My Buddy Swifty

Been running around lately so not much time to sit.  I had some time this morning so I wrote a couple stories about my buddy, (at least for now).  Started a blog but I suck at it and haven't had the time to figure it out, I put most of my stories on it so if anyone gets bored, feel free to visit and comment at will.  http://www.thegeetlelife.com

yoop

My Buddy Swifty

Been running around lately so not much time to sit.  I had some time this morning so I wrote a couple stories about my buddy, (at least for now).  Started a blog but I suck at it and haven't had the time to figure it out, I put most of my stories on it so if anyone gets bored, feel free to visit and comment at will.  http://www.thegeetlelife.com

yoop

My Buddy Swifty

Everyone needs a buddy like my friend Swifty and I am very fortunate to have people like this in my life.  Swifty can take the sting out of life just by being in his presence.  If I was to describe him it would be split between Slow Poke from Speedy Gonzalez and a Border Collie.

A list of Swifty’s positive attributes would take a page of print but it’s time to write a few stories that make me chuckle every time I think of them.

Two times a year Swifty and I pack up all our gear to embark on a U.P. pilgrimage.  We often fight to see who drives the first 4 hours so the last five hours you can spend in the passenger seat enjoying the view and a couple of road pops. 

Swifty’s wife is nice and can’t understand how a couple guys can drive 9 hours and politely debate Darwinism vs Creationism or make a plan to solve World hunger. To help us, she has often given books on tape and thought this would be a better way for us to occupy our time.  We continually ended up shutting them off because we couldn’t keep our mouths closed and ended up missing something in the story. 

Enough was enough and we decided to keep our yaps shut and really pay attention to this latest tape.  First hour we kind of get the jist but are a little confused.  Second hour new characters keep popping in like they’ve been there all along and we try to follow.  Third hour we’ve got new characters, old characters, far places and familiar places.  Fourth hour and we start feeling dumb because we can’t follow and start saying how stupid this book is and who’s this guy and why are they in this place now when they were here, etc.  Finally we decided that we weren’t mentally capable of listening to a book on tape and Swifty went to take it out of the CD player in his truck. 

Since Swifty is observant, he notices that the RANDOM button had been pushed on the player which took us from chapter one to chapter 12, back to chapter 3, over to chapter 7 and so forth.

Swifty can outthink anyone when it comes to ‘out of the box thinking’ and clearly this is a perfect example.

Several years ago we decided to go on a guy weekend that included ice fishing, hanging out and having a couple cold ones.  Our fishing day was long and bitter so we decided to head back to our cabin, get cleaned up and catch a bite to eat.  Turns out it was ‘Mardi Gras’ night at the bar and grille.  Excellent meal and several drinks were had, then the DJ took over. 

I felt like we were back at an 8^thgrade dance.  Boys here, girls there, nobody’s dancing and it’s kind of quiet.  Swifty can’t handle it and decides to take the matter into his own hands and he goes over his ‘out of the box’ strategy with us.  Pure genius we tell him. 

“See,” says Swifty, “we’re not locals and we need to get the local’s to start dancing so this place is more fun.”  Sounded great to us and we watched his plan unfold.  Swifty saunters across the dance floor and sits down with a local.  A waitress stops by their table and he buys a beer for his new friend.  The Swifty plan is working nicely so far.  Soon, their heads come closer together as they laugh and giggle.  Danggg, look at Swifty go, we say with admiration. 

I lip read the big question he proposes.  “Wanna dance?”  The new friend’s head tips up coyly and I notice a twinkle as their eyes meet.  “Yes.” 

Our gang is now enthralled with this series of events and we poke each other, then point at Swifty and his friend as they walk to the dance floor. 

For some reason the rest of the bar doesn’t quite understand why this ‘out of towner’ is dancing with one of ‘their’ locals and they decide not to dance. 

For a while it’s just the two of them out there, dancing so well together that the judges of ‘Dancing with the Stars’ would be impressed with.  One dance goes by, then two.  Still no takers to the dance floor until, I think, about the third dance.  Swifty was flailing away to ‘Can’t Touch This’ by MC Hammer and his friend was trying to keep up.  All Swifty needed was his parachute pants and he would have been a dead ringer for Hammer.

The rest of the bar can’t take it anymore and flock to the dance floor.  Evidently, two men who “Dance Like No One is Watching” was too much for them to take.

I am unfortunate to not have witnessed this last episode but I would like to retell it the way our friend Bubba told me. 

Bubba sponsored a big guy weekend on his 36’ boat.  The plan was to fish for salmon on Lake Michigan and if the fish weren’t biting they could swim or just hang out enjoying the lake and have a few drinks. 

The weather that day was perfect, no wind and hot.  Not a good day for fishing so they decided to swim.

Bubba’s boat had a flybridge so they would climb up and have fun jumping off to the water 15 feet below.  There was a big current so for safety reasons Bubba threw out his life ring that was attached to the boat by a rope.  The guys could jump off, grab the life ring and be pulled back to the boat, simple and fun, but not quite fun enough.

Swifty was egged on by his buddies to see if he could jump off the flybridge and through the opening in the circular life ring.  Swifty knows his capabilities and was certain he would be able to beat this bet.

The stage is set.  Swifty is on the flybridge, the life ring is in position and the only thing left is the jump. 

Robinhood could not have pierced the center of that life ring better than Swifty did.  His velocity had reached a constant and he went into that ring feet first, straight down and it looks like he wins the bet.  Something doesn’t quite look right as they see Swifty go three quarters of the way through the ring but they lost sight of him momentarily as he went about 10 feet underwater. 

The life ring does its part and propels Swifty to the surface and he pops up like one of those long bobbers.   There now seems to be a little problem, as he went through the center of the ring, his arms were pointing straight up.  The width was not wide enough to allow him to go all the way through and the inside of the ring has pinched his arms to the side of his head and now Swifty was stuck in the ring and bobbing helplessly.

As guys often do, their first concern was the safety of a fellow mate in distress.  “Think we should drag him behind the boat near the hundreds of people sitting along the channel?” asks Bubba.  Fifteen minutes elapse as the boys catch their breath from laughing and they decide to pull him in. 

Swifty is still stuck, the ring has him like a Chinese finger lock and there is no relief in sight. A little swelling was going on and it only made it a little tighter. 

Bubba decides to head back to the marina and Swifty wants to escape the gawking from throngs of people along the channel so he tries to go into the cuddy.  Oh Oh, ring is too big to make it through the door so there Swifty sits. 

A half hour of wriggling by Swifty and the ring is now level with his armpits, pure adrenalin enables him to push the ring down and now off of his body. His skin was now consistent, when he first went through the ring it took off half his hide, now the other half came off.

Does everyone now see how they need a buddy like Swifty?******