› Forums › General Melanoma Community › Stresses of end of life
- This topic has 15 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 11 years, 8 months ago by
aldakota22.
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- August 4, 2012 at 9:11 am
My dad is now in a wheel chair, he has no headaches buts needs mum to carry his weight to bathroom etc. He'a had this shocking flu that robs him of sleep at night and has for the last week. He's so tired and nods off during the day. Its so hard because I know he is dying and it's so hard to know whether it's the cancer or lack of sleep from coughing all night that's making him tired.
My dad is now in a wheel chair, he has no headaches buts needs mum to carry his weight to bathroom etc. He'a had this shocking flu that robs him of sleep at night and has for the last week. He's so tired and nods off during the day. Its so hard because I know he is dying and it's so hard to know whether it's the cancer or lack of sleep from coughing all night that's making him tired.
We have booked in to see the neurosurgen on the the 16th of August for SRS. He looked at dad's MRI and wants to talk to him about SRS to try to prevent further paralysis. Personally I'm not confident he'll make it to that appointment the way things have declined so much in a week.
Sorry to give you all the this blow by blow description.
Palliative care have been fairly hopeless in getting drugs to us and mum is so determined he will die at home under her care.
I called a GP in today to see if dad could have some sleeping tablets and he recommended half dose (he's never had one before).
My bro in law said not to give it to him with bronchitis, he needs to cough.
I'm not sure what to do now…take the pill or not? He's slowing down….does anyone know what I should expect roughly from now on?
Can't believe I'm now in here in this dark place that I always put away in the future.
Thanks everyone
Nahmi from Melbourne
- Replies
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- August 4, 2012 at 10:51 am
Nahmi,
So sorry to hear about your dad. I went through this in may and while the WBR fixed my dads brain its what’s in the rest of body that gets them and reading your profile your dad just like my dad. Spleen,liver and lung mets. My dad got very tired in last 2 weeks and deteriorated quite rapidly. We found pallative care not good enough so when he got to point of not being able to get out of bed or chair we
admitted him to private hospital. He passed 7 days later. Could not believe how fast he declined. He was able to move fine to go for CT scan 10 days earlier. My thoughts are with you and treasure every moment you have with him.Cathy
Sydney
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- August 4, 2012 at 11:56 am
Thank you Cathy,
Yes I remember your post, I hope you are doing ok.
I am scared that things are going down hill so fast, I think the brain mets are our greatest concern, in one week he can no longer walk (met in the PONS and cellebrum), his hand is weak, taste going, and today he said he felt dizziness in his head (that he liked, weird but a bonus I suppose). I worry that mum wont be able to care for dad at home realistically on her own, but she said she had spoken to dad and definately no hospital. I suppose you take one day at a time and when things change and and you're not coping alone, you see things in a different light.
I'm sorry you lost your dad so quickly, but I hope there is some peace in knowing that your family and your father were spared the awful stress of the slow decline, in many ways I hope that's the case for my dad.
We are a very close family and dad is much loved and treasured. Dad said that is hardest part for him, leaving a loving family.
All the best Cathy,
Nahmi
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- August 4, 2012 at 10:51 pm
Nahmi
Your dad sounds like my dad. They worry how we will cope without them. My dad made us promise we would all look after each other and not be sad. We promised but off course we were sad. I think he thought he was preparing us but nothing does.
We are very close and dad prepared my children(2-15) better than I could of,they were very close to him saw him every week all of their lives. While I mourned the lose of my father they carried his coffin s read family eulogy cause he told them don’t be sad pa will be out of pain
He wanted to pass at home but he decided to go to hospital when he realised it was to physically demanding for everyone to care for him.
Like you i did the research, drs appointments etc. But the most important thing was respecting his wishes til the end and letting him pass with a little bit of dignityEnjoy this precious time with your dad
He would be very proud of you
Cathy -
- August 4, 2012 at 10:51 pm
Nahmi
Your dad sounds like my dad. They worry how we will cope without them. My dad made us promise we would all look after each other and not be sad. We promised but off course we were sad. I think he thought he was preparing us but nothing does.
We are very close and dad prepared my children(2-15) better than I could of,they were very close to him saw him every week all of their lives. While I mourned the lose of my father they carried his coffin s read family eulogy cause he told them don’t be sad pa will be out of pain
He wanted to pass at home but he decided to go to hospital when he realised it was to physically demanding for everyone to care for him.
Like you i did the research, drs appointments etc. But the most important thing was respecting his wishes til the end and letting him pass with a little bit of dignityEnjoy this precious time with your dad
He would be very proud of you
Cathy -
- August 4, 2012 at 10:51 pm
Nahmi
Your dad sounds like my dad. They worry how we will cope without them. My dad made us promise we would all look after each other and not be sad. We promised but off course we were sad. I think he thought he was preparing us but nothing does.
We are very close and dad prepared my children(2-15) better than I could of,they were very close to him saw him every week all of their lives. While I mourned the lose of my father they carried his coffin s read family eulogy cause he told them don’t be sad pa will be out of pain
He wanted to pass at home but he decided to go to hospital when he realised it was to physically demanding for everyone to care for him.
Like you i did the research, drs appointments etc. But the most important thing was respecting his wishes til the end and letting him pass with a little bit of dignityEnjoy this precious time with your dad
He would be very proud of you
Cathy -
- August 4, 2012 at 11:56 am
Thank you Cathy,
Yes I remember your post, I hope you are doing ok.
I am scared that things are going down hill so fast, I think the brain mets are our greatest concern, in one week he can no longer walk (met in the PONS and cellebrum), his hand is weak, taste going, and today he said he felt dizziness in his head (that he liked, weird but a bonus I suppose). I worry that mum wont be able to care for dad at home realistically on her own, but she said she had spoken to dad and definately no hospital. I suppose you take one day at a time and when things change and and you're not coping alone, you see things in a different light.
I'm sorry you lost your dad so quickly, but I hope there is some peace in knowing that your family and your father were spared the awful stress of the slow decline, in many ways I hope that's the case for my dad.
We are a very close family and dad is much loved and treasured. Dad said that is hardest part for him, leaving a loving family.
All the best Cathy,
Nahmi
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- August 4, 2012 at 11:56 am
Thank you Cathy,
Yes I remember your post, I hope you are doing ok.
I am scared that things are going down hill so fast, I think the brain mets are our greatest concern, in one week he can no longer walk (met in the PONS and cellebrum), his hand is weak, taste going, and today he said he felt dizziness in his head (that he liked, weird but a bonus I suppose). I worry that mum wont be able to care for dad at home realistically on her own, but she said she had spoken to dad and definately no hospital. I suppose you take one day at a time and when things change and and you're not coping alone, you see things in a different light.
I'm sorry you lost your dad so quickly, but I hope there is some peace in knowing that your family and your father were spared the awful stress of the slow decline, in many ways I hope that's the case for my dad.
We are a very close family and dad is much loved and treasured. Dad said that is hardest part for him, leaving a loving family.
All the best Cathy,
Nahmi
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- August 4, 2012 at 10:51 am
Nahmi,
So sorry to hear about your dad. I went through this in may and while the WBR fixed my dads brain its what’s in the rest of body that gets them and reading your profile your dad just like my dad. Spleen,liver and lung mets. My dad got very tired in last 2 weeks and deteriorated quite rapidly. We found pallative care not good enough so when he got to point of not being able to get out of bed or chair we
admitted him to private hospital. He passed 7 days later. Could not believe how fast he declined. He was able to move fine to go for CT scan 10 days earlier. My thoughts are with you and treasure every moment you have with him.Cathy
Sydney
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- August 4, 2012 at 10:51 am
Nahmi,
So sorry to hear about your dad. I went through this in may and while the WBR fixed my dads brain its what’s in the rest of body that gets them and reading your profile your dad just like my dad. Spleen,liver and lung mets. My dad got very tired in last 2 weeks and deteriorated quite rapidly. We found pallative care not good enough so when he got to point of not being able to get out of bed or chair we
admitted him to private hospital. He passed 7 days later. Could not believe how fast he declined. He was able to move fine to go for CT scan 10 days earlier. My thoughts are with you and treasure every moment you have with him.Cathy
Sydney
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- August 5, 2012 at 1:38 am
Oh Nahmi, my heart goes out to you. I am sending you a "cyber" hug….wish I could give you one in person. I will pray for your entire family that you all have the strength to deal with this situation. I do not have personal knowledge of what you are going through, but I am sure others on the forum do and will let you know what to expect. Your father is a lucky man to have such a wonderful and loving family – it's a testament to what kind of man he must be. I am praying for you – please know I am thinking of you and hoping for the best.
Jeff's Mom (Bridgette)
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- August 5, 2012 at 1:38 am
Oh Nahmi, my heart goes out to you. I am sending you a "cyber" hug….wish I could give you one in person. I will pray for your entire family that you all have the strength to deal with this situation. I do not have personal knowledge of what you are going through, but I am sure others on the forum do and will let you know what to expect. Your father is a lucky man to have such a wonderful and loving family – it's a testament to what kind of man he must be. I am praying for you – please know I am thinking of you and hoping for the best.
Jeff's Mom (Bridgette)
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- August 5, 2012 at 1:38 am
Oh Nahmi, my heart goes out to you. I am sending you a "cyber" hug….wish I could give you one in person. I will pray for your entire family that you all have the strength to deal with this situation. I do not have personal knowledge of what you are going through, but I am sure others on the forum do and will let you know what to expect. Your father is a lucky man to have such a wonderful and loving family – it's a testament to what kind of man he must be. I am praying for you – please know I am thinking of you and hoping for the best.
Jeff's Mom (Bridgette)
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- August 5, 2012 at 3:48 pm
Been following your posts on you and your dad.He is very lucky to have such a loving daughter.Means he is a very special person.Love him now and be strong as you can.Will say extra pryers for you both.Beat the Beast. Al
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- August 5, 2012 at 3:48 pm
Been following your posts on you and your dad.He is very lucky to have such a loving daughter.Means he is a very special person.Love him now and be strong as you can.Will say extra pryers for you both.Beat the Beast. Al
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- August 5, 2012 at 3:48 pm
Been following your posts on you and your dad.He is very lucky to have such a loving daughter.Means he is a very special person.Love him now and be strong as you can.Will say extra pryers for you both.Beat the Beast. Al
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