› Forums › General Melanoma Community › My Mom’s Doctor wants her to go into Hospice
- This topic has 39 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 5 months ago by
vicuk.
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- November 12, 2013 at 6:11 pm
My Mom has been fighting Melanoma for two years now. She has been so strong and brave through out this struggle. We just got the news that there is nothing left to do and suggested she go into Hospice this last Sunday. I am very sad about this news and am not ready to let my Mom go. She is so young, she will be 48 on November 28th. It hurts so bad knowing that our time is so limited. I pray every day that God gives her peace in her heart and takes her pain and hurt. I feel like I should have done more to be there for her and spent more time with her. Our family will never be ready to lose my Mom, and I don't see how we are going to make it through this. I just don't really know what to do. My heart hurts right now but what keeps me going is that I know that God will take her home and that she will be looking down on us when she does go. Please if any body has any advice on what to do, how to cope, encouraging words and most importantly what I can do to help my mom right now please comment.
Thank You.
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- November 12, 2013 at 6:30 pm
Oh, sweetheart! I know how difficult this must be on you and your family. The thought of losing a mother at such a young age is heartbreaking.
First, don't think of Hospice as giving up. Many people have come in and out of hospice as treatments become available; in the interim hospice is able to control pain and help with day-to-day activities that might otherwise be too difficult. I would encourage your mom to take their help. They are a wonderful source of help and comfort to family members, too.
Second, I would encourage you to read "Final Gifts". I read the book when one of my family members went into Hospice and I was so helpful. It presented me with ideas on what to do, what to say, and how best to assist my loved one emotionally. Here is a link to the book:
Please come back and talk as much as you need. There are wonderful people on this site who have walked this road before, and everyone will support you and your mom no matter what decisions you make.
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- November 12, 2013 at 6:49 pm
Thank you, I will look into the book. The Doctor suggested she go into Hospice this last sunday and she has decided to wait as long as possible. She is taking MEK right now which is helping the tumors in her body and helping to make her feel a little more comfortable but the tumors in her brain are bleeding and causing pressure in her head. She is thinking she will go into Hospice at a care facility this week all depending on how she feels and wants to wait until the pain is unmanageable. I support her in her decision as I think I would want to be home as long as possible also. She is such a strong woman and I am so proud of her. I will get that book ASAP as I want to be there for her as much as I can. I hope that I can make up for not being there as much as I should have these past couple years. I pray that if she does go into Hospice that she will not stay there and that she will have enough time to get another treatment to give us just a little more time. I am so thankful for every second more that she is still here.
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- November 12, 2013 at 9:01 pm
I think you said in an earlier post that your mother is DeniseK. I want you to know that Denise has been one of the warmest, most positive and inspirational people ever to grace these pages. I can tell from your post that you follow closely in her footsteps. Your instinct is to FIGHT and to want to HELP. Just like Denise. She would be so proud of you!
If you want to help your mother, I also suggest that you read "Final Gifts". It was written by two highly experienced hospice nurses and really helps family members understand what the patient is going through and provides specific suggestions about how you can help. I read it when I was trying to help my brother and I found it very useful.
I do hope that your mother reconsiders her decision to delay seeking hospice help. Most hospice care is provided in the comfort of your home. Patients feel much better and much calmer when their pain is under control, and hospice is really good at that. Chronic pain and the resulting anxiety and loss of sleep are very debilitating. And as others have said, if a new melanoma treatment does become available, your mother can always temporarily stop the hospice visits while she is getting the new treatment.
Please do continue to post here and let us know how you are doing. We will give you all the help and support that we can.
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- November 12, 2013 at 9:01 pm
I think you said in an earlier post that your mother is DeniseK. I want you to know that Denise has been one of the warmest, most positive and inspirational people ever to grace these pages. I can tell from your post that you follow closely in her footsteps. Your instinct is to FIGHT and to want to HELP. Just like Denise. She would be so proud of you!
If you want to help your mother, I also suggest that you read "Final Gifts". It was written by two highly experienced hospice nurses and really helps family members understand what the patient is going through and provides specific suggestions about how you can help. I read it when I was trying to help my brother and I found it very useful.
I do hope that your mother reconsiders her decision to delay seeking hospice help. Most hospice care is provided in the comfort of your home. Patients feel much better and much calmer when their pain is under control, and hospice is really good at that. Chronic pain and the resulting anxiety and loss of sleep are very debilitating. And as others have said, if a new melanoma treatment does become available, your mother can always temporarily stop the hospice visits while she is getting the new treatment.
Please do continue to post here and let us know how you are doing. We will give you all the help and support that we can.
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- November 12, 2013 at 9:05 pm
Yes that is right thats my momma. I am so so proud of her. Thank you so much for your kind words. I have been reading some of her posts( I hope she doesn't mind..) and it makes me so proud. I am going tonight to get the book it looks like a very helpful tool.
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- November 12, 2013 at 9:05 pm
Yes that is right thats my momma. I am so so proud of her. Thank you so much for your kind words. I have been reading some of her posts( I hope she doesn't mind..) and it makes me so proud. I am going tonight to get the book it looks like a very helpful tool.
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- November 12, 2013 at 10:55 pm
Is there a particular reason she wants to go into a hospice facility? Does she not think that she can stay at home?
Susan
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- November 12, 2013 at 10:55 pm
Is there a particular reason she wants to go into a hospice facility? Does she not think that she can stay at home?
Susan
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- November 13, 2013 at 2:10 am
She is going to be talking to her doctor tomorrow to see what her options are. I guess she talked to a nurse that made it sound like she can’t continue treatment when she goes into hospice. Is that true? It seems crazy to not do anything but take pain medication. I guess we will know more tomorrow. But the tumor in her asophagus is growing and causing her throat to close up. It is hard for her to talk or swallow but she us still able to do those things. I will update how the conversation goes with her doctor tomorrow but I know he wants her to go on hospice ASAP. -
- November 13, 2013 at 2:10 am
She is going to be talking to her doctor tomorrow to see what her options are. I guess she talked to a nurse that made it sound like she can’t continue treatment when she goes into hospice. Is that true? It seems crazy to not do anything but take pain medication. I guess we will know more tomorrow. But the tumor in her asophagus is growing and causing her throat to close up. It is hard for her to talk or swallow but she us still able to do those things. I will update how the conversation goes with her doctor tomorrow but I know he wants her to go on hospice ASAP. -
- November 13, 2013 at 2:10 am
She is going to be talking to her doctor tomorrow to see what her options are. I guess she talked to a nurse that made it sound like she can’t continue treatment when she goes into hospice. Is that true? It seems crazy to not do anything but take pain medication. I guess we will know more tomorrow. But the tumor in her asophagus is growing and causing her throat to close up. It is hard for her to talk or swallow but she us still able to do those things. I will update how the conversation goes with her doctor tomorrow but I know he wants her to go on hospice ASAP. -
- November 12, 2013 at 10:55 pm
Is there a particular reason she wants to go into a hospice facility? Does she not think that she can stay at home?
Susan
-
- November 12, 2013 at 9:05 pm
Yes that is right thats my momma. I am so so proud of her. Thank you so much for your kind words. I have been reading some of her posts( I hope she doesn't mind..) and it makes me so proud. I am going tonight to get the book it looks like a very helpful tool.
-
- November 12, 2013 at 9:01 pm
I think you said in an earlier post that your mother is DeniseK. I want you to know that Denise has been one of the warmest, most positive and inspirational people ever to grace these pages. I can tell from your post that you follow closely in her footsteps. Your instinct is to FIGHT and to want to HELP. Just like Denise. She would be so proud of you!
If you want to help your mother, I also suggest that you read "Final Gifts". It was written by two highly experienced hospice nurses and really helps family members understand what the patient is going through and provides specific suggestions about how you can help. I read it when I was trying to help my brother and I found it very useful.
I do hope that your mother reconsiders her decision to delay seeking hospice help. Most hospice care is provided in the comfort of your home. Patients feel much better and much calmer when their pain is under control, and hospice is really good at that. Chronic pain and the resulting anxiety and loss of sleep are very debilitating. And as others have said, if a new melanoma treatment does become available, your mother can always temporarily stop the hospice visits while she is getting the new treatment.
Please do continue to post here and let us know how you are doing. We will give you all the help and support that we can.
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- November 12, 2013 at 6:49 pm
Thank you, I will look into the book. The Doctor suggested she go into Hospice this last sunday and she has decided to wait as long as possible. She is taking MEK right now which is helping the tumors in her body and helping to make her feel a little more comfortable but the tumors in her brain are bleeding and causing pressure in her head. She is thinking she will go into Hospice at a care facility this week all depending on how she feels and wants to wait until the pain is unmanageable. I support her in her decision as I think I would want to be home as long as possible also. She is such a strong woman and I am so proud of her. I will get that book ASAP as I want to be there for her as much as I can. I hope that I can make up for not being there as much as I should have these past couple years. I pray that if she does go into Hospice that she will not stay there and that she will have enough time to get another treatment to give us just a little more time. I am so thankful for every second more that she is still here.
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- November 12, 2013 at 6:49 pm
Thank you, I will look into the book. The Doctor suggested she go into Hospice this last sunday and she has decided to wait as long as possible. She is taking MEK right now which is helping the tumors in her body and helping to make her feel a little more comfortable but the tumors in her brain are bleeding and causing pressure in her head. She is thinking she will go into Hospice at a care facility this week all depending on how she feels and wants to wait until the pain is unmanageable. I support her in her decision as I think I would want to be home as long as possible also. She is such a strong woman and I am so proud of her. I will get that book ASAP as I want to be there for her as much as I can. I hope that I can make up for not being there as much as I should have these past couple years. I pray that if she does go into Hospice that she will not stay there and that she will have enough time to get another treatment to give us just a little more time. I am so thankful for every second more that she is still here.
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- November 13, 2013 at 4:19 pm
I ordered the book Final Gifts last night and read the first two chapters. Thank you very much for directing me to this book. I am excited to read more and learn how to listen to my mom and I hope that I can help in making sure that she goes peacefully. I also recommended this book to my family as well.
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- November 13, 2013 at 4:19 pm
I ordered the book Final Gifts last night and read the first two chapters. Thank you very much for directing me to this book. I am excited to read more and learn how to listen to my mom and I hope that I can help in making sure that she goes peacefully. I also recommended this book to my family as well.
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- November 13, 2013 at 4:19 pm
I ordered the book Final Gifts last night and read the first two chapters. Thank you very much for directing me to this book. I am excited to read more and learn how to listen to my mom and I hope that I can help in making sure that she goes peacefully. I also recommended this book to my family as well.
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- November 13, 2013 at 10:11 pm
You are very welcome. I believe it was POW that first suggested it to me — I found it so helpful! Please do keep us posted on your mother's condition, okay?
Susan
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- November 13, 2013 at 10:11 pm
You are very welcome. I believe it was POW that first suggested it to me — I found it so helpful! Please do keep us posted on your mother's condition, okay?
Susan
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- November 13, 2013 at 10:11 pm
You are very welcome. I believe it was POW that first suggested it to me — I found it so helpful! Please do keep us posted on your mother's condition, okay?
Susan
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- November 12, 2013 at 6:30 pm
Oh, sweetheart! I know how difficult this must be on you and your family. The thought of losing a mother at such a young age is heartbreaking.
First, don't think of Hospice as giving up. Many people have come in and out of hospice as treatments become available; in the interim hospice is able to control pain and help with day-to-day activities that might otherwise be too difficult. I would encourage your mom to take their help. They are a wonderful source of help and comfort to family members, too.
Second, I would encourage you to read "Final Gifts". I read the book when one of my family members went into Hospice and I was so helpful. It presented me with ideas on what to do, what to say, and how best to assist my loved one emotionally. Here is a link to the book:
Please come back and talk as much as you need. There are wonderful people on this site who have walked this road before, and everyone will support you and your mom no matter what decisions you make.
-
- November 12, 2013 at 6:30 pm
Oh, sweetheart! I know how difficult this must be on you and your family. The thought of losing a mother at such a young age is heartbreaking.
First, don't think of Hospice as giving up. Many people have come in and out of hospice as treatments become available; in the interim hospice is able to control pain and help with day-to-day activities that might otherwise be too difficult. I would encourage your mom to take their help. They are a wonderful source of help and comfort to family members, too.
Second, I would encourage you to read "Final Gifts". I read the book when one of my family members went into Hospice and I was so helpful. It presented me with ideas on what to do, what to say, and how best to assist my loved one emotionally. Here is a link to the book:
Please come back and talk as much as you need. There are wonderful people on this site who have walked this road before, and everyone will support you and your mom no matter what decisions you make.
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- November 15, 2013 at 6:56 pm
HelenQLD I resonded to your e-mail the other night so hopefully you received my response. Well just wanted to update how my mom is doing. Not much has changed to report besides the fact that she is still fighting back with all her might. She truly is the strongest woman I know. Her doctor was wanting her to go into Hospice last Sunday and here it is almost a week later and she is still at home and still here. We are going back up to see her this weekend. I can't wait, I thank god for giving us another weekend, and hopefully more to follow. Although I do not want my mom to wait too long to go into Hospice, I completely support and stand behind what ever she decides to do.
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- November 15, 2013 at 6:56 pm
HelenQLD I resonded to your e-mail the other night so hopefully you received my response. Well just wanted to update how my mom is doing. Not much has changed to report besides the fact that she is still fighting back with all her might. She truly is the strongest woman I know. Her doctor was wanting her to go into Hospice last Sunday and here it is almost a week later and she is still at home and still here. We are going back up to see her this weekend. I can't wait, I thank god for giving us another weekend, and hopefully more to follow. Although I do not want my mom to wait too long to go into Hospice, I completely support and stand behind what ever she decides to do.
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- November 15, 2013 at 6:56 pm
HelenQLD I resonded to your e-mail the other night so hopefully you received my response. Well just wanted to update how my mom is doing. Not much has changed to report besides the fact that she is still fighting back with all her might. She truly is the strongest woman I know. Her doctor was wanting her to go into Hospice last Sunday and here it is almost a week later and she is still at home and still here. We are going back up to see her this weekend. I can't wait, I thank god for giving us another weekend, and hopefully more to follow. Although I do not want my mom to wait too long to go into Hospice, I completely support and stand behind what ever she decides to do.
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- November 16, 2013 at 12:18 am
Your mum is an absolute star. I don't post very often but I come on here every day to read, research and check on people. Your mum is an inspiration to everybody. I feel lucky to have read her posts and been witness to her positivity. I hope she is getting pain relief she needs. I don't really know what else to say.
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- November 16, 2013 at 12:18 am
Your mum is an absolute star. I don't post very often but I come on here every day to read, research and check on people. Your mum is an inspiration to everybody. I feel lucky to have read her posts and been witness to her positivity. I hope she is getting pain relief she needs. I don't really know what else to say.
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- November 16, 2013 at 12:18 am
Your mum is an absolute star. I don't post very often but I come on here every day to read, research and check on people. Your mum is an inspiration to everybody. I feel lucky to have read her posts and been witness to her positivity. I hope she is getting pain relief she needs. I don't really know what else to say.
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