Question of Support
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Question of Support

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  • Post
    • July 11, 2011 at 1:59 am
    Charlie S
    Participant

    A question was posed to me the other day by a  seeking melanoma patient for which I had no effective/relative  answer and  therefor would ask for your collective wisdom and input.

    Here was the question:  " By all clinical indications, I am about to progress to Stage IV and I am personally scared to death.  My second marriage is not all that great anyway, but this is putting an additional strain on it and I do not know what to do to reconcile my marriage and my personal fears"

     

    A question was posed to me the other day by a  seeking melanoma patient for which I had no effective/relative  answer and  therefor would ask for your collective wisdom and input.

    Here was the question:  " By all clinical indications, I am about to progress to Stage IV and I am personally scared to death.  My second marriage is not all that great anyway, but this is putting an additional strain on it and I do not know what to do to reconcile my marriage and my personal fears"

     

    It wasn't exactly like that, but pretty close.  Though I have been there and done that, my insight might not really be relevant by todays perspective.  I'm just glad I am past this, but the person who asked me is not.

     

    So, in the hopes that this person might read your collective wisdom. rather than my out dated point of view………………how  bout some input?

    Cheers.

    Charlie S

Viewing 7 reply threads
  • Replies
      • July 11, 2011 at 2:12 am
      Charlie S
      Participant

      You should all apply anon by the way, I so get how sensitive this is.

      Charlie S

      • July 11, 2011 at 2:12 am
      Charlie S
      Participant

      You should all apply anon by the way, I so get how sensitive this is.

      Charlie S

      • July 11, 2011 at 2:35 am
      washoegal
      Participant

      No time like the present to seek professional counseling.  I think if I were he/she I might start by myself then see if my partner was willing to join.

      • July 11, 2011 at 2:35 am
      washoegal
      Participant

      No time like the present to seek professional counseling.  I think if I were he/she I might start by myself then see if my partner was willing to join.

      • July 11, 2011 at 3:36 am
      lhaley
      Participant

      It helps to have supportive people in your midst when dealing with this disease. It doesn't have to be a spouse it could be a close friend.  A failing marriage is destructive even during the best health! It can also destroy ones health. Some spouses cannot deal with cancer even though there is a strong relationship.

      I agree with the above poster on counseling, but for a different purpose. If this relationship is causing more stress maybe a trial separation is needed. I had a family member whose ex came back and was a caretaker. They rekindled the friendship that had originally brought them together. The ex-spouses fiancee even helped with maintenance around the house.  No one in the family could believe it, many thought there was an ulterior motive.  It was all in the name of friendship and support.

      • July 11, 2011 at 3:36 am
      lhaley
      Participant

      It helps to have supportive people in your midst when dealing with this disease. It doesn't have to be a spouse it could be a close friend.  A failing marriage is destructive even during the best health! It can also destroy ones health. Some spouses cannot deal with cancer even though there is a strong relationship.

      I agree with the above poster on counseling, but for a different purpose. If this relationship is causing more stress maybe a trial separation is needed. I had a family member whose ex came back and was a caretaker. They rekindled the friendship that had originally brought them together. The ex-spouses fiancee even helped with maintenance around the house.  No one in the family could believe it, many thought there was an ulterior motive.  It was all in the name of friendship and support.

      • July 11, 2011 at 12:21 pm
      Carol Taylor
      Participant

      Because there's always at least two sides to every story, with the truth usually somewhere in the middle, I agree with counseling. Both spouses need a safe place to talk and hopefully come to a mutual resolve. His wife has her own issues now to deal with as he possibly advances (I don't really see what the wife's number has to do with it..she's his wife.)

      All the best to them. He needs support! And so does she. I pray they can heal their marriage and he can deal with his fears. Glad he's got you Charlie.

      Grace and peace,

      Carol

      • July 11, 2011 at 12:21 pm
      Carol Taylor
      Participant

      Because there's always at least two sides to every story, with the truth usually somewhere in the middle, I agree with counseling. Both spouses need a safe place to talk and hopefully come to a mutual resolve. His wife has her own issues now to deal with as he possibly advances (I don't really see what the wife's number has to do with it..she's his wife.)

      All the best to them. He needs support! And so does she. I pray they can heal their marriage and he can deal with his fears. Glad he's got you Charlie.

      Grace and peace,

      Carol

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