MRF-Logo2019-Horizontal-RGB
question of balance!
REGISTER
The information on this site is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Content within the patient forum is user-generated and has not been reviewed by medical professionals. Other sections of the Melanoma Research Foundation website include information that has been reviewed by medical professionals as appropriate. All medical decisions should be made in consultation with your doctor or other qualified medical professional.

question of balance!

› Forums › General Melanoma Community › question of balance!

  • Post
    • March 9, 2011 at 2:03 pm
    Bonnie Lea
    Participant

      yeah that is a neat song by one (if not the ONE) fav group of mine.  however….   another one pops in my mind.  SILENCE IS GOLDEN…well, does no news is good news count?  we are sooo quiet, I am wondering if everyone left and moved to mars or something.  But if you all did that, well then,  what about me? ya I can be selfish at being left all alone and feeling sorry for myself.

      yeah that is a neat song by one (if not the ONE) fav group of mine.  however….   another one pops in my mind.  SILENCE IS GOLDEN…well, does no news is good news count?  we are sooo quiet, I am wondering if everyone left and moved to mars or something.  But if you all did that, well then,  what about me? ya I can be selfish at being left all alone and feeling sorry for myself.

      I go to my family doctor tomorrow to get results on a whole slew of blood tests I semi demanded  (over and above what is normally done  on a regular blood panel)  I need to get back in touch with some of the very smart folks I met on the thyroid board of a health place forum  where no one is allowed to know your name.  hahah.  Maybe,  maybe all my counts are great.  they (office) called me in to go over stuff, and the reason they  used is high cholesterol.  They know my time is valuable only in the way that I have to scramble for transportation, which translates into Bob taking time off work, so the conspiritory part of me, says  why call me in to yell at me for cholesterol, when I know what I do is not good, and I know what to do to make it better, (hubby has high choleseerol)  so  due to Melanoma in our lives I guess we all live always seeing the not so always fulll glass even sor something as simple as blood work. Not anything to do with any kind of cancer doctor or stupid cancer hospital or anything.

      So where have all our friends here gone?  Long time is passing….

      Love perpetual Benevolent Bonnie

      I know some have broked computers, but some don't soooooooooooooo  are we here now all   passee'  HUH HIUH indecision

    Viewing 9 reply threads
    • Replies
        • March 9, 2011 at 3:10 pm
        dian in spokane
        Participant

          Bonnie,

           

          I'm still here. It's been a busy year for me so far, and I haven't posted much. But I still read. I guess I feel like no one is over here on this side of the board anymore, and I've drifted away because of it.

          I'm sorry the doctors have your worried. I hope all is well.

          dian

          • March 9, 2011 at 3:10 pm
          dian in spokane
          Participant

            Bonnie,

             

            I'm still here. It's been a busy year for me so far, and I haven't posted much. But I still read. I guess I feel like no one is over here on this side of the board anymore, and I've drifted away because of it.

            I'm sorry the doctors have your worried. I hope all is well.

            dian

            • March 9, 2011 at 3:38 pm
            Bonnie Lea
            Participant

              ya Dian I agree, but hey if we don't make an effort the effort won't make itself.  We just have to get over ourselves for what ever that means.  Gee I miss everyone's bantering.  I miss the silliness that kept us laughing at times of need.  I know we are on FB but tht is just not the same.  There is no reason why we all cannot just start anew, and be the close kind crazy wacko's (some of us) we use to be.  Cept we are older, and I for one feel so much older than you guys all put together, and I know I cannot be that old.  Jusst feel it.

               

              Other issues are upsetting me at the moment, and I cannot deal too well with things pertaining to that.  It has done what I all along suspected it would and that is MAKE ME OLD.  I hate it.  but I still love you all.

               

              Bonnie Lea

              • March 9, 2011 at 3:38 pm
              Bonnie Lea
              Participant

                ya Dian I agree, but hey if we don't make an effort the effort won't make itself.  We just have to get over ourselves for what ever that means.  Gee I miss everyone's bantering.  I miss the silliness that kept us laughing at times of need.  I know we are on FB but tht is just not the same.  There is no reason why we all cannot just start anew, and be the close kind crazy wacko's (some of us) we use to be.  Cept we are older, and I for one feel so much older than you guys all put together, and I know I cannot be that old.  Jusst feel it.

                 

                Other issues are upsetting me at the moment, and I cannot deal too well with things pertaining to that.  It has done what I all along suspected it would and that is MAKE ME OLD.  I hate it.  but I still love you all.

                 

                Bonnie Lea

                • March 10, 2011 at 12:09 am
                LV
                Participant

                  I hope all was well with your tests, and glad they were mostly of the routine variety.

                  Things have changed here, probably for good. Well, not exactly for the better, but at least for this generation of posters. And it seems that the spark, the feeling, the spontaneity, the sense of belonging have all disappeared. Everyone has to be polite, so as not to be chastised or censured. It IS too bad. But nothing stays the same.

                  For some reason, it also seems to be frowned upon now to reveal too much of oneself here. But I'll tell you that I've had a hell of a weekend. A nephew got married, at what was probably the biggest wedding I've ever been to. And yesterday was the funeral for my niece, who died from leukemia. (Two different sides of the family, lest anyone think it was callous to have a wedding then.)  One of my sons mentioned that in one weekend he had seen all but two of his relatives. I guess it takes joy or heartbreak to bring people together.

                  Joy and heartbreak. Life in a nutshell.

                    • March 10, 2011 at 1:05 pm
                    Bonnie Lea
                    Participant

                      HMMMM I know you mean not telling too much of a personal nature, but I choose (this morning) to think   revealing what? posing el-nudito? naw – showing stashes of cash?  hmmm hahha.  Well, also the wedding was on the weekend, the funeral was not.  It is not like you had to change mode mid day from glad to sad, then go back to the glad and think of the sad.  I can understand.

                      that couple in NZ who chose to still get married in SPITE of the destruction of that earthquake, I applaud them, life does go on.  Being polite is nice, but one can read through the lines, to see if it is genuine or not.  We can "maintain a level of decorum, and still have fun doncha know"  just maybe not all gross like.  But then to some what is gross is not gross to others, so you are right, nothing does stay the same.  Still I think it is a challenge to force our tired brain cells to come up with ideas and discussions that could possibly blossom.

                      You could elaborate on why this wedding was the largest you have ever been to?  how many guests,  formal or not?  food? buffet? (I am gearing up MAYBE) for a wedding in the distant future, and only have been to 3 weddings in my life, one of which was my own  (a hundred years ago) 

                      I am sorry for the passing of your niece,  cancer in any form truly sucks big time.  Lately I have been feeling very sorry for myself, and yet, I should be joyful.  I am becoming bitter when I told no to certain things, due to health history, and it is ticking me off.  But hey  that is life.

                      I just feel, if I need this place,  others do too, and so what if it takes a few of us to get it going, at least we are trying. 

                      Love Bonnie Lea  please everyone  excuse my errors. sometimes my brain works, sometimes I think the shunt is over watering things in my belly.

                      • March 10, 2011 at 6:29 pm
                      LV
                      Participant

                        Well, knock me upside the head for being so stupid! Of course, Tuesday is not the weekend – thanks for pointing that out to me.  I was so silly to lump the events together. I must have been on emotional overload.  Yes, it is not like I had to 'change mode mid day.'  (Although I didn't realize that emotions are like clothes that can be changed at will.) Both emotions were concurrent.

                        This is partially why people don't post. Reveal your heartbreak to have it thrown back at you? No one needs that. My bad, for being so dense.

                        Over and out.

                        • March 10, 2011 at 7:23 pm
                        Bonnie Lea
                        Participant

                          ah really nothing is ever over and out. 

                           

                          I was just thankful that you did not have to deal with both on the same weekend so to speak. 

                           

                          My dear brother passed away December 19 far away in Japan,  his funeral was December 24th, in Japan.  Over  here I was trying to be jovial and all happy because of Christmas, and at the end of Church service on Christmas Eve telling the children in the congregation the poem of Twas the night before Christmas, when my heart was crying out to my brother, knowing he is gone forever and ever, and only to be with me in my heart.  So really I can fully understand your heartbreak. Me also trying to console my 90 year old mother who cannot still cannot understand the death of her "golden boy" and she is still alive.  So now at Christmas I reflect on not only the reason for the season, but also on Tim, who was my dearest onlyest older brother who guarded me all our lives and even passed his time on this earth. 

                          For you it was A new set of lives beginning and one ending, and dealing with joy and grief all at once is hard.  I do not understand about your comment about having your heart break thrown back at you!  by me?  most certainly not.  Even in my brain weird way, I am not that type to ever be that creepy.

                          I think you misjudge me.  Too bad, I am an ok person really.

                          Bonnie Lea who is not over and out.

                          • March 10, 2011 at 7:23 pm
                          Bonnie Lea
                          Participant

                            ah really nothing is ever over and out. 

                             

                            I was just thankful that you did not have to deal with both on the same weekend so to speak. 

                             

                            My dear brother passed away December 19 far away in Japan,  his funeral was December 24th, in Japan.  Over  here I was trying to be jovial and all happy because of Christmas, and at the end of Church service on Christmas Eve telling the children in the congregation the poem of Twas the night before Christmas, when my heart was crying out to my brother, knowing he is gone forever and ever, and only to be with me in my heart.  So really I can fully understand your heartbreak. Me also trying to console my 90 year old mother who cannot still cannot understand the death of her "golden boy" and she is still alive.  So now at Christmas I reflect on not only the reason for the season, but also on Tim, who was my dearest onlyest older brother who guarded me all our lives and even passed his time on this earth. 

                            For you it was A new set of lives beginning and one ending, and dealing with joy and grief all at once is hard.  I do not understand about your comment about having your heart break thrown back at you!  by me?  most certainly not.  Even in my brain weird way, I am not that type to ever be that creepy.

                            I think you misjudge me.  Too bad, I am an ok person really.

                            Bonnie Lea who is not over and out.

                            • March 10, 2011 at 6:29 pm
                            LV
                            Participant

                              Well, knock me upside the head for being so stupid! Of course, Tuesday is not the weekend – thanks for pointing that out to me.  I was so silly to lump the events together. I must have been on emotional overload.  Yes, it is not like I had to 'change mode mid day.'  (Although I didn't realize that emotions are like clothes that can be changed at will.) Both emotions were concurrent.

                              This is partially why people don't post. Reveal your heartbreak to have it thrown back at you? No one needs that. My bad, for being so dense.

                              Over and out.

                              • March 10, 2011 at 1:05 pm
                              Bonnie Lea
                              Participant

                                HMMMM I know you mean not telling too much of a personal nature, but I choose (this morning) to think   revealing what? posing el-nudito? naw – showing stashes of cash?  hmmm hahha.  Well, also the wedding was on the weekend, the funeral was not.  It is not like you had to change mode mid day from glad to sad, then go back to the glad and think of the sad.  I can understand.

                                that couple in NZ who chose to still get married in SPITE of the destruction of that earthquake, I applaud them, life does go on.  Being polite is nice, but one can read through the lines, to see if it is genuine or not.  We can "maintain a level of decorum, and still have fun doncha know"  just maybe not all gross like.  But then to some what is gross is not gross to others, so you are right, nothing does stay the same.  Still I think it is a challenge to force our tired brain cells to come up with ideas and discussions that could possibly blossom.

                                You could elaborate on why this wedding was the largest you have ever been to?  how many guests,  formal or not?  food? buffet? (I am gearing up MAYBE) for a wedding in the distant future, and only have been to 3 weddings in my life, one of which was my own  (a hundred years ago) 

                                I am sorry for the passing of your niece,  cancer in any form truly sucks big time.  Lately I have been feeling very sorry for myself, and yet, I should be joyful.  I am becoming bitter when I told no to certain things, due to health history, and it is ticking me off.  But hey  that is life.

                                I just feel, if I need this place,  others do too, and so what if it takes a few of us to get it going, at least we are trying. 

                                Love Bonnie Lea  please everyone  excuse my errors. sometimes my brain works, sometimes I think the shunt is over watering things in my belly.

                                • March 10, 2011 at 10:23 pm
                                bcl
                                Participant

                                  I'm so sorry to hear about your niece Laura – it must have been very hard to put on a brave face at the wedding. Thinking of you and sending hugs. xxlinda

                                  • March 10, 2011 at 10:23 pm
                                  bcl
                                  Participant

                                    I'm so sorry to hear about your niece Laura – it must have been very hard to put on a brave face at the wedding. Thinking of you and sending hugs. xxlinda

                                  • March 10, 2011 at 12:09 am
                                  LV
                                  Participant

                                    I hope all was well with your tests, and glad they were mostly of the routine variety.

                                    Things have changed here, probably for good. Well, not exactly for the better, but at least for this generation of posters. And it seems that the spark, the feeling, the spontaneity, the sense of belonging have all disappeared. Everyone has to be polite, so as not to be chastised or censured. It IS too bad. But nothing stays the same.

                                    For some reason, it also seems to be frowned upon now to reveal too much of oneself here. But I'll tell you that I've had a hell of a weekend. A nephew got married, at what was probably the biggest wedding I've ever been to. And yesterday was the funeral for my niece, who died from leukemia. (Two different sides of the family, lest anyone think it was callous to have a wedding then.)  One of my sons mentioned that in one weekend he had seen all but two of his relatives. I guess it takes joy or heartbreak to bring people together.

                                    Joy and heartbreak. Life in a nutshell.

                                    • March 27, 2011 at 6:31 pm
                                    NicOz
                                    Participant

                                      I have my fingers crossed for boring cholesterol, too Bonnie!

                                      'Tis true, I don't bother here much- not even to skim. My excuse? The place stopped being fun/funny and entertaining for the most part. Then my hope for a less stressful 2011 got thrown out the window, and away I stayed 🙂

                                      Laura, I'm so sorry to hear about your niece, but strangely relieved there was a bit of 'yin and yang' in terms of the wedding, though I'm sure it was small consolation. My heart goes out to you, sweets xxx

                                      Been busy lately *snort*, with layer upon layer of stress and issues piling on top of each other. I barely have the energy or inclination to post on the BB let alone here. Maybe if I have a good consult today I will feel a little less anxious and more willing to share my information… maybe not. I tend to keep things close to the chest on the MRF for the same reason. And now? I'd best get packed as my lift will be here in a bit.

                                      Be good! (Not much danger of anything else on this board, I suppose :P)

                                      Nic

                                      xxx

                                        • March 28, 2011 at 7:28 am
                                        JerryfromFauq
                                        Participant
                                          Is talking about Tasmanian maps good or bad?
                                          • March 28, 2011 at 7:28 am
                                          JerryfromFauq
                                          Participant
                                            Is talking about Tasmanian maps good or bad?
                                            • March 28, 2011 at 1:29 pm
                                            Bonnie Lea
                                            Participant

                                              Well Nic thankyou for your mention.  stresses tend to pile on top of each other, and when you think you are just getting out from under one, wham….another one drops on your head.  (your poor head)  I was concerned recently when you wrote about being in hobbithall again.  I wonder if you are out yet?  My cholesterol was skipped over, in lieu of severe Vit B12 deficency, and Free T3 low with a TSH normal (hypothyroid am I)  also the ECG was not so great, with that goofy murmer thing they are watching, and I am dreading the up coming sleep study.  I wonder how I can screw them around with the EEG (I am hoping to bring my MP3) headphones, etc, and listen to something like Bill Cosby and his famous side splitting standup routine on the DENTIST.  make my brain jump about.

                                              thankyou Nic.  You take care of yourself and your wee girl.  I wish I had gotten to know you more.

                                              Love Bonnie Lea

                                              • March 28, 2011 at 1:29 pm
                                              Bonnie Lea
                                              Participant

                                                Well Nic thankyou for your mention.  stresses tend to pile on top of each other, and when you think you are just getting out from under one, wham….another one drops on your head.  (your poor head)  I was concerned recently when you wrote about being in hobbithall again.  I wonder if you are out yet?  My cholesterol was skipped over, in lieu of severe Vit B12 deficency, and Free T3 low with a TSH normal (hypothyroid am I)  also the ECG was not so great, with that goofy murmer thing they are watching, and I am dreading the up coming sleep study.  I wonder how I can screw them around with the EEG (I am hoping to bring my MP3) headphones, etc, and listen to something like Bill Cosby and his famous side splitting standup routine on the DENTIST.  make my brain jump about.

                                                thankyou Nic.  You take care of yourself and your wee girl.  I wish I had gotten to know you more.

                                                Love Bonnie Lea

                                              • March 27, 2011 at 6:31 pm
                                              NicOz
                                              Participant

                                                I have my fingers crossed for boring cholesterol, too Bonnie!

                                                'Tis true, I don't bother here much- not even to skim. My excuse? The place stopped being fun/funny and entertaining for the most part. Then my hope for a less stressful 2011 got thrown out the window, and away I stayed 🙂

                                                Laura, I'm so sorry to hear about your niece, but strangely relieved there was a bit of 'yin and yang' in terms of the wedding, though I'm sure it was small consolation. My heart goes out to you, sweets xxx

                                                Been busy lately *snort*, with layer upon layer of stress and issues piling on top of each other. I barely have the energy or inclination to post on the BB let alone here. Maybe if I have a good consult today I will feel a little less anxious and more willing to share my information… maybe not. I tend to keep things close to the chest on the MRF for the same reason. And now? I'd best get packed as my lift will be here in a bit.

                                                Be good! (Not much danger of anything else on this board, I suppose :P)

                                                Nic

                                                xxx

                                                • March 28, 2011 at 6:29 am
                                                BarbieGirl
                                                Participant

                                                  Sweet Bonnie, I don't come here much anymore.  I'm still peeved the "My First Chrismas in Heaven" poem was pulled.. twice! 

                                                  The Pattersons would never have done that, and didn't for the 9 years I was here constantly.  I didn't write the poem nor did I post it here the first time, but I've saved it since the first time it was posted.   Nothing against Tim… I know he's trying to make all the people happy all the time (which is impossible, but kudos to him for trying, anyway.)

                                                  After taking almost a year's hiatus, I started reading and posting a little, but this just isn't the place it used to be. I hate to be the one to say it (though there are many who believe it), but I wish the Patterson's had kept the boards instead of gifting it to the MRF.  Even Jeff participated in many darkside conversations.

                                                  Plus, after losing so many friends I've met in real-life, it's just damn depressing here.  So I don't drop by often, but still do every now-and-then.  Love and *hugz* Bonnie!

                                                    • March 28, 2011 at 1:34 pm
                                                    Bonnie Lea
                                                    Participant

                                                      Ya well Lisa, we all lose our dear friends here.  Family members too.  You make a connection, you think it is a sincere one, they don't keep you up to par, and you panic  So at least seeing people post here, OFFTOPIC of melanoma, you can get their place in life where they are at that moment in time.

                                                      Lots of us are on FB true, but then so many of our non cancer friends are as well, and family members in my case, I do not wish them to know when I am so far down or feeling ill.  Enough time when it is official (ie medical doctors tell them)  I will miss the crazy love we all do have in spite of misunderstandings, and folks not knowing you well enough to understand your wording.

                                                      Hope that one day soon, yo will find a good church to go to.  No jumping up and down, and swinging tamborines, but a simple dedicated to the source one.  I belong to a Wesleyan Methodist.  No jumping up there.

                                                      No silly faith healing and screeching.  Just dedicated prayer, music and words and Bible study.  SIMPLE and honest.

                                                      Love Bonnie Lesa

                                                      • March 28, 2011 at 1:34 pm
                                                      Bonnie Lea
                                                      Participant

                                                        Ya well Lisa, we all lose our dear friends here.  Family members too.  You make a connection, you think it is a sincere one, they don't keep you up to par, and you panic  So at least seeing people post here, OFFTOPIC of melanoma, you can get their place in life where they are at that moment in time.

                                                        Lots of us are on FB true, but then so many of our non cancer friends are as well, and family members in my case, I do not wish them to know when I am so far down or feeling ill.  Enough time when it is official (ie medical doctors tell them)  I will miss the crazy love we all do have in spite of misunderstandings, and folks not knowing you well enough to understand your wording.

                                                        Hope that one day soon, yo will find a good church to go to.  No jumping up and down, and swinging tamborines, but a simple dedicated to the source one.  I belong to a Wesleyan Methodist.  No jumping up there.

                                                        No silly faith healing and screeching.  Just dedicated prayer, music and words and Bible study.  SIMPLE and honest.

                                                        Love Bonnie Lesa

                                                        • March 28, 2011 at 1:34 pm
                                                        Bonnie Lea
                                                        Participant

                                                          Ya well Lisa, we all lose our dear friends here.  Family members too.  You make a connection, you think it is a sincere one, they don't keep you up to par, and you panic  So at least seeing people post here, OFFTOPIC of melanoma, you can get their place in life where they are at that moment in time.

                                                          Lots of us are on FB true, but then so many of our non cancer friends are as well, and family members in my case, I do not wish them to know when I am so far down or feeling ill.  Enough time when it is official (ie medical doctors tell them)  I will miss the crazy love we all do have in spite of misunderstandings, and folks not knowing you well enough to understand your wording.

                                                          Hope that one day soon, yo will find a good church to go to.  No jumping up and down, and swinging tamborines, but a simple dedicated to the source one.  I belong to a Wesleyan Methodist.  No jumping up there.

                                                          No silly faith healing and screeching.  Just dedicated prayer, music and words and Bible study.  SIMPLE and honest.

                                                          Love Bonnie Lesa

                                                          • March 28, 2011 at 1:34 pm
                                                          Bonnie Lea
                                                          Participant

                                                            Ya well Lisa, we all lose our dear friends here.  Family members too.  You make a connection, you think it is a sincere one, they don't keep you up to par, and you panic  So at least seeing people post here, OFFTOPIC of melanoma, you can get their place in life where they are at that moment in time.

                                                            Lots of us are on FB true, but then so many of our non cancer friends are as well, and family members in my case, I do not wish them to know when I am so far down or feeling ill.  Enough time when it is official (ie medical doctors tell them)  I will miss the crazy love we all do have in spite of misunderstandings, and folks not knowing you well enough to understand your wording.

                                                            Hope that one day soon, yo will find a good church to go to.  No jumping up and down, and swinging tamborines, but a simple dedicated to the source one.  I belong to a Wesleyan Methodist.  No jumping up there.

                                                            No silly faith healing and screeching.  Just dedicated prayer, music and words and Bible study.  SIMPLE and honest.

                                                            Love Bonnie Lesa

                                                          • March 28, 2011 at 6:29 am
                                                          BarbieGirl
                                                          Participant

                                                            Sweet Bonnie, I don't come here much anymore.  I'm still peeved the "My First Chrismas in Heaven" poem was pulled.. twice! 

                                                            The Pattersons would never have done that, and didn't for the 9 years I was here constantly.  I didn't write the poem nor did I post it here the first time, but I've saved it since the first time it was posted.   Nothing against Tim… I know he's trying to make all the people happy all the time (which is impossible, but kudos to him for trying, anyway.)

                                                            After taking almost a year's hiatus, I started reading and posting a little, but this just isn't the place it used to be. I hate to be the one to say it (though there are many who believe it), but I wish the Patterson's had kept the boards instead of gifting it to the MRF.  Even Jeff participated in many darkside conversations.

                                                            Plus, after losing so many friends I've met in real-life, it's just damn depressing here.  So I don't drop by often, but still do every now-and-then.  Love and *hugz* Bonnie!

                                                        Viewing 9 reply threads
                                                        • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
                                                        About the MRF Patient Forum

                                                        The MRF Patient Forum is the oldest and largest online community of people affected by melanoma. It is designed to provide peer support and information to caregivers, patients, family and friends. There is no better place to discuss different parts of your journey with this cancer and find the friends and support resources to make that journey more bearable.

                                                        The information on the forum is open and accessible to everyone. To add a new topic or to post a reply, you must be a registered user. Please note that you will be able to post both topics and replies anonymously even though you are logged in. All posts must abide by MRF posting policies.

                                                        Popular Topics