› Forums › General Melanoma Community › My life is over
- This topic has 24 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 8 years, 6 months ago by
chaseo.
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- October 21, 2014 at 2:10 am
I'm very depressed I'm only 22. I'm getting married next year and my life is over. I have cancer and I feel as if I'm dying. I was checking for other moles tonight and I feel as tho I have about 4 others that look the same… All I do is cry I feel like this is it.Derm told me not on scale yet for melanoma
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- October 21, 2014 at 2:17 am
Your life is not over. It is just differnt now. There are so many new advances in medicine regarding melanoma let alone cancer as a whole. Just hang in there sweety.
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- October 21, 2014 at 2:17 am
Your life is not over. It is just differnt now. There are so many new advances in medicine regarding melanoma let alone cancer as a whole. Just hang in there sweety.
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- October 21, 2014 at 2:52 am
Ashlee, if you are not even on the scale yet for melanoma, you actually don't have cancer. You don't have melanoma. Think about that!
If you don't have melanoma, if you don't have cancer, how can your life possibly be over?
Before you have melanoma, you may have a dysplastic mole, like my son had. There are even varying degrees of dysplastic moles, mild, moderate to severe, before you even reach the diagnosis of melanoma (cancer), the first stage of which is melanoma in situ, which is limited to the surface of your skin and thought to be 100% curable with surgical removal. It sounds like whatever you had is not even melanoma in situ.
In order for melanoma to be dangerous, it has to be able to spread, which means it has to at least be deeper than melanoma in situ. And it sounds like you don't even have melanoma in situ.
In my son's case, he not only doesn't have cancer, but his life expectancy is not the slightest bit altered by having had a dysplastic mole. In fact, I consider the bright side of him having had this one dysplastic mole to be that he will go in and get his moles checked every year from now on. Because he will be extra cautious, he will be more likely than the average person to catch anything dangerous early. You seem to have been given the same advantage.
What his dermatologist told me about his mole was essentially this: "It could have turned into melanoma eventually, but it may never have. Maybe in 50 years, maybe in 10 years, maybe never." So that is not the worst diagnosis to have. What it does tell you is just that it's good to be vigilant and have any suspicious moles removed. It tells you that if your body has formed one dysplastic mole (which isn't cancer, remember ) it may all the same form another one, so you should be good about being checked. Not obsessive, just vigilant. My son has since had 3 other moles removed similar to the first one, and all came back completely normal. But I will continue to take him in for regular checks. In his case, he also has a mom with melanoma (me).
If your doctor has said you are not even on the scale yet, it sounds to me like you don't have cancer. You seem to be in a similar situation as my son, minus the family history of melanoma (and even if you do have that, it again just means you need to be more watchful). What you need to be is vigilant and get your moles checked regularly.
So go on with your life. Nothing has changed. It sounds like you have much to look forward to! And don't worry.
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- October 21, 2014 at 2:52 am
Ashlee, if you are not even on the scale yet for melanoma, you actually don't have cancer. You don't have melanoma. Think about that!
If you don't have melanoma, if you don't have cancer, how can your life possibly be over?
Before you have melanoma, you may have a dysplastic mole, like my son had. There are even varying degrees of dysplastic moles, mild, moderate to severe, before you even reach the diagnosis of melanoma (cancer), the first stage of which is melanoma in situ, which is limited to the surface of your skin and thought to be 100% curable with surgical removal. It sounds like whatever you had is not even melanoma in situ.
In order for melanoma to be dangerous, it has to be able to spread, which means it has to at least be deeper than melanoma in situ. And it sounds like you don't even have melanoma in situ.
In my son's case, he not only doesn't have cancer, but his life expectancy is not the slightest bit altered by having had a dysplastic mole. In fact, I consider the bright side of him having had this one dysplastic mole to be that he will go in and get his moles checked every year from now on. Because he will be extra cautious, he will be more likely than the average person to catch anything dangerous early. You seem to have been given the same advantage.
What his dermatologist told me about his mole was essentially this: "It could have turned into melanoma eventually, but it may never have. Maybe in 50 years, maybe in 10 years, maybe never." So that is not the worst diagnosis to have. What it does tell you is just that it's good to be vigilant and have any suspicious moles removed. It tells you that if your body has formed one dysplastic mole (which isn't cancer, remember ) it may all the same form another one, so you should be good about being checked. Not obsessive, just vigilant. My son has since had 3 other moles removed similar to the first one, and all came back completely normal. But I will continue to take him in for regular checks. In his case, he also has a mom with melanoma (me).
If your doctor has said you are not even on the scale yet, it sounds to me like you don't have cancer. You seem to be in a similar situation as my son, minus the family history of melanoma (and even if you do have that, it again just means you need to be more watchful). What you need to be is vigilant and get your moles checked regularly.
So go on with your life. Nothing has changed. It sounds like you have much to look forward to! And don't worry.
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- October 21, 2014 at 2:52 am
Ashlee, if you are not even on the scale yet for melanoma, you actually don't have cancer. You don't have melanoma. Think about that!
If you don't have melanoma, if you don't have cancer, how can your life possibly be over?
Before you have melanoma, you may have a dysplastic mole, like my son had. There are even varying degrees of dysplastic moles, mild, moderate to severe, before you even reach the diagnosis of melanoma (cancer), the first stage of which is melanoma in situ, which is limited to the surface of your skin and thought to be 100% curable with surgical removal. It sounds like whatever you had is not even melanoma in situ.
In order for melanoma to be dangerous, it has to be able to spread, which means it has to at least be deeper than melanoma in situ. And it sounds like you don't even have melanoma in situ.
In my son's case, he not only doesn't have cancer, but his life expectancy is not the slightest bit altered by having had a dysplastic mole. In fact, I consider the bright side of him having had this one dysplastic mole to be that he will go in and get his moles checked every year from now on. Because he will be extra cautious, he will be more likely than the average person to catch anything dangerous early. You seem to have been given the same advantage.
What his dermatologist told me about his mole was essentially this: "It could have turned into melanoma eventually, but it may never have. Maybe in 50 years, maybe in 10 years, maybe never." So that is not the worst diagnosis to have. What it does tell you is just that it's good to be vigilant and have any suspicious moles removed. It tells you that if your body has formed one dysplastic mole (which isn't cancer, remember ) it may all the same form another one, so you should be good about being checked. Not obsessive, just vigilant. My son has since had 3 other moles removed similar to the first one, and all came back completely normal. But I will continue to take him in for regular checks. In his case, he also has a mom with melanoma (me).
If your doctor has said you are not even on the scale yet, it sounds to me like you don't have cancer. You seem to be in a similar situation as my son, minus the family history of melanoma (and even if you do have that, it again just means you need to be more watchful). What you need to be is vigilant and get your moles checked regularly.
So go on with your life. Nothing has changed. It sounds like you have much to look forward to! And don't worry.
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- October 21, 2014 at 2:53 am
Ashelee,
I can sit here and tell you to take a deep breath and try not to worry right now. I remember being where you are. I was scared to death.. I had two daughters and I didn't think I would see them get married. The one thing I learned is don't panic until you really KNOW YOU HAVE TO. I am currently 13 yrs 9 months NED. I saw my daughters get married, my grandchildren be born and I built a new house.. Hang in there.!!!! You hae so much support here for you and you can ask any qustion you want, someone will reply. Sending you big hugs.
Love and Light
Carole
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- October 21, 2014 at 2:53 am
Ashelee,
I can sit here and tell you to take a deep breath and try not to worry right now. I remember being where you are. I was scared to death.. I had two daughters and I didn't think I would see them get married. The one thing I learned is don't panic until you really KNOW YOU HAVE TO. I am currently 13 yrs 9 months NED. I saw my daughters get married, my grandchildren be born and I built a new house.. Hang in there.!!!! You hae so much support here for you and you can ask any qustion you want, someone will reply. Sending you big hugs.
Love and Light
Carole
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- October 21, 2014 at 2:53 am
Ashelee,
I can sit here and tell you to take a deep breath and try not to worry right now. I remember being where you are. I was scared to death.. I had two daughters and I didn't think I would see them get married. The one thing I learned is don't panic until you really KNOW YOU HAVE TO. I am currently 13 yrs 9 months NED. I saw my daughters get married, my grandchildren be born and I built a new house.. Hang in there.!!!! You hae so much support here for you and you can ask any qustion you want, someone will reply. Sending you big hugs.
Love and Light
Carole
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- October 21, 2014 at 2:17 am
Your life is not over. It is just differnt now. There are so many new advances in medicine regarding melanoma let alone cancer as a whole. Just hang in there sweety.
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- October 21, 2014 at 3:12 am
I'm going to be VERY blunt here. Your life is not over. Stage 0 has, as I said on your previous posting, nearly a 100% survival rate. Less than 10% of melanoma warriors EVER have more than one melanoma, so likely the other moles are perfectly fine. Reality check. You need to get a grip. I know you are young, but you also need to be realistic.
This is what you need to do:
1. Get a copy of your pathology report for your own records. This confirms your diagnosis.
2. Take pictures of the other moles which are bothering you. If they haven't changed, they are unlikely to be of any concern. You need to realize that there are benign moles, melanoma moles, and "atypical" or "dysplastic" moles. This last category of mole may have some atypical features but ARE NOT CANCER. If the moles in question aren't totally benign, they may just be atypical and again, not cancerous. Again, less than 10% have more than one melanoma primary.
3. Maybe consider talking to a counselor so you understand that your feelings are normal, but maybe out of proportion to the reality. I've been helping newly diagnosed for many years and have seen your reaction many times before. It's hard to reconcile the "c" word with the absolutely excellent prognosis you have. But you need to understand that — most likely — you will NEVER see melanoma again.
4. Some doctors don't consider stage 0 (melanoma in situ) cancerous. They consider it pre-cancerous. In addition, insurance companies actually feel the same. Stage I – no way to get life insurance. Stage 0 doesn't have that same problem.
5. There are people here with prognoses that are vastly worse than yours and their lives aren't over. Some are younger than you. You schedule your surgery (called WLE – wide local excision), get the results that there are clean margins, and continue living life! The more you research, the more anxiety you will get. Stay away from the computer and continue doing what other 22 years old do – LIVE!
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- October 21, 2014 at 3:12 am
I'm going to be VERY blunt here. Your life is not over. Stage 0 has, as I said on your previous posting, nearly a 100% survival rate. Less than 10% of melanoma warriors EVER have more than one melanoma, so likely the other moles are perfectly fine. Reality check. You need to get a grip. I know you are young, but you also need to be realistic.
This is what you need to do:
1. Get a copy of your pathology report for your own records. This confirms your diagnosis.
2. Take pictures of the other moles which are bothering you. If they haven't changed, they are unlikely to be of any concern. You need to realize that there are benign moles, melanoma moles, and "atypical" or "dysplastic" moles. This last category of mole may have some atypical features but ARE NOT CANCER. If the moles in question aren't totally benign, they may just be atypical and again, not cancerous. Again, less than 10% have more than one melanoma primary.
3. Maybe consider talking to a counselor so you understand that your feelings are normal, but maybe out of proportion to the reality. I've been helping newly diagnosed for many years and have seen your reaction many times before. It's hard to reconcile the "c" word with the absolutely excellent prognosis you have. But you need to understand that — most likely — you will NEVER see melanoma again.
4. Some doctors don't consider stage 0 (melanoma in situ) cancerous. They consider it pre-cancerous. In addition, insurance companies actually feel the same. Stage I – no way to get life insurance. Stage 0 doesn't have that same problem.
5. There are people here with prognoses that are vastly worse than yours and their lives aren't over. Some are younger than you. You schedule your surgery (called WLE – wide local excision), get the results that there are clean margins, and continue living life! The more you research, the more anxiety you will get. Stay away from the computer and continue doing what other 22 years old do – LIVE!
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- October 21, 2014 at 3:12 am
I'm going to be VERY blunt here. Your life is not over. Stage 0 has, as I said on your previous posting, nearly a 100% survival rate. Less than 10% of melanoma warriors EVER have more than one melanoma, so likely the other moles are perfectly fine. Reality check. You need to get a grip. I know you are young, but you also need to be realistic.
This is what you need to do:
1. Get a copy of your pathology report for your own records. This confirms your diagnosis.
2. Take pictures of the other moles which are bothering you. If they haven't changed, they are unlikely to be of any concern. You need to realize that there are benign moles, melanoma moles, and "atypical" or "dysplastic" moles. This last category of mole may have some atypical features but ARE NOT CANCER. If the moles in question aren't totally benign, they may just be atypical and again, not cancerous. Again, less than 10% have more than one melanoma primary.
3. Maybe consider talking to a counselor so you understand that your feelings are normal, but maybe out of proportion to the reality. I've been helping newly diagnosed for many years and have seen your reaction many times before. It's hard to reconcile the "c" word with the absolutely excellent prognosis you have. But you need to understand that — most likely — you will NEVER see melanoma again.
4. Some doctors don't consider stage 0 (melanoma in situ) cancerous. They consider it pre-cancerous. In addition, insurance companies actually feel the same. Stage I – no way to get life insurance. Stage 0 doesn't have that same problem.
5. There are people here with prognoses that are vastly worse than yours and their lives aren't over. Some are younger than you. You schedule your surgery (called WLE – wide local excision), get the results that there are clean margins, and continue living life! The more you research, the more anxiety you will get. Stay away from the computer and continue doing what other 22 years old do – LIVE!
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- October 21, 2014 at 4:55 am
I had melanoma in situ (stage 0) from a mole on my back when I was 16. WLE and skin graft to close incision was my only treatment. I am now 57 years old. I have had yearly skin checks and had several other moles removed but all biopsies were negative. Please don't panic. Enjoy your life, monitor your skin, and don't worry about the "what if's" that will probably never happen. Also take the time to read so many of the posts on this forum from people with stage IV who are surviving and thriving.
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- October 21, 2014 at 4:55 am
I had melanoma in situ (stage 0) from a mole on my back when I was 16. WLE and skin graft to close incision was my only treatment. I am now 57 years old. I have had yearly skin checks and had several other moles removed but all biopsies were negative. Please don't panic. Enjoy your life, monitor your skin, and don't worry about the "what if's" that will probably never happen. Also take the time to read so many of the posts on this forum from people with stage IV who are surviving and thriving.
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- October 21, 2014 at 4:55 am
I had melanoma in situ (stage 0) from a mole on my back when I was 16. WLE and skin graft to close incision was my only treatment. I am now 57 years old. I have had yearly skin checks and had several other moles removed but all biopsies were negative. Please don't panic. Enjoy your life, monitor your skin, and don't worry about the "what if's" that will probably never happen. Also take the time to read so many of the posts on this forum from people with stage IV who are surviving and thriving.
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- October 21, 2014 at 6:45 am
I second Janner — you need to chill. Have your dermatologist look at the other moles. If you don't trust your dermatologist, get a second opinion. In the meantime, you have all these people with expertise and experience telling you not to worry. You can either continue on the road to hypochondria, or you can relax and trust in the doctors. I also agree that you should consider counseling to deal with the anxiety. Living in fear of something is often far more debilitating than actually having to face it head-on, and there are many people who, either figuratively or literally, simply take to their beds and wait to die while those who are actually dying are out there living their lives.
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- October 21, 2014 at 6:45 am
I second Janner — you need to chill. Have your dermatologist look at the other moles. If you don't trust your dermatologist, get a second opinion. In the meantime, you have all these people with expertise and experience telling you not to worry. You can either continue on the road to hypochondria, or you can relax and trust in the doctors. I also agree that you should consider counseling to deal with the anxiety. Living in fear of something is often far more debilitating than actually having to face it head-on, and there are many people who, either figuratively or literally, simply take to their beds and wait to die while those who are actually dying are out there living their lives.
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- October 21, 2014 at 6:45 am
I second Janner — you need to chill. Have your dermatologist look at the other moles. If you don't trust your dermatologist, get a second opinion. In the meantime, you have all these people with expertise and experience telling you not to worry. You can either continue on the road to hypochondria, or you can relax and trust in the doctors. I also agree that you should consider counseling to deal with the anxiety. Living in fear of something is often far more debilitating than actually having to face it head-on, and there are many people who, either figuratively or literally, simply take to their beds and wait to die while those who are actually dying are out there living their lives.
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- October 22, 2014 at 10:46 pm
Hi Ashlee, i'm 19 and diagnosed with stage 3 Melanoma. I know it's very hard at first. I couldn't stop crying myself. I've had 2 surgeries so far and I'm doing Interferon for a year. I have learned that attitude is everything. You need to lean on the people that are supporting you through this. Know that life is not over. Fight everyday and know you are not alone. If you ever need someone to talk to you can message me!
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- October 22, 2014 at 10:46 pm
Hi Ashlee, i'm 19 and diagnosed with stage 3 Melanoma. I know it's very hard at first. I couldn't stop crying myself. I've had 2 surgeries so far and I'm doing Interferon for a year. I have learned that attitude is everything. You need to lean on the people that are supporting you through this. Know that life is not over. Fight everyday and know you are not alone. If you ever need someone to talk to you can message me!
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- October 22, 2014 at 10:46 pm
Hi Ashlee, i'm 19 and diagnosed with stage 3 Melanoma. I know it's very hard at first. I couldn't stop crying myself. I've had 2 surgeries so far and I'm doing Interferon for a year. I have learned that attitude is everything. You need to lean on the people that are supporting you through this. Know that life is not over. Fight everyday and know you are not alone. If you ever need someone to talk to you can message me!
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Tagged: cutaneous melanoma
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