My brother is gone
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My brother is gone

› Forums › General Melanoma Community › My brother is gone

  • Post
    • May 17, 2016 at 6:07 pm
    DZnDef
    Participant

    On February 1st, he drove himself to Urgent Care thinking he had a gallstone.  By the end of March he was too weak to stand without assistance.   On May 11th he passed away.   It all happened so fast.  For the past four years my family has worried about my health.  When I was properly diagnosed over two years ago, my mother and two sisters all got their skin checked.  My brother did not.  While in the hospital, they located his primary on his upper left arm.  The same location I had a suspicious mole removed ten years ago, as did my sister and our father.  My brother suspected that our family had an unusual reaction to a vaccine that created the weird mole in the same spot in all of us.  Bizarre possibility with no way to prove or disprove.

    Our father passed six years ago, married to our mother for over 50 years.  Now my Mom has lost her son and  looks at me with the dread of losing another child.  She is 81.  I am not afraid of my own death.  But I am afraid of what it would do to her.  I will do my best to not put her through that again.

    My brother had hope right up to the end.  He told me that I was a big reason for that.  I'm not sure if that's good or bad.  His doctor told us that my brother's melanoma was very different than my melanoma.  I don't know about that.  I think we just discovered his very late.  Too late.  He may have had it much longer than me.  I am so mad at him for not seeing a doctor sooner.  But nothing can be done about the past.  He is reunited with our Dad now which must make both of them very happy.  I will miss him until I join him myself one day.

    Sorry for rambling.  It's a tough time.

    I have not caught up on this site in a while.  I hope you are all doing well and defeating this beast.

Viewing 17 reply threads
  • Replies
      • May 17, 2016 at 6:21 pm
      sister of patient
      Participant

      Hi Maggie,

      I am so, so sorry to hear this – my heart as well as my deepest condolences go out to you. I wish you the most strength and courage possible to deal with your own journey and to help your family through this.

      Barb

       

       

        • May 17, 2016 at 6:29 pm
        DZnDef
        Participant

        Thank you so much, Barb.  I hope your sister gets better treatment than she's been getting lately and that her health improves quickly.

        • May 17, 2016 at 6:29 pm
        DZnDef
        Participant

        Thank you so much, Barb.  I hope your sister gets better treatment than she's been getting lately and that her health improves quickly.

        • May 17, 2016 at 6:29 pm
        DZnDef
        Participant

        Thank you so much, Barb.  I hope your sister gets better treatment than she's been getting lately and that her health improves quickly.

      • May 17, 2016 at 6:21 pm
      sister of patient
      Participant

      Hi Maggie,

      I am so, so sorry to hear this – my heart as well as my deepest condolences go out to you. I wish you the most strength and courage possible to deal with your own journey and to help your family through this.

      Barb

       

       

      • May 17, 2016 at 6:21 pm
      sister of patient
      Participant

      Hi Maggie,

      I am so, so sorry to hear this – my heart as well as my deepest condolences go out to you. I wish you the most strength and courage possible to deal with your own journey and to help your family through this.

      Barb

       

       

      • May 17, 2016 at 8:44 pm
      WithinMySkin
      Participant
      Oh Maggie. My heart goes out to you. I think at some point, we all grapple with our own mortality, but losing a family member is a whole different ball game…and to the same beast that you are fighting now is just incomprehensible. I’m so so terribly sorry. I know you’re fighting for your life, but now please fight in his memory as well. Keep fighting!! Your brother had hope, so please don’t lose sight of your own future ahead. He will always be with you.
        • May 17, 2016 at 10:40 pm
        vivian
        Participant

        Maggie, 

        This is sad news!  I know from experience that losing a sibling is very hard and so wrong!   I am thinking of you and your family and sending love and light.

        Lear

        • May 18, 2016 at 5:58 pm
        DZnDef
        Participant

        Thank you Vivian.  Siblings are the only people that witness our entire lives.  At least, that's how it's supposed to go.  They are a comfort when we lose our parents.  So shocking to lose him before our mother.  He was living with her as her caretaker.  Just so hopelessly backwards.

        • May 18, 2016 at 5:58 pm
        DZnDef
        Participant

        Thank you Vivian.  Siblings are the only people that witness our entire lives.  At least, that's how it's supposed to go.  They are a comfort when we lose our parents.  So shocking to lose him before our mother.  He was living with her as her caretaker.  Just so hopelessly backwards.

        • May 18, 2016 at 5:58 pm
        DZnDef
        Participant

        Thank you Vivian.  Siblings are the only people that witness our entire lives.  At least, that's how it's supposed to go.  They are a comfort when we lose our parents.  So shocking to lose him before our mother.  He was living with her as her caretaker.  Just so hopelessly backwards.

        • May 18, 2016 at 6:03 pm
        DZnDef
        Participant

        Vivian, I also wanted to ask you if you had ever asked your doctor's about the possibility of palladium seeding.  We had talked about back in December of 2014.  Forgive me if you had posted about it and I forgot or missed it.  I know Rudolph Guiliani used that approach for his prostate cancer with good results and some doctors were using it with individual lung tumors with good results.

        • May 18, 2016 at 6:03 pm
        DZnDef
        Participant

        Vivian, I also wanted to ask you if you had ever asked your doctor's about the possibility of palladium seeding.  We had talked about back in December of 2014.  Forgive me if you had posted about it and I forgot or missed it.  I know Rudolph Guiliani used that approach for his prostate cancer with good results and some doctors were using it with individual lung tumors with good results.

        • May 18, 2016 at 6:03 pm
        DZnDef
        Participant

        Vivian, I also wanted to ask you if you had ever asked your doctor's about the possibility of palladium seeding.  We had talked about back in December of 2014.  Forgive me if you had posted about it and I forgot or missed it.  I know Rudolph Guiliani used that approach for his prostate cancer with good results and some doctors were using it with individual lung tumors with good results.

        • May 17, 2016 at 10:40 pm
        vivian
        Participant

        Maggie, 

        This is sad news!  I know from experience that losing a sibling is very hard and so wrong!   I am thinking of you and your family and sending love and light.

        Lear

        • May 17, 2016 at 10:40 pm
        vivian
        Participant

        Maggie, 

        This is sad news!  I know from experience that losing a sibling is very hard and so wrong!   I am thinking of you and your family and sending love and light.

        Lear

        • May 18, 2016 at 5:52 pm
        DZnDef
        Participant

        Thank you so much, Lauren.  Your words are very comforting (as always).

        • May 18, 2016 at 5:52 pm
        DZnDef
        Participant

        Thank you so much, Lauren.  Your words are very comforting (as always).

        • May 18, 2016 at 5:52 pm
        DZnDef
        Participant

        Thank you so much, Lauren.  Your words are very comforting (as always).

      • May 17, 2016 at 8:44 pm
      WithinMySkin
      Participant
      Oh Maggie. My heart goes out to you. I think at some point, we all grapple with our own mortality, but losing a family member is a whole different ball game…and to the same beast that you are fighting now is just incomprehensible. I’m so so terribly sorry. I know you’re fighting for your life, but now please fight in his memory as well. Keep fighting!! Your brother had hope, so please don’t lose sight of your own future ahead. He will always be with you.
      • May 17, 2016 at 8:44 pm
      WithinMySkin
      Participant
      Oh Maggie. My heart goes out to you. I think at some point, we all grapple with our own mortality, but losing a family member is a whole different ball game…and to the same beast that you are fighting now is just incomprehensible. I’m so so terribly sorry. I know you’re fighting for your life, but now please fight in his memory as well. Keep fighting!! Your brother had hope, so please don’t lose sight of your own future ahead. He will always be with you.
      • May 18, 2016 at 1:20 am
      jennunicorn
      Participant

      Maggie, I am so so sorry your brother lost his battle so quickly! My heart goes out to you and your family. I imagine this is a really tough time right now. My own brother just had a biopsy on his scalp and thank goodness it came back as basal cell and not melanoma. I don't know if I could be as strong as you have been if it was my brother.

      Sending you lots of love,

        • May 18, 2016 at 6:30 pm
        DZnDef
        Participant

        Thank you very much, Jenn.  I am so glad your brother is dealing with only basal cell.  My father had recurring basal cell from his twenties through his seventies.  He learned great techniques to avoid scarring after all those excisions.  Email me if you're interested in those tips.  I hope Ipi worked its magic on you and you continue to be forever NED.

        • May 18, 2016 at 6:30 pm
        DZnDef
        Participant

        Thank you very much, Jenn.  I am so glad your brother is dealing with only basal cell.  My father had recurring basal cell from his twenties through his seventies.  He learned great techniques to avoid scarring after all those excisions.  Email me if you're interested in those tips.  I hope Ipi worked its magic on you and you continue to be forever NED.

        • May 18, 2016 at 6:30 pm
        DZnDef
        Participant

        Thank you very much, Jenn.  I am so glad your brother is dealing with only basal cell.  My father had recurring basal cell from his twenties through his seventies.  He learned great techniques to avoid scarring after all those excisions.  Email me if you're interested in those tips.  I hope Ipi worked its magic on you and you continue to be forever NED.

      • May 18, 2016 at 1:20 am
      jennunicorn
      Participant

      Maggie, I am so so sorry your brother lost his battle so quickly! My heart goes out to you and your family. I imagine this is a really tough time right now. My own brother just had a biopsy on his scalp and thank goodness it came back as basal cell and not melanoma. I don't know if I could be as strong as you have been if it was my brother.

      Sending you lots of love,

      • May 18, 2016 at 1:20 am
      jennunicorn
      Participant

      Maggie, I am so so sorry your brother lost his battle so quickly! My heart goes out to you and your family. I imagine this is a really tough time right now. My own brother just had a biopsy on his scalp and thank goodness it came back as basal cell and not melanoma. I don't know if I could be as strong as you have been if it was my brother.

      Sending you lots of love,

      • May 18, 2016 at 12:45 pm
      jenny22
      Participant

      Maggie-

      I am sooo sorry to hear about your brother……as one who has lost a brother, I think I can say " i know how you feel".  My brother was 36 when he died, and I still miss him almost 20 yrs later.  I also relate to your comments about your 81 yr old Mom……I still have not told my folks about my melanoma, as they are 86 and 92 and already lost one child, I didnt want to put them through any more worry or fear of loss.

      Dealing with your own Melanoma and then your brother seems like too much to bear, so please accept my sincere condolences.

      Sending you warm thoughts.

      Best,

      jenny

       

      • May 18, 2016 at 12:45 pm
      jenny22
      Participant

      Maggie-

      I am sooo sorry to hear about your brother……as one who has lost a brother, I think I can say " i know how you feel".  My brother was 36 when he died, and I still miss him almost 20 yrs later.  I also relate to your comments about your 81 yr old Mom……I still have not told my folks about my melanoma, as they are 86 and 92 and already lost one child, I didnt want to put them through any more worry or fear of loss.

      Dealing with your own Melanoma and then your brother seems like too much to bear, so please accept my sincere condolences.

      Sending you warm thoughts.

      Best,

      jenny

       

        • May 18, 2016 at 7:00 pm
        DZnDef
        Participant

        Jenny,  What can I say?  You do know so well what I am going through.  I regret that my mother is aware of my diagnosis, although at the time that I told her, I thought I was the only one in the family at risk.  I can only hope that it does not weigh too heavily on her mind.  It no doubt helps that I appear to be well.  She has even decided to take up some of my healthy habits.  So there is that small benefit.  If I manage to outlive her by just a day I will be happy.  No Mom should have to lose even one let alone two children.

        I had a breakdown watching Game of Thrones this past week.  It's the first episode my brother missed.  He loved that show.  We would always text furiously about it right after.  Just stupid things like that are getting to me.

        Thanks for your concern, Jenny.  I hope you continue to do well.

        • May 18, 2016 at 7:00 pm
        DZnDef
        Participant

        Jenny,  What can I say?  You do know so well what I am going through.  I regret that my mother is aware of my diagnosis, although at the time that I told her, I thought I was the only one in the family at risk.  I can only hope that it does not weigh too heavily on her mind.  It no doubt helps that I appear to be well.  She has even decided to take up some of my healthy habits.  So there is that small benefit.  If I manage to outlive her by just a day I will be happy.  No Mom should have to lose even one let alone two children.

        I had a breakdown watching Game of Thrones this past week.  It's the first episode my brother missed.  He loved that show.  We would always text furiously about it right after.  Just stupid things like that are getting to me.

        Thanks for your concern, Jenny.  I hope you continue to do well.

        • May 18, 2016 at 7:00 pm
        DZnDef
        Participant

        Jenny,  What can I say?  You do know so well what I am going through.  I regret that my mother is aware of my diagnosis, although at the time that I told her, I thought I was the only one in the family at risk.  I can only hope that it does not weigh too heavily on her mind.  It no doubt helps that I appear to be well.  She has even decided to take up some of my healthy habits.  So there is that small benefit.  If I manage to outlive her by just a day I will be happy.  No Mom should have to lose even one let alone two children.

        I had a breakdown watching Game of Thrones this past week.  It's the first episode my brother missed.  He loved that show.  We would always text furiously about it right after.  Just stupid things like that are getting to me.

        Thanks for your concern, Jenny.  I hope you continue to do well.

      • May 18, 2016 at 12:45 pm
      jenny22
      Participant

      Maggie-

      I am sooo sorry to hear about your brother……as one who has lost a brother, I think I can say " i know how you feel".  My brother was 36 when he died, and I still miss him almost 20 yrs later.  I also relate to your comments about your 81 yr old Mom……I still have not told my folks about my melanoma, as they are 86 and 92 and already lost one child, I didnt want to put them through any more worry or fear of loss.

      Dealing with your own Melanoma and then your brother seems like too much to bear, so please accept my sincere condolences.

      Sending you warm thoughts.

      Best,

      jenny

       

      • May 18, 2016 at 8:20 pm
      JoshF
      Participant

      Maggie-

      I'm so sorry for you and your family especially your mother; heartbreaking. I pray for peace and to ease yourfamilies angst.

      Josh

      • May 18, 2016 at 8:20 pm
      JoshF
      Participant

      Maggie-

      I'm so sorry for you and your family especially your mother; heartbreaking. I pray for peace and to ease yourfamilies angst.

      Josh

        • May 18, 2016 at 10:09 pm
        DZnDef
        Participant

        Thank you, Josh.  You are very kind.  I know you have a lot weighing on you right now so I really appreciate your taking the time.  Good luck to you tomorrow!

        • May 18, 2016 at 10:09 pm
        DZnDef
        Participant

        Thank you, Josh.  You are very kind.  I know you have a lot weighing on you right now so I really appreciate your taking the time.  Good luck to you tomorrow!

        • May 18, 2016 at 10:09 pm
        DZnDef
        Participant

        Thank you, Josh.  You are very kind.  I know you have a lot weighing on you right now so I really appreciate your taking the time.  Good luck to you tomorrow!

      • May 18, 2016 at 8:20 pm
      JoshF
      Participant

      Maggie-

      I'm so sorry for you and your family especially your mother; heartbreaking. I pray for peace and to ease yourfamilies angst.

      Josh

      • May 19, 2016 at 12:40 am
      sweetaugust
      Participant

      Hi Maggie,

      I'm so sorry to hear about your brother.  You're one of my favorite people on here because we both believe in the same course of action to help heal our bodies.  I am so proud of you for doing all you can for yourself. 

      All my best and a big hug from afar.  Laurie

      • May 19, 2016 at 12:40 am
      sweetaugust
      Participant

      Hi Maggie,

      I'm so sorry to hear about your brother.  You're one of my favorite people on here because we both believe in the same course of action to help heal our bodies.  I am so proud of you for doing all you can for yourself. 

      All my best and a big hug from afar.  Laurie

      • May 19, 2016 at 12:40 am
      sweetaugust
      Participant

      Hi Maggie,

      I'm so sorry to hear about your brother.  You're one of my favorite people on here because we both believe in the same course of action to help heal our bodies.  I am so proud of you for doing all you can for yourself. 

      All my best and a big hug from afar.  Laurie

        • May 19, 2016 at 7:06 pm
        DZnDef
        Participant

        Hi Laurie,

        Right back at you!  I'm always happy to see a post from you.  And I'm so glad Keytruda has been such a huge success for you (which remains my drug of choice whenever I get around to trying the drugs – your success and lack of long-term side-effects are inspiring and are no doubt helped by your healthy lifestyle).  Thank you for your kind thoughts.

        Hug accepted and returned!

        Maggie

        • May 19, 2016 at 7:06 pm
        DZnDef
        Participant

        Hi Laurie,

        Right back at you!  I'm always happy to see a post from you.  And I'm so glad Keytruda has been such a huge success for you (which remains my drug of choice whenever I get around to trying the drugs – your success and lack of long-term side-effects are inspiring and are no doubt helped by your healthy lifestyle).  Thank you for your kind thoughts.

        Hug accepted and returned!

        Maggie

        • May 19, 2016 at 7:06 pm
        DZnDef
        Participant

        Hi Laurie,

        Right back at you!  I'm always happy to see a post from you.  And I'm so glad Keytruda has been such a huge success for you (which remains my drug of choice whenever I get around to trying the drugs – your success and lack of long-term side-effects are inspiring and are no doubt helped by your healthy lifestyle).  Thank you for your kind thoughts.

        Hug accepted and returned!

        Maggie

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