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Just to Vent

Forums General Melanoma Community Just to Vent

  • Post
    blessd4x
    Participant

      The short of it.. Husband is Stage IV, been on opdivo for almost 6 treatments of 12.  Constant stomach problems,  coughing and that is increasing in severity.  Now persistant pain under his ribs, and in the kidney areas.  He's lost over 20lbs since treatments have started.  He's cranky (justified) and lethargic.  Positive attitude is deminishing.  Personality and memory issues.  We had a PET scan and MRI on his brain done recently and will get results on this coming Tuesday. 

      Draining watching him decline.  I need a break but afraid to leave his side for a minute.  I dont know what he needs from me to support him, sometimes I think Im more of a pain for him.  He doesnt leave his room much.

      We're both going through our own hell in different ways with this. 

      Im tired, scared, angry and would love to escape for a few days.  Not possible.

      Thank you for letting me vent. 

      R

       

    Viewing 14 reply threads
    • Replies
        Stlmag
        Participant

          Another melanoma wife here…..

          I hope you can take a short break- even if it is to the library for an hour.

          God bless  you.

            Marianne quinn
            Participant

              Have you thought about hooking up with a phone buddy through this site? You are not alone,

              Marianne quinn
              Participant

                Have you thought about hooking up with a phone buddy through this site? You are not alone,

                Marianne quinn
                Participant

                  Have you thought about hooking up with a phone buddy through this site? You are not alone,

                Stlmag
                Participant

                  Another melanoma wife here…..

                  I hope you can take a short break- even if it is to the library for an hour.

                  God bless  you.

                  Stlmag
                  Participant

                    Another melanoma wife here…..

                    I hope you can take a short break- even if it is to the library for an hour.

                    God bless  you.

                    Rita and Charles
                    Participant

                      Hi, another wife chimes in……..I  have been in the washing machine of emotions as well, and a freind asked when was the last time i just held his hand.  Sometimes something so simple, hold a hand…………set up a comfy area if you can in the bedroom to read a book, breathe……….but make sure you leave the house at least for an hour for you………yoga, walk, exercise……….coffee.  Find a way to refresh your spirit………….

                      Prayers for you, i know waiting for scans is the hardest. 

                      Rita

                      Rita and Charles
                      Participant

                        Hi, another wife chimes in……..I  have been in the washing machine of emotions as well, and a freind asked when was the last time i just held his hand.  Sometimes something so simple, hold a hand…………set up a comfy area if you can in the bedroom to read a book, breathe……….but make sure you leave the house at least for an hour for you………yoga, walk, exercise……….coffee.  Find a way to refresh your spirit………….

                        Prayers for you, i know waiting for scans is the hardest. 

                        Rita

                        Rita and Charles
                        Participant

                          Hi, another wife chimes in……..I  have been in the washing machine of emotions as well, and a freind asked when was the last time i just held his hand.  Sometimes something so simple, hold a hand…………set up a comfy area if you can in the bedroom to read a book, breathe……….but make sure you leave the house at least for an hour for you………yoga, walk, exercise……….coffee.  Find a way to refresh your spirit………….

                          Prayers for you, i know waiting for scans is the hardest. 

                          Rita

                          AllysonRuth
                          Participant

                            I am so sorry.  Both patient and caretaker go through Hell.  I echo what other's have written, take a break….

                            Allyson

                            AllysonRuth
                            Participant

                              I am so sorry.  Both patient and caretaker go through Hell.  I echo what other's have written, take a break….

                              Allyson

                              AllysonRuth
                              Participant

                                I am so sorry.  Both patient and caretaker go through Hell.  I echo what other's have written, take a break….

                                Allyson

                                blessd4x
                                Participant

                                  Thank you everyone for your support.  I try to get away here and there, but my own guilt consumes me.  Im so tired.  I try not to let it show.  Im supposed to be the strong one.  I may try the phone thing. i dont know. I know I need to do something as I feel myself being swallowed by this.  All this waiting too.  Wait for scans, wait for blood work, wait 12 more weeks, wait to see if its gone, wait to see if it spreads, wait to live. 

                                  blessd4x
                                  Participant

                                    Thank you everyone for your support.  I try to get away here and there, but my own guilt consumes me.  Im so tired.  I try not to let it show.  Im supposed to be the strong one.  I may try the phone thing. i dont know. I know I need to do something as I feel myself being swallowed by this.  All this waiting too.  Wait for scans, wait for blood work, wait 12 more weeks, wait to see if its gone, wait to see if it spreads, wait to live. 

                                      WithinMySkin
                                      Participant

                                        We are all here for you. But please, don't EVER wait to live. Don't let the sadness swallow you. I'm the wife with melanoma, and it has been incredibly difficult. But I take every day as a gift, blessed to have the life I have…cancer and all, and I'm only 32. When this happened, I forced myself to think differently. I read quite a bit on mindfulness and how to change the sadness I had lingering inside me. Some authors who really touched me were Jack Kornfield and Thich Nhat Hanh. Reading is a great way to escape while still being present – you are physically there, but your mind can go explore other places. You cannot change your situation, but you can change your mindset. Live for today. Don't ever wait. 

                                        Wishing you (and your husband) all the best. 

                                        WithinMySkin

                                        WithinMySkin
                                        Participant

                                          We are all here for you. But please, don't EVER wait to live. Don't let the sadness swallow you. I'm the wife with melanoma, and it has been incredibly difficult. But I take every day as a gift, blessed to have the life I have…cancer and all, and I'm only 32. When this happened, I forced myself to think differently. I read quite a bit on mindfulness and how to change the sadness I had lingering inside me. Some authors who really touched me were Jack Kornfield and Thich Nhat Hanh. Reading is a great way to escape while still being present – you are physically there, but your mind can go explore other places. You cannot change your situation, but you can change your mindset. Live for today. Don't ever wait. 

                                          Wishing you (and your husband) all the best. 

                                          WithinMySkin

                                          WithinMySkin
                                          Participant

                                            We are all here for you. But please, don't EVER wait to live. Don't let the sadness swallow you. I'm the wife with melanoma, and it has been incredibly difficult. But I take every day as a gift, blessed to have the life I have…cancer and all, and I'm only 32. When this happened, I forced myself to think differently. I read quite a bit on mindfulness and how to change the sadness I had lingering inside me. Some authors who really touched me were Jack Kornfield and Thich Nhat Hanh. Reading is a great way to escape while still being present – you are physically there, but your mind can go explore other places. You cannot change your situation, but you can change your mindset. Live for today. Don't ever wait. 

                                            Wishing you (and your husband) all the best. 

                                            WithinMySkin

                                          blessd4x
                                          Participant

                                            Thank you everyone for your support.  I try to get away here and there, but my own guilt consumes me.  Im so tired.  I try not to let it show.  Im supposed to be the strong one.  I may try the phone thing. i dont know. I know I need to do something as I feel myself being swallowed by this.  All this waiting too.  Wait for scans, wait for blood work, wait 12 more weeks, wait to see if its gone, wait to see if it spreads, wait to live. 

                                            stars
                                            Participant

                                              Hi

                                              I'm just going to echo what others have said. Reaching out here is a great first step. From a good cancer support website:

                                              https://cancerqld.org.au/cancer-information/learn-to-cope/carer-support/

                                              TL/DR:

                                              You're doing a great thing – but it's a hard thing, and sometimes you need to take a break and not feel bad about that. The world will still turn if you take a bit of a time out. I think your SO would appreciate that.

                                               

                                              our role as a carer is valuable. Many carers have said they are better people for the experience of caring. Some people find that caring can be rewarding and life-changing.

                                              However, many carers also find caring demanding, both physically and emotionally. If you have been caring for someone for some time, you may feel exhausted. You might feel guilty making time for yourself. However, looking after yourself can help relieve the stress and exhaustion of caring, and reduce feelings of frustration and isolation.
                                              Some things to try:

                                              Make time for yourself – Stay involved in activities you enjoy and have a break every day, even for only 10 minutes.
                                              Care for your body – Try to get enough sleep and rest, exercise and eat healthy meals. You can acknowledge that you are not feeling well without comparing it with how the person with cancer is feeling.
                                              Deal with uncertainty – You may have to put some plans on hold because you are not sure what is ahead. Carers often find this uncertainty stressful. You may find it easier to cope if you focus on things you can control. It may also help to learn more about cancer and possible treatment options, so you feel like you have more knowledge about what is happening.
                                              Talk with family and friends – Try not to hold in how you feel about caring, particularly if you are angry or frustrated. You may feel uncomfortable talking to the person with cancer because you think they have a lot to deal with already and you are meant to be their support. It’s understandable if you don’t want to talk to the person with cancer. You can share your feelings with friends or family members, or join a support group for carers.
                                              Organise your time – It may not be possible to do everything you want to do. You will need to manage your time. Plan breaks or respite care in advance.
                                              Focus on the value of caring – Many carers say focusing on the value they were adding through caring helped them to cope and made them feel better.

                                              Seeking support

                                              You may think you can cope on your own, but many carers have found that getting help made their lives easier. Cancer Council has many professional services and support programs that are here to help you.

                                              Read more: https://cancerqld.org.au/cancer-information/learn-to-cope/carer-support/

                                              Caring for yourself

                                              Your role as a carer is valuable. Many carers have said they are better people for the experience of caring. Some people find that caring can be rewarding and life-changing.

                                              However, many carers also find caring demanding, both physically and emotionally. If you have been caring for someone for some time, you may feel exhausted. You might feel guilty making time for yourself. However, looking after yourself can help relieve the stress and exhaustion of caring, and reduce feelings of frustration and isolation.
                                              Some things to try:

                                              Make time for yourself – Stay involved in activities you enjoy and have a break every day, even for only 10 minutes.
                                              Care for your body – Try to get enough sleep and rest, exercise and eat healthy meals. You can acknowledge that you are not feeling well without comparing it with how the person with cancer is feeling.
                                              Deal with uncertainty – You may have to put some plans on hold because you are not sure what is ahead. Carers often find this uncertainty stressful. You may find it easier to cope if you focus on things you can control. It may also help to learn more about cancer and possible treatment options, so you feel like you have more knowledge about what is happening.
                                              Talk with family and friends – Try not to hold in how you feel about caring, particularly if you are angry or frustrated. You may feel uncomfortable talking to the person with cancer because you think they have a lot to deal with already and you are meant to be their support. It’s understandable if you don’t want to talk to the person with cancer. You can share your feelings with friends or family members, or join a support group for carers.
                                              Organise your time – It may not be possible to do everything you want to do. You will need to manage your time. Plan breaks or respite care in advance.
                                              Focus on the value of caring – Many carers say focusing on the value they were adding through caring helped them to cope and made them feel better.

                                              Seeking support

                                              You may think you can cope on your own, but many carers have found that getting help made their lives easier. Cancer Council has many professional services and support programs that are here to help you.

                                              Read more: https://cancerqld.org.au/cancer-information/learn-to-cope/carer-support/

                                              stars
                                              Participant

                                                Hi

                                                I'm just going to echo what others have said. Reaching out here is a great first step. From a good cancer support website:

                                                https://cancerqld.org.au/cancer-information/learn-to-cope/carer-support/

                                                TL/DR:

                                                You're doing a great thing – but it's a hard thing, and sometimes you need to take a break and not feel bad about that. The world will still turn if you take a bit of a time out. I think your SO would appreciate that.

                                                 

                                                our role as a carer is valuable. Many carers have said they are better people for the experience of caring. Some people find that caring can be rewarding and life-changing.

                                                However, many carers also find caring demanding, both physically and emotionally. If you have been caring for someone for some time, you may feel exhausted. You might feel guilty making time for yourself. However, looking after yourself can help relieve the stress and exhaustion of caring, and reduce feelings of frustration and isolation.
                                                Some things to try:

                                                Make time for yourself – Stay involved in activities you enjoy and have a break every day, even for only 10 minutes.
                                                Care for your body – Try to get enough sleep and rest, exercise and eat healthy meals. You can acknowledge that you are not feeling well without comparing it with how the person with cancer is feeling.
                                                Deal with uncertainty – You may have to put some plans on hold because you are not sure what is ahead. Carers often find this uncertainty stressful. You may find it easier to cope if you focus on things you can control. It may also help to learn more about cancer and possible treatment options, so you feel like you have more knowledge about what is happening.
                                                Talk with family and friends – Try not to hold in how you feel about caring, particularly if you are angry or frustrated. You may feel uncomfortable talking to the person with cancer because you think they have a lot to deal with already and you are meant to be their support. It’s understandable if you don’t want to talk to the person with cancer. You can share your feelings with friends or family members, or join a support group for carers.
                                                Organise your time – It may not be possible to do everything you want to do. You will need to manage your time. Plan breaks or respite care in advance.
                                                Focus on the value of caring – Many carers say focusing on the value they were adding through caring helped them to cope and made them feel better.

                                                Seeking support

                                                You may think you can cope on your own, but many carers have found that getting help made their lives easier. Cancer Council has many professional services and support programs that are here to help you.

                                                Read more: https://cancerqld.org.au/cancer-information/learn-to-cope/carer-support/

                                                Caring for yourself

                                                Your role as a carer is valuable. Many carers have said they are better people for the experience of caring. Some people find that caring can be rewarding and life-changing.

                                                However, many carers also find caring demanding, both physically and emotionally. If you have been caring for someone for some time, you may feel exhausted. You might feel guilty making time for yourself. However, looking after yourself can help relieve the stress and exhaustion of caring, and reduce feelings of frustration and isolation.
                                                Some things to try:

                                                Make time for yourself – Stay involved in activities you enjoy and have a break every day, even for only 10 minutes.
                                                Care for your body – Try to get enough sleep and rest, exercise and eat healthy meals. You can acknowledge that you are not feeling well without comparing it with how the person with cancer is feeling.
                                                Deal with uncertainty – You may have to put some plans on hold because you are not sure what is ahead. Carers often find this uncertainty stressful. You may find it easier to cope if you focus on things you can control. It may also help to learn more about cancer and possible treatment options, so you feel like you have more knowledge about what is happening.
                                                Talk with family and friends – Try not to hold in how you feel about caring, particularly if you are angry or frustrated. You may feel uncomfortable talking to the person with cancer because you think they have a lot to deal with already and you are meant to be their support. It’s understandable if you don’t want to talk to the person with cancer. You can share your feelings with friends or family members, or join a support group for carers.
                                                Organise your time – It may not be possible to do everything you want to do. You will need to manage your time. Plan breaks or respite care in advance.
                                                Focus on the value of caring – Many carers say focusing on the value they were adding through caring helped them to cope and made them feel better.

                                                Seeking support

                                                You may think you can cope on your own, but many carers have found that getting help made their lives easier. Cancer Council has many professional services and support programs that are here to help you.

                                                Read more: https://cancerqld.org.au/cancer-information/learn-to-cope/carer-support/

                                                stars
                                                Participant

                                                  Hi

                                                  I'm just going to echo what others have said. Reaching out here is a great first step. From a good cancer support website:

                                                  https://cancerqld.org.au/cancer-information/learn-to-cope/carer-support/

                                                  TL/DR:

                                                  You're doing a great thing – but it's a hard thing, and sometimes you need to take a break and not feel bad about that. The world will still turn if you take a bit of a time out. I think your SO would appreciate that.

                                                   

                                                  our role as a carer is valuable. Many carers have said they are better people for the experience of caring. Some people find that caring can be rewarding and life-changing.

                                                  However, many carers also find caring demanding, both physically and emotionally. If you have been caring for someone for some time, you may feel exhausted. You might feel guilty making time for yourself. However, looking after yourself can help relieve the stress and exhaustion of caring, and reduce feelings of frustration and isolation.
                                                  Some things to try:

                                                  Make time for yourself – Stay involved in activities you enjoy and have a break every day, even for only 10 minutes.
                                                  Care for your body – Try to get enough sleep and rest, exercise and eat healthy meals. You can acknowledge that you are not feeling well without comparing it with how the person with cancer is feeling.
                                                  Deal with uncertainty – You may have to put some plans on hold because you are not sure what is ahead. Carers often find this uncertainty stressful. You may find it easier to cope if you focus on things you can control. It may also help to learn more about cancer and possible treatment options, so you feel like you have more knowledge about what is happening.
                                                  Talk with family and friends – Try not to hold in how you feel about caring, particularly if you are angry or frustrated. You may feel uncomfortable talking to the person with cancer because you think they have a lot to deal with already and you are meant to be their support. It’s understandable if you don’t want to talk to the person with cancer. You can share your feelings with friends or family members, or join a support group for carers.
                                                  Organise your time – It may not be possible to do everything you want to do. You will need to manage your time. Plan breaks or respite care in advance.
                                                  Focus on the value of caring – Many carers say focusing on the value they were adding through caring helped them to cope and made them feel better.

                                                  Seeking support

                                                  You may think you can cope on your own, but many carers have found that getting help made their lives easier. Cancer Council has many professional services and support programs that are here to help you.

                                                  Read more: https://cancerqld.org.au/cancer-information/learn-to-cope/carer-support/

                                                  Caring for yourself

                                                  Your role as a carer is valuable. Many carers have said they are better people for the experience of caring. Some people find that caring can be rewarding and life-changing.

                                                  However, many carers also find caring demanding, both physically and emotionally. If you have been caring for someone for some time, you may feel exhausted. You might feel guilty making time for yourself. However, looking after yourself can help relieve the stress and exhaustion of caring, and reduce feelings of frustration and isolation.
                                                  Some things to try:

                                                  Make time for yourself – Stay involved in activities you enjoy and have a break every day, even for only 10 minutes.
                                                  Care for your body – Try to get enough sleep and rest, exercise and eat healthy meals. You can acknowledge that you are not feeling well without comparing it with how the person with cancer is feeling.
                                                  Deal with uncertainty – You may have to put some plans on hold because you are not sure what is ahead. Carers often find this uncertainty stressful. You may find it easier to cope if you focus on things you can control. It may also help to learn more about cancer and possible treatment options, so you feel like you have more knowledge about what is happening.
                                                  Talk with family and friends – Try not to hold in how you feel about caring, particularly if you are angry or frustrated. You may feel uncomfortable talking to the person with cancer because you think they have a lot to deal with already and you are meant to be their support. It’s understandable if you don’t want to talk to the person with cancer. You can share your feelings with friends or family members, or join a support group for carers.
                                                  Organise your time – It may not be possible to do everything you want to do. You will need to manage your time. Plan breaks or respite care in advance.
                                                  Focus on the value of caring – Many carers say focusing on the value they were adding through caring helped them to cope and made them feel better.

                                                  Seeking support

                                                  You may think you can cope on your own, but many carers have found that getting help made their lives easier. Cancer Council has many professional services and support programs that are here to help you.

                                                  Read more: https://cancerqld.org.au/cancer-information/learn-to-cope/carer-support/

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