› Forums › General Melanoma Community › Fears/ Meds
- This topic has 8 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 12 years, 8 months ago by
jax2007gxp.
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- September 3, 2011 at 1:31 pm
So yesterday I went to see the Dermatologist for my three month skin check. He tells me that he doesn't see any "areas of concern" and that he will see me in three months. As I am sitting there listening to him, I almost went into panic mode. I realized that I am trusting my life in this mans hands. If he misses something, will I find it? If we both miss it will it be widespread before I see him again in three months? I cannot handle the fear of not being in control of this situation.
So yesterday I went to see the Dermatologist for my three month skin check. He tells me that he doesn't see any "areas of concern" and that he will see me in three months. As I am sitting there listening to him, I almost went into panic mode. I realized that I am trusting my life in this mans hands. If he misses something, will I find it? If we both miss it will it be widespread before I see him again in three months? I cannot handle the fear of not being in control of this situation. (Although I know I am not the one ultimately in control) The spot on my arm come up in Jan. It grew so fast and so deep. It scares me so bad. Being a nurse I have seen to much and know too much. I know that docs have their good days and bad just like all of us. I left there still having this awful feeling in my stomach that something terrible is going to happen. I have had this gut feeling for two weeks now.
So then after that apt., I go to see the psych doc for the first time since all this started in Feb. I am telling him about this stage of fear that I can't get through. He prescribes Cymbalta 90mg. He says its all normal and in a couple of weeks I should notice a difference. (Note that I have been on cymbalta 60mg since June). He then begins to ask me about my support system. I have to tell you that I am so blessed in this area. I have the greatest husband and kids. My family and friends are supportive. I will never be able to pay my mom back for all her support. The entire family has went above and beyond. Its then that I realize, I am not afraid to die, I am just afraid of leaving my family. I want to see my kids grow up and spend time with family and friends (bargining). I know I am a stage 2b but I am telling you I have this really bad feeling.
The doc also gave me Remeron to help me sleep and not stay up thinking about things all the time. Which brings me to my next issue. My body has to be so confused. I am taking Ritalin in the mornings to fight the fatigue and be able to go to work for 12 hrs, along with the Cymbalta. Then at night i am taking the remeron to help me sleep and on the days i have injections i am taking Zofran and Ativan. My poor heart doesn't know wether to speed up or slow down. Can this be good?
I am done rambling now. Maybe its the interferon that is making my mind go crazy. Maybe its not. I just wish I could get over this whole fear stage.
- Replies
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- September 3, 2011 at 2:44 pm
Unfortunately, fear and anxiety are part of the challenges that one has to deal with
when one is fighting melanoma. So, how you might be feeling is very understandable.I think that it would be worthwhile to consider what is important to you at the
moment. Do you have to work 12 hours at a time, or is it possible to reduce your
workload? Is it possible to reduce the dosages of the medications that you are taking?
It is also good to be aware of any possible interactions between the different drugs.As you may know, interferon can have significant side effects in some people. Here is a
link to info about it: http://www.chemocare.com/bio/interferon_alfa.aspI have been reading about melanoma treatments since early 2007 and must admit that I am
not a fan of interferon. However, I know that some people are absolutely convinced that
it is the right treatment for them and this is their decision to make. Although some
oncologists won't admit this, there are better treatments available these days. You may
be interested in reading my comments in this thread:
http://www.melanoma.org/community/mpip-melanoma-patients-information-page/help-nodules-interferon-high-vs-lowHope this helps.
Frank from Australia
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- September 3, 2011 at 2:44 pm
Unfortunately, fear and anxiety are part of the challenges that one has to deal with
when one is fighting melanoma. So, how you might be feeling is very understandable.I think that it would be worthwhile to consider what is important to you at the
moment. Do you have to work 12 hours at a time, or is it possible to reduce your
workload? Is it possible to reduce the dosages of the medications that you are taking?
It is also good to be aware of any possible interactions between the different drugs.As you may know, interferon can have significant side effects in some people. Here is a
link to info about it: http://www.chemocare.com/bio/interferon_alfa.aspI have been reading about melanoma treatments since early 2007 and must admit that I am
not a fan of interferon. However, I know that some people are absolutely convinced that
it is the right treatment for them and this is their decision to make. Although some
oncologists won't admit this, there are better treatments available these days. You may
be interested in reading my comments in this thread:
http://www.melanoma.org/community/mpip-melanoma-patients-information-page/help-nodules-interferon-high-vs-lowHope this helps.
Frank from Australia
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- September 3, 2011 at 5:49 pm
Did your Psych doc have your full list of med you were on? Or did he seem to pay much attention to it? If there is a question on either one on these make sure he understands next visit.
Being a nurse I know you understand how important attitude is to your physical well being. Some of your fear I am sure is either based on your profession or the result of the side effects of interferon plus the drugs you are taking to counter act the side effects. You need to start reclaiming your body and your mind. If that mean lower the interferon and cutting back on some of the drugs then give that a try. See if you can take some time for Yoga or meditation or anything else you use to enjoy that was just for you. Reclaim yourself! Make that you goal.
Good Luck,
Mary
Stage 3
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- September 3, 2011 at 5:49 pm
Did your Psych doc have your full list of med you were on? Or did he seem to pay much attention to it? If there is a question on either one on these make sure he understands next visit.
Being a nurse I know you understand how important attitude is to your physical well being. Some of your fear I am sure is either based on your profession or the result of the side effects of interferon plus the drugs you are taking to counter act the side effects. You need to start reclaiming your body and your mind. If that mean lower the interferon and cutting back on some of the drugs then give that a try. See if you can take some time for Yoga or meditation or anything else you use to enjoy that was just for you. Reclaim yourself! Make that you goal.
Good Luck,
Mary
Stage 3
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- September 5, 2011 at 5:01 am
I would like to add that when my Mother was on Atavan she had major mental problems and began to "lose her mind" When I read that it often has the opposit of the intended effect on some people, We had her changed to another medication. She did much better after that. I cannot take Atavan my self because of the mental effects.
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- September 5, 2011 at 5:01 am
I would like to add that when my Mother was on Atavan she had major mental problems and began to "lose her mind" When I read that it often has the opposit of the intended effect on some people, We had her changed to another medication. She did much better after that. I cannot take Atavan my self because of the mental effects.
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- September 6, 2011 at 12:24 am
Have you considered using intermittent FMLA to reduce your work schedule? If you can financially handle it (and maybe your state has a disability program to offset some of the lost income?), it may give your body more time to rest. One of the great parts of the intermittent FMLA is that your doctor can certify a number of days per week or month that are likely to be needed, but if you are having a good week you may not need to use it at all.
Check with your HR department if you have specific questions about how intermittent FMLA can offer you some options. Your employer may also have some policies or programs in addition to the federally mandated FMLA.
You have more strength thank you know. Good luck…and don't forget to breathe. 😉
Jacki
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- September 6, 2011 at 12:24 am
Have you considered using intermittent FMLA to reduce your work schedule? If you can financially handle it (and maybe your state has a disability program to offset some of the lost income?), it may give your body more time to rest. One of the great parts of the intermittent FMLA is that your doctor can certify a number of days per week or month that are likely to be needed, but if you are having a good week you may not need to use it at all.
Check with your HR department if you have specific questions about how intermittent FMLA can offer you some options. Your employer may also have some policies or programs in addition to the federally mandated FMLA.
You have more strength thank you know. Good luck…and don't forget to breathe. 😉
Jacki
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