› Forums › General Melanoma Community › coping techniques wanted
- This topic has 30 replies, 7 voices, and was last updated 11 years, 11 months ago by
eerye70.
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- May 21, 2012 at 5:13 pm
Ok, i have an appointment today. I had in situ removed from right shoulder november 2011. Now i have a mole on my right leg that has changed and i am seeing the dr today. I also have an enlarged lymph node on that side and pain under the arm on right side. I have found out in the last week that i have an uncle and maternal grandmother who have had melanoma, my uncle died from it. I just think i am wandering into that crummy place where you are super aware of everything. That every pain, every lump or bump or sore throat or headache is going to make me freak out.
Ok, i have an appointment today. I had in situ removed from right shoulder november 2011. Now i have a mole on my right leg that has changed and i am seeing the dr today. I also have an enlarged lymph node on that side and pain under the arm on right side. I have found out in the last week that i have an uncle and maternal grandmother who have had melanoma, my uncle died from it. I just think i am wandering into that crummy place where you are super aware of everything. That every pain, every lump or bump or sore throat or headache is going to make me freak out.
I have a headache every day, literally for a solid month. But it is also the worst allergy season on record. I am so tired i literally want to sleep every single day. all day long. I just think i am starting to get too paranoid.
I tried to look up some pictures of subq melanoma to see/compare for comfort. But all i see are the typical moles with changes and that is not helpful, because my mole looks very much like some of them. I cant decide if my lymph node is a lipoma or something else.
I dont know, but how do you get through it? How do you turn off the mind, how do you stop dwelling on these things and stop obsessing over it? I am so much better than i was when first diagnosed. I sleep at night now. I no longer have anger and anxiety, or not so much anxiety. the anger is alot better.
but in order to enjoy the benefits of being in situ, i really need to be thankful of in situ, but if all i do is focus on the "holy craps" how do i? any advice, suggestions?
Also, i didnt tell my family. Aside from my husband and a few close friends, i didnt share with the sibs or mom. I just don't want to answer a ton of questions about it. Did anyone else keep this sort of thing to themselves? any thoughts? I just feel somewhat lost, What now?
Debbie
- Replies
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- May 21, 2012 at 5:18 pm
I know it's tough but you have to try and remain positive. Stressing out just makes everything worse. You're doing everything you can right now and you're on the right track and will know the results soon. I had an uncle who died from it also and I'm Stage IIIB. I just try to remain on the positive side and if you have good doctor's, they will help you through this.
I also found that people were very much a comfort. Once you find out your results, let your family know. They'll help you tremendously.
Good luck!!
Kelly
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- May 21, 2012 at 5:18 pm
I know it's tough but you have to try and remain positive. Stressing out just makes everything worse. You're doing everything you can right now and you're on the right track and will know the results soon. I had an uncle who died from it also and I'm Stage IIIB. I just try to remain on the positive side and if you have good doctor's, they will help you through this.
I also found that people were very much a comfort. Once you find out your results, let your family know. They'll help you tremendously.
Good luck!!
Kelly
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- May 21, 2012 at 5:22 pm
I experience much of the same. The ironic thing with this disease is that it's on the surface, on the skin, where we can always be seeing and always be looking. I guess that's good and bad. It's good because at least we might be able to visually detect something on the early side, but it's bad because unlike with internal things where we can't always be watching and always be looking, this is always right there in front of us. our skin. . so it's really hard to ever turn the mind off to it.
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- May 21, 2012 at 5:22 pm
I experience much of the same. The ironic thing with this disease is that it's on the surface, on the skin, where we can always be seeing and always be looking. I guess that's good and bad. It's good because at least we might be able to visually detect something on the early side, but it's bad because unlike with internal things where we can't always be watching and always be looking, this is always right there in front of us. our skin. . so it's really hard to ever turn the mind off to it.
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- May 21, 2012 at 5:22 pm
I experience much of the same. The ironic thing with this disease is that it's on the surface, on the skin, where we can always be seeing and always be looking. I guess that's good and bad. It's good because at least we might be able to visually detect something on the early side, but it's bad because unlike with internal things where we can't always be watching and always be looking, this is always right there in front of us. our skin. . so it's really hard to ever turn the mind off to it.
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- May 21, 2012 at 5:54 pm
I experience much of the same. The ironic thing with this disease is that it's on the surface, on the skin, where we can always be seeing and always be looking. I guess that's good and bad. It's good because at least we might be able to visually detect something on the early side, but it's bad because unlike with internal things where we can't always be watching and always be looking, this is always right there in front of us. our skin. . so it's really hard to ever turn the mind off to it.
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- May 21, 2012 at 5:54 pm
I experience much of the same. The ironic thing with this disease is that it's on the surface, on the skin, where we can always be seeing and always be looking. I guess that's good and bad. It's good because at least we might be able to visually detect something on the early side, but it's bad because unlike with internal things where we can't always be watching and always be looking, this is always right there in front of us. our skin. . so it's really hard to ever turn the mind off to it.
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- May 21, 2012 at 5:54 pm
I experience much of the same. The ironic thing with this disease is that it's on the surface, on the skin, where we can always be seeing and always be looking. I guess that's good and bad. It's good because at least we might be able to visually detect something on the early side, but it's bad because unlike with internal things where we can't always be watching and always be looking, this is always right there in front of us. our skin. . so it's really hard to ever turn the mind off to it.
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- May 21, 2012 at 5:18 pm
I know it's tough but you have to try and remain positive. Stressing out just makes everything worse. You're doing everything you can right now and you're on the right track and will know the results soon. I had an uncle who died from it also and I'm Stage IIIB. I just try to remain on the positive side and if you have good doctor's, they will help you through this.
I also found that people were very much a comfort. Once you find out your results, let your family know. They'll help you tremendously.
Good luck!!
Kelly
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- May 21, 2012 at 5:29 pm
Good luck with your appointment today! I hope that your symptoms are a manifestation of something else!
(I was 100% convinced that I had a metastasis to my eye last month: rare, but totally possible! — turns out I had conjunctivitis. I was furious with my oncologist for dismissing me, and then had to eat some humble pie, flavoured with relief. Now I get worried about brain mets whenever I forget something. Not very relaxing).
I can relate to your situation. Some days I feel so afraid, and then other days I feel OK. I am trying to practice mindfulness and be in the moment. Trying to look into the future or backwards into the choices you've already made is a good way to turn pain (inevitable) into suffering.
But some days I'm better at that than others. I have little kids, who are always in the moment, and that helps. Regular exercise helps, and yoga. I know that there are mindfulness mediation classes offered through my local cancer centre, which I might check out. I'm about to start a year of Interferon next week, which I'm worried will leave me 'in my own head'.
Best to you. I'll be interested to hear others' replies.
Ursula (stage IIIB)
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- May 21, 2012 at 5:29 pm
Good luck with your appointment today! I hope that your symptoms are a manifestation of something else!
(I was 100% convinced that I had a metastasis to my eye last month: rare, but totally possible! — turns out I had conjunctivitis. I was furious with my oncologist for dismissing me, and then had to eat some humble pie, flavoured with relief. Now I get worried about brain mets whenever I forget something. Not very relaxing).
I can relate to your situation. Some days I feel so afraid, and then other days I feel OK. I am trying to practice mindfulness and be in the moment. Trying to look into the future or backwards into the choices you've already made is a good way to turn pain (inevitable) into suffering.
But some days I'm better at that than others. I have little kids, who are always in the moment, and that helps. Regular exercise helps, and yoga. I know that there are mindfulness mediation classes offered through my local cancer centre, which I might check out. I'm about to start a year of Interferon next week, which I'm worried will leave me 'in my own head'.
Best to you. I'll be interested to hear others' replies.
Ursula (stage IIIB)
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- May 21, 2012 at 5:29 pm
Good luck with your appointment today! I hope that your symptoms are a manifestation of something else!
(I was 100% convinced that I had a metastasis to my eye last month: rare, but totally possible! — turns out I had conjunctivitis. I was furious with my oncologist for dismissing me, and then had to eat some humble pie, flavoured with relief. Now I get worried about brain mets whenever I forget something. Not very relaxing).
I can relate to your situation. Some days I feel so afraid, and then other days I feel OK. I am trying to practice mindfulness and be in the moment. Trying to look into the future or backwards into the choices you've already made is a good way to turn pain (inevitable) into suffering.
But some days I'm better at that than others. I have little kids, who are always in the moment, and that helps. Regular exercise helps, and yoga. I know that there are mindfulness mediation classes offered through my local cancer centre, which I might check out. I'm about to start a year of Interferon next week, which I'm worried will leave me 'in my own head'.
Best to you. I'll be interested to hear others' replies.
Ursula (stage IIIB)
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- May 21, 2012 at 6:14 pm
Coping is tough, initially. For the first time in my life I had to ask my doctor for medication to help me cope with my diagnosis because I had totally shut down. She put me on Celexa and it helped a lot. The Celexa helped me sleep and to stop obsessing over it until I regained the capacity to do it on my own.
Focusing on the "what ifs" does you no good. It causes stress and stress can adversely affect the immune system.
Allergies can cause headaches, fatigue, and sore throats. But if you're concerned about any discomfort you're feeling and are scared about any lumps you feel, then call your doctor. 🙂
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- May 21, 2012 at 6:14 pm
Coping is tough, initially. For the first time in my life I had to ask my doctor for medication to help me cope with my diagnosis because I had totally shut down. She put me on Celexa and it helped a lot. The Celexa helped me sleep and to stop obsessing over it until I regained the capacity to do it on my own.
Focusing on the "what ifs" does you no good. It causes stress and stress can adversely affect the immune system.
Allergies can cause headaches, fatigue, and sore throats. But if you're concerned about any discomfort you're feeling and are scared about any lumps you feel, then call your doctor. 🙂
-
- May 21, 2012 at 6:14 pm
Coping is tough, initially. For the first time in my life I had to ask my doctor for medication to help me cope with my diagnosis because I had totally shut down. She put me on Celexa and it helped a lot. The Celexa helped me sleep and to stop obsessing over it until I regained the capacity to do it on my own.
Focusing on the "what ifs" does you no good. It causes stress and stress can adversely affect the immune system.
Allergies can cause headaches, fatigue, and sore throats. But if you're concerned about any discomfort you're feeling and are scared about any lumps you feel, then call your doctor. 🙂
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- May 22, 2012 at 12:14 am
Debbie, the only help I can give is to repeat my brother’s advice. He has had colon and liver cancer for over two decades and got his death sentence early on. He said to ask how am I doing today, and concentrate on that. Don’t project above all. I had convinced myself two separate times that they would find brain mets on my MRIs.Wasted energy.Try going around like a kid, happy go lucky, examine bugs, jump in puddles, study the clouds, and live the life you have. Get in elevators and face the back wall, and laugh to yourself as everyone gets twitchy and some will even get off early just because they can’t handle individuality. I am now 19 months from date of discovery of fourth stage Mel, and I practice what I preach.
If it rears its treacherous head, fight back. The hell with conservative approaches, attack, attack, attack, then go back to jumping in puddles.
Fair play and good luck to you Debbie. -
- May 22, 2012 at 12:14 am
Debbie, the only help I can give is to repeat my brother’s advice. He has had colon and liver cancer for over two decades and got his death sentence early on. He said to ask how am I doing today, and concentrate on that. Don’t project above all. I had convinced myself two separate times that they would find brain mets on my MRIs.Wasted energy.Try going around like a kid, happy go lucky, examine bugs, jump in puddles, study the clouds, and live the life you have. Get in elevators and face the back wall, and laugh to yourself as everyone gets twitchy and some will even get off early just because they can’t handle individuality. I am now 19 months from date of discovery of fourth stage Mel, and I practice what I preach.
If it rears its treacherous head, fight back. The hell with conservative approaches, attack, attack, attack, then go back to jumping in puddles.
Fair play and good luck to you Debbie. -
- May 22, 2012 at 12:14 am
Debbie, the only help I can give is to repeat my brother’s advice. He has had colon and liver cancer for over two decades and got his death sentence early on. He said to ask how am I doing today, and concentrate on that. Don’t project above all. I had convinced myself two separate times that they would find brain mets on my MRIs.Wasted energy.Try going around like a kid, happy go lucky, examine bugs, jump in puddles, study the clouds, and live the life you have. Get in elevators and face the back wall, and laugh to yourself as everyone gets twitchy and some will even get off early just because they can’t handle individuality. I am now 19 months from date of discovery of fourth stage Mel, and I practice what I preach.
If it rears its treacherous head, fight back. The hell with conservative approaches, attack, attack, attack, then go back to jumping in puddles.
Fair play and good luck to you Debbie.-
- May 22, 2012 at 11:31 am
Hi
I agree with debbie. If you allow your day to day living be consumed by the fear of what if withyour melanoma then you lose that day and melanoma wins. I realize that in the beginning it is very hard to push the word cancer to the back of your head but it should come in time. I learned alot from people on this site. one thing they all said is when you get your diagnosis do your research, make your decision and go forward dont look back or doubt that decision. Second is like debbie's brother said – live in today, if today you feel good take it and run and enjoy that day, we all dont know what tomorrow will bring. But for me, stage 4, if today I feel good and pain free then that is what is important and I have learned to enjoy the moments with family so much more deeply.
Let us know how your appt goes. Keep vigalant but dont let it consume you. AGain words are all taken from past warriors on this site who helped me
take care
laurie from maine
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- May 22, 2012 at 11:31 am
Hi
I agree with debbie. If you allow your day to day living be consumed by the fear of what if withyour melanoma then you lose that day and melanoma wins. I realize that in the beginning it is very hard to push the word cancer to the back of your head but it should come in time. I learned alot from people on this site. one thing they all said is when you get your diagnosis do your research, make your decision and go forward dont look back or doubt that decision. Second is like debbie's brother said – live in today, if today you feel good take it and run and enjoy that day, we all dont know what tomorrow will bring. But for me, stage 4, if today I feel good and pain free then that is what is important and I have learned to enjoy the moments with family so much more deeply.
Let us know how your appt goes. Keep vigalant but dont let it consume you. AGain words are all taken from past warriors on this site who helped me
take care
laurie from maine
-
- May 22, 2012 at 11:31 am
Hi
I agree with debbie. If you allow your day to day living be consumed by the fear of what if withyour melanoma then you lose that day and melanoma wins. I realize that in the beginning it is very hard to push the word cancer to the back of your head but it should come in time. I learned alot from people on this site. one thing they all said is when you get your diagnosis do your research, make your decision and go forward dont look back or doubt that decision. Second is like debbie's brother said – live in today, if today you feel good take it and run and enjoy that day, we all dont know what tomorrow will bring. But for me, stage 4, if today I feel good and pain free then that is what is important and I have learned to enjoy the moments with family so much more deeply.
Let us know how your appt goes. Keep vigalant but dont let it consume you. AGain words are all taken from past warriors on this site who helped me
take care
laurie from maine
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- May 22, 2012 at 1:00 pm
ok, so the mole is off and on its way to pathology. He agreed it looked suspicious. The lymph node is swollen and i do have a sinus infection. So one may be related to the other. We are waiting for pathology. then he said, if positive will do sentinal node then if needed scans. If they do sentinal node, how long until they know there is something in the node or not? Then do they turn around and go in again and take out all the nodes? so another surgery? There isn't a way to know and do it all at once is there? Plus the lymph nodes under my arm are tender and have a knot. Those are right directly below my very first mole and in situ. Literally, on the shoulder of that arm.
I think i am going to take my sinus medication and go jump in some puddles. Thank you all for advice and support. Debbie
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- May 22, 2012 at 1:00 pm
ok, so the mole is off and on its way to pathology. He agreed it looked suspicious. The lymph node is swollen and i do have a sinus infection. So one may be related to the other. We are waiting for pathology. then he said, if positive will do sentinal node then if needed scans. If they do sentinal node, how long until they know there is something in the node or not? Then do they turn around and go in again and take out all the nodes? so another surgery? There isn't a way to know and do it all at once is there? Plus the lymph nodes under my arm are tender and have a knot. Those are right directly below my very first mole and in situ. Literally, on the shoulder of that arm.
I think i am going to take my sinus medication and go jump in some puddles. Thank you all for advice and support. Debbie
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- May 22, 2012 at 4:34 pm
Glad you got the mole removed. Let's hope the swollen node is related to the sinus infection.
Here's a link that describes a sentinel node biopsy and what goes on during it: http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/detection/sentinel-node-biopsy
Am keeping my fingers crossed for you that everything turns out fine.
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- May 22, 2012 at 4:34 pm
Glad you got the mole removed. Let's hope the swollen node is related to the sinus infection.
Here's a link that describes a sentinel node biopsy and what goes on during it: http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/detection/sentinel-node-biopsy
Am keeping my fingers crossed for you that everything turns out fine.
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- May 23, 2012 at 2:46 am
Thank-you for the li.k. very helpful. I was going to talk with my mom, when she proceeds to tell me about a dark mole on her back that she had removed by dermatology today and sent off to pathology. i just pray it’s nothing on her. It sounded large and ugly, bleeding and itchy. Prayers for nothing.it really is crazy. I didn’t want to discuss what-ifs now. Will wait and see… Thanks for support. Strangely enough, I no Longer worry about me. -
- May 23, 2012 at 2:46 am
Thank-you for the li.k. very helpful. I was going to talk with my mom, when she proceeds to tell me about a dark mole on her back that she had removed by dermatology today and sent off to pathology. i just pray it’s nothing on her. It sounded large and ugly, bleeding and itchy. Prayers for nothing.it really is crazy. I didn’t want to discuss what-ifs now. Will wait and see… Thanks for support. Strangely enough, I no Longer worry about me. -
- May 23, 2012 at 2:46 am
Thank-you for the li.k. very helpful. I was going to talk with my mom, when she proceeds to tell me about a dark mole on her back that she had removed by dermatology today and sent off to pathology. i just pray it’s nothing on her. It sounded large and ugly, bleeding and itchy. Prayers for nothing.it really is crazy. I didn’t want to discuss what-ifs now. Will wait and see… Thanks for support. Strangely enough, I no Longer worry about me. -
- May 22, 2012 at 4:34 pm
Glad you got the mole removed. Let's hope the swollen node is related to the sinus infection.
Here's a link that describes a sentinel node biopsy and what goes on during it: http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/detection/sentinel-node-biopsy
Am keeping my fingers crossed for you that everything turns out fine.
-
- May 22, 2012 at 1:00 pm
ok, so the mole is off and on its way to pathology. He agreed it looked suspicious. The lymph node is swollen and i do have a sinus infection. So one may be related to the other. We are waiting for pathology. then he said, if positive will do sentinal node then if needed scans. If they do sentinal node, how long until they know there is something in the node or not? Then do they turn around and go in again and take out all the nodes? so another surgery? There isn't a way to know and do it all at once is there? Plus the lymph nodes under my arm are tender and have a knot. Those are right directly below my very first mole and in situ. Literally, on the shoulder of that arm.
I think i am going to take my sinus medication and go jump in some puddles. Thank you all for advice and support. Debbie
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Tagged: cutaneous melanoma
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