Jim – 11/30/2010

I'm so sorry Sherron. I was confused with Sharmon and Brent. I am still very very sorry for your pain. My husband has stage 4 melanoma and I know the agony with that so I would imagine your pain is very unbearable. I will keep you in my prayers so you will continue to find strength and courage in your life. 

Love,

Maureen 

I'm so sorry Sherron. I was confused with Sharmon and Brent. I am still very very sorry for your pain. My husband has stage 4 melanoma and I know the agony with that so I would imagine your pain is very unbearable. I will keep you in my prayers so you will continue to find strength and courage in your life. 

Love,

Maureen 

I'm so sorry Sherron. I was confused with Sharmon and Brent. I am still very very sorry for your pain. My husband has stage 4 melanoma and I know the agony with that so I would imagine your pain is very unbearable. I will keep you in my prayers so you will continue to find strength and courage in your life. 

Love,

Maureen 

I can completely empathize with your situation and the loss you have endured.  My husband is truly my best friend and soul mate, we communicate  without ever using words, just because we know each other that well,  I cannot fathom life without him,  I would have a very difficult time of it too!

I think you're doing all the right things and there is not much more you or anyone else can do to get you through this seemingly endless painful time….except time.  All the best advice will not heal your broken heart, it will heal on it's own, in due time, not completely but just enough that life can go on for you in a new way.  Please feel free to contact me and if the website will not allow, just let me know on the BB and I will respond as I regularly read.  You are and have been in my thoughts as so many here who have gone on before us.  I was involved in your journey…I cared about you and Jim.  Your story is important to me and others, as it continues to unfold!  Keep sharing!  

Swanee

I can completely empathize with your situation and the loss you have endured.  My husband is truly my best friend and soul mate, we communicate  without ever using words, just because we know each other that well,  I cannot fathom life without him,  I would have a very difficult time of it too!

I think you're doing all the right things and there is not much more you or anyone else can do to get you through this seemingly endless painful time….except time.  All the best advice will not heal your broken heart, it will heal on it's own, in due time, not completely but just enough that life can go on for you in a new way.  Please feel free to contact me and if the website will not allow, just let me know on the BB and I will respond as I regularly read.  You are and have been in my thoughts as so many here who have gone on before us.  I was involved in your journey…I cared about you and Jim.  Your story is important to me and others, as it continues to unfold!  Keep sharing!  

Swanee

I can completely empathize with your situation and the loss you have endured.  My husband is truly my best friend and soul mate, we communicate  without ever using words, just because we know each other that well,  I cannot fathom life without him,  I would have a very difficult time of it too!

I think you're doing all the right things and there is not much more you or anyone else can do to get you through this seemingly endless painful time….except time.  All the best advice will not heal your broken heart, it will heal on it's own, in due time, not completely but just enough that life can go on for you in a new way.  Please feel free to contact me and if the website will not allow, just let me know on the BB and I will respond as I regularly read.  You are and have been in my thoughts as so many here who have gone on before us.  I was involved in your journey…I cared about you and Jim.  Your story is important to me and others, as it continues to unfold!  Keep sharing!  

Swanee

Sherron, thank you for posting and for continuing to share your journey with us. I am sorry to hear that you are still grieving so strongly. But as Swanee said, when we love strongly we grieve strongly– it's sort of the price we pay for having had such a wonderful relationship for so many years. 

I think that Swanee's post was beautiful, insightful and very helpful to all of us, especially as the holiday season approaches. I could not add a thing to what she said. But I do have one small tip that I would like to share with you.

Over the months since my brother passed, my grief did lessen and I was able to resume my normal life. The one thing that bothered me most was that every time I thought of my brother, I thought of him during his final illness– especially during the last month or so of his struggle. Very sad anad negative thoughts. I read a number of grief counseling articles and visited a grief counselor for a while (which was very helpful) and they all said that eventually I would remember all the good and happy times with my brother and start to feel better. Well, that didn't seem to be happening with me– I was stuck in the bad days.

So what I did was to approach people who knew my brother for various lengths of time and in various contexts and ask them to tell me a favorite memory they had of my brother. Tell me a funny story or a "typical Mike" story or recollect one of his erudite discussions about history. Every story they told not only pleased me but each one helped to bring to the forefront of my mind a similar favorite story of my own about Mike.

So now, more often than not, when I think about my brother I think about good things and about how he brightened the lives of so many people. Obviously, this is not a 100% cure for grief– I still get sad sometimes– but now when I start to feel sad I deliberately call to mind one of the good stories I heard or remembered and the sadness eases somewhat.

I hope that this technique helps you to bring your happy memories to the surface, too. I agree that Jim would want nothing more than to know that you are having a happy life even if you do continue to miss him every day. 

Sherron, thank you for posting and for continuing to share your journey with us. I am sorry to hear that you are still grieving so strongly. But as Swanee said, when we love strongly we grieve strongly– it's sort of the price we pay for having had such a wonderful relationship for so many years. 

I think that Swanee's post was beautiful, insightful and very helpful to all of us, especially as the holiday season approaches. I could not add a thing to what she said. But I do have one small tip that I would like to share with you.

Over the months since my brother passed, my grief did lessen and I was able to resume my normal life. The one thing that bothered me most was that every time I thought of my brother, I thought of him during his final illness– especially during the last month or so of his struggle. Very sad anad negative thoughts. I read a number of grief counseling articles and visited a grief counselor for a while (which was very helpful) and they all said that eventually I would remember all the good and happy times with my brother and start to feel better. Well, that didn't seem to be happening with me– I was stuck in the bad days.

So what I did was to approach people who knew my brother for various lengths of time and in various contexts and ask them to tell me a favorite memory they had of my brother. Tell me a funny story or a "typical Mike" story or recollect one of his erudite discussions about history. Every story they told not only pleased me but each one helped to bring to the forefront of my mind a similar favorite story of my own about Mike.

So now, more often than not, when I think about my brother I think about good things and about how he brightened the lives of so many people. Obviously, this is not a 100% cure for grief– I still get sad sometimes– but now when I start to feel sad I deliberately call to mind one of the good stories I heard or remembered and the sadness eases somewhat.

I hope that this technique helps you to bring your happy memories to the surface, too. I agree that Jim would want nothing more than to know that you are having a happy life even if you do continue to miss him every day. 

Thanks POW for reaching out to Sherron.  I remember your loss well too and how hard you fought for your brother and then your broken heart!   I am so glad you continue to guide people who come to this site with your experiences and knowledge and it is a real gift to all of us.  You continue to honor your brother everyday by helping us through the melanoma battlefield with your insightful and thoughtful words of knowledge and inspiration!  

Blessings to you and others who continue to help and guide the scared and bewildered souls who come to this site daily searching for answers.

Swanee 

Thanks POW for reaching out to Sherron.  I remember your loss well too and how hard you fought for your brother and then your broken heart!   I am so glad you continue to guide people who come to this site with your experiences and knowledge and it is a real gift to all of us.  You continue to honor your brother everyday by helping us through the melanoma battlefield with your insightful and thoughtful words of knowledge and inspiration!  

Blessings to you and others who continue to help and guide the scared and bewildered souls who come to this site daily searching for answers.

Swanee 

Thanks POW for reaching out to Sherron.  I remember your loss well too and how hard you fought for your brother and then your broken heart!   I am so glad you continue to guide people who come to this site with your experiences and knowledge and it is a real gift to all of us.  You continue to honor your brother everyday by helping us through the melanoma battlefield with your insightful and thoughtful words of knowledge and inspiration!  

Blessings to you and others who continue to help and guide the scared and bewildered souls who come to this site daily searching for answers.

Swanee 

Thank you, Swanee, for your kind words and for your many warm and supportive posts on this forum. I always look forward to reading them. 

I suspect that some people may think that it is macabre for me to continue to participate on the forum even though my brother passed away. They may think that it is unhealthy to wallow in the grief and sad stories. And for a while after he died I couldn't look at the forum for just that reason.

But with time I found that I had become fond of many of the people here and wanted to try to help them. I have a PhD in biochemistry and 15 years of experience researching and teaching immunology. My husband was diagnosed with melanoma 15 years ago and my brother was dagnosed 18 months ago, so I have studied up a lot about melonoma over the years.

Because of this background, it is relatively easy for me to look up the scientific literature, understand the lingo and analyze the statistics. Furthermore, people have told me that I am very good at explaining complex concepts in clear language, so I try to do that here.

So I think that my main goal on the forum is to use my skills and experience to help melanoma patients and their families understand the biology of what is happening and understand the treatments that they have been offered so that they can ask good questions and make knowledgeable treatment decisions. And once in a while,  my experience as a caregiver and bereaved family member comes into play, too. 

As you say, I do think that my brother would be pleased with my efforts. He always appreciated and relied on my scientific expertise while he was sick and he would be happy to know that I am trying to help others that way.  Oh, and just to complete my biography, I am a female (Patricia). 

Hi Patricia,

Thanks for your response and sharing a bit about yourself!  I could tell by your posts, you are a very well informed person with an incredible knowledge of many melanoma treatments and ongoing clinical trials.  You are so sensitive with your answers and trustworthy advice and I am so thankful to have you on this website, you've helped so many people who are struggling with this disease. I would like to contact you personally after the Thanksgiving weekend as I would love to share with you my melanoma journey and I could certainly use a sounding board.  Thanks for your continued support!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Swanee (aka – Linda in Seattle)

Hi Patricia,

Thanks for your response and sharing a bit about yourself!  I could tell by your posts, you are a very well informed person with an incredible knowledge of many melanoma treatments and ongoing clinical trials.  You are so sensitive with your answers and trustworthy advice and I am so thankful to have you on this website, you've helped so many people who are struggling with this disease. I would like to contact you personally after the Thanksgiving weekend as I would love to share with you my melanoma journey and I could certainly use a sounding board.  Thanks for your continued support!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Swanee (aka – Linda in Seattle)

Hi Patricia,

Thanks for your response and sharing a bit about yourself!  I could tell by your posts, you are a very well informed person with an incredible knowledge of many melanoma treatments and ongoing clinical trials.  You are so sensitive with your answers and trustworthy advice and I am so thankful to have you on this website, you've helped so many people who are struggling with this disease. I would like to contact you personally after the Thanksgiving weekend as I would love to share with you my melanoma journey and I could certainly use a sounding board.  Thanks for your continued support!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Swanee (aka – Linda in Seattle)

I just wanted to thank you too Patricia for helping so much on this forum. You are one of the people who gives very sound advice. I think your brother would definitely be very proud of you! Please continue to do it and by the way I just had a gut feeling you had a scientific background. My husband also has a PHd in biochemistry, but doesn't research as much as me because its easier for him not to think about it so much. If you don't mind, I am going to email you a question i have on my husband's treatment. Thank you!

Maureen

I just wanted to thank you too Patricia for helping so much on this forum. You are one of the people who gives very sound advice. I think your brother would definitely be very proud of you! Please continue to do it and by the way I just had a gut feeling you had a scientific background. My husband also has a PHd in biochemistry, but doesn't research as much as me because its easier for him not to think about it so much. If you don't mind, I am going to email you a question i have on my husband's treatment. Thank you!

Maureen

I just wanted to thank you too Patricia for helping so much on this forum. You are one of the people who gives very sound advice. I think your brother would definitely be very proud of you! Please continue to do it and by the way I just had a gut feeling you had a scientific background. My husband also has a PHd in biochemistry, but doesn't research as much as me because its easier for him not to think about it so much. If you don't mind, I am going to email you a question i have on my husband's treatment. Thank you!

Maureen

Thank you, Swanee, for your kind words and for your many warm and supportive posts on this forum. I always look forward to reading them. 

I suspect that some people may think that it is macabre for me to continue to participate on the forum even though my brother passed away. They may think that it is unhealthy to wallow in the grief and sad stories. And for a while after he died I couldn't look at the forum for just that reason.

But with time I found that I had become fond of many of the people here and wanted to try to help them. I have a PhD in biochemistry and 15 years of experience researching and teaching immunology. My husband was diagnosed with melanoma 15 years ago and my brother was dagnosed 18 months ago, so I have studied up a lot about melonoma over the years.

Because of this background, it is relatively easy for me to look up the scientific literature, understand the lingo and analyze the statistics. Furthermore, people have told me that I am very good at explaining complex concepts in clear language, so I try to do that here.

So I think that my main goal on the forum is to use my skills and experience to help melanoma patients and their families understand the biology of what is happening and understand the treatments that they have been offered so that they can ask good questions and make knowledgeable treatment decisions. And once in a while,  my experience as a caregiver and bereaved family member comes into play, too. 

As you say, I do think that my brother would be pleased with my efforts. He always appreciated and relied on my scientific expertise while he was sick and he would be happy to know that I am trying to help others that way.  Oh, and just to complete my biography, I am a female (Patricia). 

Thank you, Swanee, for your kind words and for your many warm and supportive posts on this forum. I always look forward to reading them. 

I suspect that some people may think that it is macabre for me to continue to participate on the forum even though my brother passed away. They may think that it is unhealthy to wallow in the grief and sad stories. And for a while after he died I couldn't look at the forum for just that reason.

But with time I found that I had become fond of many of the people here and wanted to try to help them. I have a PhD in biochemistry and 15 years of experience researching and teaching immunology. My husband was diagnosed with melanoma 15 years ago and my brother was dagnosed 18 months ago, so I have studied up a lot about melonoma over the years.

Because of this background, it is relatively easy for me to look up the scientific literature, understand the lingo and analyze the statistics. Furthermore, people have told me that I am very good at explaining complex concepts in clear language, so I try to do that here.

So I think that my main goal on the forum is to use my skills and experience to help melanoma patients and their families understand the biology of what is happening and understand the treatments that they have been offered so that they can ask good questions and make knowledgeable treatment decisions. And once in a while,  my experience as a caregiver and bereaved family member comes into play, too. 

As you say, I do think that my brother would be pleased with my efforts. He always appreciated and relied on my scientific expertise while he was sick and he would be happy to know that I am trying to help others that way.  Oh, and just to complete my biography, I am a female (Patricia). 

Sherron, thank you for posting and for continuing to share your journey with us. I am sorry to hear that you are still grieving so strongly. But as Swanee said, when we love strongly we grieve strongly– it's sort of the price we pay for having had such a wonderful relationship for so many years. 

I think that Swanee's post was beautiful, insightful and very helpful to all of us, especially as the holiday season approaches. I could not add a thing to what she said. But I do have one small tip that I would like to share with you.

Over the months since my brother passed, my grief did lessen and I was able to resume my normal life. The one thing that bothered me most was that every time I thought of my brother, I thought of him during his final illness– especially during the last month or so of his struggle. Very sad anad negative thoughts. I read a number of grief counseling articles and visited a grief counselor for a while (which was very helpful) and they all said that eventually I would remember all the good and happy times with my brother and start to feel better. Well, that didn't seem to be happening with me– I was stuck in the bad days.

So what I did was to approach people who knew my brother for various lengths of time and in various contexts and ask them to tell me a favorite memory they had of my brother. Tell me a funny story or a "typical Mike" story or recollect one of his erudite discussions about history. Every story they told not only pleased me but each one helped to bring to the forefront of my mind a similar favorite story of my own about Mike.

So now, more often than not, when I think about my brother I think about good things and about how he brightened the lives of so many people. Obviously, this is not a 100% cure for grief– I still get sad sometimes– but now when I start to feel sad I deliberately call to mind one of the good stories I heard or remembered and the sadness eases somewhat.

I hope that this technique helps you to bring your happy memories to the surface, too. I agree that Jim would want nothing more than to know that you are having a happy life even if you do continue to miss him every day.