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Stresses of end of life

Forums General Melanoma Community Stresses of end of life

  • Post
    deardad
    Participant

      My dad is now in a wheel chair, he has no headaches buts needs mum to carry his weight to bathroom etc. He'a had this shocking flu that robs him of sleep at night and has for the last week. He's so tired and nods off during the day. Its so hard because I know he is dying and it's so hard to know whether it's the cancer or lack of sleep from coughing all night that's making him tired.

      My dad is now in a wheel chair, he has no headaches buts needs mum to carry his weight to bathroom etc. He'a had this shocking flu that robs him of sleep at night and has for the last week. He's so tired and nods off during the day. Its so hard because I know he is dying and it's so hard to know whether it's the cancer or lack of sleep from coughing all night that's making him tired.

      We have booked in to see the neurosurgen on the the 16th of August for SRS. He looked at dad's MRI and wants to talk to him about SRS to try to prevent further paralysis. Personally I'm not confident he'll make it to that appointment the way things have declined so much in a week.

      Sorry to give you all the this blow by blow description.

      Palliative care have been fairly hopeless in getting drugs to us and mum is so determined he will die at home under her care.

      I called a GP in today to see if dad could have some sleeping tablets and he recommended half dose (he's never had one before).

      My bro in law said not to give it to him with bronchitis, he needs to cough.

      I'm not sure what to do now…take the pill or not? He's slowing down….does anyone know what I should expect roughly from now on?

      Can't believe I'm now in here in this dark place that I always put away in the future.

      Thanks everyone

      Nahmi from Melbourne

    Viewing 8 reply threads
    • Replies
        saddaughter
        Participant
          Nahmi,
          So sorry to hear about your dad. I went through this in may and while the WBR fixed my dads brain its what’s in the rest of body that gets them and reading your profile your dad just like my dad. Spleen,liver and lung mets. My dad got very tired in last 2 weeks and deteriorated quite rapidly. We found pallative care not good enough so when he got to point of not being able to get out of bed or chair we
          admitted him to private hospital. He passed 7 days later. Could not believe how fast he declined. He was able to move fine to go for CT scan 10 days earlier. My thoughts are with you and treasure every moment you have with him.

          Cathy

          Sydney

          saddaughter
          Participant
            Nahmi,
            So sorry to hear about your dad. I went through this in may and while the WBR fixed my dads brain its what’s in the rest of body that gets them and reading your profile your dad just like my dad. Spleen,liver and lung mets. My dad got very tired in last 2 weeks and deteriorated quite rapidly. We found pallative care not good enough so when he got to point of not being able to get out of bed or chair we
            admitted him to private hospital. He passed 7 days later. Could not believe how fast he declined. He was able to move fine to go for CT scan 10 days earlier. My thoughts are with you and treasure every moment you have with him.

            Cathy

            Sydney

              deardad
              Participant

                Thank you Cathy,

                Yes I remember your post, I hope you are doing ok.

                I am scared that things are going down hill so fast, I think the brain mets are our greatest concern, in one week he can no longer walk (met in the PONS and cellebrum), his hand is weak, taste going, and today he said he felt dizziness in his head (that he liked, weird but a bonus I suppose). I worry that mum wont be able to care for dad at home realistically on her own, but she said she had spoken to dad and definately no hospital. I suppose you take one day at a time and when things change and and you're not coping alone, you see things in a different light. 

                I'm sorry you lost your dad so quickly, but I hope there is some peace in knowing that your family and your father were spared the awful stress of the slow decline, in many ways I hope that's the case for my dad.

                We are a very close family and dad is much loved and treasured. Dad said that is hardest part for him, leaving a loving family.

                All the best Cathy,

                Nahmi

                deardad
                Participant

                  Thank you Cathy,

                  Yes I remember your post, I hope you are doing ok.

                  I am scared that things are going down hill so fast, I think the brain mets are our greatest concern, in one week he can no longer walk (met in the PONS and cellebrum), his hand is weak, taste going, and today he said he felt dizziness in his head (that he liked, weird but a bonus I suppose). I worry that mum wont be able to care for dad at home realistically on her own, but she said she had spoken to dad and definately no hospital. I suppose you take one day at a time and when things change and and you're not coping alone, you see things in a different light. 

                  I'm sorry you lost your dad so quickly, but I hope there is some peace in knowing that your family and your father were spared the awful stress of the slow decline, in many ways I hope that's the case for my dad.

                  We are a very close family and dad is much loved and treasured. Dad said that is hardest part for him, leaving a loving family.

                  All the best Cathy,

                  Nahmi

                  saddaughter
                  Participant

                    Nahmi

                    Your dad sounds like my dad. They worry how we will cope without them. My dad made us promise we would all look after each other and not be sad. We promised but off course we were sad. I think he thought he was preparing us but nothing does.

                    We are very close and dad prepared my children(2-15) better than I could of,they were very close to him saw him every week all of their lives. While I mourned the lose of my father they carried his coffin s read family eulogy cause he told them don’t be sad pa will be out of pain
                    He wanted to pass at home but he decided to go to hospital when he realised it was to physically demanding for everyone to care for him.
                    Like you i did the research, drs appointments etc. But the most important thing was respecting his wishes til the end and letting him pass with a little bit of dignity

                    Enjoy this precious time with your dad
                    He would be very proud of you
                    Cathy

                    saddaughter
                    Participant

                      Nahmi

                      Your dad sounds like my dad. They worry how we will cope without them. My dad made us promise we would all look after each other and not be sad. We promised but off course we were sad. I think he thought he was preparing us but nothing does.

                      We are very close and dad prepared my children(2-15) better than I could of,they were very close to him saw him every week all of their lives. While I mourned the lose of my father they carried his coffin s read family eulogy cause he told them don’t be sad pa will be out of pain
                      He wanted to pass at home but he decided to go to hospital when he realised it was to physically demanding for everyone to care for him.
                      Like you i did the research, drs appointments etc. But the most important thing was respecting his wishes til the end and letting him pass with a little bit of dignity

                      Enjoy this precious time with your dad
                      He would be very proud of you
                      Cathy

                      saddaughter
                      Participant

                        Nahmi

                        Your dad sounds like my dad. They worry how we will cope without them. My dad made us promise we would all look after each other and not be sad. We promised but off course we were sad. I think he thought he was preparing us but nothing does.

                        We are very close and dad prepared my children(2-15) better than I could of,they were very close to him saw him every week all of their lives. While I mourned the lose of my father they carried his coffin s read family eulogy cause he told them don’t be sad pa will be out of pain
                        He wanted to pass at home but he decided to go to hospital when he realised it was to physically demanding for everyone to care for him.
                        Like you i did the research, drs appointments etc. But the most important thing was respecting his wishes til the end and letting him pass with a little bit of dignity

                        Enjoy this precious time with your dad
                        He would be very proud of you
                        Cathy

                        deardad
                        Participant

                          Thank you Cathy,

                          Yes I remember your post, I hope you are doing ok.

                          I am scared that things are going down hill so fast, I think the brain mets are our greatest concern, in one week he can no longer walk (met in the PONS and cellebrum), his hand is weak, taste going, and today he said he felt dizziness in his head (that he liked, weird but a bonus I suppose). I worry that mum wont be able to care for dad at home realistically on her own, but she said she had spoken to dad and definately no hospital. I suppose you take one day at a time and when things change and and you're not coping alone, you see things in a different light. 

                          I'm sorry you lost your dad so quickly, but I hope there is some peace in knowing that your family and your father were spared the awful stress of the slow decline, in many ways I hope that's the case for my dad.

                          We are a very close family and dad is much loved and treasured. Dad said that is hardest part for him, leaving a loving family.

                          All the best Cathy,

                          Nahmi

                        saddaughter
                        Participant
                          Nahmi,
                          So sorry to hear about your dad. I went through this in may and while the WBR fixed my dads brain its what’s in the rest of body that gets them and reading your profile your dad just like my dad. Spleen,liver and lung mets. My dad got very tired in last 2 weeks and deteriorated quite rapidly. We found pallative care not good enough so when he got to point of not being able to get out of bed or chair we
                          admitted him to private hospital. He passed 7 days later. Could not believe how fast he declined. He was able to move fine to go for CT scan 10 days earlier. My thoughts are with you and treasure every moment you have with him.

                          Cathy

                          Sydney

                          s Mom
                          Participant

                            Oh Nahmi, my heart goes out to you.  I am sending you a "cyber" hug….wish I could give you one in person.  I will pray for your entire family that you all have the strength to deal with this situation.  I do not have personal knowledge of what you are going through, but I am sure others on the forum do and will let you know what to expect.  Your father is a lucky man to have such a wonderful and loving family – it's a testament to what kind of man he must be.  I am praying for you – please know I am thinking of you and hoping for the best.

                            Jeff's Mom (Bridgette)

                            s Mom
                            Participant

                              Oh Nahmi, my heart goes out to you.  I am sending you a "cyber" hug….wish I could give you one in person.  I will pray for your entire family that you all have the strength to deal with this situation.  I do not have personal knowledge of what you are going through, but I am sure others on the forum do and will let you know what to expect.  Your father is a lucky man to have such a wonderful and loving family – it's a testament to what kind of man he must be.  I am praying for you – please know I am thinking of you and hoping for the best.

                              Jeff's Mom (Bridgette)

                              s Mom
                              Participant

                                Oh Nahmi, my heart goes out to you.  I am sending you a "cyber" hug….wish I could give you one in person.  I will pray for your entire family that you all have the strength to deal with this situation.  I do not have personal knowledge of what you are going through, but I am sure others on the forum do and will let you know what to expect.  Your father is a lucky man to have such a wonderful and loving family – it's a testament to what kind of man he must be.  I am praying for you – please know I am thinking of you and hoping for the best.

                                Jeff's Mom (Bridgette)

                                aldakota22
                                Participant

                                  Been following your posts on you and your dad.He is very lucky to have such a loving daughter.Means he is a very special person.Love him now and be strong as you can.Will say extra pryers for you both.Beat the Beast.  Al

                                  aldakota22
                                  Participant

                                    Been following your posts on you and your dad.He is very lucky to have such a loving daughter.Means he is a very special person.Love him now and be strong as you can.Will say extra pryers for you both.Beat the Beast.  Al

                                    aldakota22
                                    Participant

                                      Been following your posts on you and your dad.He is very lucky to have such a loving daughter.Means he is a very special person.Love him now and be strong as you can.Will say extra pryers for you both.Beat the Beast.  Al

                                  Viewing 8 reply threads
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