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New Here and Frightened

Forums General Melanoma Community New Here and Frightened

  • Post
    kay5291
    Participant

      Hello All-

      I have been lurking for a week and I have gone back and forth about posting because I don't have any test results yet.  But you all seem so kind and calming, and I guess I could use some of that right now.

      Hello All-

      I have been lurking for a week and I have gone back and forth about posting because I don't have any test results yet.  But you all seem so kind and calming, and I guess I could use some of that right now.

      So a year ago I had a baby.  Late in my pregnancy I noticed a small spot on my upper leg/buttock area.  It looked like a small hemangioma, which run in my family, and my skin always changes when I am pregnant from the hormones.  Most of the changes go away or resolve after I stop breastfeeding, bu this one didn't.  It grew to the size of a small pencil eraser, and got dark.  I figured it was a blood blister.  I really didn't think anything of it.  But it never went away.  A couple of weeks ago I brought it up to my husband and he agreed that it would probably be best to get it looked at.  I made the appt with my pcp.  I have a very good relationship with my doctor, but as soon as she got a look at this thing her whole demeanor changed.  And I guess that's when I got scared.  She set up an appt for me with a surgeon, saying that she wanted to make sure that an expert cut it off because of margins, etc.  I had a consult with the surgeon first, and he said, "I don't like it.  That needs to come off ASAP."  I told him we were going on vacation next week and he said he didn't even want to wait until after that.  He set up the excision for the following weekday.  While he was cutting it off, he said two things that have me very uneasy.  First he said to his nurse, I've going to revise this some before I stitch up."  To me he said, well I've got to take off a bit more than I told you.  Then several minutes later he said, "Ok I'm going to stop.  I can't chase this anymore."  When I asked what that meant I was not answered, and the subject was changed.  I was given short or no answers at all for every question I asked, in fact.

      Today is Wednesday, and the nurse said she would probably have results Friday or  Monday.  It's like torture.  I don't want the call but I want the call now.  It's difficult because no one will talk to me about it.  My husband says don't borrow trouble, which I understand but just makes me feel lonely.  Doctors wont answer any questions until they have to.  My mother dissolves into tears at the mere mention of the subject.  Ugh.

      So I guess I just wanted to know if anyone has any idea what the surgeon could have meant with those two statements.  Cause I knwo what it SOUNDS like to me. Also I guess I needed an outlet to get some feelings out.  I think it kind of sucks that the one going through it is forced to be the "strong" one for everyone else and hold it all together, but that seems to be my situation.

      If you're still reading, thank you.  As fatalistic as this probably sounds, I am hoping and praying for good news.

    Viewing 20 reply threads
    • Replies
        JC
        Participant

          I know waiting is extremely hard.  But, try to keep in mind a couple of things before you jump to the worst conclusion.  First, the only way to tell anything for certain is biopsy/pathology, and so until you get that back, what looks bad to someone may not necessarily come back as what it looked like with the naked eye.  Second, there are many many examples of things that looked really bad that come back as nothing to worry about.  So, while it's hard to wait and your mind automatically goes to the deepest darkest places, try to relax, think good thoughts, and until you get pathology back you don't know this is bad news.  It could very well be something much less serious than you're thinking.

          JC
          Participant

            I know waiting is extremely hard.  But, try to keep in mind a couple of things before you jump to the worst conclusion.  First, the only way to tell anything for certain is biopsy/pathology, and so until you get that back, what looks bad to someone may not necessarily come back as what it looked like with the naked eye.  Second, there are many many examples of things that looked really bad that come back as nothing to worry about.  So, while it's hard to wait and your mind automatically goes to the deepest darkest places, try to relax, think good thoughts, and until you get pathology back you don't know this is bad news.  It could very well be something much less serious than you're thinking.

            JC
            Participant

              I know waiting is extremely hard.  But, try to keep in mind a couple of things before you jump to the worst conclusion.  First, the only way to tell anything for certain is biopsy/pathology, and so until you get that back, what looks bad to someone may not necessarily come back as what it looked like with the naked eye.  Second, there are many many examples of things that looked really bad that come back as nothing to worry about.  So, while it's hard to wait and your mind automatically goes to the deepest darkest places, try to relax, think good thoughts, and until you get pathology back you don't know this is bad news.  It could very well be something much less serious than you're thinking.

              aldakota22
              Participant

                The waiting for answers is nerve racking.Keep as busy as possible till then,Will be praying that all the worry was for nil.Beat the Beast.    Al

                aldakota22
                Participant

                  The waiting for answers is nerve racking.Keep as busy as possible till then,Will be praying that all the worry was for nil.Beat the Beast.    Al

                  aldakota22
                  Participant

                    The waiting for answers is nerve racking.Keep as busy as possible till then,Will be praying that all the worry was for nil.Beat the Beast.    Al

                    mcanova
                    Participant

                      You have come to the right place.  We are all here because we have been through this too.  And this group has an amazing amount of information and experience to share.

                      About a week after your biopsy, your doctor will call you with the results, which will include the depth of the primary melanoma in mm, and may also mention something called Clarks level (1-4).  The Clarks level is an indicator of the invasion into the dermis, but is somewhat obsolete and is not used as much anymore.  But Clarks level is often confused with Stage, and they not the same.  I went into a panic when I was told that I was level 4 and thought it was the same as Stage 4.  Don't do that.

                      Try not to worry.  Post again when you hear from your doctor.

                      We are all here for you.

                      Mike from Richmond

                      mcanova
                      Participant

                        You have come to the right place.  We are all here because we have been through this too.  And this group has an amazing amount of information and experience to share.

                        About a week after your biopsy, your doctor will call you with the results, which will include the depth of the primary melanoma in mm, and may also mention something called Clarks level (1-4).  The Clarks level is an indicator of the invasion into the dermis, but is somewhat obsolete and is not used as much anymore.  But Clarks level is often confused with Stage, and they not the same.  I went into a panic when I was told that I was level 4 and thought it was the same as Stage 4.  Don't do that.

                        Try not to worry.  Post again when you hear from your doctor.

                        We are all here for you.

                        Mike from Richmond

                          kay5291
                          Participant

                            Hi Mike-

                            We are neighbors.. I am in the Richmond area, actually live just outside of it in the country.

                            Good to know there is someone close by.. If I need it, I am comforted to know I can get some good advice on doctors in the area.

                            kay5291
                            Participant

                              Hi Mike-

                              We are neighbors.. I am in the Richmond area, actually live just outside of it in the country.

                              Good to know there is someone close by.. If I need it, I am comforted to know I can get some good advice on doctors in the area.

                              kay5291
                              Participant

                                Hi Mike-

                                We are neighbors.. I am in the Richmond area, actually live just outside of it in the country.

                                Good to know there is someone close by.. If I need it, I am comforted to know I can get some good advice on doctors in the area.

                              mcanova
                              Participant

                                You have come to the right place.  We are all here because we have been through this too.  And this group has an amazing amount of information and experience to share.

                                About a week after your biopsy, your doctor will call you with the results, which will include the depth of the primary melanoma in mm, and may also mention something called Clarks level (1-4).  The Clarks level is an indicator of the invasion into the dermis, but is somewhat obsolete and is not used as much anymore.  But Clarks level is often confused with Stage, and they not the same.  I went into a panic when I was told that I was level 4 and thought it was the same as Stage 4.  Don't do that.

                                Try not to worry.  Post again when you hear from your doctor.

                                We are all here for you.

                                Mike from Richmond

                                LynnLuc
                                Participant

                                  It's better to know your enemy and have a healthy concern about it. I have no idea what the doctor found however it seems like it was invasive and he found himself going deeper and wider then he expected. When my melanoma appeared the second time, it was exactly how you described…a blood blister/ raised size of a pencil eraser. You will probably need to find a comprehensive melanoma center where they know melanoma better than regular oncologists…if it comes back melanoma.

                                  I am stage 4 and have been NED for over 2 years.

                                  Take care and blessings!

                                  Lynn

                                  LynnLuc
                                  Participant

                                    It's better to know your enemy and have a healthy concern about it. I have no idea what the doctor found however it seems like it was invasive and he found himself going deeper and wider then he expected. When my melanoma appeared the second time, it was exactly how you described…a blood blister/ raised size of a pencil eraser. You will probably need to find a comprehensive melanoma center where they know melanoma better than regular oncologists…if it comes back melanoma.

                                    I am stage 4 and have been NED for over 2 years.

                                    Take care and blessings!

                                    Lynn

                                    LynnLuc
                                    Participant

                                      It's better to know your enemy and have a healthy concern about it. I have no idea what the doctor found however it seems like it was invasive and he found himself going deeper and wider then he expected. When my melanoma appeared the second time, it was exactly how you described…a blood blister/ raised size of a pencil eraser. You will probably need to find a comprehensive melanoma center where they know melanoma better than regular oncologists…if it comes back melanoma.

                                      I am stage 4 and have been NED for over 2 years.

                                      Take care and blessings!

                                      Lynn

                                      AngelaM
                                      Participant

                                        Hi there,

                                        As others have said – you need to wait for the pathology report before you know what you are dealing with. It may not be melanoma. It may be something else less worrisome. My advice to you is not to speculate. That's why your doctors are not saying anything. The truth is that they don't know until the pathology report comes back. Melanoma is only diagnosed in that manner – not by simply looking at the lesion. Yes, there are characteristics that indicate melanoma, but even then your doctors can't be sure.

                                        Once you have your pathology report then post it and we will help you understand the diagnosis – if that's even necessary.

                                        For now, try to take your mind off it. Believe me, I know how difficult it is to wait. My body looks like a patch-work quilt. I have had about 100 biopsies over a 3yr period and 3 came back as melanoma.

                                        Good luck!

                                        AngelaM
                                        Participant

                                          Hi there,

                                          As others have said – you need to wait for the pathology report before you know what you are dealing with. It may not be melanoma. It may be something else less worrisome. My advice to you is not to speculate. That's why your doctors are not saying anything. The truth is that they don't know until the pathology report comes back. Melanoma is only diagnosed in that manner – not by simply looking at the lesion. Yes, there are characteristics that indicate melanoma, but even then your doctors can't be sure.

                                          Once you have your pathology report then post it and we will help you understand the diagnosis – if that's even necessary.

                                          For now, try to take your mind off it. Believe me, I know how difficult it is to wait. My body looks like a patch-work quilt. I have had about 100 biopsies over a 3yr period and 3 came back as melanoma.

                                          Good luck!

                                          AngelaM
                                          Participant

                                            Hi there,

                                            As others have said – you need to wait for the pathology report before you know what you are dealing with. It may not be melanoma. It may be something else less worrisome. My advice to you is not to speculate. That's why your doctors are not saying anything. The truth is that they don't know until the pathology report comes back. Melanoma is only diagnosed in that manner – not by simply looking at the lesion. Yes, there are characteristics that indicate melanoma, but even then your doctors can't be sure.

                                            Once you have your pathology report then post it and we will help you understand the diagnosis – if that's even necessary.

                                            For now, try to take your mind off it. Believe me, I know how difficult it is to wait. My body looks like a patch-work quilt. I have had about 100 biopsies over a 3yr period and 3 came back as melanoma.

                                            Good luck!

                                            kay5291
                                            Participant

                                              Thank you all for the kind words.  I am trying to keep myself busy and worry as little as possible.  I will post my results when I have them. 

                                              kay5291
                                              Participant

                                                Thank you all for the kind words.  I am trying to keep myself busy and worry as little as possible.  I will post my results when I have them. 

                                                kay5291
                                                Participant

                                                  Thank you all for the kind words.  I am trying to keep myself busy and worry as little as possible.  I will post my results when I have them. 

                                                  Roxy1453
                                                  Participant
                                                    I just read your post, have you gotten results back? I haven’t seen you post since last week.

                                                    I hope and pray that everything came back ok!

                                                    Nancy

                                                    Roxy1453
                                                    Participant
                                                      I just read your post, have you gotten results back? I haven’t seen you post since last week.

                                                      I hope and pray that everything came back ok!

                                                      Nancy

                                                      Roxy1453
                                                      Participant
                                                        I just read your post, have you gotten results back? I haven’t seen you post since last week.

                                                        I hope and pray that everything came back ok!

                                                        Nancy

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