The information on this site is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Content within the patient forum is user-generated and has not been reviewed by medical professionals. Other sections of the Melanoma Research Foundation website include information that has been reviewed by medical professionals as appropriate. All medical decisions should be made in consultation with your doctor or other qualified medical professional.

Oh man

  • Post
    Bonnie Lea
    Participant

    Dear friends:

     

    I am down so much of late this is literally knocking my socks off.  I know most of you are worse than I, and I am not one to feel like I am a ticking time bomb for surely I am not.   But I cannot explain this pain emotionally I feel.  I know the passings of our dear ones here, have reflected on my being, but this is not the way I can continue to fight my fight.

     

    Dear friends:

     

    I am down so much of late this is literally knocking my socks off.  I know most of you are worse than I, and I am not one to feel like I am a ticking time bomb for surely I am not.   But I cannot explain this pain emotionally I feel.  I know the passings of our dear ones here, have reflected on my being, but this is not the way I can continue to fight my fight.

     

    I ask you for strength and prayers and what efer all you wanna toss at me.  I am soooooo not there where I should and need to be.  God please help us all and keep us all strong in our fight.  Melanoma truely is the enemy  not breast cancer, not thyroid cancer those seem to be able to be controlled, but MELANOMA is truely as someone here said  an ORHAN disease, and I want change, and I want it now.  At least with most other cancers we can predict and treat…what is it with melanoma?   My brother died from prostate cancer, his latter years spent in the sun to help his bones (metastiszed) and me hiding under shade.  It doesnt seem right.

    Why cannot the world decide to spend the zillions of bucks needed to find a curre.   not a remission, but a damn cure!  ere it is after 8:30 pm.  no one here, but me.  I am going to bed to try to sleep. 

     

    I love you all.

    Bonnie lea

    Loading spinner
Viewing 19 reply threads
  • Replies
      Jerry from Cape Cod
      Participant

      Bonnie Lea,

      I'm sending lots of Cape Cod hugs your way.  You've been in my thoughts often so I'll just "ramp 'er up" a bit.  It's is tough to see old and new friends progress and pass.  The tears I've spent here are many, but I've also had the joy of reading the words of inspiration from you and others and the help I've received when I was down.

      I'm sure all your friends here will gather round and help lift you up. 

      Your loved by many.

      Jerry from Cape Cod

      Loading spinner
      Jerry from Cape Cod
      Participant

      Bonnie Lea,

      I'm sending lots of Cape Cod hugs your way.  You've been in my thoughts often so I'll just "ramp 'er up" a bit.  It's is tough to see old and new friends progress and pass.  The tears I've spent here are many, but I've also had the joy of reading the words of inspiration from you and others and the help I've received when I was down.

      I'm sure all your friends here will gather round and help lift you up. 

      Your loved by many.

      Jerry from Cape Cod

      Loading spinner
      jag
      Participant

      Bonnie, I will pray that God gives you strength and peace.

      John

      Loading spinner
      jag
      Participant

      Bonnie, I will pray that God gives you strength and peace.

      John

      Loading spinner
      lhaley
      Participant

      Bonnie Lea,

      I so understand where your head is.  My dear friend LynnT passed away 2 weeks ago from melanoma. Every time I had a scan Lynn was always waiting for me when I came out with a huge smile on her face and a coke in her hand for me.  I just don't understand this disease!!

      Just remember to live everyday and enjoy.  Do something special for yourself and know that those who have passed or are struggling want others to go on.

      Sending hugs from South Carolina, I hope the sun will be shining on your emotions tomorrow.

      Linda

      Loading spinner
      lhaley
      Participant

      Bonnie Lea,

      I so understand where your head is.  My dear friend LynnT passed away 2 weeks ago from melanoma. Every time I had a scan Lynn was always waiting for me when I came out with a huge smile on her face and a coke in her hand for me.  I just don't understand this disease!!

      Just remember to live everyday and enjoy.  Do something special for yourself and know that those who have passed or are struggling want others to go on.

      Sending hugs from South Carolina, I hope the sun will be shining on your emotions tomorrow.

      Linda

      Loading spinner
      BethA in VA
      Participant

      You have been in my prayers but as others said…I'll bump it up a bit.  You are stronger than you give yourself credit for.  I'm really sad that you are going thru so much.  I wish you well.  Sending prayers from Virginia.  Beth

      Loading spinner
      BethA in VA
      Participant

      You have been in my prayers but as others said…I'll bump it up a bit.  You are stronger than you give yourself credit for.  I'm really sad that you are going thru so much.  I wish you well.  Sending prayers from Virginia.  Beth

      Loading spinner
      Kimmer
      Participant

      Oh Bonnie,

      The weight of the world is heavy indeed and often comes to rest on strong shoulders.  I think that nothing should ever make you, Sweet Bonnie, so sad.

      I am sending my virtual (left) hand, the one with all the melanoma scars, out to hold yours.  It has gained back its strength over the years as have I.  I am also sending the very best thoughts your way that you awoke and found the Beautiful Bonnie World that you always know is there.

      And my dogz send you love and virtual fur.

          

       Two shed-o-matics, Abbey and Emma

      Love, K.

      Loading spinner
      Kimmer
      Participant

      Oh Bonnie,

      The weight of the world is heavy indeed and often comes to rest on strong shoulders.  I think that nothing should ever make you, Sweet Bonnie, so sad.

      I am sending my virtual (left) hand, the one with all the melanoma scars, out to hold yours.  It has gained back its strength over the years as have I.  I am also sending the very best thoughts your way that you awoke and found the Beautiful Bonnie World that you always know is there.

      And my dogz send you love and virtual fur.

          

       Two shed-o-matics, Abbey and Emma

      Love, K.

      Loading spinner
      TinaR
      Participant

      Bonnie,

      I'm sorry you are feeling so down…it's very difficult to be upbeat in the face of all the news that conspires to make life so heartbreaking…but know that even sharing little bits of joy or crazy things here and there makes a difference in the lives of those you care for and those in a crisis.  This by lifting them up, making them smile or irritating the hell out of them– ( which can serve to take them out of difficult moments for the bit of  time it takes to piss them off ! )

      If I could I'd fix everything- I'm sure we all would. I can only do the things I know how to do…you, too. Know that every bit you give here allows someone a little break somewhere/somehow.

      Feel better.

      Loading spinner
      TinaR
      Participant

      Bonnie,

      I'm sorry you are feeling so down…it's very difficult to be upbeat in the face of all the news that conspires to make life so heartbreaking…but know that even sharing little bits of joy or crazy things here and there makes a difference in the lives of those you care for and those in a crisis.  This by lifting them up, making them smile or irritating the hell out of them– ( which can serve to take them out of difficult moments for the bit of  time it takes to piss them off ! )

      If I could I'd fix everything- I'm sure we all would. I can only do the things I know how to do…you, too. Know that every bit you give here allows someone a little break somewhere/somehow.

      Feel better.

      Loading spinner
      dian in spokane
      Participant

      Bonnie,

      I know that part of what is driving your anguish is our dear friend Kurt. It's always difficult to see our friends here losing their battles, but when it's someone like Kurt, it's so disheartening. He's fought so hard, and with such good humor and strength. He's had family support, good care, strong faith, and yet he is still losing.

      I wonder sometimes, how I continue to come here, year after year, and make friendships, just to see those friends die. There have been times, in chat, when DebbieH and I have gone through what I call the catalogue..the list of people who we used to talk with in there, year after year, folks who laughed with us and played with us, then slowly got worse and died.

      I've been to those MPIP bashes where we write the names of lost warriors on slips of paper or balloons and I've cried because I ran out of paper or balloons before I ran out of names. It seems like an unwinnable battle.

      I don't believe we'll find a cure for cancer in my lifetime. Ane even if we did, DEATH would still be with us. You cannot lose heart Bonnie, LIFE is the only thing to counteract it. Joy is what you must find to help this emotional pain that you feel.

      We can't help Kurt. But you have to find the joy in life while you are here, just as he always has. Even in his last days, Kurt's family has made sure that he has a place where he can see the beauty surrounding him.

      Get out into those fall colors, interact with some babies, dance to some music, go pick some berries, take one last camping trip before the winter hits. Focus on some of those tiny, day to day joys that will give you the emotional strength you need to face these heartaches.

      You're in my thoughts today Bonnie. I hope you are doing better this morning.

      dian

      Loading spinner
        LizzM
        Participant

        Bonnie, I think what Dian said is just perfect. Just know you are always in my thoughts and prayers.

        ~~Liz

        Loading spinner
        LizzM
        Participant

        Bonnie, I think what Dian said is just perfect. Just know you are always in my thoughts and prayers.

        ~~Liz

        Loading spinner
      dian in spokane
      Participant

      Bonnie,

      I know that part of what is driving your anguish is our dear friend Kurt. It's always difficult to see our friends here losing their battles, but when it's someone like Kurt, it's so disheartening. He's fought so hard, and with such good humor and strength. He's had family support, good care, strong faith, and yet he is still losing.

      I wonder sometimes, how I continue to come here, year after year, and make friendships, just to see those friends die. There have been times, in chat, when DebbieH and I have gone through what I call the catalogue..the list of people who we used to talk with in there, year after year, folks who laughed with us and played with us, then slowly got worse and died.

      I've been to those MPIP bashes where we write the names of lost warriors on slips of paper or balloons and I've cried because I ran out of paper or balloons before I ran out of names. It seems like an unwinnable battle.

      I don't believe we'll find a cure for cancer in my lifetime. Ane even if we did, DEATH would still be with us. You cannot lose heart Bonnie, LIFE is the only thing to counteract it. Joy is what you must find to help this emotional pain that you feel.

      We can't help Kurt. But you have to find the joy in life while you are here, just as he always has. Even in his last days, Kurt's family has made sure that he has a place where he can see the beauty surrounding him.

      Get out into those fall colors, interact with some babies, dance to some music, go pick some berries, take one last camping trip before the winter hits. Focus on some of those tiny, day to day joys that will give you the emotional strength you need to face these heartaches.

      You're in my thoughts today Bonnie. I hope you are doing better this morning.

      dian

      Loading spinner
      raysa
      Participant

      Bonnie lea…

      I am so sorry that you are going through this hard season.  I really do believe it is a season and that you will come out of it strong.  Thank you for all you give to other people and for your kind heart.  I love reading your posts.

      Loading spinner
      raysa
      Participant

      Bonnie lea…

      I am so sorry that you are going through this hard season.  I really do believe it is a season and that you will come out of it strong.  Thank you for all you give to other people and for your kind heart.  I love reading your posts.

      Loading spinner
      NicOz
      Participant

      Bonnie, my sweet, I'm truly sorry you're in a crappy place at the moment. It's a place everyone finds themselves in at times, but it's only transient- I have faith our Bonnie Lea will be back with bells on, shortly. This place CAN make anyone feel like a ticking time-bomb. When it started doing that to me, I distanced myself from it a bit.

      For myself, the board started being unbalanced, which is when I stepped away. All work and no play make melanoma patients a very dull and depressing bunch, IMHO. We used to have a mix of posts on the main board, and people would manage to heckle melanoma while still adressing its impact. I don't see that anymore. It's too damned serious, and THAT depresses me. So rather than immerse myself in it, I find it more benficial to immerse myself in life :)

      It's school holidays here, so my humour is a bit frazzled myself, but it has not been without it's fantastic moments (and I'm hoping that at least one of these will make you smile):

      Went to the local show yesterday, and while my mother was perched on a hay bale, a stray dog wandered up, lifted it's leg, and peed on her :D

      Georgia wandered out the other day with her guitar, started strumming and burst into song singing the following lyrics: "My friend's got a girlfriend and he hates that bitch, he tells me everyday…" reminding me that I need to keep a closer watch on my iphone when she is around.

      We've just got to strive for balance. When we feel our heart breaking about something, we need to find something that will fill it with laughter and happiness. Sometimes it seems disrespectful or causes a bit of guilt, but we have to have that counterbalance or we get off kilter. And I'm ending with a dreaded emoticon  heart

      Loading spinner
      NicOz
      Participant

      Bonnie, my sweet, I'm truly sorry you're in a crappy place at the moment. It's a place everyone finds themselves in at times, but it's only transient- I have faith our Bonnie Lea will be back with bells on, shortly. This place CAN make anyone feel like a ticking time-bomb. When it started doing that to me, I distanced myself from it a bit.

      For myself, the board started being unbalanced, which is when I stepped away. All work and no play make melanoma patients a very dull and depressing bunch, IMHO. We used to have a mix of posts on the main board, and people would manage to heckle melanoma while still adressing its impact. I don't see that anymore. It's too damned serious, and THAT depresses me. So rather than immerse myself in it, I find it more benficial to immerse myself in life :)

      It's school holidays here, so my humour is a bit frazzled myself, but it has not been without it's fantastic moments (and I'm hoping that at least one of these will make you smile):

      Went to the local show yesterday, and while my mother was perched on a hay bale, a stray dog wandered up, lifted it's leg, and peed on her :D

      Georgia wandered out the other day with her guitar, started strumming and burst into song singing the following lyrics: "My friend's got a girlfriend and he hates that bitch, he tells me everyday…" reminding me that I need to keep a closer watch on my iphone when she is around.

      We've just got to strive for balance. When we feel our heart breaking about something, we need to find something that will fill it with laughter and happiness. Sometimes it seems disrespectful or causes a bit of guilt, but we have to have that counterbalance or we get off kilter. And I'm ending with a dreaded emoticon  heart

      Loading spinner
      Yawn
      Participant

      strength and prayers!  I hope you are feeling better!

      Loading spinner
      Yawn
      Participant

      strength and prayers!  I hope you are feeling better!

      Loading spinner
Viewing 19 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.
About the MRF Patient Forum

The MRF Patient Forum is the oldest and largest online community of people affected by melanoma. It is designed to provide peer support and information to caregivers, patients, family and friends. There is no better place to discuss different parts of your journey with this cancer and find the friends and support resources to make that journey more bearable.

The information on the forum is open and accessible to everyone. To add a new topic or to post a reply, you must be a registered user. Please note that you will be able to post both topics and replies anonymously even though you are logged in. All posts must abide by MRF posting policies.