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Moles on other people
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Moles on other people

› Forums › General Melanoma Community › Moles on other people

  • Post
    • May 28, 2011 at 5:37 pm
    MaryMary73
    Participant

      A good friend of mine has a weird mole on her right calf, just below the knee and just by looking at it, it is bigger than 6mm in diameter. It's light brown but has some blotchiness darker brown in it too (no black or red though). It almost looks like a scar. Out of the ABCDE's of melanoma, it has the ABCD characteristics but it's not as ugly as my superficial spreading melanoma was. Anyhow, I saw it for the first time today but she says she has had it for years and it hasn't changed.

      A good friend of mine has a weird mole on her right calf, just below the knee and just by looking at it, it is bigger than 6mm in diameter. It's light brown but has some blotchiness darker brown in it too (no black or red though). It almost looks like a scar. Out of the ABCDE's of melanoma, it has the ABCD characteristics but it's not as ugly as my superficial spreading melanoma was. Anyhow, I saw it for the first time today but she says she has had it for years and it hasn't changed. I asked her if she has showed it to her dermatologist and she said that he told her it was nothing to worry about. I asked her if it has ever bled. She said yes, every time she shaves her legs. She said that she did not tell her dermatologist about the bleeding. She is VERY light skinned, pale milky white to be exact. I told her that she should get it removed because only a biopsy would give her the all-clear.

      Am I being paranoid or annoying? sad

    Viewing 9 reply threads
    • Replies
        • May 28, 2011 at 6:05 pm
        SharonK
        Participant

          Hi Mary, I don't think you are annoying. You sound like a caring friend. I think as long as you present it by first saying "you know you are my friend and I care about you" Your friend will probably take no offense. That being said, if the friend does nothing about it you have to respect their wishes and let it go. The old saying you can lead a horse to water…

           

          I have family members who do not go the derm. I have had 8 primaries and my dad has had ocular mel and my brother a mel also and believe it or not some of my siblings won't go to the derm. I tried at first but eventually I learned to let it go. I can't make them do anything they don't want to. I think it is ok to speak and let someone know your concerns but if they choose to ignore your advice you have to accept that too.

          I hope your friend never has to deal with melanoma.

          Sharon

          • May 28, 2011 at 6:05 pm
          SharonK
          Participant

            Hi Mary, I don't think you are annoying. You sound like a caring friend. I think as long as you present it by first saying "you know you are my friend and I care about you" Your friend will probably take no offense. That being said, if the friend does nothing about it you have to respect their wishes and let it go. The old saying you can lead a horse to water…

             

            I have family members who do not go the derm. I have had 8 primaries and my dad has had ocular mel and my brother a mel also and believe it or not some of my siblings won't go to the derm. I tried at first but eventually I learned to let it go. I can't make them do anything they don't want to. I think it is ok to speak and let someone know your concerns but if they choose to ignore your advice you have to accept that too.

            I hope your friend never has to deal with melanoma.

            Sharon

            • May 28, 2011 at 8:56 pm
            nicoli
            Participant

              Someone posted a question on this site to the effect of "what did your primary look like?" It seems melanoma can look like anything or nothing.

              My husband has a very ugly mark on his shin (at least 3cm) that I made him check years ago and the doctor told him it was nothing. Since I firmly believe you can't tell melanoma by just looking at it, I have been keeping my eye out for change for 20 years or so. And then I get diagnosed with melanoma!

              I had 4 tumors pop up in the same place at the same time ( I call it one local recurrence) and each and every tumor looked different. And each time, the surgeon didn't think it was melanoma by looking at it and each time it biopsied as melanoma.

              It may be this spot on your firend is nothing.This woman will do what she wants. I say, let it go, you have done what you can.

              Nicki

              • May 28, 2011 at 8:56 pm
              nicoli
              Participant

                Someone posted a question on this site to the effect of "what did your primary look like?" It seems melanoma can look like anything or nothing.

                My husband has a very ugly mark on his shin (at least 3cm) that I made him check years ago and the doctor told him it was nothing. Since I firmly believe you can't tell melanoma by just looking at it, I have been keeping my eye out for change for 20 years or so. And then I get diagnosed with melanoma!

                I had 4 tumors pop up in the same place at the same time ( I call it one local recurrence) and each and every tumor looked different. And each time, the surgeon didn't think it was melanoma by looking at it and each time it biopsied as melanoma.

                It may be this spot on your firend is nothing.This woman will do what she wants. I say, let it go, you have done what you can.

                Nicki

                • May 28, 2011 at 8:59 pm
                JerryfromFauq
                Participant
                  I am one that keeps telling others to not be paranoid about themselves. I do keep bugging my wife, who meets all the criteria to get melanoma, to see a derm, she never has yet. You sound like a concerned, caring friend to me.
                  Hers may well be nothing, but if you see the history of Melanoma Wife, her husband was born with a “mole” on his thumb, He grew up with it working with metal and continuously cutting it. His wife bugged him for years before he finally got it removed. To make a short story, his children are now fatherless. Removal and biopsy are the only way to be sure. Good for you.
                  • May 28, 2011 at 8:59 pm
                  JerryfromFauq
                  Participant
                    I am one that keeps telling others to not be paranoid about themselves. I do keep bugging my wife, who meets all the criteria to get melanoma, to see a derm, she never has yet. You sound like a concerned, caring friend to me.
                    Hers may well be nothing, but if you see the history of Melanoma Wife, her husband was born with a “mole” on his thumb, He grew up with it working with metal and continuously cutting it. His wife bugged him for years before he finally got it removed. To make a short story, his children are now fatherless. Removal and biopsy are the only way to be sure. Good for you.
                    • May 28, 2011 at 10:09 pm
                    Janner
                    Participant

                      I had a congenital nevus just above my ankle.  It had all the ABCD's of melanoma.  After taking pictures, it appeared to have changed a little bit so we biopsied it.  It was benign.  I've had 3 melanoma primaries and this one ranked #2 in looks yet was benign.   Mine probably hadn't changed at all, just a different camera lighting made it appear different.

                      What I have done in the past to pass on info to friends:  I find one of the ABCD cards and some brief info.  I give the info to my friend so they could do their own research.  Then the rest is up to them.  You can offer to help educate them, but you can't make them do anything about it.  I find that harping on this type of stuff seems to do more harm than good.  If someone asks me about a lesion (and people have), I can talk about melanoma.  I have told someone to see a doc and they did have an early melanoma.  But if someone isn't asking, the most I can do is offer some good info and then let them choose to read or ask questions themselves.  In general, I try not to notice moles too often because it can just be frustrating if people don't take things as seriously as you do.

                      Best wishes,

                      Janner

                      • May 28, 2011 at 10:09 pm
                      Janner
                      Participant

                        I had a congenital nevus just above my ankle.  It had all the ABCD's of melanoma.  After taking pictures, it appeared to have changed a little bit so we biopsied it.  It was benign.  I've had 3 melanoma primaries and this one ranked #2 in looks yet was benign.   Mine probably hadn't changed at all, just a different camera lighting made it appear different.

                        What I have done in the past to pass on info to friends:  I find one of the ABCD cards and some brief info.  I give the info to my friend so they could do their own research.  Then the rest is up to them.  You can offer to help educate them, but you can't make them do anything about it.  I find that harping on this type of stuff seems to do more harm than good.  If someone asks me about a lesion (and people have), I can talk about melanoma.  I have told someone to see a doc and they did have an early melanoma.  But if someone isn't asking, the most I can do is offer some good info and then let them choose to read or ask questions themselves.  In general, I try not to notice moles too often because it can just be frustrating if people don't take things as seriously as you do.

                        Best wishes,

                        Janner

                        • May 29, 2011 at 4:04 am
                        Cynthia C
                        Participant

                          About four years ago I was at a Chipotle, eating my burrito while reading a gossip magazine, when my eyes were drawn to the next table where a couple was sitting. The lady was wearing a skirt and I saw on her calf a lesion that looked like it could be a melanoma. It was dark and big and irregular. My first thought was to say something. Then I thought she must know. I shouldn't disturb her conversation with her date. Could she be as stupid as I was and let it grow for a while before getting it checked out? Would they think I was a crazy person? I continued to eat and read my magazine while I tried to figure out what to do. They suddenly left and I lost the opportunity to say something. This still haunts me. Given the same circumstances again I would immediately introduce myself and give her my message.

                          Cynthia C

                          • May 29, 2011 at 4:04 am
                          Cynthia C
                          Participant

                            About four years ago I was at a Chipotle, eating my burrito while reading a gossip magazine, when my eyes were drawn to the next table where a couple was sitting. The lady was wearing a skirt and I saw on her calf a lesion that looked like it could be a melanoma. It was dark and big and irregular. My first thought was to say something. Then I thought she must know. I shouldn't disturb her conversation with her date. Could she be as stupid as I was and let it grow for a while before getting it checked out? Would they think I was a crazy person? I continued to eat and read my magazine while I tried to figure out what to do. They suddenly left and I lost the opportunity to say something. This still haunts me. Given the same circumstances again I would immediately introduce myself and give her my message.

                            Cynthia C

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