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Kris, My Wife

Forums General Melanoma Community Kris, My Wife

  • Post
    mzeigler
    Participant

    I just wanted to report that I lost my wife of 31 years to melanoma last Tuesday.  We started this battle 8 years ago, with acral melanoma under her

    right thumb.  After several surgeries, the entire thumb was removed and we had clear scans for 4 and a half years.  Then a small lung met appeared.

    That was removed early in 2010.  We had clear scans for about 9 months and then they appeared in her liver, hip bone and lungs again.

    I just wanted to report that I lost my wife of 31 years to melanoma last Tuesday.  We started this battle 8 years ago, with acral melanoma under her

    right thumb.  After several surgeries, the entire thumb was removed and we had clear scans for 4 and a half years.  Then a small lung met appeared.

    That was removed early in 2010.  We had clear scans for about 9 months and then they appeared in her liver, hip bone and lungs again.

    We did il-2 at Johns Hopkins is September and October of 2010, which was very difficult.  Scans showed it did not help.  We started compassionate

    ipi in December through February, but the bone mets were so painful, we had a partial hip replacement.  While in rehab, the brain mets appeared

    and her liver became extremely swollen.  We came home the middle of March and spent the last few weeks together.  I lost the person I was

    closest to my entire life.  We shared so many hopes and fears  and life experiences, I can hardly imagine going on without her.  We have 2 sons

    which she advised me to be strong for.  At some point I hope the agony will let up, but I don't know.  Her last words spoken were wispered to me

    that she loved me.

     

    Mike Zeigler

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  • Replies
      Phil S
      Participant

      Mike    I am so sorry for your loss, it sounds like you and Kris put up a good fight against this horrible disease and she was an incredible woman.    In time, I hope the wonderful memories of your life together will bring you comfort.   I will pray for you and your sons!  Take care of yourself.  God Bless!!   Valerie (Phil's wife)

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      Phil S
      Participant

      Mike    I am so sorry for your loss, it sounds like you and Kris put up a good fight against this horrible disease and she was an incredible woman.    In time, I hope the wonderful memories of your life together will bring you comfort.   I will pray for you and your sons!  Take care of yourself.  God Bless!!   Valerie (Phil's wife)

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      Carol Taylor
      Participant

      Oh Mike,

      I'm so sorry to learn that your sweetheart is no longer by your side.  Grieve and cry.  That's being strong for your sons. Manly men cry.  They bawl like babies and they acknowledge pain and agony.  They'll need to bawl like babies over their Mama…show them how…no matter what other people may say to the contrary.

      Your Darling gave you quite a wonderful gift with her last words.  I'm sure you treasure them and treasure the time you had and that you were there for her and by her side.  I bet you would have taken the melanoma for her if you could have!  Right?  And I bet she knew that.

      You're a good guy Mike.  Tuesday hasn't been that long ago.  It will get better…just don't let it make you bitter in the process.  Focus your grief in ways that will honor your beloved and make her proud and show your sons how to take life's lemons…really sour lemons…and make lemon meringue pie with a side of lemonade.

      In other words, don't let the Beast take you guys captive too.

      I write and administrate the Melanoma Prayer Center on Facebook.  The link is after my name and you don't have to be on FB to read what's there. You may find something helpful (scan thru the "notes" too).  This site is the users site so if you are on FB, tell us about your sweetie.  Let us hold you and your boys up in prayer.  Matter of fact, I'm going to do that now.

      Tell us on this board about her.  Talking about her will help.

      Lord, in Your mercy, hold Mike and his sons during this time and into the time to come. Cry with them, hold their tears. Give them strength and love and memories, God. Memories!  Show them how to grief as each has need and how to focus their grief in ways that will help and not harm.  O God, give them peace, strength, and your shoulders. Amen.

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      Carol Taylor
      Participant

      Oh Mike,

      I'm so sorry to learn that your sweetheart is no longer by your side.  Grieve and cry.  That's being strong for your sons. Manly men cry.  They bawl like babies and they acknowledge pain and agony.  They'll need to bawl like babies over their Mama…show them how…no matter what other people may say to the contrary.

      Your Darling gave you quite a wonderful gift with her last words.  I'm sure you treasure them and treasure the time you had and that you were there for her and by her side.  I bet you would have taken the melanoma for her if you could have!  Right?  And I bet she knew that.

      You're a good guy Mike.  Tuesday hasn't been that long ago.  It will get better…just don't let it make you bitter in the process.  Focus your grief in ways that will honor your beloved and make her proud and show your sons how to take life's lemons…really sour lemons…and make lemon meringue pie with a side of lemonade.

      In other words, don't let the Beast take you guys captive too.

      I write and administrate the Melanoma Prayer Center on Facebook.  The link is after my name and you don't have to be on FB to read what's there. You may find something helpful (scan thru the "notes" too).  This site is the users site so if you are on FB, tell us about your sweetie.  Let us hold you and your boys up in prayer.  Matter of fact, I'm going to do that now.

      Tell us on this board about her.  Talking about her will help.

      Lord, in Your mercy, hold Mike and his sons during this time and into the time to come. Cry with them, hold their tears. Give them strength and love and memories, God. Memories!  Show them how to grief as each has need and how to focus their grief in ways that will help and not harm.  O God, give them peace, strength, and your shoulders. Amen.

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      JMart
      Participant

      Mike,

       

      I'm so sorry to learn of your great loss.  May the memories of your beautiful marriage comfort and hold you up as you move forward.  Healing and peace will take time.  I wish you the best in this.

       

      Janet

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      JMart
      Participant

      Mike,

       

      I'm so sorry to learn of your great loss.  May the memories of your beautiful marriage comfort and hold you up as you move forward.  Healing and peace will take time.  I wish you the best in this.

       

      Janet

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      FormerCaregiver
      Participant

      My heartfelt sympathy to you and your family.

      Thank you for telling us of your loss. I lost my wife to this horrible disease on 21
      October 2009, so I have some idea of how you might be feeling at the moment.

      My prayers and thoughts are with you.

      Frank from Australia

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      FormerCaregiver
      Participant

      My heartfelt sympathy to you and your family.

      Thank you for telling us of your loss. I lost my wife to this horrible disease on 21
      October 2009, so I have some idea of how you might be feeling at the moment.

      My prayers and thoughts are with you.

      Frank from Australia

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      Sherron
      Participant

      Mike,

      I totally understand how you feel.  I lost the love of my life, my best friend, my soul-mate, on Nov 30, 2010…..He passed away just 4 days sort of our 43rd anniversary…It will be hard, it is still hard, when you loose the other half of yourself.

      I, too, often wonder how I have made it through this now, 4 1/2 months…you just go day to day, sometimes, just minute to minute, or hour to hour, whatever your body and mind wil allow.  You stay numb for a long time.  Yesterday  I was okay…Today, I am having a hard time.  I think you just have to go through it, you cannot avoid the grief(your inward pain), and the mouring(your outward pain).  Hopefully, you have a strong belief in God.  I hold tighly to God's hand, he is walking through this with me….for me, the only way I can make it.

      Try to take care of yourself if you can.  Try to eat well..I am preaching here, because I have not done this, and have lost quite a bit of weight, because of no appetite, and no desire to eat…just not caring…

      I pray for your and your family in your loss.  I do so understand the hurt and pain.

      Take Care,

      Sherron,wife to Jim FOREVER

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        jhoey
        Participant

        Mike

        I too express my sympathys to you & your family.  Your wife was blessed to have you by her side threw this terrible journey.  Sometimes its harder being the caretaker then the patient.  I have been on both sides . Life will go on, We have to play the hand we have been dealt in life.  Its not  easy but somehow we get threw it.

        My condolenes to you & your family

        Janet

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        jhoey
        Participant

        Mike

        I too express my sympathys to you & your family.  Your wife was blessed to have you by her side threw this terrible journey.  Sometimes its harder being the caretaker then the patient.  I have been on both sides . Life will go on, We have to play the hand we have been dealt in life.  Its not  easy but somehow we get threw it.

        My condolenes to you & your family

        Janet

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      Sherron
      Participant

      Mike,

      I totally understand how you feel.  I lost the love of my life, my best friend, my soul-mate, on Nov 30, 2010…..He passed away just 4 days sort of our 43rd anniversary…It will be hard, it is still hard, when you loose the other half of yourself.

      I, too, often wonder how I have made it through this now, 4 1/2 months…you just go day to day, sometimes, just minute to minute, or hour to hour, whatever your body and mind wil allow.  You stay numb for a long time.  Yesterday  I was okay…Today, I am having a hard time.  I think you just have to go through it, you cannot avoid the grief(your inward pain), and the mouring(your outward pain).  Hopefully, you have a strong belief in God.  I hold tighly to God's hand, he is walking through this with me….for me, the only way I can make it.

      Try to take care of yourself if you can.  Try to eat well..I am preaching here, because I have not done this, and have lost quite a bit of weight, because of no appetite, and no desire to eat…just not caring…

      I pray for your and your family in your loss.  I do so understand the hurt and pain.

      Take Care,

      Sherron,wife to Jim FOREVER

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      dian in spokane
      Participant

      I am so sorry for your terrible loss

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      dian in spokane
      Participant

      I am so sorry for your terrible loss

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      Lori C
      Participant

      I am terribly sorry for your loss.  I can't say it gets better but you do learn take it ten minutes at a time – find joy in things – and keep them with you always.

       

      Lori

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      Lori C
      Participant

      I am terribly sorry for your loss.  I can't say it gets better but you do learn take it ten minutes at a time – find joy in things – and keep them with you always.

       

      Lori

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      lhaley
      Participant

      Mike,

      I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Hold dear the past memories and let the difficult  recent times start to fade.  You both put up a hard fight but remember that your wife is now at peace and not longer in pain.

      Cherish her last words,

      Linda

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      lhaley
      Participant

      Mike,

      I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Hold dear the past memories and let the difficult  recent times start to fade.  You both put up a hard fight but remember that your wife is now at peace and not longer in pain.

      Cherish her last words,

      Linda

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      ValinMtl
      Participant

      Dear Mike, I am so sorry for your great loss.  To lose the love of your life is horrible, but Kris is safe in the arms of Jesus now and pain free.  Her passing words were so beautiful and I pray they give you comfort during this very difficult time.   Take care of your two boys and shower them with love from both you and Kris.  Val xx

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      ValinMtl
      Participant

      Dear Mike, I am so sorry for your great loss.  To lose the love of your life is horrible, but Kris is safe in the arms of Jesus now and pain free.  Her passing words were so beautiful and I pray they give you comfort during this very difficult time.   Take care of your two boys and shower them with love from both you and Kris.  Val xx

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      CKasper
      Participant

      I'm sorry for your loss, I hope you had some quality time with her and bless you both.

       

      c

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        Vermont_Donna
        Participant

        Dear Mike,

         I am so sorry to hear of the passing of your wife from this dreadful disease. Let the tears flow. Grief has many stages and you may go through them many times. If you become unable to function after a while, ie perform tasks of daily living, work, etc, or feel profoundly depressed you may have what is called "complicated grief" and you should seek medical help.

        Thank you for posting here on this MPIP board. We truly care.

        Vermont_Donna, stage 3a

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        Vermont_Donna
        Participant

        Dear Mike,

         I am so sorry to hear of the passing of your wife from this dreadful disease. Let the tears flow. Grief has many stages and you may go through them many times. If you become unable to function after a while, ie perform tasks of daily living, work, etc, or feel profoundly depressed you may have what is called "complicated grief" and you should seek medical help.

        Thank you for posting here on this MPIP board. We truly care.

        Vermont_Donna, stage 3a

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      CKasper
      Participant

      I'm sorry for your loss, I hope you had some quality time with her and bless you both.

       

      c

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      Rocco
      Participant
      Clinical Trial ParticipantNED

      Mike,

      My sincere condolences for the loss of your loving wife, Kris.  Let the loving memories of her, along with your  family and friends surround you during this most difficult time. 

      WIth sympathy,

      Rocco, Stage IV

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      Rocco
      Participant
      Clinical Trial ParticipantNED

      Mike,

      My sincere condolences for the loss of your loving wife, Kris.  Let the loving memories of her, along with your  family and friends surround you during this most difficult time. 

      WIth sympathy,

      Rocco, Stage IV

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      kbc123
      Participant

      So very sorry for the loss of your wife, Kris to this horrible disease.  It saddens me to see and hear how much pain all are going through because of such a crude sickness.

      Be strong Mike. 

       

      Kathy from NJ

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      kbc123
      Participant

      So very sorry for the loss of your wife, Kris to this horrible disease.  It saddens me to see and hear how much pain all are going through because of such a crude sickness.

      Be strong Mike. 

       

      Kathy from NJ

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      MaryD
      Participant

      I am so sorry you lost your dear wife, Mike.  Nothing can ease the pain right now but she will always be with you in your heart and give you strength and comfort to you and your children to get through this sad time.

      My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family,

       

      Mary

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      MaryD
      Participant

      I am so sorry you lost your dear wife, Mike.  Nothing can ease the pain right now but she will always be with you in your heart and give you strength and comfort to you and your children to get through this sad time.

      My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family,

       

      Mary

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      BarbieGirl
      Participant

      Mike, I'm so sorry to read about the loss of your wife, Kris.  Please know I'll be keeping you, your sons, and all yours and Kris's friends and family in my heart and prayers.

      *Hugz*

      ~Lisa~ 

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      BarbieGirl
      Participant

      Mike, I'm so sorry to read about the loss of your wife, Kris.  Please know I'll be keeping you, your sons, and all yours and Kris's friends and family in my heart and prayers.

      *Hugz*

      ~Lisa~ 

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      jag
      Participant

      Mike, I hope you understand how lucky your wife was to have you by her side all through her treatments.  In many cases that can be more important than the treatment itself.  

      God Bless 

      John

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      jag
      Participant

      Mike, I hope you understand how lucky your wife was to have you by her side all through her treatments.  In many cases that can be more important than the treatment itself.  

      God Bless 

      John

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      PSD
      Participant

      Mike,

      I am sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

      Pam – PSD

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      PSD
      Participant

      Mike,

      I am sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

      Pam – PSD

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      Suzan AB
      Participant

      Dear Kris…Just as others have posted previously…I am so sorry that your wife died from this terrible "Beast".  May your memories sooth you and may your children faces remind you of her beauty.  Your lovely wife is now free, wrapped in love as she exclaimed her love for you with her dying breath…I am humbled! 

      Suzan AB

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      Suzan AB
      Participant

      Dear Kris…Just as others have posted previously…I am so sorry that your wife died from this terrible "Beast".  May your memories sooth you and may your children faces remind you of her beauty.  Your lovely wife is now free, wrapped in love as she exclaimed her love for you with her dying breath…I am humbled! 

      Suzan AB

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        Suzan AB
        Participant

        Of course I meant Dear Mike…so emotional about your loss…Suz

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        Suzan AB
        Participant

        Of course I meant Dear Mike…so emotional about your loss…Suz

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      NancyGM
      Participant

      Mike, I am so sorry you lost your wife. Your post brought tears to my eyes. My deepest sympathies.

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      NancyGM
      Participant

      Mike, I am so sorry you lost your wife. Your post brought tears to my eyes. My deepest sympathies.

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      Bonnie Lea
      Participant

      I am so very sorry for your loss.  She is at such a great peace and free from this disease and its pain.  God Bless you and keep you safe.  Your memories of those 31 years will help.

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      Bonnie Lea
      Participant

      I am so very sorry for your loss.  She is at such a great peace and free from this disease and its pain.  God Bless you and keep you safe.  Your memories of those 31 years will help.

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