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Need a pep talk

Forums General Melanoma Community Need a pep talk

  • Post
    Linda J
    Participant
    I am starting the braf/mek combo trial on the 19th with should really give me some peace and comfort but I am going crazy with stress. I have all of the scans within the next 10 days and I’m terrified with what they will find. What if they find that it is everywhere? I have had about 10 subqs pop up in the last 3 1/2 weeks. I can keep myself from feeling my body – I poke and prod all the time. I don’t know how I’m going to keep calm from now until next Wednesday. I know it shouldn’t be that big of a deal when I feel a new subq but I panic with each one.

    I am starting the braf/mek combo trial on the 19th with should really give me some peace and comfort but I am going crazy with stress. I have all of the scans within the next 10 days and I’m terrified with what they will find. What if they find that it is everywhere? I have had about 10 subqs pop up in the last 3 1/2 weeks. I can keep myself from feeling my body – I poke and prod all the time. I don’t know how I’m going to keep calm from now until next Wednesday. I know it shouldn’t be that big of a deal when I feel a new subq but I panic with each one. I’ve got pains in my right side and I worry that it is all over my liver, which again shouldn’t be a big deal because we are going to kill whatever might be there starting next Wednesday. But I’m going crazy with anxiety. How am I going to make it until the 19th???
    I know that everyone here understands this kind of stress and fear. How can I get my emotions back on top and feel like a strong fighter instead of a helpless victim – despite what else might pop up???

    Linda J

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  • Replies
      Lori C
      Participant

      Hi Linda,

      I can certainly identify.  Before this whole melanoma beast came into my life, I had a struggle with an anxiety issue – over cancer, so I have long experience at "when in danger, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout" type of response.  I hated feeling, like you said, a helpless victim.

      So:  You are on the frontlines of battling this disease, have worked hard to educate yourself and find the very best treatment for you, and taken actions that were tough and painful in the past.  You have been in control.  You have a plan in place and regardless of what assaults melanoma stages between now and the 19th, you will counterattack then.  You've planned your strategy and your tactics and you are on the brink of executing them, with all your flanks covered and contingencies considered.  You ARE fighting this with the best weapons you have and are not alone. 

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      Lori C
      Participant

      Hi Linda,

      I can certainly identify.  Before this whole melanoma beast came into my life, I had a struggle with an anxiety issue – over cancer, so I have long experience at "when in danger, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout" type of response.  I hated feeling, like you said, a helpless victim.

      So:  You are on the frontlines of battling this disease, have worked hard to educate yourself and find the very best treatment for you, and taken actions that were tough and painful in the past.  You have been in control.  You have a plan in place and regardless of what assaults melanoma stages between now and the 19th, you will counterattack then.  You've planned your strategy and your tactics and you are on the brink of executing them, with all your flanks covered and contingencies considered.  You ARE fighting this with the best weapons you have and are not alone. 

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      Vermont_Donna
      Participant

      Dear Linda,

        You are doing EXACTLY what you need to do…coming to us and TALKING about your fears and worries. We KNOW what you are going through, and have all been there (or are there right now). SO it helps to verbalize those fears and worries, get them out. None of us knows what will be found on your scans but you do have a plan, and you do have HOPE that anything found will be fought!! Once you know what is there you will know what you are dealing with. It is the UNKNOWN that is driving you crazy, our imaginations are worse than the truth in most cases. So good that you are writing to us here. Talk with your family and friends, or write it in a journal, all your fears and worries. Have a good cry….that can help with so much emotion also.

      Good luck, 

      Vermont_Donna

      stage 3a

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      Vermont_Donna
      Participant

      Dear Linda,

        You are doing EXACTLY what you need to do…coming to us and TALKING about your fears and worries. We KNOW what you are going through, and have all been there (or are there right now). SO it helps to verbalize those fears and worries, get them out. None of us knows what will be found on your scans but you do have a plan, and you do have HOPE that anything found will be fought!! Once you know what is there you will know what you are dealing with. It is the UNKNOWN that is driving you crazy, our imaginations are worse than the truth in most cases. So good that you are writing to us here. Talk with your family and friends, or write it in a journal, all your fears and worries. Have a good cry….that can help with so much emotion also.

      Good luck, 

      Vermont_Donna

      stage 3a

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      emilypen
      Participant

      Hey Linda,

      Honestly we went through the same thing when we were waiting on all the test results before my husband started the study.

      And you know 3 days after he started the dugs he said to me that he already felt better. He didn't know if it was mental or phsyical but he knew something had changed.

      I cried when he started just becasue i felt we  were finally on a path to something… not just waiting anymore.

      The waiting is the worst.

      Are you starting a BRAF/MEK trial or the MEK/P13k trial at PMH? My husband is on the MEK/P13k trial with Dr. Bedard.

      http://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT01155453

      Found an interesting article on the drugs used in the study:

      http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/12/101213163845.htm

       

      stay strong,

      Emily

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      emilypen
      Participant

      Hey Linda,

      Honestly we went through the same thing when we were waiting on all the test results before my husband started the study.

      And you know 3 days after he started the dugs he said to me that he already felt better. He didn't know if it was mental or phsyical but he knew something had changed.

      I cried when he started just becasue i felt we  were finally on a path to something… not just waiting anymore.

      The waiting is the worst.

      Are you starting a BRAF/MEK trial or the MEK/P13k trial at PMH? My husband is on the MEK/P13k trial with Dr. Bedard.

      http://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT01155453

      Found an interesting article on the drugs used in the study:

      http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/12/101213163845.htm

       

      stay strong,

      Emily

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      Gracie
      Participant

      Oh Linda, I know exactly how you feel.  The waiting and worrying and wondering how you will react and what your future holds is enough to kill anyone.  I called for a biopsy result once just before a weekend so I  would not have to wait till Monday. The nurse could hear the anxiety in my voice.  The biopsy was not back yet and she gave me some advice: "Do not stop living while waiting.  Live happier and harder while waiting because the cancer will do what it is going to do and you cannot change that."  At first I thought she was heartless.  After considering her words for a while, I called my sisters and we all went to the movies and dinner and refused to talk about melanoma for a night.  Now whenever I await scan results, I pack my time with things and events that make me happy and busy.  It is so therapeudic for me to feel like the old days and once again I realize that "cancer is IN my life, but it is NOT my life".   

      Melanoma can make you feel pretty lonely.  I am glad we both found this site.

      God bless you.

      Gracie 3b

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      Gracie
      Participant

      Oh Linda, I know exactly how you feel.  The waiting and worrying and wondering how you will react and what your future holds is enough to kill anyone.  I called for a biopsy result once just before a weekend so I  would not have to wait till Monday. The nurse could hear the anxiety in my voice.  The biopsy was not back yet and she gave me some advice: "Do not stop living while waiting.  Live happier and harder while waiting because the cancer will do what it is going to do and you cannot change that."  At first I thought she was heartless.  After considering her words for a while, I called my sisters and we all went to the movies and dinner and refused to talk about melanoma for a night.  Now whenever I await scan results, I pack my time with things and events that make me happy and busy.  It is so therapeudic for me to feel like the old days and once again I realize that "cancer is IN my life, but it is NOT my life".   

      Melanoma can make you feel pretty lonely.  I am glad we both found this site.

      God bless you.

      Gracie 3b

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      Tracey FL
      Participant

      I am so sorry for your stress.  My mom was the same way and I asked the Dr to give her a pill to calm her down, he gave her ten pills and they worked.  They seem to keep her mind from so many thoughts.  I don't have the meds here but I think the name of the med was lordispan or something like that in a very small dose.  Also it did not make her sleepy.

      Tracey

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      Tracey FL
      Participant

      I am so sorry for your stress.  My mom was the same way and I asked the Dr to give her a pill to calm her down, he gave her ten pills and they worked.  They seem to keep her mind from so many thoughts.  I don't have the meds here but I think the name of the med was lordispan or something like that in a very small dose.  Also it did not make her sleepy.

      Tracey

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      Rocklove
      Participant

      Linda you are so lucky to be able to enroll in the BRAF/Mek trial as a combination. I heve heard that they are having great responses. Do your best to get enough sleep and keep the stress level at bay. If that means drugs… then do it. Stress only makes things worse. There are so many of us that can relate to your situation.

      I too have a checkin with the doc on the 19th 3rd round of ipi. I have been dealing with these tumors (liver, leg and lymphnodes included)  growing and becoming more painful. Anciety level is pretty high… but taking deep breaths. Calling in for some meds that will work on the esculated pain level that has esculated over the weekend.

      Alot of Prayer Angels praying for You Linda and positive that you will do well with this trial.

      Rocky (Stage IV Liver Mets)

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      Rocklove
      Participant

      Linda you are so lucky to be able to enroll in the BRAF/Mek trial as a combination. I heve heard that they are having great responses. Do your best to get enough sleep and keep the stress level at bay. If that means drugs… then do it. Stress only makes things worse. There are so many of us that can relate to your situation.

      I too have a checkin with the doc on the 19th 3rd round of ipi. I have been dealing with these tumors (liver, leg and lymphnodes included)  growing and becoming more painful. Anciety level is pretty high… but taking deep breaths. Calling in for some meds that will work on the esculated pain level that has esculated over the weekend.

      Alot of Prayer Angels praying for You Linda and positive that you will do well with this trial.

      Rocky (Stage IV Liver Mets)

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