My husband has stage 3b melanoma and I am wrecked!

I am so sorry you're having to deal with the anxiety that goes along with a loved one who's been diagnosed with melanoma. One thing that my significant other can tell you, is that it gets better with time. There will always be some anxiety surrounding scan days and waiting for results. I was diagnosed 3b a year ago, and the anxiety has gotten better over time, but I still have that bit of worry after each scan. I often feel that it's harder on my family than it is on me. The best thing you can do to help ease your mind is to keep your mind busy on other things. After my diagnosis learned to crochet; it clears my mind as I focus on crocheting and it really helps on hard days. Find a hobby or two for yourself and things to do with your husband.

The one thing I remind myself is to live one day at a time. I can't control what tomorrow, a week, or a month will bring me. Just as much as anyone, cancer or no cancer diagnosis. Your husband is NED today, embrace the positive that brings. It could always be worse, but right now, it's not worse. Also, remember that it's ok to seek professional help. You aren't expected to have all the tools to know how to deal with the anxiety of all of this. It's a lot, especially for caregivers. 

Wishing you and your husband all the best,

I am so sorry you're having to deal with the anxiety that goes along with a loved one who's been diagnosed with melanoma. One thing that my significant other can tell you, is that it gets better with time. There will always be some anxiety surrounding scan days and waiting for results. I was diagnosed 3b a year ago, and the anxiety has gotten better over time, but I still have that bit of worry after each scan. I often feel that it's harder on my family than it is on me. The best thing you can do to help ease your mind is to keep your mind busy on other things. After my diagnosis learned to crochet; it clears my mind as I focus on crocheting and it really helps on hard days. Find a hobby or two for yourself and things to do with your husband.

The one thing I remind myself is to live one day at a time. I can't control what tomorrow, a week, or a month will bring me. Just as much as anyone, cancer or no cancer diagnosis. Your husband is NED today, embrace the positive that brings. It could always be worse, but right now, it's not worse. Also, remember that it's ok to seek professional help. You aren't expected to have all the tools to know how to deal with the anxiety of all of this. It's a lot, especially for caregivers. 

Wishing you and your husband all the best,

I am so sorry you're having to deal with the anxiety that goes along with a loved one who's been diagnosed with melanoma. One thing that my significant other can tell you, is that it gets better with time. There will always be some anxiety surrounding scan days and waiting for results. I was diagnosed 3b a year ago, and the anxiety has gotten better over time, but I still have that bit of worry after each scan. I often feel that it's harder on my family than it is on me. The best thing you can do to help ease your mind is to keep your mind busy on other things. After my diagnosis learned to crochet; it clears my mind as I focus on crocheting and it really helps on hard days. Find a hobby or two for yourself and things to do with your husband.

The one thing I remind myself is to live one day at a time. I can't control what tomorrow, a week, or a month will bring me. Just as much as anyone, cancer or no cancer diagnosis. Your husband is NED today, embrace the positive that brings. It could always be worse, but right now, it's not worse. Also, remember that it's ok to seek professional help. You aren't expected to have all the tools to know how to deal with the anxiety of all of this. It's a lot, especially for caregivers. 

Wishing you and your husband all the best,

If you are still having major anxiety 1.5 years after your husband's diagnosis, I think the time has come for professional help.  We all get "newly diagnosed" anxiety – both patients and involved caregivers.  But that typically eases over time with the first year being the worst.  At 1.5 years, you've gone beyond "typical" and have graduated to more obsessive. Scan times are always stressful, but daily and consistent fear and anxiety is not just "scanxiety".  I think seeing a professional counselor – possibly one recommended by a near cancer center who understands cancer anxiety – would be a good step at this point.  The point is, you've let melanoma win.  It hasn't come back and yet you are living in constant fear.  You've let melanoma have that power over you.  I wish I could offer more but I think professional help would be the best choice now.

If you are still having major anxiety 1.5 years after your husband's diagnosis, I think the time has come for professional help.  We all get "newly diagnosed" anxiety – both patients and involved caregivers.  But that typically eases over time with the first year being the worst.  At 1.5 years, you've gone beyond "typical" and have graduated to more obsessive. Scan times are always stressful, but daily and consistent fear and anxiety is not just "scanxiety".  I think seeing a professional counselor – possibly one recommended by a near cancer center who understands cancer anxiety – would be a good step at this point.  The point is, you've let melanoma win.  It hasn't come back and yet you are living in constant fear.  You've let melanoma have that power over you.  I wish I could offer more but I think professional help would be the best choice now.

If you are still having major anxiety 1.5 years after your husband's diagnosis, I think the time has come for professional help.  We all get "newly diagnosed" anxiety – both patients and involved caregivers.  But that typically eases over time with the first year being the worst.  At 1.5 years, you've gone beyond "typical" and have graduated to more obsessive. Scan times are always stressful, but daily and consistent fear and anxiety is not just "scanxiety".  I think seeing a professional counselor – possibly one recommended by a near cancer center who understands cancer anxiety – would be a good step at this point.  The point is, you've let melanoma win.  It hasn't come back and yet you are living in constant fear.  You've let melanoma have that power over you.  I wish I could offer more but I think professional help would be the best choice now.

Take a deep breath. Relax. NED is great. As patients we all get "scanxiety" prior to scans. But you can't let it take over your life. Ditto for the spouse of the melanoma patient.

In a nutshell, someone with melanoma with an unknown primary (MUP) has an ace up their sleeve. According to a number of studies, that "ace" is the body's immune system which recognized the melanoma lesion on the skin and snuffed it out. But unfortunately, in your husband's case and in mine, some cells escaped annihilation and set up shop in a lymph node. So, in the case of those with MUP the body's immune system recognized the invader! This is especially good with melanoma. According to studies, we have a relatively decent prognosis. But it is touch and go in the beginning until you get used to the scan routine.

I was diagnosed in 2010 with MUP and am 6 years cancer free. Also had all my lymph nodes removed from under my left armpit. Do I still get scanxiety? Absolutely. Now I get it a few days before the scan as opposed to weeks before. If you're obsessing over your husband's scans daily, don't be embarassed to seek out a support group or professional help to get you over this hurdle. Stress can do a number on your health so you need to look out for your own well being.

Take a deep breath. Relax. NED is great. As patients we all get "scanxiety" prior to scans. But you can't let it take over your life. Ditto for the spouse of the melanoma patient.

In a nutshell, someone with melanoma with an unknown primary (MUP) has an ace up their sleeve. According to a number of studies, that "ace" is the body's immune system which recognized the melanoma lesion on the skin and snuffed it out. But unfortunately, in your husband's case and in mine, some cells escaped annihilation and set up shop in a lymph node. So, in the case of those with MUP the body's immune system recognized the invader! This is especially good with melanoma. According to studies, we have a relatively decent prognosis. But it is touch and go in the beginning until you get used to the scan routine.

I was diagnosed in 2010 with MUP and am 6 years cancer free. Also had all my lymph nodes removed from under my left armpit. Do I still get scanxiety? Absolutely. Now I get it a few days before the scan as opposed to weeks before. If you're obsessing over your husband's scans daily, don't be embarassed to seek out a support group or professional help to get you over this hurdle. Stress can do a number on your health so you need to look out for your own well being.

Take a deep breath. Relax. NED is great. As patients we all get "scanxiety" prior to scans. But you can't let it take over your life. Ditto for the spouse of the melanoma patient.

In a nutshell, someone with melanoma with an unknown primary (MUP) has an ace up their sleeve. According to a number of studies, that "ace" is the body's immune system which recognized the melanoma lesion on the skin and snuffed it out. But unfortunately, in your husband's case and in mine, some cells escaped annihilation and set up shop in a lymph node. So, in the case of those with MUP the body's immune system recognized the invader! This is especially good with melanoma. According to studies, we have a relatively decent prognosis. But it is touch and go in the beginning until you get used to the scan routine.

I was diagnosed in 2010 with MUP and am 6 years cancer free. Also had all my lymph nodes removed from under my left armpit. Do I still get scanxiety? Absolutely. Now I get it a few days before the scan as opposed to weeks before. If you're obsessing over your husband's scans daily, don't be embarassed to seek out a support group or professional help to get you over this hurdle. Stress can do a number on your health so you need to look out for your own well being.

my husband is stage 4.  Do not allow yourself to get so engrossed in the anxiety and the what if's that you lose what today has to offer.  Relax.  Do not worry for tomorrow, today is all you have.  Love him, make your memories and enjoy your life! 

R

my husband is stage 4.  Do not allow yourself to get so engrossed in the anxiety and the what if's that you lose what today has to offer.  Relax.  Do not worry for tomorrow, today is all you have.  Love him, make your memories and enjoy your life! 

R

my husband is stage 4.  Do not allow yourself to get so engrossed in the anxiety and the what if's that you lose what today has to offer.  Relax.  Do not worry for tomorrow, today is all you have.  Love him, make your memories and enjoy your life! 

R