Coping … Melanoma

I think how someone copes depends a lot on where they are in their life. For me I was 57, many years in the military and all over the world, lived in Germany for 6 years with my family so I had seen and done many things. I think I have a good relationship with God and when I was told I had 7 tumors in my lungs I was like, ok, if this is how I'm going to go then at least I know it is coming. I did not ask God why for who am I to ask God why he does what he does, could be much worse. I started ipi/nivo and went on with my life. I still worked full time but did miss a few days during the combos and shortly after. I made sure my affairs were in order and as a person who plans EVERYTHING I kept living. I actually thought it was exciting that I may be about to see what is the next step in life, not scared of it as I think I know which place I will end up in. My kids are well grown with grandkids and I feel if my time is done here I did a good job as a husband and father. I can leave this world with my head hung high and peace in my heart. 

I was also diagnosed with 1a, had a WLE about six weeks later. It took me a while to recover from the WLE because it was in a bad spot, and I heal slowly. For the first year I got a lot of anxiety about every little thing. But after seeing a specialist at UCSF who focuses on detection, I felt affirmed that just looking for changes in my other moles would do the trick. So, expect some anxiety — that's perfectly normal. You do want to watch out for things. And the conservative follow up approach that my doctors have with me is a full body check every 3 months for 3 years and then every 6 months for 2 years, and then every year after that. And every year is what I should be doing anyway. It's been two years, and all seems to be well. You can read storeis about things down the road, but just try and live in the present. NOW is what matters. You can't control anything else but your response to NOW. But be prepared for a lot of emotions, but for 90% (at least) of 1A people, there's nothing more than that 1A. I'm still on this board because having knowledge to be prepared for the future helps my anxiety. And I'm a story-loving person, so seeing how people are doing makes me feel good. You will be fine. And post any time you want, but the people on the board appreciate if you can come up with a moniker other than anonymous because it makes you human.

If you were told you're 1A, the chances of you NEVER having to deal with melanoma again is like 90% or even higher. Statistically speaking, that's not a bad spot to be in. But regardless, it's still an emotional jolt. 

The big thing that occurs after a jolt like this is that there are changes you need to make to your regular routine. Changes are scary but once you settle into this new routine you will become your old self again. So, what are the changes to your routine? Well, let me tell you!

*  You and your dermatologist will become good buddies because you will be seeing him/her for frequent followups and skin checks. The visits will be more frequent the first year following diagnosis and fewer the second year, etc.

*  You will become an expert at applying sunscreen.

*  But if you're lazy like I am, you will make the folks at Land's End, Coolibar, and UV Skinz very happy and apply the sunscreen to just your arms, lower legs, neck, and face while you don fashionable sun protective clothing and swimwear (I sound like an advertisement, don't I? LOL). To be honest, wearing a swim shirt and capris to the beach has been liberating for me. Getting proper sunscreen coverage was a pain because I'd always miss a spot or two but with the shirt and capris I apply it only to my calves/feet and to my face/neck/ears. Sometimes I get bold and wear (gasp) swim shorts. It just means I use a little more sunscreen on my legs. Done! Then I go sit in the shade and have an umbrella drink.

* You most likely will become the proud owner of at least one new sun hat. Coolibar's are somewhat expensive but you can get a nice deal when they have sales. They're usually pretty easy to find at local retailers, however. Golf shops sometimes have really nice ones. I also have a cheap-o hat that I wear when I go in the water.

You don't need to be so paranoid about the sun that you get in a panic walking from your car into a store. But there definitely are common sense precautions you can take if you suddenly end up being in a sunny environment for an extended period of time. Just like people keep umbrellas in cars for rain, you can also keep a sun hat and a sun shawl (Coolibar has really nice ones) in your car for impromptu situations where you end up being out in sunny weather for a while. If you wear makeup, make sure your foundation or BB cream has suscreen in it and make sure it's a brand that won't melt off your face.

As for you being scared, you are far braver than I was. I was too afraid to look at anything on line. I was afraid to even come here — that's how freaked out I was. But that was back in early 2011, when there were fewer treatment options available for Stage IV patients, and even less for Stage III. I am a IIIB.

You are doing the right thing by seeking out counseling and by taking something to help you sleep. Though it doesn't seem that way at the moment, the dust does settle and that new routine will be a piece of cake.  Hugs to you.

I was just diagnosed with 1a on Thursday so I know how confused and scared you must feel. I keep thinking it must be a bad dream and I am going to wake up, but nope. I finally had a good cry today after being in shock and disbelief.  I am having my wide excision on Monday because my clinic had a cancellation. Good luck to you!