Hello everyone,
Having a good pity party for myself…one week out from modified radical neck dissection on Oct 5th and feeling very low. Several things i didn't expect, severe hoarseness, numbness in tip of tongue and scalp, (temporary 2-6 month) lower lip paralysis, burning/stinging pain along and around the incision line — and a crushing drop in mood — feeling hopeless and very scared. Now, the worst part is awaiting the pathology report, 3abc? Then, depending on my final staging, my fears about what (possible wrong) decisions I will have to make to try and stave off recurrence.
I am no doctor. How am I supposed to be my own best patient advocate and know what to do and where to go when I am clueless to what this all means, specifically for me and my melanoma? I know I need to trust my oncologist, Dr. Schuchter, at Penn, but I am terrified. Terrified I will make the wrong decision which will impact the course of this cancer and what will happen to me. No to mention, of course, costs. I am self employed and if I don't work, i don't make any money.
The fear about the future and what is to come is terrifying. How do you stay in the day and deal with the "what ifs?" Am I or will I be strong enough to get through what is ahead. I will have all answers on Thursday after appt with the oncologist. It is all still so surreal and I still wish I could go back — go back to feeling safe and happy. Sorry for dumping. I just am feeling so badly and sorry for myself — hate to admit that, but that is the truth of it.
Any input, direction, encouragement would be most gratefully and graciously appreciated.
Peace, wholeness, health, and happiness wished for all of you.
Michele
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