› Forums › General Melanoma Community › Dad is diagnosed with melanoma, trying to learn to help him
- This topic has 10 replies, 9 voices, and was last updated 5 years, 7 months ago by
dbJoe.
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- October 1, 2018 at 8:04 pm
Aloha!
My dad (age 87) was diagnosed last month with melanoma. He says doc did not tell him what stage.
But, the primary site seems to be a spot on his back, with several others at various locations. It was diagnosed when he went in to have a chicken-egg sized lump removed from under his arm. It was malignant. Doc says it came from the spot on his back.
There are several other cysts/tumors in his arm. Doc wants to remove them, but there is a good chance the surgery will leave his arm paralyzed. So, he does not want to do it.
He is saying, "Let nature take its course."
He also regularly visits a friend (age 70+) who is doing chemo, so Dad does not want to go that route, either.
I suggested we look at immunotherapy and/or radiation.
Anyway, right now, I would like to learn:
What is the progression we can expect if we "let nature take its course"?
He feels great right now, not at all ill. He is imagining that he will just blast through to the end, and then get lethargic, go to bed, and fade away while sleeping.
Is that realistic?
Would radiation prolong his active life? Websites say it relieves pain. How?
He is asking my advice in decision making, but I do not have sufficient information to do that.
I am, by nature, a "Miss Fixit," and problem solver. But I will support whatever decision he makes.
I guess I am looking for the best way to enable him to life the longest active life possible.
Thank you for any advice, information, suggestions. . .
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- October 1, 2018 at 8:12 pm
I would highly suggest you take him to a Melanoma specialist. They don't use chemo to treat melanoma. Depending on the stage of his cancer they would use immunotherapy most likely to treat it and it is much easier to tolerate and live a normal life while on treatment. If he still decides to move forward without treatment at least they can give you an idea of what prognosis without treatment looks like.
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- October 1, 2018 at 9:05 pm
A lot of questions need to be answered. Has he had a PET scan? If not, you don't even know if it's metastisized anywhere yet. That's a big question to be answered. And even if so, immuntherapy is saving lives everyday for people with melanoma and is so much easier than chemo.
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- October 1, 2018 at 9:50 pm
I am sorry for what you and your dad are dealing with. Perhaps these posts will help you:
This is a basic primer regarding melanoma and treatment ~
This is a post regarding immunotherapy and the elderly (FYI – they handle it as well as the rest of us!!) ~
https://chaoticallypreciselifeloveandmelanoma.blogspot.com/search?q=elderly
There are many wise and caring people on this board who can answer questions as you have the need. I wish you my best. Celeste
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- October 1, 2018 at 9:52 pm
My Dad was 82 when diagnosed – his was stage II with no obvious signs of metastasis. He only did an excision to remove the primary site, nothing else. That was 8 years ago. Had he been diagnosed today, I would have considered TAF/MEK (have your Dad tested to see if he is BRAF+) or one of the immunotherapies. TAF/MEK can get rid of mets quickly, but it's not a long lasting treatment. The immunotherapy agents need longer to start working. These treatments are so much better than others in the past – quality of life can be pretty good. Side effects managed or other treatment options exist. With my father, there wasn't a good quality of life option and he chose to do nothing. He finally had mets under his arm, then finally elsewhere. I would see a specialist but make sure you continually state quality of life. I had to fight our specialist some for my Dad – they want to do "standard of care" and that isn't always the right option at an advanced age. Once they knew that we really understood the impact of deviating from the norm, they went along with us.
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- October 2, 2018 at 2:51 am
I'll add one more thing. My Dad passed away at 89 from melanoma. He functioned mostly normally until the last 4 months. It got to the point he couldn't walk. So he stayed in bed. Then it got to the point my 87 year old mother couldn't care for him. So he ended up in a care facility. He was in the care facility 1 month. He was mostly himself mentally but needed drugs for pain the last week or two. He wished he could have passed when he got to the point he couldn't walk. He was always very active and being tied to the bed was his limit. At that point, he wanted out. No one can predict how this will go for your father if he does nothing – melanoma can spread anywhere. And where it spreads can dictate quality.
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- October 1, 2018 at 11:07 pm
Welcome, and I’m glad you found this forum, though sorry you had to. Number 1: Read the primer Bubbles/Celeste linked you to. Equally number 1: Please find a melanoma specialist – not all oncologists are. The good news is there many more these days than even five years ago.
There’s tons of info Out There, but keep in mind that different types of cancers are treated very differentl. And melanoma treatments vary depending on staging and other factors. With the Primer, a specialist, this site and the forum you’ll parse it, and the pros here (not I) are great at responding to questions.
Once you have some info, signing on with a name (doesn’t have to be real) and completing a profile for you father can also help forum members get up to speed quickly when responding. Your dad is lucky you have his back. Hang in there.
Beth
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- October 2, 2018 at 2:49 am
The advice here is good (although am not sure whether the SLNB would be that bad) – the basic point is that an anti PD1 drug like nivolumab or keytruda (jimmy carter) is most likely going to be a walk in the park compared to chemo. there can be bad side effects but these only effect a relatively small proportion of patients. most likely minor side effects like rashes and fatigue, but you have to monitor carefully just in case. since side effects will likely be manageable and not interfere too much with his quality of life (most likely case) he should not be resigned to no treatment.
chemo is not a great idea for melanoma, and the fact that this was mentioned at all suggests it would be a good idea for your father to find a melanoma specialist
good luck to you and your father, and do find a user name so we can help a little more in future
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