A story…Can’t sleep…

Thanks Bonnie and John…I didn't see your video- it didn't pop up.  I'm upset for the boy… and the wife, not me. Life is filled with all manner of crap-this is just one of the millions of horrible stories. Cancer patients are fighting like crazy to stay alive and suicide seems so unfair in the scheme of things…but I do feel sad that a person can be so filled with despair they resort to this…how awful for everyone involved.

I DO feel better after writing all my nasty feelings down ( in my trademark MULTIPLE paragraphs!). I wouldn't ever tell anyone I know the awful thoughts I had about the husband.  As our old friend Eeghads was fond of saying in dipsy-doodle new-agey hipster blabber— "releasing it out into the universe". Yep, smearing it all over others does a body good-ha! 

LONG LONG – more gunking up the universe………I don't know, Bonnie…the Wonder Woman suit just wouldn't  work for me… especially the gold cone things at the breast. Who dresses these superheros anyway? I understand post partum depression…but tell someone, do something other than kill your kids. Drop them in the lobby of the hospital…anything but hurt them.

I know what you mean about not being all that sympathetic to the victim…although I feel a little guilty for being angry at the victim in the first suicide & sorry for the woman this week. It just seems different to me…I was also in a different place emotionally… anxious and distracted– but I'm still mad at the guy  2 months later.  It was near the end of July, I had just returned from my husband's stay in the hospital and was ready to fall into my own bed for the first time in two weeks when I got the call to pick up the children involved at the scene of the shooting…6, 9 and 12 . I had just left the kids and their mom – who had joined us in Baltimore for the week to help with my daughter. They made a mini vacation out of it…staying in our hotel room, swimming, sightseeing and keeping my daughter occupied when the situation at the hospital had deteriorated and she couldn't be there.  This family had a rough year themselves…the father left their mom and they lost their house at Christmas. They lived with me the past winter and spring and had just moved into a townhome and were finally getting settled.

The mom of the man she'd been dating left a message for her to come to the guy's house and she drove there right from the trip home …with the three kids in the car. It wasn't until she arrived that she learned he had killed himself.  I arrived shortly after and ready to ring the bell at the glass front door as the police /paramedics? were unzipping the body bag for the parents to identify their son. I almost fell over. The father did. The kids, in the next room,  were hysterical.

After  the initial shock and sadness at the loss of  his life… the most overwhelming emotion I've felt is anger at him for putting people through this….his parents ( an only child),   three vulnerable kids who had grown very fond of him and  my friend- who was having a hard time with everything.  He was a difficult person on a good day and my lack of sympathy for him might have something to do with his personality. he was too clingy, dx.d as bi-polar and he had recently stopped his meds. Their relationship was up and down,  he was petulant and miserable to be around and had recently grown very nasty to everyone. No note, just suicide…on the day she was due home. It just seemed so calculated and cruel. He had a good job ( a chemist), had friends, family who loved him, a dog he really loved and seemed to be OBSESSED with  ( don't understand that relationship…the dog smelled HORRIBLE-even after a bath, was kinda grumpy and GIGANTIC. It always chased me all over the place trying to be "romantic"- I had to jump on top of furniture to avoid him- i despised that dog as did everyone around him and he seemed to enjoy the offensive nature of the animal). I know it was his psychological trouble that caused his death — but a terrible thing to do to those he claimed to care about. The mess left for his elderly parents to deal with alone – so cruel.  

 The kids are now in therapy ( the 9 year old girl isn't handling any of her trouble very well)  and my friend is shell-shocked- not interested in dating ever again.  Even my daughter, who had a lot of stress this summer, was indirectly affected by the two suicides. She didn't need any more to deal with on top of her  fears and anxiety over her dad,  knowing both  victims- the gruesome reality of their deaths and watching her friends suffer. Too much  for kids to have in their lives. I think THAT is what really makes me upset…he hurt the kids. As did my neighbor…but I feel for her because she was helpless physically, tortured emotionally – her husband was abandoning the woman and family in desperate condition. So, maybe that's the difference.

My sister's husband is a homicide detective and said it's possible the reason the husband was on the lawn with the policeman standing over him —probably not certain HE didn't kill her and make it look like a suicide….THAT somehow comforts me ( I'm shamed to admit ).  

ps…for the pet lovers on the board… the dog as been fixed, bathed regularly and is living with victim's parents –  who seem to be doing well.

LONG LONG – more gunking up the universe………I don't know, Bonnie…the Wonder Woman suit just wouldn't  work for me… especially the gold cone things at the breast. Who dresses these superheros anyway? I understand post partum depression…but tell someone, do something other than kill your kids. Drop them in the lobby of the hospital…anything but hurt them.

I know what you mean about not being all that sympathetic to the victim…although I feel a little guilty for being angry at the victim in the first suicide & sorry for the woman this week. It just seems different to me…I was also in a different place emotionally… anxious and distracted– but I'm still mad at the guy  2 months later.  It was near the end of July, I had just returned from my husband's stay in the hospital and was ready to fall into my own bed for the first time in two weeks when I got the call to pick up the children involved at the scene of the shooting…6, 9 and 12 . I had just left the kids and their mom – who had joined us in Baltimore for the week to help with my daughter. They made a mini vacation out of it…staying in our hotel room, swimming, sightseeing and keeping my daughter occupied when the situation at the hospital had deteriorated and she couldn't be there.  This family had a rough year themselves…the father left their mom and they lost their house at Christmas. They lived with me the past winter and spring and had just moved into a townhome and were finally getting settled.

The mom of the man she'd been dating left a message for her to come to the guy's house and she drove there right from the trip home …with the three kids in the car. It wasn't until she arrived that she learned he had killed himself.  I arrived shortly after and ready to ring the bell at the glass front door as the police /paramedics? were unzipping the body bag for the parents to identify their son. I almost fell over. The father did. The kids, in the next room,  were hysterical.

After  the initial shock and sadness at the loss of  his life… the most overwhelming emotion I've felt is anger at him for putting people through this….his parents ( an only child),   three vulnerable kids who had grown very fond of him and  my friend- who was having a hard time with everything.  He was a difficult person on a good day and my lack of sympathy for him might have something to do with his personality. he was too clingy, dx.d as bi-polar and he had recently stopped his meds. Their relationship was up and down,  he was petulant and miserable to be around and had recently grown very nasty to everyone. No note, just suicide…on the day she was due home. It just seemed so calculated and cruel. He had a good job ( a chemist), had friends, family who loved him, a dog he really loved and seemed to be OBSESSED with  ( don't understand that relationship…the dog smelled HORRIBLE-even after a bath, was kinda grumpy and GIGANTIC. It always chased me all over the place trying to be "romantic"- I had to jump on top of furniture to avoid him- i despised that dog as did everyone around him and he seemed to enjoy the offensive nature of the animal). I know it was his psychological trouble that caused his death — but a terrible thing to do to those he claimed to care about. The mess left for his elderly parents to deal with alone – so cruel.  

 The kids are now in therapy ( the 9 year old girl isn't handling any of her trouble very well)  and my friend is shell-shocked- not interested in dating ever again.  Even my daughter, who had a lot of stress this summer, was indirectly affected by the two suicides. She didn't need any more to deal with on top of her  fears and anxiety over her dad,  knowing both  victims- the gruesome reality of their deaths and watching her friends suffer. Too much  for kids to have in their lives. I think THAT is what really makes me upset…he hurt the kids. As did my neighbor…but I feel for her because she was helpless physically, tortured emotionally – her husband was abandoning the woman and family in desperate condition. So, maybe that's the difference.

My sister's husband is a homicide detective and said it's possible the reason the husband was on the lawn with the policeman standing over him —probably not certain HE didn't kill her and make it look like a suicide….THAT somehow comforts me ( I'm shamed to admit ).  

ps…for the pet lovers on the board… the dog as been fixed, bathed regularly and is living with victim's parents –  who seem to be doing well.

This is true, Kim– so sad.  Thanks for thinking of the boy…I can't even imagine how little people get beyond this type of thing.

This is true, Kim– so sad.  Thanks for thinking of the boy…I can't even imagine how little people get beyond this type of thing.

Thanks Bonnie and John…I didn't see your video- it didn't pop up.  I'm upset for the boy… and the wife, not me. Life is filled with all manner of crap-this is just one of the millions of horrible stories. Cancer patients are fighting like crazy to stay alive and suicide seems so unfair in the scheme of things…but I do feel sad that a person can be so filled with despair they resort to this…how awful for everyone involved.

I DO feel better after writing all my nasty feelings down ( in my trademark MULTIPLE paragraphs!). I wouldn't ever tell anyone I know the awful thoughts I had about the husband.  As our old friend Eeghads was fond of saying in dipsy-doodle new-agey hipster blabber— "releasing it out into the universe". Yep, smearing it all over others does a body good-ha! 

Friends in the way neighborhood kids are…she's a girl, a year older, they ride the same bus, see each other at the park, have friends in common, etc.  So sad for that boy… I know it's bad to think this way, to not consider his suffering…but I hope this changes the way that man looks at his responsibility to people he interacts with…this disposable commitment idea had deadly consequence.

If  two healthy equals choose to break the contractual commitment of marriage – it's not optimal…but not as bad as this falling away because something has changed and you're not having any fun (and you have no personal integrity)–it   sucks sucks sucks. You make a choice, you chose to add vulnerable little people to your life –  you stick with it, through thick and thin- especially  if one of you can't make it alone. THAT was the bargain in good times AND bad.  If your spouse is abusive to you or the kids. putting you in some sort of danger or criminal, that's another story. If that's not the case suck it up and do your job. Selfish.

Friends in the way neighborhood kids are…she's a girl, a year older, they ride the same bus, see each other at the park, have friends in common, etc.  So sad for that boy… I know it's bad to think this way, to not consider his suffering…but I hope this changes the way that man looks at his responsibility to people he interacts with…this disposable commitment idea had deadly consequence.

If  two healthy equals choose to break the contractual commitment of marriage – it's not optimal…but not as bad as this falling away because something has changed and you're not having any fun (and you have no personal integrity)–it   sucks sucks sucks. You make a choice, you chose to add vulnerable little people to your life –  you stick with it, through thick and thin- especially  if one of you can't make it alone. THAT was the bargain in good times AND bad.  If your spouse is abusive to you or the kids. putting you in some sort of danger or criminal, that's another story. If that's not the case suck it up and do your job. Selfish.