› Forums › General Melanoma Community › Back on the Crazy Train…a long story for the long ride
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jag.
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- October 11, 2010 at 12:10 am
Ok, so now that I've processed and reconciled this bit of news ( only thanks to the chat b's )…I can help the community stay vibrant by sharing with those who enjoy other's little misfortunes. It's fun, right?So, you remember my son -the 24 yr old boy with the recurring bleeding ulcer?Ok, so now that I've processed and reconciled this bit of news ( only thanks to the chat b's )…I can help the community stay vibrant by sharing with those who enjoy other's little misfortunes. It's fun, right?So, you remember my son -the 24 yr old boy with the recurring bleeding ulcer? Who I've nurtured, lavished love, affection and a spent a disproportionate amount of our family income getting to adulthood ? Putting him through boarding school, two colleges and finally buying him a degree this past May and a convertible as a graduation present?? Lucky boy lands a job in his field, the company sends him off to Dallas area for two months of training…he comes back and is working at his good job in Philadelphia with full benefits, generous starting salary, opportunity for advancement, world-wide travel… and a GYM MEMBERSHIP (that he really needs to take advantage of- fiancee must be feeding him LARD).In July- he announces he's getting married to a 31 year old this November. Shock wears off and now I'm making myself crazy doing all the prep- favors, centerpieces, decorations, paying for the overnight guests, rehearsal dinner, the after wedding party at the inn, breakfast buffet the next morning, the cutsy details for the bride/groom and their suite…giving the bridal shower, honeymoon, luggage, bride/groom gifts… you know, just making certain the wedding doesn't resemble bingo night at the Fire Hall.YESTERDAY the boy tells me his bride-to-be ( the gal in the blue shoes ) is quitting her nursing job to take a 13 week travel nurse position at a DC hospital and…. HE is quitting HIS job, too ! They are leaving November 1st !! They have a house HERE with an $1800 a month mortgage, a wedding to conduct that is already 2.5 hours away from home in the god-forsaken mountains and they are moving 5.5 hours away from the wedding- 20 days before the eventBECAUSE…she's going to make $5 MORE an hour for 13 weeks ! Of course, the cost of living in Northern VA/DC is 127% higher than this area– but it's $5 MORE AN HOUR! I mention that Falls Church ( where their apartment will be) is probably going to be 1 hour away with traffic and gas will chew up the $5. He tells me she's going to be taking the METRO— on a night nurse shift ! Does it even run late at night? I mention the slight danger of this idea and he tells me they have a plan for that ………………………..they're getting her a taser!!! Oh, and he might do a little work at construction with his uncle. Please, taser me. Not that there's anything wrong with construction…but you don't need to buy a degree to do it ( & no benefits!)It's a laugh a minute around here. But I'm slightly cheered … I've decided I'm wearing black to the wedding. Yes, BLACK– but I'll skip the veil and my sister promises to keep me from tearing at my clothes in grief during the ceremony. I can't promise I won't experience stigmata– but what's a little blood pouring out of your mother-in-law's eyeballs? Nah, nothing to worry about…
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- October 11, 2010 at 1:36 am
Have you mentioned that with all of his medical issues that he will no longer have benefits!!! Knock some sense into the boy! Your going to be the one with the ulcer.
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- October 11, 2010 at 3:23 am
Oh, after 24 years, I'm pretty sure sense is an impossible dream. I'm just hoping for minimal damage. No ulcer for me…this place is better ( and less expensive!) than a therapist. I express my conflicted emotions and my anger here…and it leaves my body
Really, this is the only thing that keeps me from lunging at the girl with a hairbrush and tube of lipstick ( she's the natural type).The Melanoma boards-saving the world from my obsessive beautification projects for the last 8+ years !
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- October 11, 2010 at 3:23 am
Oh, after 24 years, I'm pretty sure sense is an impossible dream. I'm just hoping for minimal damage. No ulcer for me…this place is better ( and less expensive!) than a therapist. I express my conflicted emotions and my anger here…and it leaves my body
Really, this is the only thing that keeps me from lunging at the girl with a hairbrush and tube of lipstick ( she's the natural type).The Melanoma boards-saving the world from my obsessive beautification projects for the last 8+ years !
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- October 11, 2010 at 3:33 am
Surely this is a story you made up to keep the board alive? If not, then every one of the groom's guests should be wearing black. Yikes! The bride is older so she should be smarter. That's the way it works, right?
13 weeks x 40 hours a week x $5 hr = $2600 Take out at least 25% for taxes and SS and they have $1950. Could you just pay then $2000 (and buy them a taser) to stay where they are? 🙂
~~Liz
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- October 11, 2010 at 3:33 am
Surely this is a story you made up to keep the board alive? If not, then every one of the groom's guests should be wearing black. Yikes! The bride is older so she should be smarter. That's the way it works, right?
13 weeks x 40 hours a week x $5 hr = $2600 Take out at least 25% for taxes and SS and they have $1950. Could you just pay then $2000 (and buy them a taser) to stay where they are? 🙂
~~Liz
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- October 11, 2010 at 3:36 am
I've got to say that I think I would be tearing my hair out. How sharper than a serpent's tooth…
Have you considered paying someone to 'object' during the ceremony? I'm thinking it would be money well spent. Forget the diet, eat everything, and casually drop hints that obesity runs in the family. Become the craziest woman you can, and call the fiance with crazy stories. All the time. Mention that craziness runs in the family.
Really, it looks like you've got 2 choices: sabotage, or step away. Bingo night at the fire hall may be just the ticket.
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- October 11, 2010 at 3:36 am
I've got to say that I think I would be tearing my hair out. How sharper than a serpent's tooth…
Have you considered paying someone to 'object' during the ceremony? I'm thinking it would be money well spent. Forget the diet, eat everything, and casually drop hints that obesity runs in the family. Become the craziest woman you can, and call the fiance with crazy stories. All the time. Mention that craziness runs in the family.
Really, it looks like you've got 2 choices: sabotage, or step away. Bingo night at the fire hall may be just the ticket.
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- October 11, 2010 at 3:46 am
Ladies,
This isn't even the half of it. I only WISH I made this stuff up. Well, to be honest, I'm a little over-dramatic…I really don't want anyone to taser me and I doubt I'll be throwing bloody eyeball God-signs. But everything else, true.
Nancy had a great idea …just laugh, laugh, laugh. I'm going with that…maybe she'll pick up on the crazy. I doubt it …because I'm starting to think they are trying to drive ME insane so they can get power of attorney and take the whole 5cents I'll have left after this shindig !
Honestly, I've been in tornados that were more fun than this wedding is turning out to be.
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- October 11, 2010 at 3:46 am
Ladies,
This isn't even the half of it. I only WISH I made this stuff up. Well, to be honest, I'm a little over-dramatic…I really don't want anyone to taser me and I doubt I'll be throwing bloody eyeball God-signs. But everything else, true.
Nancy had a great idea …just laugh, laugh, laugh. I'm going with that…maybe she'll pick up on the crazy. I doubt it …because I'm starting to think they are trying to drive ME insane so they can get power of attorney and take the whole 5cents I'll have left after this shindig !
Honestly, I've been in tornados that were more fun than this wedding is turning out to be.
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- October 11, 2010 at 10:53 am
Hey! That "laugh, laugh, laugh, was MY idea!!
I hope he reconsiders all this, the WHOLE thing. Do you know what her family thinks of it? Not that it matters, but I'm curious. And, he shouldn't be thinking of making any changes without his serious health issues being resolved. This is one big mess – I hope they come to their senses.
You'll look fabulous in black!
Deb
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- October 11, 2010 at 1:32 pm
Oh, sorry. Deb! You're right…Nancy was the "pork fat IV" comment ! Have used every angle trying to get this man-child to see the foolishness of this crackpot plan. His new retort— "don't give me any stress, you're going to make my stomach bleed! " I took that for a …told him, yesterday, what our friend said , " We're just having a discussion. Stop trying to blame me for your stomach- it didn't start bleeding until you agreed to this rush wedding" He didn't know what to say.
I don't really know "her people", but judging from the latest contact I've had with them…re: the bridal shower, I don't think they are all that interested in aesthetics, the wedding or what is going on…It's 'whatever makes them happy" – which I've discovered really means whatever requires the least effort from them.
I am even thinking of borrowing a friend's dress…why should I spend on a dress that I would wear to a decent event when they dont' seem to care that much ( BLUE SHOES)…friend's dress is fine- it's black, it's short and it fits. Sounds good to me. The first dress I bought…the icky brown thing, is too big now and I can't have it altered…you can only go down two dress sizes altering before it starts to look funky. Forget diets…just rent my son and his bride for a month or two!
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- October 11, 2010 at 1:32 pm
Oh, sorry. Deb! You're right…Nancy was the "pork fat IV" comment ! Have used every angle trying to get this man-child to see the foolishness of this crackpot plan. His new retort— "don't give me any stress, you're going to make my stomach bleed! " I took that for a …told him, yesterday, what our friend said , " We're just having a discussion. Stop trying to blame me for your stomach- it didn't start bleeding until you agreed to this rush wedding" He didn't know what to say.
I don't really know "her people", but judging from the latest contact I've had with them…re: the bridal shower, I don't think they are all that interested in aesthetics, the wedding or what is going on…It's 'whatever makes them happy" – which I've discovered really means whatever requires the least effort from them.
I am even thinking of borrowing a friend's dress…why should I spend on a dress that I would wear to a decent event when they dont' seem to care that much ( BLUE SHOES)…friend's dress is fine- it's black, it's short and it fits. Sounds good to me. The first dress I bought…the icky brown thing, is too big now and I can't have it altered…you can only go down two dress sizes altering before it starts to look funky. Forget diets…just rent my son and his bride for a month or two!
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- October 11, 2010 at 10:53 am
Hey! That "laugh, laugh, laugh, was MY idea!!
I hope he reconsiders all this, the WHOLE thing. Do you know what her family thinks of it? Not that it matters, but I'm curious. And, he shouldn't be thinking of making any changes without his serious health issues being resolved. This is one big mess – I hope they come to their senses.
You'll look fabulous in black!
Deb
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- October 11, 2010 at 11:43 am
This sounds like a simple fix.
Have you ever watched the show 'Intervention'? Quite a sad show. The few that I've watched it seemed there was a common theme. The people who loved the addict the most empowered them in some degree to keep doing what was bad for them. Ie. giving them money, driving them around, finding them a place to say, etc. Maybe what you need to do for your son is to do the 'hands off' approach. Tell the son and 'new daughter' that you can not do all the work you have been doing and that you will not pay for everything you have been paying for. In sets reality for the two newlyweds and they have to do stuff (or not) on their own.
Shrink Yoop out
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- October 11, 2010 at 1:24 pm
I think that would in deed work at another time. This wedding seems to be quite the 'social affair' and I think the couple are totally missing the point of life.
the brides family……do not seem to be doing much at all. I mean grooms momma doing all that Rox is having to do? Rox, I don't feel this is the social event of your life here, and why (I know we love our sons) would your son not see this, being 24 is not that wet behind the ears, and the 31 year old bride to be, seems to be missing a few security bolts. Feeling that putting on a show for a wedding is so overrated, Only Royalty could get away with it. (or else DIL must pull her family into it) if the children are young….. (like ahem I was) it is a diff story, but she is not YOUNG Oh I dunno I should butt out, things in life do not ever work out the way we hope.
I worry about your sons health issues, and the need for insurance down there, and to 'pick up stakes' and move for what to me is a WHIM and not a carefully PLANNED out move….. SAFETY RISKS are sky high from what I read on your tale of woe, and I am siding it is a tale of woe. Yoop is right a intervention is in order, just dont know for who yet.
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- October 11, 2010 at 2:06 pm
Bonnie,
I have an obligation to my children and a standard of care/expense that *I* am willing, able and DESIRE to meet as far as clothing, environment, education and ' life events' are concerned. This IS one of the life marking events that matter to me and while I would have expected the bride's family to participate to a significant degree- when that didn't happen I wasn't going to be happy with my son's wedding taking a turn for the ugly- no matter how much I wish even the participants involved were different. My family and guests also have to eat the food, be in the environment and participate and if I must arrange something that is, at the very least , decent, that's what I will do. Now, that doesn't mean I'm HAPPY about it or am not going to bitch and moan when the turns take over the top proportions–that's just normal stress reduction and inherent in my wicked personality. It's even better when some of the twists are humorous and make for a good head-shaking tale.
This latest wrinkle… the job- is way over the norm for wedding and family "quackery". But it will pass and will make for an interesting life lesson and story of warning for the next kid. Hopefully no one will be hurt on the metro or bleed to death from lack of Insurance – and, of course, that particular scenario will never come to pass as I wouldn't allow it. I'm not going to furnish their apartment, pay their mortgage or buy the taser, so intervention to keep me from caring for my child, trying to save his life or creating a nice life-event party isn't really necessary 😉
Oh, but if she wants me to FIX her hair, make up her face or buy her wedding shoes…I'm on it!
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- October 12, 2010 at 12:33 pm
I sympathize with you fully. I saw a wedding on TV where the dress code? was black and white, so all the women wore lovely black ensambles (guests) and your petiteness will def shine out in a lovely (borrowed) dress. your soon to be DIL sounds right strange by my mind.
you are such a good carrier of plans and executing plans to perfection. It will all work out and a splendid party will happen.
Bonnie
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- October 12, 2010 at 12:33 pm
I sympathize with you fully. I saw a wedding on TV where the dress code? was black and white, so all the women wore lovely black ensambles (guests) and your petiteness will def shine out in a lovely (borrowed) dress. your soon to be DIL sounds right strange by my mind.
you are such a good carrier of plans and executing plans to perfection. It will all work out and a splendid party will happen.
Bonnie
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- October 11, 2010 at 2:06 pm
Bonnie,
I have an obligation to my children and a standard of care/expense that *I* am willing, able and DESIRE to meet as far as clothing, environment, education and ' life events' are concerned. This IS one of the life marking events that matter to me and while I would have expected the bride's family to participate to a significant degree- when that didn't happen I wasn't going to be happy with my son's wedding taking a turn for the ugly- no matter how much I wish even the participants involved were different. My family and guests also have to eat the food, be in the environment and participate and if I must arrange something that is, at the very least , decent, that's what I will do. Now, that doesn't mean I'm HAPPY about it or am not going to bitch and moan when the turns take over the top proportions–that's just normal stress reduction and inherent in my wicked personality. It's even better when some of the twists are humorous and make for a good head-shaking tale.
This latest wrinkle… the job- is way over the norm for wedding and family "quackery". But it will pass and will make for an interesting life lesson and story of warning for the next kid. Hopefully no one will be hurt on the metro or bleed to death from lack of Insurance – and, of course, that particular scenario will never come to pass as I wouldn't allow it. I'm not going to furnish their apartment, pay their mortgage or buy the taser, so intervention to keep me from caring for my child, trying to save his life or creating a nice life-event party isn't really necessary 😉
Oh, but if she wants me to FIX her hair, make up her face or buy her wedding shoes…I'm on it!
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- October 11, 2010 at 1:24 pm
I think that would in deed work at another time. This wedding seems to be quite the 'social affair' and I think the couple are totally missing the point of life.
the brides family……do not seem to be doing much at all. I mean grooms momma doing all that Rox is having to do? Rox, I don't feel this is the social event of your life here, and why (I know we love our sons) would your son not see this, being 24 is not that wet behind the ears, and the 31 year old bride to be, seems to be missing a few security bolts. Feeling that putting on a show for a wedding is so overrated, Only Royalty could get away with it. (or else DIL must pull her family into it) if the children are young….. (like ahem I was) it is a diff story, but she is not YOUNG Oh I dunno I should butt out, things in life do not ever work out the way we hope.
I worry about your sons health issues, and the need for insurance down there, and to 'pick up stakes' and move for what to me is a WHIM and not a carefully PLANNED out move….. SAFETY RISKS are sky high from what I read on your tale of woe, and I am siding it is a tale of woe. Yoop is right a intervention is in order, just dont know for who yet.
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- October 11, 2010 at 1:37 pm
Yoop, I did tell them that this is the end. I will honor my committment to help them for their wedding, but I will not continue. If they want to move, give up their jobs and make all sorts of mistakes…it's up to them to get out of any mess they create. The day he becomes Mr. HER NAME, whatever happens is on her watch and his new Mommy can handle it.
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- October 11, 2010 at 1:37 pm
Yoop, I did tell them that this is the end. I will honor my committment to help them for their wedding, but I will not continue. If they want to move, give up their jobs and make all sorts of mistakes…it's up to them to get out of any mess they create. The day he becomes Mr. HER NAME, whatever happens is on her watch and his new Mommy can handle it.
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- October 11, 2010 at 11:43 am
This sounds like a simple fix.
Have you ever watched the show 'Intervention'? Quite a sad show. The few that I've watched it seemed there was a common theme. The people who loved the addict the most empowered them in some degree to keep doing what was bad for them. Ie. giving them money, driving them around, finding them a place to say, etc. Maybe what you need to do for your son is to do the 'hands off' approach. Tell the son and 'new daughter' that you can not do all the work you have been doing and that you will not pay for everything you have been paying for. In sets reality for the two newlyweds and they have to do stuff (or not) on their own.
Shrink Yoop out
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- October 12, 2010 at 12:19 pm
Yep, she is definitely knocked up and wants to avoid her crazy future mother in law at all costs.
Think she did it on purpose?
Would definitely explain your son's ulcer. He's doesn't even know whether he is coming or going.
The nice thing is, you will get to commute to Va to visit the grandkids.
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- October 13, 2010 at 1:39 am
No, if you remember correctly, John, once the grandchildren come along…my son told me he will throw the wife out the window and move the kids in with me. I'm counting on it.
Nope, she is not pregnant…just a bit "puffy" …they were both eating lard? She said they are "foodies". I don't get that as last time I glanced in his car it was filled with crumpled McDonald's bags and saggy, leaky paper cups 1/2 filled with watery soda. The good news is that my son has lost 15 pounds since his hospital stays and she is now dieting before the final dress fitting. I was starting to worry… but she was so inspired by my loss, and that of my sisters, she started the same program. She's younger she can lose 20 in a month on the plan. She lost 8 the first week…probably just water but it is very exciting when you begin.
I just had my daily big-meal of popcorn with olive oil, pepper and sprinkles of Parmesan cheese. I'm not crazy, John- I'm just HUNGRY.
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- October 13, 2010 at 1:39 am
No, if you remember correctly, John, once the grandchildren come along…my son told me he will throw the wife out the window and move the kids in with me. I'm counting on it.
Nope, she is not pregnant…just a bit "puffy" …they were both eating lard? She said they are "foodies". I don't get that as last time I glanced in his car it was filled with crumpled McDonald's bags and saggy, leaky paper cups 1/2 filled with watery soda. The good news is that my son has lost 15 pounds since his hospital stays and she is now dieting before the final dress fitting. I was starting to worry… but she was so inspired by my loss, and that of my sisters, she started the same program. She's younger she can lose 20 in a month on the plan. She lost 8 the first week…probably just water but it is very exciting when you begin.
I just had my daily big-meal of popcorn with olive oil, pepper and sprinkles of Parmesan cheese. I'm not crazy, John- I'm just HUNGRY.
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- October 12, 2010 at 12:19 pm
Yep, she is definitely knocked up and wants to avoid her crazy future mother in law at all costs.
Think she did it on purpose?
Would definitely explain your son's ulcer. He's doesn't even know whether he is coming or going.
The nice thing is, you will get to commute to Va to visit the grandkids.
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