andeglasmacher

I am so, so sorry, Esther.  I remember Christine from a few years ago when I was first diagnosed, and both of you have been inspirations to me when I've feared the worst, and could see you both facing everything courageously.   My heart goes out to you…..

I am so, so sorry, Esther.  I remember Christine from a few years ago when I was first diagnosed, and both of you have been inspirations to me when I've feared the worst, and could see you both facing everything courageously.   My heart goes out to you…..

I am so, so sorry, Esther.  I remember Christine from a few years ago when I was first diagnosed, and both of you have been inspirations to me when I've feared the worst, and could see you both facing everything courageously.   My heart goes out to you…..

You've gotten some great responses, and I don't want to repeat too much, but I did want to "second" encouraging you to tell your daughter (nearly) everything.   My daughters were 3, 7, and 9 when I lost my eye, and I told them it was cancer, told them I'd be losing my eye, we talked about what that would look like, and how one day I'd get a new eye made.  After surgery, I had an eye patch — it had a huge plastic wiggly eye on it, as something the kids (and their friends) and I could laugh at, and lightened the mood a lot.  (It was great in public — I preferred people's humorous responses to that kind of "don't stare" aura.)   I didn't always wear the eye patch around the house, so the kids saw what I looked like with just one eye.  3 years later, they are very comfortable with that, though I have a prosthesis and most days you'd never know any different.  My then-7-year old also enjoyed reading to me and bringing me food (we'd "picnic" in my bed) while I was recovering.   Kids are different, but she enjoyed taking on some responsibility.

As for long term prognosis, I didn't tell my kids how dire things would be if the cancer came back.  After it metastasized this spring, we've talked about it, and my kids are pretty clear on the prognosis, but like someone else said, we don't dwell on it.   It comes up sometimes, and we deal with it then.   But I very much agree that time is different for kids, and odds and statistics may not be very helpful.  Even now, with my cancer metastasized, there is time to deal with the more serious aspects — two of my girls aren't really developmentally ready to understand what is going on, and the one who is has told me she just doesn't want to deal with it right now, so we aren't.  We have time — as I get sicker, eventually, we'll deal with it then.   But I think finding that exact balance depends on the kid….

Ack, I'm late to pick the kids up, but sending very good wishes your way, and you sort through this crazy time — it's scary and hectic and there's a lot to absorb.  Hang in there…..

Ande

p.s.  I highly recommend some kind of therapy or counseling too — it's been huge for me to have a place to talk about the 'big" stuff over the last few years.  Just something to tuck away for when things settle down, because I know there likely isn't time to get into that until the medical stuff is more under control…..

You've gotten some great responses, and I don't want to repeat too much, but I did want to "second" encouraging you to tell your daughter (nearly) everything.   My daughters were 3, 7, and 9 when I lost my eye, and I told them it was cancer, told them I'd be losing my eye, we talked about what that would look like, and how one day I'd get a new eye made.  After surgery, I had an eye patch — it had a huge plastic wiggly eye on it, as something the kids (and their friends) and I could laugh at, and lightened the mood a lot.  (It was great in public — I preferred people's humorous responses to that kind of "don't stare" aura.)   I didn't always wear the eye patch around the house, so the kids saw what I looked like with just one eye.  3 years later, they are very comfortable with that, though I have a prosthesis and most days you'd never know any different.  My then-7-year old also enjoyed reading to me and bringing me food (we'd "picnic" in my bed) while I was recovering.   Kids are different, but she enjoyed taking on some responsibility.

As for long term prognosis, I didn't tell my kids how dire things would be if the cancer came back.  After it metastasized this spring, we've talked about it, and my kids are pretty clear on the prognosis, but like someone else said, we don't dwell on it.   It comes up sometimes, and we deal with it then.   But I very much agree that time is different for kids, and odds and statistics may not be very helpful.  Even now, with my cancer metastasized, there is time to deal with the more serious aspects — two of my girls aren't really developmentally ready to understand what is going on, and the one who is has told me she just doesn't want to deal with it right now, so we aren't.  We have time — as I get sicker, eventually, we'll deal with it then.   But I think finding that exact balance depends on the kid….

Ack, I'm late to pick the kids up, but sending very good wishes your way, and you sort through this crazy time — it's scary and hectic and there's a lot to absorb.  Hang in there…..

Ande

p.s.  I highly recommend some kind of therapy or counseling too — it's been huge for me to have a place to talk about the 'big" stuff over the last few years.  Just something to tuck away for when things settle down, because I know there likely isn't time to get into that until the medical stuff is more under control…..

You've gotten some great responses, and I don't want to repeat too much, but I did want to "second" encouraging you to tell your daughter (nearly) everything.   My daughters were 3, 7, and 9 when I lost my eye, and I told them it was cancer, told them I'd be losing my eye, we talked about what that would look like, and how one day I'd get a new eye made.  After surgery, I had an eye patch — it had a huge plastic wiggly eye on it, as something the kids (and their friends) and I could laugh at, and lightened the mood a lot.  (It was great in public — I preferred people's humorous responses to that kind of "don't stare" aura.)   I didn't always wear the eye patch around the house, so the kids saw what I looked like with just one eye.  3 years later, they are very comfortable with that, though I have a prosthesis and most days you'd never know any different.  My then-7-year old also enjoyed reading to me and bringing me food (we'd "picnic" in my bed) while I was recovering.   Kids are different, but she enjoyed taking on some responsibility.

As for long term prognosis, I didn't tell my kids how dire things would be if the cancer came back.  After it metastasized this spring, we've talked about it, and my kids are pretty clear on the prognosis, but like someone else said, we don't dwell on it.   It comes up sometimes, and we deal with it then.   But I very much agree that time is different for kids, and odds and statistics may not be very helpful.  Even now, with my cancer metastasized, there is time to deal with the more serious aspects — two of my girls aren't really developmentally ready to understand what is going on, and the one who is has told me she just doesn't want to deal with it right now, so we aren't.  We have time — as I get sicker, eventually, we'll deal with it then.   But I think finding that exact balance depends on the kid….

Ack, I'm late to pick the kids up, but sending very good wishes your way, and you sort through this crazy time — it's scary and hectic and there's a lot to absorb.  Hang in there…..

Ande

p.s.  I highly recommend some kind of therapy or counseling too — it's been huge for me to have a place to talk about the 'big" stuff over the last few years.  Just something to tuck away for when things settle down, because I know there likely isn't time to get into that until the medical stuff is more under control…..