› Forums › Caregiver Community › R.I.P My brother Peter
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JoshF.
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- December 17, 2012 at 10:27 pm
You all may not know me. I was not one of the "regular " posts. I was not one of the "known patients or caregivers" on this forum. I lost my brother Peter on 12/6/2012 to this horrible beast Melanoma. I did not think I could re-visit this forum but needed to say good bye formally and wish you all well and hope to beat this very aggressive cancer melanoma. He was only 45. He had a wife, 4 small children, parents, and siblings. He fought 3 hard years. Nothing seemed to work. We hit one brick wall after another
You all may not know me. I was not one of the "regular " posts. I was not one of the "known patients or caregivers" on this forum. I lost my brother Peter on 12/6/2012 to this horrible beast Melanoma. I did not think I could re-visit this forum but needed to say good bye formally and wish you all well and hope to beat this very aggressive cancer melanoma. He was only 45. He had a wife, 4 small children, parents, and siblings. He fought 3 hard years. Nothing seemed to work. We hit one brick wall after another. My brother never once said " why me", he never cried or complained. Its sad to say that I am in the medical field and still could not save him. I was a new mom at the time this beast was brewing in him. He thought he had a splinter on his foot that was not healing. I did not pursue anything for him thinking its just a splinter. By the time it clicked in me…it was to late now that I look back. I feel that I did not fight hard enough for him and hope he forgives me. I was involved by being a new mom. Normally I would be the biggest "Pain" to my family for going to the doctor. You all probably agree with me that nobody never expects this to happen. I still feel like this is a nightmare but when I wake up…its not. I can say that my career in the medical field is over… I am tired of non-sense that the medical field brings and watching people suffer and you can't control it.
I feel so bad for any parent that has to bury a child. It destroys me that my parents had to go through this. I also feel for the poor parents of those children in Conn. that have to endure this nightmare. My brother loved children so I know he is teaching them to fish right now….hoping he ain't smoking a cigar in front of them…..LOL !!!
During the last week of my fight for my brother one person on this forum was such a great help….and that was Mr. Charlie himself. Charlie, I hope you read this and understand how much I appreciate your help. I have this feeling that you know when somebody on this forum really needs an extra shoulder to lean on. I kind of knew what the outcome was going to be but did not give for him. The night before he passed, he told us that he was finished with doctors and hospitals. I can at least move on knowing that we did all that we could under his wishes. Charlie…..Thank you. You are great!!!!!
To all the rest on this forum, Please be there for everyone. I read some of the posts and there are some of us that really need that support form all of you on this forum battling this cruel, nasty, cancer. Someone can post a topic and have over a hundred views but not one comment……even if you don't know the topic….just write that you are sending a thought or a prayer and that can help. There are many of you that I have been following and have cried over some that have passed on…..My brother was not a member on this forum but I was and please support all who have died from this disease and who are still battling this beast. He is now with all the angels.
Best wishes and keep fighting !!!!!!!!!!! Lets find a cure !!!!!!!!!
Susan
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- December 17, 2012 at 10:54 pm
Susan,
I am so sorry for you loss. My vibrant, young, father died 2 1/2 years ago from this awful disease and I still check in on the board. It was so helpful to me. It sounds like you have been a woderful caregiver and your brother knows this. Please don't get down on yourself for what you think/feel you did or didn't do. Thinking of you and your family at this difficult time.
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- December 17, 2012 at 10:54 pm
Susan,
I am so sorry for you loss. My vibrant, young, father died 2 1/2 years ago from this awful disease and I still check in on the board. It was so helpful to me. It sounds like you have been a woderful caregiver and your brother knows this. Please don't get down on yourself for what you think/feel you did or didn't do. Thinking of you and your family at this difficult time.
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- December 17, 2012 at 10:54 pm
Susan,
I am so sorry for you loss. My vibrant, young, father died 2 1/2 years ago from this awful disease and I still check in on the board. It was so helpful to me. It sounds like you have been a woderful caregiver and your brother knows this. Please don't get down on yourself for what you think/feel you did or didn't do. Thinking of you and your family at this difficult time.
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- December 17, 2012 at 11:02 pm
Susan,
I am so sorry for your loss….so young to be taken from his children. Deepest sympathy to you and your family. Honestly, there aren't words for these awful times. I hope you will find comfort in the wonderful stories you tell your nieces and nephews about their dad.
Thanks also for the reminder to be supportive. We need each other so much here.
Keeping you in my prayers.
Fen
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- December 17, 2012 at 11:02 pm
Susan,
I am so sorry for your loss….so young to be taken from his children. Deepest sympathy to you and your family. Honestly, there aren't words for these awful times. I hope you will find comfort in the wonderful stories you tell your nieces and nephews about their dad.
Thanks also for the reminder to be supportive. We need each other so much here.
Keeping you in my prayers.
Fen
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- December 17, 2012 at 11:02 pm
Susan,
I am so sorry for your loss….so young to be taken from his children. Deepest sympathy to you and your family. Honestly, there aren't words for these awful times. I hope you will find comfort in the wonderful stories you tell your nieces and nephews about their dad.
Thanks also for the reminder to be supportive. We need each other so much here.
Keeping you in my prayers.
Fen
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- December 17, 2012 at 11:28 pm
Hi Susan,
I just wanted to say that this was a very moving post and I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your brother. I hope that you change your mind and don't give up on the medical field but instead keep moving forward and fight for what is best for patients.
Best wishes,
Jake
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- December 17, 2012 at 11:28 pm
Hi Susan,
I just wanted to say that this was a very moving post and I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your brother. I hope that you change your mind and don't give up on the medical field but instead keep moving forward and fight for what is best for patients.
Best wishes,
Jake
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- December 17, 2012 at 11:28 pm
Hi Susan,
I just wanted to say that this was a very moving post and I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your brother. I hope that you change your mind and don't give up on the medical field but instead keep moving forward and fight for what is best for patients.
Best wishes,
Jake
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- December 17, 2012 at 11:57 pm
Sorry for your loss.The pain of loosing someone so young and close is devastaing..You stated something that most people do not realize. That a caring comment means so much to those who posts.That all positive comments are so uplifting in reinforcing what I call pma (positive mind attitude).We know unless you have been down this road you do not know how scary everyday is not knowing what is in the cards.Do not feel guilty on the turn of event in your brothers battle wth melanoma.Beat the Beast. Al
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- December 17, 2012 at 11:57 pm
Sorry for your loss.The pain of loosing someone so young and close is devastaing..You stated something that most people do not realize. That a caring comment means so much to those who posts.That all positive comments are so uplifting in reinforcing what I call pma (positive mind attitude).We know unless you have been down this road you do not know how scary everyday is not knowing what is in the cards.Do not feel guilty on the turn of event in your brothers battle wth melanoma.Beat the Beast. Al
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- December 17, 2012 at 11:57 pm
Sorry for your loss.The pain of loosing someone so young and close is devastaing..You stated something that most people do not realize. That a caring comment means so much to those who posts.That all positive comments are so uplifting in reinforcing what I call pma (positive mind attitude).We know unless you have been down this road you do not know how scary everyday is not knowing what is in the cards.Do not feel guilty on the turn of event in your brothers battle wth melanoma.Beat the Beast. Al
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- December 18, 2012 at 1:39 am
Susan,
Sorry for your loss Susan. Your story really hits home for me because I am your brother's age also with small kids. I'll say a prayer for you and his family.
Brian
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- December 18, 2012 at 2:33 am
Dear Susan,
I am so sorry about your brother! I lost my sister when she was 41 and I was 37. I continue to miss her enormously even now, 25 years later. She did not have melanoma, but an alcoholic liver disease, which I saw developing over the years. I blamed myself for not being agressive enough in getting her the help she so clearly needed. I did the same thing when my mom was diagnosed with colon cancer – why didn't I make her get a colonoscopy before this grew beyond help? Now that I have stage 4 melanoma, my second stage 4 cancer, I am trying to forgive myself for my sister and my mother. I know without doubt that my precious husband, my wonderful siblings, and my incredible children, are NOT responsible for what has happened to me, so how could I be responsible for my sister and mother? Please let go of blame and just know that you were the best sister your brother could have had.
Thank you also for writing about how important the responses are on this forum. It is very sad to post something in an hour of need and have no one respond – I know from experience. Sometimes we are so wrapped up in our own issues that we can't quite get to helping others. I am going to do better, and I hope others will as well. Charlie is our shining example!
I send wishes of peace to you and your family.
Lear
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- December 18, 2012 at 2:33 am
Dear Susan,
I am so sorry about your brother! I lost my sister when she was 41 and I was 37. I continue to miss her enormously even now, 25 years later. She did not have melanoma, but an alcoholic liver disease, which I saw developing over the years. I blamed myself for not being agressive enough in getting her the help she so clearly needed. I did the same thing when my mom was diagnosed with colon cancer – why didn't I make her get a colonoscopy before this grew beyond help? Now that I have stage 4 melanoma, my second stage 4 cancer, I am trying to forgive myself for my sister and my mother. I know without doubt that my precious husband, my wonderful siblings, and my incredible children, are NOT responsible for what has happened to me, so how could I be responsible for my sister and mother? Please let go of blame and just know that you were the best sister your brother could have had.
Thank you also for writing about how important the responses are on this forum. It is very sad to post something in an hour of need and have no one respond – I know from experience. Sometimes we are so wrapped up in our own issues that we can't quite get to helping others. I am going to do better, and I hope others will as well. Charlie is our shining example!
I send wishes of peace to you and your family.
Lear
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- December 18, 2012 at 2:33 am
Dear Susan,
I am so sorry about your brother! I lost my sister when she was 41 and I was 37. I continue to miss her enormously even now, 25 years later. She did not have melanoma, but an alcoholic liver disease, which I saw developing over the years. I blamed myself for not being agressive enough in getting her the help she so clearly needed. I did the same thing when my mom was diagnosed with colon cancer – why didn't I make her get a colonoscopy before this grew beyond help? Now that I have stage 4 melanoma, my second stage 4 cancer, I am trying to forgive myself for my sister and my mother. I know without doubt that my precious husband, my wonderful siblings, and my incredible children, are NOT responsible for what has happened to me, so how could I be responsible for my sister and mother? Please let go of blame and just know that you were the best sister your brother could have had.
Thank you also for writing about how important the responses are on this forum. It is very sad to post something in an hour of need and have no one respond – I know from experience. Sometimes we are so wrapped up in our own issues that we can't quite get to helping others. I am going to do better, and I hope others will as well. Charlie is our shining example!
I send wishes of peace to you and your family.
Lear
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- December 18, 2012 at 3:58 am
Dear Susan,
I feel your pain and am very sorry to hear of your huge loss. For what it's worth it's a natural response to blame yourself, but you know as well as I do that Melanoma is a sneaky and devious cancer and even if it was caught early, there's no guarantee you're cured. My whole family thought this way with my father who I lost in August this year. He actually noticed the change in an old age spot and went to the doctor, but was told it was fine. Fast forward a year, he showed my mum the spot and she thought it looked normal, but he still asked the doctor on another appointment and again was told "don't worry about it". By the time he showed it to me it was bleeding and I ordered him to go and ask to have it removed……well the rest is history, he battled for only 18mnths before it killed him. We all wish we'd encouraged him to get a second opinion. I have felt numb since I lost him, we were very close. I hope that you can go forward dealing with the pain of loosing your brother, knowing that things will get a little easier with time. You obviously loved your brother and did all humanly possible under the circumstances.
My thoughts are with you and hope that time helps to heal.
xx Nahmi from Melbourne
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- December 18, 2012 at 3:58 am
Dear Susan,
I feel your pain and am very sorry to hear of your huge loss. For what it's worth it's a natural response to blame yourself, but you know as well as I do that Melanoma is a sneaky and devious cancer and even if it was caught early, there's no guarantee you're cured. My whole family thought this way with my father who I lost in August this year. He actually noticed the change in an old age spot and went to the doctor, but was told it was fine. Fast forward a year, he showed my mum the spot and she thought it looked normal, but he still asked the doctor on another appointment and again was told "don't worry about it". By the time he showed it to me it was bleeding and I ordered him to go and ask to have it removed……well the rest is history, he battled for only 18mnths before it killed him. We all wish we'd encouraged him to get a second opinion. I have felt numb since I lost him, we were very close. I hope that you can go forward dealing with the pain of loosing your brother, knowing that things will get a little easier with time. You obviously loved your brother and did all humanly possible under the circumstances.
My thoughts are with you and hope that time helps to heal.
xx Nahmi from Melbourne
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- December 18, 2012 at 3:58 am
Dear Susan,
I feel your pain and am very sorry to hear of your huge loss. For what it's worth it's a natural response to blame yourself, but you know as well as I do that Melanoma is a sneaky and devious cancer and even if it was caught early, there's no guarantee you're cured. My whole family thought this way with my father who I lost in August this year. He actually noticed the change in an old age spot and went to the doctor, but was told it was fine. Fast forward a year, he showed my mum the spot and she thought it looked normal, but he still asked the doctor on another appointment and again was told "don't worry about it". By the time he showed it to me it was bleeding and I ordered him to go and ask to have it removed……well the rest is history, he battled for only 18mnths before it killed him. We all wish we'd encouraged him to get a second opinion. I have felt numb since I lost him, we were very close. I hope that you can go forward dealing with the pain of loosing your brother, knowing that things will get a little easier with time. You obviously loved your brother and did all humanly possible under the circumstances.
My thoughts are with you and hope that time helps to heal.
xx Nahmi from Melbourne
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- December 18, 2012 at 6:00 am
Dear Susan,
I am so sorry that you have suffered the loss of your brother. There are no words to describe your loss but I do hope you find comfort in your brother's life and all that he meant to you.
Thank you for writing to all of us and giving us helpful advice how we might continue to love and support each other, your words are very powerful and I thank you for taking the time to write them.
I too am facing a big battle, but tonight I feel it is nothing in comparison to the families in C.T. who are dealing with such a tragic loss of little angels and beloved teachers and staff who care for them and put themselves in harms way to protect these children every day. My daughter is a beautiful first year teacher of 3rd graders, she spends way to much money on buying books, gifts, parties, and incentives for her kids, she makes so little but her heart is in teaching…God Bless teachers, I lift them up tonight in prayer and appreciation for all they do to teach our future.
Many on this website read these posts and they weigh heavy on their hearts and mind. I always try to reassure those that don't get a response that lots of people read their posts but were unable to respond due to many reasons, some just searching for answers and information, some to sick, some shy and timid, some afraid for whatever reason, some like me that have a hard time just writing a sentence….I write a book! But one thing is for certain, look at the amount of views and you know so many go to bed at night thinking of all they read and sending powerful thoughts and prayers out to people they've never met, but know are fighting a great battle.
God bless you as you move forward. Please embrace the pain of your loss and know it is because of such great love that you are hurting today. Time is the cure and one day it will subside and the love of your brother will grow in ways unimagineable and he will always be with you…in just a different light!
God Bless you and your family.
Swanee
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- December 18, 2012 at 6:00 am
Dear Susan,
I am so sorry that you have suffered the loss of your brother. There are no words to describe your loss but I do hope you find comfort in your brother's life and all that he meant to you.
Thank you for writing to all of us and giving us helpful advice how we might continue to love and support each other, your words are very powerful and I thank you for taking the time to write them.
I too am facing a big battle, but tonight I feel it is nothing in comparison to the families in C.T. who are dealing with such a tragic loss of little angels and beloved teachers and staff who care for them and put themselves in harms way to protect these children every day. My daughter is a beautiful first year teacher of 3rd graders, she spends way to much money on buying books, gifts, parties, and incentives for her kids, she makes so little but her heart is in teaching…God Bless teachers, I lift them up tonight in prayer and appreciation for all they do to teach our future.
Many on this website read these posts and they weigh heavy on their hearts and mind. I always try to reassure those that don't get a response that lots of people read their posts but were unable to respond due to many reasons, some just searching for answers and information, some to sick, some shy and timid, some afraid for whatever reason, some like me that have a hard time just writing a sentence….I write a book! But one thing is for certain, look at the amount of views and you know so many go to bed at night thinking of all they read and sending powerful thoughts and prayers out to people they've never met, but know are fighting a great battle.
God bless you as you move forward. Please embrace the pain of your loss and know it is because of such great love that you are hurting today. Time is the cure and one day it will subside and the love of your brother will grow in ways unimagineable and he will always be with you…in just a different light!
God Bless you and your family.
Swanee
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- December 18, 2012 at 6:00 am
Dear Susan,
I am so sorry that you have suffered the loss of your brother. There are no words to describe your loss but I do hope you find comfort in your brother's life and all that he meant to you.
Thank you for writing to all of us and giving us helpful advice how we might continue to love and support each other, your words are very powerful and I thank you for taking the time to write them.
I too am facing a big battle, but tonight I feel it is nothing in comparison to the families in C.T. who are dealing with such a tragic loss of little angels and beloved teachers and staff who care for them and put themselves in harms way to protect these children every day. My daughter is a beautiful first year teacher of 3rd graders, she spends way to much money on buying books, gifts, parties, and incentives for her kids, she makes so little but her heart is in teaching…God Bless teachers, I lift them up tonight in prayer and appreciation for all they do to teach our future.
Many on this website read these posts and they weigh heavy on their hearts and mind. I always try to reassure those that don't get a response that lots of people read their posts but were unable to respond due to many reasons, some just searching for answers and information, some to sick, some shy and timid, some afraid for whatever reason, some like me that have a hard time just writing a sentence….I write a book! But one thing is for certain, look at the amount of views and you know so many go to bed at night thinking of all they read and sending powerful thoughts and prayers out to people they've never met, but know are fighting a great battle.
God bless you as you move forward. Please embrace the pain of your loss and know it is because of such great love that you are hurting today. Time is the cure and one day it will subside and the love of your brother will grow in ways unimagineable and he will always be with you…in just a different light!
God Bless you and your family.
Swanee
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- December 20, 2012 at 4:57 pm
Susan, my heart bleeds for you and your family ! Wayne and I offer you our sincere condolences and heartfelt sympathy for your GREAT LOSS ! It breaks all our hearts to read of JUST ONE loss to this BEAST ! This AWFUL BEAST !
Praying for God's COMFORT and BLESSINGS and PEACE in the midst of such sadness and loss. SOOOO SORRY !!!! 🙁
Nancy (devoted wife of 3 X Warrior Wayne) <><
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- December 20, 2012 at 4:57 pm
Susan, my heart bleeds for you and your family ! Wayne and I offer you our sincere condolences and heartfelt sympathy for your GREAT LOSS ! It breaks all our hearts to read of JUST ONE loss to this BEAST ! This AWFUL BEAST !
Praying for God's COMFORT and BLESSINGS and PEACE in the midst of such sadness and loss. SOOOO SORRY !!!! 🙁
Nancy (devoted wife of 3 X Warrior Wayne) <><
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- December 20, 2012 at 4:57 pm
Susan, my heart bleeds for you and your family ! Wayne and I offer you our sincere condolences and heartfelt sympathy for your GREAT LOSS ! It breaks all our hearts to read of JUST ONE loss to this BEAST ! This AWFUL BEAST !
Praying for God's COMFORT and BLESSINGS and PEACE in the midst of such sadness and loss. SOOOO SORRY !!!! 🙁
Nancy (devoted wife of 3 X Warrior Wayne) <><
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- December 21, 2012 at 3:02 am
Susan,
Words always seem so inadequate at times like this. I am so sorry for your loss. Your brother was blessed to have someone like you. You can NOT blame yourself as you look in the rear-view mirror. As another pointed out, there is NO guarantee that things would have been any different even if it had been noticed earlier. You just simply can not shoulder that blame. I hope that with time, you may consider returning to the medical field bacause it sounds like you have a lot of compassion to share & that can really make a difference in people's lives.
I wish I had great words of wisdom and comfort to offer. I hope you have lots of loving support around you during these painful days.
Tina
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- December 21, 2012 at 3:02 am
Susan,
Words always seem so inadequate at times like this. I am so sorry for your loss. Your brother was blessed to have someone like you. You can NOT blame yourself as you look in the rear-view mirror. As another pointed out, there is NO guarantee that things would have been any different even if it had been noticed earlier. You just simply can not shoulder that blame. I hope that with time, you may consider returning to the medical field bacause it sounds like you have a lot of compassion to share & that can really make a difference in people's lives.
I wish I had great words of wisdom and comfort to offer. I hope you have lots of loving support around you during these painful days.
Tina
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- December 21, 2012 at 3:02 am
Susan,
Words always seem so inadequate at times like this. I am so sorry for your loss. Your brother was blessed to have someone like you. You can NOT blame yourself as you look in the rear-view mirror. As another pointed out, there is NO guarantee that things would have been any different even if it had been noticed earlier. You just simply can not shoulder that blame. I hope that with time, you may consider returning to the medical field bacause it sounds like you have a lot of compassion to share & that can really make a difference in people's lives.
I wish I had great words of wisdom and comfort to offer. I hope you have lots of loving support around you during these painful days.
Tina
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