Is it ok to feel angry, mad, moody???

Hi Karina, 

Sorry for what you are dealing with.  I was 39 years old when first diagnosed with Stage IIIb melanoma in 2003 with a 10 and 12 year old.  So, I know a lot about how you're feeling.  EXCEPT!!!  There was no treatment for me at that time.  NOTHING.  Now…that does NOT mean you should be happy about your situation.  Melanoma at any time, any where sucks great big green stinky hairy wizard balls!!  But, you DO have treatment options.  To that end….I had another lesion in 2007.  Still no treatment other than surgery.  I progressed to Stage IV with brain and lung mets in 2010.  BUT!!!!  After radiation to the brain met and removal of the right upper lobe of my lung, I was lucky to get in a trial of what was called MDX1106 at the time….your Opdivo.  After a 2 1/2 year trial, with my last dose in June of 2013….I remain melanoma free to this day with no further treatment.  Opdivo was FDA approved for Stage IV folks in 2011 and for folks like you (and "me" in 2003) in 2017!!

Here's a post I wrote about that approval and a little history of the drug you will be taking if you are interested:  https://chaoticallypreciselifeloveandmelanoma.blogspot.com/2017/12/about-damn-time-opdivo-approved-as.html

Here is an essay I wrote for Health Monitor magazine a couple of years ago that shares some of how I dealt with my journey, which might (or not) help you deal with yours: 

 https://chaoticallypreciselifeloveandmelanoma.blogspot.com/2015/04/health-monitor-magazine-focuses-on.html  

My point is…there is hope.  If Opdivo can keep a Stage IV patient melanoma free 8 years down the road (and there is a ton of data that proves that it can….not just me!!!) then think what it can do for a Stage III patient.  This is good!!!  

Melanoma, and treatment for it, is still unfair, wrong, yucky, rotten, sucky, nasty….you get the idea.  BUT….it is not insurmontable nor without hope.  Because of the treatment you will soon be starting, you do NOT have a death sentence.  

Hang in there.  You can do this.  Yell and scream all you like here.  I wish you my best.  Celeste

Hi Karina,

welcme to the site.  You’re feelings are TOTALLY understandable, especially since you were only diagnosed a month ago.  I was diagnosed in October of 2011 3A with two positive nodes in my inguinal node basin. The first several weeks were full of questions and anxiety.  Decisions on CLND, clinical trials, concerns about my wife and children (they were 16 and 20 then so not quite children, but too soon to be without me) if this didn’t go well, etc.  I had a consult at Emory, switched care to Sloan Kettering, had the CLND and as t8 e (and scans) marched on, I was able to put the diagnosis in a The right mental space and didn’t let it dominate any part of my life.  So my advice would be to stay with the care plan you decide is best, enjoy your kids and your life, rather than letting  the diagnosis dominate it.   And as Celeste mentioned, there are several new modalities for treatment and more options coming down the pipeline.  Good luck with all and keep the gang here on our Melanoma Pirate Ship up to date.

Regards,

Stan

All feelings are ok. In my case, I go through sharp periods of sadness, but somehow I bounce back just as quickly. I have a nine and a 10-year-old and of course they are ever present in my thoughts. And am recently engaged.  I worry about all three of them,  But am also ever grateful for the times we are in and the revolution in treatment. 

I also see it as a journey, and part of my story.  And feel empowered when I feel in control of the condition. I do this by researching and understanding options the best I can. And practicing self-care as I can (for me this is yoga, meditation, and being outside). 

You will find your own self-care. Hugs to you. 

Cindy, IIIb initially discovered in April 2018, two surgeries and on Opdivo, currently considering radiation

Hi KarinaJ, Im Mike, nice to meet you under our shared situation! your right on schedule with what your feeling, technically, your still in the "infancy" of learning that you have cancer {Melanoma} and it takes time to set your mental state in to Fight Mode!. Like sister Celeste aka Bubbles just wrote, for me, back in 2008 i was also diag as 3b and after that dark, dreary day i was like "Im Gunna Die!" i thought to my self "So This Is How Im To Die?" i kinda prefered the old days of "Not Knowing" how im gunna die, now i know how its gunna play out…

Today, its 2018 and im still here! 10 years later, 6 different surgeries & Immunal Therapy {starting Nov 2017} since 2008 and im still here! ya, my disease has progressed to stage 4 and now its in my lungs but so what! thats what cancer tends to do, it progresses, my Immunal drug "Opdivo" is slowing its growth {and even killing off some tumors}  and i take that as Victorious! once again, im still here! Im NOT out of the fight til im COMPLETLEY out of the fight!!..im due for Surgery on Dec 17th  to rid a 5.4cm Mel Monster in my Right Lower Lobe {right bottom lung} that is NOT responding to any Immunal Drug we throw at it, its gotta go…Youll get use to it, hopefully you become NED early and not have to go through the up`s & down`s of Warfare year after year like a lot of us, but if you do, just keep your boots on, try to stay strong {i tend to meltdown beeelieve me!} and do as your told by your Care Team. Enjoy life as best you can, and LOVE the heck out of those 2 girls you have, Youll be fine, stick around here at MRF, yer part of the family now!…

I hear you and I get you.  I'm always trying to catch up and process the emotional part of this.  The denial, the acceptance, the compartmentalizing so you can just get through the day.  Not wanting to face the day.  Wanting to smack the next co-worker who complains about a bad hair day when you are still dealing with hair loss from radiation.  All the feelings are OK and the moodiness is OK. No one else knows unless they have been through your exact moments and your exacti journey.  We all share similarities and we understand more than most but it isn't quite the same.  I have been hoping for two years that my husband would get it but he just never will.  That said have hope.  You have a strong team here to support you. 

Good wishes to you,

Jennifer

Hi Karina! YES YES YES we all feel ALLLLL the feelings going through this junk. Some days are angry days, others are sad days, and some days you feel grateful for every breath. The ups and downs and anxieties of any cancer diagnosis are oh so real. Days and even a week or two of the 'downs' is normal. But what isn't OK is when you get stuck with these feelings and can't get out of the hole – that's when your feelings take over your life and you need to get help. I reached that point myself and began journaling, blogging, and doing mindfulness meditiation after I spoke with a professional. I knew that melanoma was taking over my life and I needed to regain control of my thoughts. It could take my physical body, but I wouldn't let it take my personality and who I really am on the inside. THAT belongs to me, not melanoma, as long as I'm given more time on this earth.

Wishing you health and happiness!

Lauren

Hi Karina, Yes you absolutely have a right to have all those feelings. My husband was diagnosed 7/17 with Stage IV Advanced Metastatic Melanoma, disease was so advanced no chance for any surgery and he still goes through these feelings at times. My husband has been on Opdivo for 16 months, he was on TAF/Mek for 6 months, and he finally reached NED this September. His next scans are this December. We try to take life moment by moment. You have 2 very precious reasons to be so worried about all this you have been hit with and to process. Sounds like you are at a wonderful cancer hospital, and I will pray the Opdivo works for you. Enjoy your precious babies, and your Christmas. I am new to this site and I am so glad I found you all. 

Michele