision as I think I would want to be home as long as possible also.  She is such a strong woman and I am so proud of her.  I will get that book ASAP as I want to be there for her as much as I can.  I hope that I can make up for not being there as much as I should have these past couple years.  I pray that if she does go into Hospice that she will not stay there and that she will have enough time to get another treatment to give us just a little more time.  I am so thankful for every second more that she is still here.

                                          hdelancey23
                                          Participant

                                            I ordered the book Final Gifts last night and read the first two chapters.  Thank you very much for directing me to this book. I am excited to read more and learn how to listen to my mom and I hope that I can help in making sure that she goes peacefully. I also recommended this book to my family as well.

                                            hdelancey23
                                            Participant

                                              I ordered the book Final Gifts last night and read the first two chapters.  Thank you very much for directing me to this book. I am excited to read more and learn how to listen to my mom and I hope that I can help in making sure that she goes peacefully. I also recommended this book to my family as well.

                                              hdelancey23
                                              Participant

                                                I ordered the book Final Gifts last night and read the first two chapters.  Thank you very much for directing me to this book. I am excited to read more and learn how to listen to my mom and I hope that I can help in making sure that she goes peacefully. I also recommended this book to my family as well.

                                                casagrayson
                                                Participant

                                                  You are very welcome.  I believe it was POW that first suggested it to me — I found it so helpful!  Please do keep us posted on your mother's condition, okay?

                                                  Susan

                                                  casagrayson
                                                  Participant

                                                    You are very welcome.  I believe it was POW that first suggested it to me — I found it so helpful!  Please do keep us posted on your mother's condition, okay?

                                                    Susan

                                                    HelenQLD
                                                    Participant

                                                      I have sent you a private message.  Can someone enlighten me where to find the responses to private messsages?

                                                      HelenQLD
                                                      Participant

                                                        I have sent you a private message.  Can someone enlighten me where to find the responses to private messsages?

                                                        HelenQLD
                                                        Participant

                                                          I have sent you a private message.  Can someone enlighten me where to find the responses to private messsages?

                                                          POW
                                                          Participant

                                                            Your private message would have been sent to the recipient's personal email address as entered when he/she registered for MPIP. His/her reply will be sent to your personal email address as entered when you registered for MPIP. 

                                                            POW
                                                            Participant

                                                              Oh, and be sure to check your "Junk Mail" or "Spam" folder– sometimes personal messages end up there.

                                                              POW
                                                              Participant

                                                                Oh, and be sure to check your "Junk Mail" or "Spam" folder– sometimes personal messages end up there.

                                                                POW
                                                                Participant

                                                                  Oh, and be sure to check your "Junk Mail" or "Spam" folder– sometimes personal messages end up there.

                                                                  POW
                                                                  Participant

                                                                    Your private message would have been sent to the recipient's personal email address as entered when he/she registered for MPIP. His/her reply will be sent to your personal email address as entered when you registered for MPIP. 

                                                                    POW
                                                                    Participant

                                                                      Your private message would have been sent to the recipient's personal email address as entered when he/she registered for MPIP. His/her reply will be sent to your personal email address as entered when you registered for MPIP. 

                                                                      casagrayson
                                                                      Participant

                                                                        You are very welcome.  I believe it was POW that first suggested it to me — I found it so helpful!  Please do keep us posted on your mother's condition, okay?

                                                                        Susan

                                                                      casagrayson
                                                                      Participant

                                                                        Oh, sweetheart!  I know how difficult this must be on you and your family.  The thought of losing a mother at such a young age is heartbreaking.  

                                                                        First, don't think of Hospice as giving up.  Many people have come in and out of hospice as treatments become available; in the interim hospice is able to control pain and help with day-to-day activities that might otherwise be too difficult.  I would encourage your mom to take their help.  They are a wonderful source of help and comfort to family members, too.

                                                                        Second, I would encourage you to read "Final Gifts".  I read the book when one of my family members went into Hospice and I was so helpful.  It presented me with ideas on what to do, what to say, and how best to assist my loved one emotionally.  Here is a link to the book:

                                                                        http://www.amazon.com/Final-Gifts-Understanding-Special-Awareness-ebook/dp/B005UDIC3E/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1384280655&sr=8-1&keywords=amazon+final+gifts

                                                                        Please come back and talk as much as you need.  There are wonderful people on this site who have walked this road before, and everyone will support you and your mom no matter what decisions you make.

                                                                        casagrayson
                                                                        Participant

                                                                          Oh, sweetheart!  I know how difficult this must be on you and your family.  The thought of losing a mother at such a young age is heartbreaking.  

                                                                          First, don't think of Hospice as giving up.  Many people have come in and out of hospice as treatments become available; in the interim hospice is able to control pain and help with day-to-day activities that might otherwise be too difficult.  I would encourage your mom to take their help.  They are a wonderful source of help and comfort to family members, too.

                                                                          Second, I would encourage you to read "Final Gifts".  I read the book when one of my family members went into Hospice and I was so helpful.  It presented me with ideas on what to do, what to say, and how best to assist my loved one emotionally.  Here is a link to the book:

                                                                          http://www.amazon.com/Final-Gifts-Understanding-Special-Awareness-ebook/dp/B005UDIC3E/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1384280655&sr=8-1&keywords=amazon+final+gifts

                                                                          Please come back and talk as much as you need.  There are wonderful people on this site who have walked this road before, and everyone will support you and your mom no matter what decisions you make.

                                                                          hdelancey23
                                                                          Participant

                                                                            HelenQLD I resonded to your e-mail the other night so hopefully you received my response.  Well just wanted to update how my mom is doing.  Not much has changed to report besides the fact that she is still fighting back with all her might.  She truly is the strongest woman I know.  Her doctor was wanting her to go into Hospice last Sunday and here it is almost a week later and she is still at home and still here.  We are going back up to see her this weekend.  I can't wait, I thank god for giving us another weekend, and hopefully more to follow.  Although I do not want my mom to wait too long to go into Hospice, I completely support and stand behind what ever she decides to do. 

                                                                            hdelancey23
                                                                            Participant

                                                                              HelenQLD I resonded to your e-mail the other night so hopefully you received my response.  Well just wanted to update how my mom is doing.  Not much has changed to report besides the fact that she is still fighting back with all her might.  She truly is the strongest woman I know.  Her doctor was wanting her to go into Hospice last Sunday and here it is almost a week later and she is still at home and still here.  We are going back up to see her this weekend.  I can't wait, I thank god for giving us another weekend, and hopefully more to follow.  Although I do not want my mom to wait too long to go into Hospice, I completely support and stand behind what ever she decides to do. 

                                                                              hdelancey23
                                                                              Participant

                                                                                HelenQLD I resonded to your e-mail the other night so hopefully you received my response.  Well just wanted to update how my mom is doing.  Not much has changed to report besides the fact that she is still fighting back with all her might.  She truly is the strongest woman I know.  Her doctor was wanting her to go into Hospice last Sunday and here it is almost a week later and she is still at home and still here.  We are going back up to see her this weekend.  I can't wait, I thank god for giving us another weekend, and hopefully more to follow.  Although I do not want my mom to wait too long to go into Hospice, I completely support and stand behind what ever she decides to do. 

                                                                                vicuk
                                                                                Participant

                                                                                  Your mum is an absolute star. I don't post very often but I come on here every day to read, research and check on people. Your mum is an inspiration to everybody. I feel lucky to have read her posts and been witness to her positivity. I hope she is getting pain relief she needs. I don't really know what else to say.

                                                                                  vicuk
                                                                                  Participant

                                                                                    Your mum is an absolute star. I don't post very often but I come on here every day to read, research and check on people. Your mum is an inspiration to everybody. I feel lucky to have read her posts and been witness to her positivity. I hope she is getting pain relief she needs. I don't really know what else to say.

                                                                                    vicuk
                                                                                    Participant

                                                                                      Your mum is an absolute star. I don't post very often but I come on here every day to read, research and check on people. Your mum is an inspiration to everybody. I feel lucky to have read her posts and been witness to her positivity. I hope she is getting pain relief she needs. I don't really know what else to say.

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