› Forums › General Melanoma Community › Being a hypochondriac with this diagnosis
- This topic has 30 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 10 months ago by
laulamb.
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- June 18, 2016 at 3:44 pm
Hi everyone! I don't post on here often but I can assure you I read each and every post everyday! Yesterday I just had my 3 month scans. I was absolutely terrified for this scan because for weeks I have had a barrage of aches and pain all over my body (bones, knees, elbows, cough, you name it!). The biggest concerning pain was a dull ache under my right rib cage which radiated to my lower back. Instantly I thought liver mets! I've been googling and terrifying myself for weeks. Well, low and behold I go to my scan and it came out completely CLEAR! Nothing, nada, perfectly healthy!
i am only nine months out from my stage IIIB diagnosis. 3.5mm ulcerated tumor on upper right shoulder, two nodes removed, one with two isolated tumor cells. No treatment only doing watch and wait.
My point of this post is to give encouragement to all those other hypochondriacs like me that it is so easy to convince ourselves of the worst and to immediately jump to that conclusion but we should always take a step back and a deep breath that not every pain is cancer. Most of the time there is a logical explanation. Like for me, it is a muscle strain! My aches in my bones, well I've been working a lot around our new house (painting, yard work, cleaning, etc) so that's the explanation for that! Please don't get me wrong, we must stay vigilant with our diagnosis but it's best not to worry and cause anxiety over something you don't know for sure. Don't freak out until the docs give you an answer to freak out about. Let's live our lives one day at a time and take our diagnosis one step at a time.
I have an amazing oncologist and we have the best relationship. He said that in his 20 plus years of melanoma experience, of all his various stage 3 patients that less than 20% have progressed to stage 4 And of those who did progress, most of them are now NED!! How's that for some reassurance!?
So, for all the doom and gloom we sometimes read, I just want to give some reassurance and hope to all my fellow stage 3 and 4 friends on here. Even though we've never met I pray for you all the time! We're all in this fight together!!
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- June 18, 2016 at 4:21 pm
Thank you for posting this. I know a lot of people these days get on the internet and it seems like no matter what symptom you put into Google, it's always something terrible. Sometimes I just want to rewind time to when you had to look up symptoms in a medical book, which unless you lived in a house with a nurse or doctor, most people didn't have easy access to, hah! Glad to hear you are 9 months out and doing great! I am on month 8 from my diagnosis. Congrats on your clear scan!
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- June 18, 2016 at 4:21 pm
Thank you for posting this. I know a lot of people these days get on the internet and it seems like no matter what symptom you put into Google, it's always something terrible. Sometimes I just want to rewind time to when you had to look up symptoms in a medical book, which unless you lived in a house with a nurse or doctor, most people didn't have easy access to, hah! Glad to hear you are 9 months out and doing great! I am on month 8 from my diagnosis. Congrats on your clear scan!
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- June 18, 2016 at 4:35 pm
Thanks Jenn!! How's your treatment going?! You're so awesome and an inspiration to me!! You're so brave!! I pray for you all the time.
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- June 18, 2016 at 5:09 pm
It is going well, thank you for asking. Dealing with joint pain still but out of all the possible side effects, I can deal with this. Thank you so much, you're so sweet. I will keep positive thoughts for you as well!
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- June 18, 2016 at 5:09 pm
It is going well, thank you for asking. Dealing with joint pain still but out of all the possible side effects, I can deal with this. Thank you so much, you're so sweet. I will keep positive thoughts for you as well!
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- June 18, 2016 at 5:09 pm
It is going well, thank you for asking. Dealing with joint pain still but out of all the possible side effects, I can deal with this. Thank you so much, you're so sweet. I will keep positive thoughts for you as well!
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- June 18, 2016 at 4:35 pm
Thanks Jenn!! How's your treatment going?! You're so awesome and an inspiration to me!! You're so brave!! I pray for you all the time.
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- June 18, 2016 at 4:35 pm
Thanks Jenn!! How's your treatment going?! You're so awesome and an inspiration to me!! You're so brave!! I pray for you all the time.
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- June 18, 2016 at 4:21 pm
Thank you for posting this. I know a lot of people these days get on the internet and it seems like no matter what symptom you put into Google, it's always something terrible. Sometimes I just want to rewind time to when you had to look up symptoms in a medical book, which unless you lived in a house with a nurse or doctor, most people didn't have easy access to, hah! Glad to hear you are 9 months out and doing great! I am on month 8 from my diagnosis. Congrats on your clear scan!
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- June 19, 2016 at 10:50 am
Hey, great news! Reading your post though… imagining that self-torture of convincing yourself your scan would not be clear… and from one hypochondriac to another… have you considered counselling of some kind? I've been mulling over this lately… I'm like you, in short every new tweak I have is cancer. Unlike you, I only had a very early stage of melanoma, so my hypochondria is even more odd. I have been thinking of counselling: I'm living too much in fear. If I reflect, even before melanoma I lived in fear. I function normally in the world, I"ve done lots of things in my life, but I have also limited myself through fear. Fear of melanoma is just one more fear (albeit much more real than many of my past fears). I think I am giving over too much of my time/life/thoughts to fear… I want to be free of it (or at least, able to comfortably live with it in such a way that it does not limit what I'm willing to do in life). I"m not sure if I'll try counselling or spiritual direction through my church, but I'm thinking of trying something. Because I'm sick of fear! Your thoughts?
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- June 19, 2016 at 10:50 am
Hey, great news! Reading your post though… imagining that self-torture of convincing yourself your scan would not be clear… and from one hypochondriac to another… have you considered counselling of some kind? I've been mulling over this lately… I'm like you, in short every new tweak I have is cancer. Unlike you, I only had a very early stage of melanoma, so my hypochondria is even more odd. I have been thinking of counselling: I'm living too much in fear. If I reflect, even before melanoma I lived in fear. I function normally in the world, I"ve done lots of things in my life, but I have also limited myself through fear. Fear of melanoma is just one more fear (albeit much more real than many of my past fears). I think I am giving over too much of my time/life/thoughts to fear… I want to be free of it (or at least, able to comfortably live with it in such a way that it does not limit what I'm willing to do in life). I"m not sure if I'll try counselling or spiritual direction through my church, but I'm thinking of trying something. Because I'm sick of fear! Your thoughts?
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- June 19, 2016 at 11:31 am
Hi. I am not a hypochondriac but I have a mobid fear of doctors and hospitals. I have had two 'helpings' if therapy. The first tried to track down the cause of the phobia and taught me how to handle the fear. The second treated the phobia using CAT and EMDR.
I haven't completely got rid of the phobia by any means but I can now get through hospital appointments.
So I suggest you go for it!
If it were me, I would go for a clinical psychologist or a psychiatrist rather than a counsellor.
Good luck!
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- June 19, 2016 at 11:31 am
Hi. I am not a hypochondriac but I have a mobid fear of doctors and hospitals. I have had two 'helpings' if therapy. The first tried to track down the cause of the phobia and taught me how to handle the fear. The second treated the phobia using CAT and EMDR.
I haven't completely got rid of the phobia by any means but I can now get through hospital appointments.
So I suggest you go for it!
If it were me, I would go for a clinical psychologist or a psychiatrist rather than a counsellor.
Good luck!
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- June 19, 2016 at 11:31 am
Hi. I am not a hypochondriac but I have a mobid fear of doctors and hospitals. I have had two 'helpings' if therapy. The first tried to track down the cause of the phobia and taught me how to handle the fear. The second treated the phobia using CAT and EMDR.
I haven't completely got rid of the phobia by any means but I can now get through hospital appointments.
So I suggest you go for it!
If it were me, I would go for a clinical psychologist or a psychiatrist rather than a counsellor.
Good luck!
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- June 19, 2016 at 1:18 pm
Hi Anon! Yes I've considered counseling but haven't pursued that avenue yet. My oncologist tells me every visit that I should. One thing that has really helped me is talking with other cancer survivors. At my work there are so many survivors of various cancers (breast, colon, melanoma, brain, etc) many of them are stage 4 survivors. They inspire me everyday! I always think, man if they did it, so can I! I also really try to put things into perspective. On Facebook I read everyday of children with varying cancers and see their horrific treatments and tell myself if a little child can endure that treatment and fear, so can I if that time ever comes! I also have a very strong faith! Ultimately only God knows when it's our time to go and I live by the saying that "God will never give me more than I can handle" so with His help I can do this!!!
During my visit with my oncologist on Friday he said it's good to be educated about my disease but he feels that I should take breaks from this website and the Internet. Well it is giving me wonderful information, it is also a large source of my anxiety. Everyone's cancer is different and we just can't compare ourselves to others because we are our own individuals. What happened to one stage 3 person may never happen to me so why worry about it! He said LISTEN to what I am telling you about your prognosis, not what the Internet is telling you. I have the three top rated Melanoma doctors in MN (surgeon, dermatologist and Oncologist) telling me my prognosis is great and I need to trust their education and many years of experience.
I am sick of this fear too but it is COMPLETELY normal and I think it will lessen over time! Every cancer survivor goes through it. It's hard for people who haven't had cancer themselves to relate. The fear and anxiety is only something we can understand.
I know in my area there are several cancer support groups and some specifically for melanoma survivors. Maybe you could look into that in your area? I know the group in my oncology clinic meets once a month and there are survivors of varying stages from in situ all the way to stage 4. Something like that may be very helpful for you! Also maybe your doctor could prescribe you an anti anxiety med. I'm on one and that helps me a lot.
Sadly, I know this bliss of a clear scan will be short lived because in a few months as my next scan approaches the anxiety will start all over again. This is my new normal and I have to accept that.
I will pray for you and please feel free to reach out to me and all the others on this board because they are amazing! But also, PLEASE go out and enjoy your life!!! God has blessed you with a cancer free diagnosis so don't take one second of that for granted! Hugs to you my friend!!
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- June 19, 2016 at 1:18 pm
Hi Anon! Yes I've considered counseling but haven't pursued that avenue yet. My oncologist tells me every visit that I should. One thing that has really helped me is talking with other cancer survivors. At my work there are so many survivors of various cancers (breast, colon, melanoma, brain, etc) many of them are stage 4 survivors. They inspire me everyday! I always think, man if they did it, so can I! I also really try to put things into perspective. On Facebook I read everyday of children with varying cancers and see their horrific treatments and tell myself if a little child can endure that treatment and fear, so can I if that time ever comes! I also have a very strong faith! Ultimately only God knows when it's our time to go and I live by the saying that "God will never give me more than I can handle" so with His help I can do this!!!
During my visit with my oncologist on Friday he said it's good to be educated about my disease but he feels that I should take breaks from this website and the Internet. Well it is giving me wonderful information, it is also a large source of my anxiety. Everyone's cancer is different and we just can't compare ourselves to others because we are our own individuals. What happened to one stage 3 person may never happen to me so why worry about it! He said LISTEN to what I am telling you about your prognosis, not what the Internet is telling you. I have the three top rated Melanoma doctors in MN (surgeon, dermatologist and Oncologist) telling me my prognosis is great and I need to trust their education and many years of experience.
I am sick of this fear too but it is COMPLETELY normal and I think it will lessen over time! Every cancer survivor goes through it. It's hard for people who haven't had cancer themselves to relate. The fear and anxiety is only something we can understand.
I know in my area there are several cancer support groups and some specifically for melanoma survivors. Maybe you could look into that in your area? I know the group in my oncology clinic meets once a month and there are survivors of varying stages from in situ all the way to stage 4. Something like that may be very helpful for you! Also maybe your doctor could prescribe you an anti anxiety med. I'm on one and that helps me a lot.
Sadly, I know this bliss of a clear scan will be short lived because in a few months as my next scan approaches the anxiety will start all over again. This is my new normal and I have to accept that.
I will pray for you and please feel free to reach out to me and all the others on this board because they are amazing! But also, PLEASE go out and enjoy your life!!! God has blessed you with a cancer free diagnosis so don't take one second of that for granted! Hugs to you my friend!!
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- June 19, 2016 at 1:18 pm
Hi Anon! Yes I've considered counseling but haven't pursued that avenue yet. My oncologist tells me every visit that I should. One thing that has really helped me is talking with other cancer survivors. At my work there are so many survivors of various cancers (breast, colon, melanoma, brain, etc) many of them are stage 4 survivors. They inspire me everyday! I always think, man if they did it, so can I! I also really try to put things into perspective. On Facebook I read everyday of children with varying cancers and see their horrific treatments and tell myself if a little child can endure that treatment and fear, so can I if that time ever comes! I also have a very strong faith! Ultimately only God knows when it's our time to go and I live by the saying that "God will never give me more than I can handle" so with His help I can do this!!!
During my visit with my oncologist on Friday he said it's good to be educated about my disease but he feels that I should take breaks from this website and the Internet. Well it is giving me wonderful information, it is also a large source of my anxiety. Everyone's cancer is different and we just can't compare ourselves to others because we are our own individuals. What happened to one stage 3 person may never happen to me so why worry about it! He said LISTEN to what I am telling you about your prognosis, not what the Internet is telling you. I have the three top rated Melanoma doctors in MN (surgeon, dermatologist and Oncologist) telling me my prognosis is great and I need to trust their education and many years of experience.
I am sick of this fear too but it is COMPLETELY normal and I think it will lessen over time! Every cancer survivor goes through it. It's hard for people who haven't had cancer themselves to relate. The fear and anxiety is only something we can understand.
I know in my area there are several cancer support groups and some specifically for melanoma survivors. Maybe you could look into that in your area? I know the group in my oncology clinic meets once a month and there are survivors of varying stages from in situ all the way to stage 4. Something like that may be very helpful for you! Also maybe your doctor could prescribe you an anti anxiety med. I'm on one and that helps me a lot.
Sadly, I know this bliss of a clear scan will be short lived because in a few months as my next scan approaches the anxiety will start all over again. This is my new normal and I have to accept that.
I will pray for you and please feel free to reach out to me and all the others on this board because they are amazing! But also, PLEASE go out and enjoy your life!!! God has blessed you with a cancer free diagnosis so don't take one second of that for granted! Hugs to you my friend!!
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- June 19, 2016 at 3:47 pm
I have recently been diagnosed with Stage 3a and have been considering counseling also. This week was a rough week, it was my birthday and rather than celebrating I am crying and worrying how many birthdays will I get to have: 5,10,15??? I also have anxiety meds and do not taken them regularly, only when I am really upset. I try to stay off these forums but the moment I get a chance, I am googling or going through the forum posts.
God bless you all through this journey.
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- June 19, 2016 at 3:47 pm
I have recently been diagnosed with Stage 3a and have been considering counseling also. This week was a rough week, it was my birthday and rather than celebrating I am crying and worrying how many birthdays will I get to have: 5,10,15??? I also have anxiety meds and do not taken them regularly, only when I am really upset. I try to stay off these forums but the moment I get a chance, I am googling or going through the forum posts.
God bless you all through this journey.
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- June 20, 2016 at 12:11 am
Well first of all Happy Birthday!!! Don't you dare cry sad tears…cry happy tears because you are cancer free and are here with your family and friends able to celebrate another year! I know you will have many more cancer free years! I'm sure you have done your research but the odds are in your favor! Currently they say 78% survival over the next five years but those are outdated and with all the new therapies out there they are probably way higher! Besides I don't like to look at statistics anyway because like my onc said we are individuals and we can't compare our cancer to anyone else's because we are all different. I know it's SO damn hard not to have anxiety over our diagnosis but you have to try! You can't waste your days on this earth worrying about the unknown. Think about it, before you knew about your melanoma you still had no idea if you were going to be here to celebrate another birthday because all of us could leave this earth at any moment. We could be on our way to work and get into an accident and I bet the statistics of that would be similar to our statistics of our melanoma returning. We just don't know, only God does and that's why we have to cherish every moment we are given!
Regarding your anxiety meds you do need to take them regularly for them to work effectively. I'm on Cymbalta myself but I've known many who have had good results with Zoloft. I also take Klonopin when I'm really anxious and take Valium the day of my scans! See I'm one hot mess huh?! Lol!!
I also take 4000 iui of Vitamin D3 everyday which is not only good for our melanoma fight but also helps improve my overall mood. Maybe give that a try?
Like I said in my earlier post there are so many groups out there for cancers survivors that may be helpful for you or if you don't like the idea of a group, counsellors could help you with healthy ways to get your anxiety and fear in check.
I will pray for you!! Have a great big piece of cake and maybe a glass of wine and CELEBRATE life!!! Hugs to you!!!
Jenna
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- June 20, 2016 at 12:11 am
Well first of all Happy Birthday!!! Don't you dare cry sad tears…cry happy tears because you are cancer free and are here with your family and friends able to celebrate another year! I know you will have many more cancer free years! I'm sure you have done your research but the odds are in your favor! Currently they say 78% survival over the next five years but those are outdated and with all the new therapies out there they are probably way higher! Besides I don't like to look at statistics anyway because like my onc said we are individuals and we can't compare our cancer to anyone else's because we are all different. I know it's SO damn hard not to have anxiety over our diagnosis but you have to try! You can't waste your days on this earth worrying about the unknown. Think about it, before you knew about your melanoma you still had no idea if you were going to be here to celebrate another birthday because all of us could leave this earth at any moment. We could be on our way to work and get into an accident and I bet the statistics of that would be similar to our statistics of our melanoma returning. We just don't know, only God does and that's why we have to cherish every moment we are given!
Regarding your anxiety meds you do need to take them regularly for them to work effectively. I'm on Cymbalta myself but I've known many who have had good results with Zoloft. I also take Klonopin when I'm really anxious and take Valium the day of my scans! See I'm one hot mess huh?! Lol!!
I also take 4000 iui of Vitamin D3 everyday which is not only good for our melanoma fight but also helps improve my overall mood. Maybe give that a try?
Like I said in my earlier post there are so many groups out there for cancers survivors that may be helpful for you or if you don't like the idea of a group, counsellors could help you with healthy ways to get your anxiety and fear in check.
I will pray for you!! Have a great big piece of cake and maybe a glass of wine and CELEBRATE life!!! Hugs to you!!!
Jenna
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- June 20, 2016 at 11:56 am
Jenn,
Thank you so much for your kind words. Yes, after my melanoma diagnosis, I realized no one is ever guaranteed tomorrow and we need to live each day like that. Thank you so much for your advice. I have been reading about the benefits of Vitamin D and I will discuss taking it with my oncologist.
Blessings!
Laura
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- June 20, 2016 at 11:56 am
Jenn,
Thank you so much for your kind words. Yes, after my melanoma diagnosis, I realized no one is ever guaranteed tomorrow and we need to live each day like that. Thank you so much for your advice. I have been reading about the benefits of Vitamin D and I will discuss taking it with my oncologist.
Blessings!
Laura
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- June 20, 2016 at 11:56 am
Jenn,
Thank you so much for your kind words. Yes, after my melanoma diagnosis, I realized no one is ever guaranteed tomorrow and we need to live each day like that. Thank you so much for your advice. I have been reading about the benefits of Vitamin D and I will discuss taking it with my oncologist.
Blessings!
Laura
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- June 20, 2016 at 12:11 am
Well first of all Happy Birthday!!! Don't you dare cry sad tears…cry happy tears because you are cancer free and are here with your family and friends able to celebrate another year! I know you will have many more cancer free years! I'm sure you have done your research but the odds are in your favor! Currently they say 78% survival over the next five years but those are outdated and with all the new therapies out there they are probably way higher! Besides I don't like to look at statistics anyway because like my onc said we are individuals and we can't compare our cancer to anyone else's because we are all different. I know it's SO damn hard not to have anxiety over our diagnosis but you have to try! You can't waste your days on this earth worrying about the unknown. Think about it, before you knew about your melanoma you still had no idea if you were going to be here to celebrate another birthday because all of us could leave this earth at any moment. We could be on our way to work and get into an accident and I bet the statistics of that would be similar to our statistics of our melanoma returning. We just don't know, only God does and that's why we have to cherish every moment we are given!
Regarding your anxiety meds you do need to take them regularly for them to work effectively. I'm on Cymbalta myself but I've known many who have had good results with Zoloft. I also take Klonopin when I'm really anxious and take Valium the day of my scans! See I'm one hot mess huh?! Lol!!
I also take 4000 iui of Vitamin D3 everyday which is not only good for our melanoma fight but also helps improve my overall mood. Maybe give that a try?
Like I said in my earlier post there are so many groups out there for cancers survivors that may be helpful for you or if you don't like the idea of a group, counsellors could help you with healthy ways to get your anxiety and fear in check.
I will pray for you!! Have a great big piece of cake and maybe a glass of wine and CELEBRATE life!!! Hugs to you!!!
Jenna
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- June 19, 2016 at 3:47 pm
I have recently been diagnosed with Stage 3a and have been considering counseling also. This week was a rough week, it was my birthday and rather than celebrating I am crying and worrying how many birthdays will I get to have: 5,10,15??? I also have anxiety meds and do not taken them regularly, only when I am really upset. I try to stay off these forums but the moment I get a chance, I am googling or going through the forum posts.
God bless you all through this journey.
-
- June 19, 2016 at 10:50 am
Hey, great news! Reading your post though… imagining that self-torture of convincing yourself your scan would not be clear… and from one hypochondriac to another… have you considered counselling of some kind? I've been mulling over this lately… I'm like you, in short every new tweak I have is cancer. Unlike you, I only had a very early stage of melanoma, so my hypochondria is even more odd. I have been thinking of counselling: I'm living too much in fear. If I reflect, even before melanoma I lived in fear. I function normally in the world, I"ve done lots of things in my life, but I have also limited myself through fear. Fear of melanoma is just one more fear (albeit much more real than many of my past fears). I think I am giving over too much of my time/life/thoughts to fear… I want to be free of it (or at least, able to comfortably live with it in such a way that it does not limit what I'm willing to do in life). I"m not sure if I'll try counselling or spiritual direction through my church, but I'm thinking of trying something. Because I'm sick of fear! Your thoughts?
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